#kharydia

Sometimes, when people are in a bad place, they can get stubborn. I think she needs to get in a better place and do a bit of growing, without us, before she can grow with us. If that makes sense lol

servantofclio replied to your post “[[MOR] There’s a group of five of us that have been on-and-off close...”

To echo: Anxious friend, if possible, should say to toxic friend, "when you do X, that upsets me, and I need you not to lash out at me." And then walk away. TF only gets to talk to AF if she can be nice. If she can stop lashing out, cool! they get to

servantofclio replied to your post “[[MOR] There’s a group of five of us that have been on-and-off close...”

... talk. If TF can't stop lashing out, AF should take a break. They might indeed drift apart; hopefully they can patch things up later when TF is in a better place?

Sometimes, the most concise statements are the strongest, and just saying that could have a big impact. Thank you. I do agree with you that I think they need a bit of a break, otherwise it could damage their friendship. I think that TF is in a rough place right now and she’s a bit ashamed of it, and she needs to get to a better place.

probablylostrightnow replied to your post “[[MOR] There’s a group of five of us that have been on-and-off close...”

Ugh, that's hard. I kind of feel like anxious friend needs to cut off toxic friend until/unless toxic friend is able to change her behavior. Cause right now, she seems unwilling/unable to do so, and there's no way you can protect anxious friend...

Darn reply boxes! Anyways. I do think that they need a little time apart from each other. Sometimes talking every day, especially when the relationship is taking a hit, makes it worse. Perhaps some time apart will make them miss each other and remember what makes their friendship great.

missmeggo929 replied to your post “[[MOR] There’s a group of five of us that have been on-and-off close...”

I would have toxic friend clarify what she wants. Does she just want to vent to someone who will be sympathetic, or does she want possible solutions. Because I know sometimes I just need to vent and get a clear head. Sometimes I want advice.

I think that you made a really good point that she wants someone to be sympathetic, and my group of friends can be problem-solvers. I think sometimes when you want sympathy and people throw solutions at you, it can be overwhelming.

That being said, I think that she’s reverted to defensiveness as her default response because that’s happened so often, because it’s happening more and more recently even without solutions always being provided. Perhaps she’s been overwhelmed so much that as soon as she says something her hackles go up in anticipation.

The problem has been that when we’ve tried that, she gets mad at all of us for accusing her of such a thing and nothing got solved. That’s the problem: any time we try to bring anything up, at all, including the core of the problem, it results in a lashing out that makes us all feel like shit. And when that happens a few times, the rest of us end up wanting to avoid it because we don’t want to feel like shit. 

I feel like I need a fucking intervention or something. Someone call that show and see if they do friendships too!

Your mom’s a pretty wise lady in that regard ;)

servantofclio replied to your post “I thought that the urge to get a motorcycle was my quarter life...”

It's a tough choice! There's def. something to be said for a stable job, esp. if you have time for your passions in your off-hours. But there's a lot to be said for trying out your passions, too. Giving it some thought, like you plan, seems smart!

It’s very true that a stable job is a good thing to have, it reduces financial and therefore mental strain. Either way, this isn’t a decision to take lightly and I’m going to take time and think it out and plan either route.