#kendry

So I, somewhat recently, did a full reread of ROTE because I love this book series more than life itself. And on this reread I noticed that I really, really vibed with the liveships this time around. There was something about them that just spoke to me. As I thought on it a little bit, I realised that what the liveships go through, from the liveship traders to the fitz and the fool trilogy, was hugely relatable to me as a trans woman. So that's what I'm here to talk to you funky people about today.

I must preface all this by saying that what I'm about to write is coming from the perspective of a binary trans woman who has medically transitioned. So for you other trans folks who are non binary, or those who aren't interested in medically transitioning, you potentially might not relate to this in the same way I have. Although maybe you will! I don't fucken know, I ain't a mind reader.

Anywho, let's get on with it, shall we?

The part about the liveships that speaks to me is when they finally find out who they are. Throughout the liveship trilogy we get little inklings that there's something up with the liveships. Beyond the obvious fact that these bitches are sentient, talking wood, you get these moments where it seems that there's something more to them than that. The serpents following Vivacia because she smells like she who remembers, paragon dreaming of dragons, Amber/Beloved/Fool/Lord Golden, noted Dragon scalie, being all up in the liveships business. Then we get the big reveal. The liveships aren't just talking wood. They're the husks of unfinished, dead dragons, carved into the likeness of a ship and reanimated by the blood of their captains.

Some of the liveships, like Paragon, had already figured this out. And the reactions by those who didn't already know are a mixed bag. Some ships, like the Tarman, are content to keep living as they are and accept their lives as is. Others, like Vivacia, try to find a synthesis between their respective draconic and human natures. And then you have ships like Kendry. He was, as far as we're aware, mostly happy with his lot as a Liveship. At least he was, until he saw Tintaglia. Once he sees her, that great, beautiful, blue and silver dragon, he immediately realises the wrongness that of his life. He wasn't meant to be a ship, he was meant to be a dragon. A Lord of Sky, land and sea. He's completely incapable of reconciling who he is now with who he should've been, and it crushes him.

In a lot of ways, I'm like Kendry. I never questioned my identity the way Paragon did, I didn't know I was a woman from the age I was four. I just plodded along, accepting that I must be a man despite knowing in my heart that something was deeply wrong with that. And then, like Kendry, I saw a trans woman. And only then did I realise something wasn't right. Only then did I realise that that was what I was meant to be. And again, like Kendry, this crushed me. My current form, carved for me without my consent and enforced onto me by societal expectations, was wrong. And i thought it would stay that way forever.

That was until I found out about this funky little thing called hormone replacement therapy.

And what was that special liquid Robin introduced in her very first trilogy? That's right dear reader, Silver.

That magical goop that can turn stone into dragons, can make nifty Elderling knick knacks, and create a homosexual telepathic bond between our favs Fitz and Beloved, also happens to turn liveships into dragons. Now, disregarding the criticisms I have for how ridiculously convenient it is for silver to do this, I do love the parallel I can draw between silver and HRT. The liveships, who are so deeply unsatisfied with their bodies and long to be like the dragons they were supposed to be, can use this magical medicine to do just that. And as contrived as it may be, I think it's beautiful. Even as the trader's council tries to stop them, or their own families try to convince them to stay as they are, the liveships persevere. Just like me choosing to be a woman, the liveships say fuck you to societal expectations and choose to be dragons.