I say no. No, you are definitely not, but I want to talk to you about marriage.

Who doesn't like marriage talks, right? Some even like the other category of marriage talks - where things that shouldn't be shared or spoke about with others than the couple themselves are the key ingredients of the recipe.

Yes, we can't deny it. It is happening, and it is dangerous - Sadly, we even find this in Muslim homes. While this is the dark version, we all know the lighter version of this issue - where spouses are flaunting and showing off their love by posting photos of everything they do together or writing lovely notes to each other while the world is their audience.

Both are differently done but are resulting in same - problem in a marriage.

I've posted about the lighter version in my previous blog entry but this time let me talk about the darker version. _____

How many of you have read Surah Al Mujadilah? It is famously known as the surah which has the name of Allah mentioned in every verse, but also it was because of an Ansari woman- who pleased or disputed her case regarding her marriage-.

Who was this woman, and how amazing it is that a revelation came to answer her plea? Subhan'Allah - shows you how each and everyone's du'a or case is heard and responded to by Allah.

Her name is Khawla bint Tha'labah Radiyallahu Anha, a righteous woman who was married to 'Aws Ibn Samit Radiyallahu Anhu but before I would narrate to you their story let me draw you back to an issue that would clearly make you understand their situation later on.

Dhihar or Zihar is a pre-Islamic custom of the Arabs. It is a practice where the husband utters words to his wife that results to divorce, and it is not just any kind of separation but a permanent - irrevocable one. It is where they say that their wives are haram for them as to how their mothers are haram for them.

It is important to note also that when this incident happened between Khawla and 'Aws, the clear ruling regarding divorce has not been revealed or specifically to this couple's situation. _____

(I have summarized and paraphrased the story below. Kindly check the reference footnote to view the detailed hadith/story.)

One day, 'Aws came home and wanted to be intimate with his wife, Khawla, where she refused and angered 'Aws. Hence, with the known temper of 'Aws he uttered Dhihar towards Khawla. Even though 'Aws had no intentions of divorcing Khawla but since he had uttered the dhihar - this has bothered Khawla so much.

The next day, 'Aws again wanted to be intimate with Khawla, but now Khawla refused thinking that they are not halal for each other anymore. So she went out and visited some of her female friends to borrow a garment she can wear as she was to go and meet the Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi Wassalaam).

When she met the Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi Wassalaam), she presented her case and argued with him. Arguing with the hope of being answered with a solution, Khawla disputed in vain.

A beautiful note here - Khawla was not complaining to the Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi Wassalaam). She was presenting her case to him and was disputing that she may have a solution to her situation - as she didn't know if they were still halal or if it was a divorce - who would take her when she got old and who will take care of her kids as well.

She kept doing this until a revelation came from Allah to answer her problem. Subhan'Allah, it was said that during this conversation - Aisha Radiyallahu Anha was at the next room but couldn't even hear the talk and the way Khawla was disputing yet Allah who is Al Ala - The Most High, heard her.

That is why if you would notice the start of this surah, it mentions Allah as As Samee (The All Hearing) and Al Baseer (The All Seeing). _____

My dear sister in Islam, are you like Khawla? You may have a glimpse of what kind of a woman she was from this brief excerpt of her life.  

Ask yourself, are you willing to do your best to make things work for your marriage or will you instead be like those others who would talk it out with people? - such is the difference between a Muslimah - who understands well her rights and the importance of marriage not only for herself but her spouse as well as her family - and that of an ordinary woman.

So I ask you, are you just some ordinary woman? Remember my dear sister in Islam, Allah clothed you with Islam as your religion - learn and nourish it properly - start within yourself and your home.

Marital problems should be discussed privately between the involved individuals; the world doesn't need to know because frankly speaking - the world doesn't care. People may have all their different opinions but remember what matters the most is that you protect the gift blessed to you - never speak ill of your spouse nor reveal things that must be kept between the two of you.

If they ask about your marriage, answer with a beautiful dhikr - Alhamdulillah - sometimes that's the only thing you will need to say.

_____

May Allah make things easy for everyone who is facing difficulties in their marriages and bring about a beautiful change full of love, trust, peace, mercy, and blessings of Allah in their marriage.

Amin

- Zohayma

_____

Story was taken from:

You mean if they were real or not? (Or if the stories about them are real or not, rather.) Nusaybah has more points in her favor than Khawlah does. Khawlah seems mythical whereas Nusaybah was at least a real person.

For those who don’t know, these are two ladies who were supposed to have taken part in some battles. Khawlah appears during the Islamic conquests and has a kind of Mulan-esque story, where she disguised herself and fought after her brother was captured by the Byzantine army. Nusaybah on the other hand appears earlier on in Islamic history, supposedly taking part in at least one of the battles against the Quraysh (and is sometimes said to have also participated in the Ridda Wars) with the knowledge of men around her.

As far as I know, Khawlah only begins appearing in medieval times (~1000s AD). Her first appearance is in a book attributed to the historian al-Waqidi called the Conquests of the Syria Region (Futuh Sham). This has long been recognized as a false attribution; the author is sometimes referred to as “Pseudo-Waqidi” in Western writings. The book has a bunch of colorful anecdotes and is generally meant to be entertaining rather than an actual historical source. So based on her total absence from any earlier or more reliable texts, I would classify Khawlah as a folk heroine.

Nusaybah is more interesting because there might be an actual basis to her story. She is listed as one of the early Ansar (Muslims from Medina) converted by a missionary Mohammed sent to the city. Apparently she was one of only two women present at the whole pledging incident that got Mo kicked out of Mecca. A bunch of sources say that she was at the Battle of Uhud, and sometimes she’s mentioned in other battles as well. Nusaybah is mentioned in some legitimate sources like Ibn Saad’s Tabaqat and Ibn Hisham’s sira, and her son and grandson transmitted some ahadith from her so at least she was a real person. The question is how much of this whole combat thing is based in historical accounts.

It was fairly common for pre-Islamic/early Islamic Arab women to be at battles, we at least know that much for a fact. They weren’t fighting, usually–they provided supportive roles like medical care, giving men water and supplies, or singing songs and reciting poetry to pump up their side and demoralize the other side. There are a small handful of semi-reliable stories placing women in combat, both on the Muslim side and on the enemy’s side, but it seems as though it was very rare.

So it’s possible that Nusaybah was at least present as a helper or whatever during some battles (if you’re picturing like… hellish, world-ending battles, it wasn’t like that, most of these were fairly low-casualty conflicts with less than 100 dead in total). And the story of her at the Battle of Uhud basically says that she didn’t set out to battle, she only ended up fighting when the Muslim army started to flee, leaving Mohammed behind with only a small group.

There are at least five versions of this story just in those two sources I mentioned. The one that both versions share was transmitted via Abu Zayd al-Ansari. I have no idea how reliable the story is, but it’s at least in legitimate ~800s AD sources. There are later and less reliable versions of the story that elaborate on it, but this is what it says:

I went out at the beginning of the day to see what the men were doing, carrying [water], and I came up to [Mohammed] who was with his companions while the battle was in their favour. When the [Muslims] were defeated, I [went to Mohammed] and stood up joining in the fight and protecting him with my sword and shooting with my bow until I suffered many wounds.

It goes on to say that she tried to stab a guy but couldn’t get past the armor he was wearing.

Now I will add that this story is absent from earlier (and other ~800s era) sources, and it wasn’t part of Ibn Ishaq’s original sira. The Battle of Uhud is portrayed as, like “the Muslims lost but the Quraysh just went home and said they’d meet again at Badr” in early sources and then it gets very dramatic as time goes on. Also, the pledging incident I mentioned involved the Ansar pledging to support Mohammed in battle (which is why the Meccans were pissed off about it), so this story may well have been created to show that even the women who pledged to him did in fact stand beside him in battle. But hey, I’ll grant it the “plausible” label, and we can at least say Nusaybah has a much stronger basis in history than Khawlah does.

Nusaybah is often said to have also been in the Battle of Yamama, which was part of a frustratingly vaguely-documented era called the Ridda Wars during the caliphate of Abu Bakr. After Mo died, various people tried to get in on his whole prophet-warlord technique, and one such guy was Maslama from the Najd region. Abu Bakr ordered his forces to put down Maslama’s rebellion, and so they battled at a place called Yamama. The Muslims won but endured a lot of casualties.

What she actually did at Yamama tends to vary from source to source, and in general this story is shakier than the one at Uhud. Some of the stories cast Nusaybah as an old woman whose son had died at Maslama’s hands and she wanted to avenge him. Some have her losing a hand or losing a whole arm; some have her killing Maslama himself (the more legitimate stories say he was killed by one of Abu Bakr’s soldiers), etc. These stories vary way too much for us to say they have a solid basis in history imo. Some other stories place her in other conquest expeditions like Khaybar, Hunayn etc but that’s where you start to get into really dicey sources.

The Arab armies that conquered the Levant in the seventh century AD were accompanied by a warrior poetess, Khawla bint al Azwar, who frightened foes and inspired friends. Below are some fascinating facts about that remarkable warrior woman. The Islamic Warrior Poetess Khawla bint al Azwar. Pinterest Khawla bint al Azwar (flourished 600s AD) was a Muslim Arab poet and warrior who accompanied…

The Arab armies that conquered the Levant in the seventh century AD were accompanied by a warrior poetess, Khawla bint al Azwar, who frightened foes and inspired friends. Below are some fascinating facts about that remarkable warrior woman. The Islamic Warrior Poetess Khawla bint al Azwar. Pinterest Khawla bint al Azwar (flourished 600s AD) was a Muslim Arab poet and warrior who accompanied…