A scene from near the middle of a short story I'm working on. Feel free to give me any commentary or constructive criticism. I have not written many scenes like this, but i hope you enjoy. Also a quick warning that this may not be for everyone, and its a very tense and (hopefully) fear inducing scene. If you don't want a scene involving things that aim to induce fear of the dark, death, creatures in the dark, depths, tight spaces, and similar, this may not be the post for you. I will be posting further scenes from my other stories that will be likely more lighthearted and less tense. If that does not drive you away, enjoy. (:
As we passed through that grand door, I wondered what the inscription carved into its center read. As we traveled down a spiraling staircase, I noticed the shadows growing sharper, nearly reaching out of the walls to grab us and pull us into the depths. The depths to which these stairs descended terrified me, going far enough that they could reach the world below. The darkness grew ever greater, as the lamp I carried started to flicker and dim. I tried to pay no attention to it, but the flickering grew faster, and the light dimmed further the deeper we went, stairs endlessly spiraling down, down, down, into the abyss, into nothing.
I started to try to walk a bit faster, the click of my armored boots growing louder the faster I went. It did not matter, as the faster I went, the more the shadows grew. Reaching out and missing me by an inch each step of the way. I felt the hunger of the darkness grow, and I kept speeding up, my metal boots now sending out ringing pulses with each footfall as I descended faster and faster. The darkness was all around me, so where else could I go? My light dimmed the faster and deeper I went, nearly bowing down to the darkness with every step. The stairs never ending as I ran down them. The stairwell narrowed, the space between each step growing and the space between the wall shrinking. The once echoing pulses of my boots now just ringing out once before being silenced by the dark.
My light goes out and I don't stop, for if I do that creeping, growing, hungry darkness will consume me once and for all. I couldn’t see but the path is straightforward, just go down. The walls either side of the stairs closing in, slowing me down as I had to turn and twist and contort myself to make it and keep moving, as if the stairwell itself is trying to help feed the darkness. And keep moving, I did, until I fell. It wasn't an easy fall, or a good one. It was a hard, brutal fall, like that of a crate being dropped off a ship onto the shores where no dock may be found. My travelsack spilled down the stairs, leaving me with nothing but the unlit lantern on my hip. I started to crawl and search, and see if anything could stop the ravenous darkness that followed me.
There was nothing, I was alone in that damn endless stairwell alone, the only company being the darkness that sought my death. I felt it growing ever closer, surrounding me, enveloping me in its cold, hostile grasp. Reaching out for the only thing from my pack I could reach, hoping it could save me. It was my tinderbox. As the darkness moved to finish me off, I struggled to light the piece of kindling in my hand. One strike and the sparks died out in a moment. Two and the kindling does not catch. Three as I feel the darkness maw surrounding me, dripping with hunger. Four and it catches, just bright enough to drive the darkness away.
I relight the lantern at my hip, making sure to keep it steady and not accidentally put out my only lifeline. Gathering my things, I keep descending. I looked back, to see how far back my dim lantern drove the darkness, and I saw Melintrax, only a few steps behind me despite my rapid descent.
