#kel-nerdery

“It is not our house,” Irja insisted, squatting next to her to inspect her handiwork - planting the new row of basil for the spring. “I have lived here for centuries, Rosemary. When you have lived here that long, you may have the right to call it your house.” 

Rosemary stuck her tongue out, brandishing her trowel at him. “Our house,” she said stubbornly. “I’ve been here for almost two years, Irja, and I’ve barely made a dent in my studies.” She raised an eyebrow. “Besides, you’d starve without me now. When you can cook for yourself without relying on someone else, and when you can make sure the mops aren’t missing spots on the kitchen, you can take back the right to call it your house. Until then, ours. Don’t you forget it.” 

Irja smiled - the small, rare smiles he was apt to give only when he was pleased with something - and stroked his index finger along the top of a basil plant. “It has been a long time since you have needed my supervision with such small magic that would help you plant a garden,” he told her after a brief pause. “You do not need to do it by hand.” 

“I like to garden by hand,” Rosemary said with a shrug, patting the dirt tenderly around the garden’s newest little addition. “And they like it better, too. If they’re going to do all the hard work of growing and feeding us, they’ll grow faster if I’m willing to break a sweat getting them into the ground.” She swiftly reached out and jabbed him in the side. “And we need that, with as much as you eat!” 

Irja was stronger than Rosemary, certainly, but his position had him at a disadvantage. He might have toppled over if not for the help of the wind, which nudged him back up and back into balance. “Rosemary,” he chided gently. 

Rosemary laughed and didn’t apologize. “Here,” she said, extended her extra trowel to him. “Here, you take that, Windsong. I know you still remember how to work one of these. Things haven’t changed so much since you were my age.” 

Who would do stuff they think is stupid just to make the other one happy 

Irja. Because I think he thinks most things Rosemary gets up to fall under the ‘stupid’ category, but he goes along with it. 

Who picks out the horror movies to watch just so the other will cling to them 

IRJA. Bad Irja. 

Who is constantly studying and who is constantly trying to distract them?

Irja is always studying, and Rosemary is always distracting him.

Who initiates the facetime calls whenever they’re separated?

Neither. They use magical communication.

Who is more likely to storm out after a fight and who is more likely to cry when they do?

Well, Rosemary is more likely to cry, to be honest, but I think she’s also more likely to storm out after a fight. Irja is much too level headed to storm off, and very unlikely to cry at anything. 

Who stays up way too late binge-watching their favorite shows?

I actually … think Irja would? Because Rosemary would introduce it to him and he’d literally just lay in bed while Rosemary sleeps and be binging documentaries and commenting on their inaccuracies. 

Who bites the other’s ear when they’re feeling frisky?

Pah, Rosemary.

Who sprays the other with water when they’re washing the car?

You know this is Rosemary at first, but sooner or later Irja is going to start doing it, too, because he likes the indignant look on Rosemary’s face when he DARES to spray her with water.

Who has more fun decorating the house during holidays?

ROSEMARY!!!!

Who is more likely to give the silent treatment when they’re mad at the other?

Irja. Irja has lived alone for so long that he’s the king of the silent treatment. 

Who plays with the others’ hair more?

Irja with Rosemary’s. It’s so long and soft and blonde!

Who is more likely to climb all over the other one when they’re bored?

Rosemary, because Irja is just a big snuggly teddy bear!

Who tries to kiss the other as often as they can?

Heeeeeee, Rosemary. 

Who pouts when the other one tells them to shut the fuck up?

Rosemary does not appreciate being told to “shut the fuck up”, Irja.

Who initiates the sex and who walks away when the other is riled up?

ROSEMARY. It’s her favorite thing to do. 

Who always forgets the umbrella and who holds it when they actually have one?

Rosemary always forgets, mainly because she figures they don’t need one. 

“Irja, just tell the wind to stop blowing the rain this way.”

Who demands showering first in the mornings?

Maybe Irja? Just because he’s so set in his ways. Rosemary is a little more ‘go with the flow’.

Who sneaks into the shower with the other one in the mornings?

Irja. The sneaky bastard. The wind covers his tracks. 

Who prefers riding the roller coasters and who prefers playing the games?

Hmmmm. I think Irja actually would love roller coasters, mainly because I think he’d manipulate the wind to make it more fun. And I honestly think that while Rosemary would love roller coasters, she loves doing the stupid ‘guess my weight’ and bottle toss games.

Who will text the other one thirty times in a row until they respond?

Irja, because he’s still figuring out modern technology. I think it’s because he isn’t sure whether messages transmit if the other person doesn’t respond within a certain time frame. After all, Rosemary is ALWAYS on her cell.

(sent) Did you get this?(sent) Rosemary, answer me.(sent) Rosemary.

Who always forgets to charge their phone overnight?

Irja, because I think most of the time he forgets that he’s got a phone to charge.

Who comes up behind the other and slide their hands into their back pockets?

Rosemary, because she thinks it’s funny to watch him jump. 

Who tries to get hugs from the other as often as they can?

Rosemary, because she likes to snuggle. 

Who is louder and who constantly has the tell the other to be quiet?

Picks the other up from the bar when they’re too drunk to drive

Uhhhh … their driver does. Pffft. “Who picks the other one up …”

Takes care of on sick days

Rhode. Mostly because she thinks human sickness is fascinating, and because it means she’s got Nico trapped in one place all day.

Drags the other person out into the water on beach day

Rhode! Nico might be just as eager as she is to get to the beach, but you can bet she’s shoving him into the water the second their feet hit the sand. 

Gives unprompted massages

Rhode, because she doesn’t care. Oh, the scandal. 

Drives/rides shotgun

The driver. And no one, because they’re too busy taking advantage of the partition and their five minutes alone together. 

Brings the other lunch at work

Neither, because Rhode isn’t likely to traipse over to Parliament when Nico is sitting in session, but I think she’d make sure he got his afternoon coffee and his paper. 

Has the better parental relationship

Is this a trick question? 

This is a trick question. 

Tries to start role-playing in bed

I’m more curious as to what sort of role-playing late 19th century folks did than who actually initiates it. I mean, we both know, Rhode, because reasons, but seriously, what did they roleplay? Did they dress up like people do now? Did they practice? The historian in me is curious. 

Embarrassingly drunk dancer

Nico. Nico Nico Nico. Rhode is grace and poise at all times, duh.

Still cries watching Titanic

Rhode, because of “all of those poor humans drowning, where are all the Mer from that area, they’re not afraid of humans at all, why aren’t they helping them???” 

Firmly believes in couples costumes

I dare you to tell me that Rhode hasn’t forced Nico into one or two. I DARE YOU. 

Breaks the expensive gift rule during Christmas

Oh, Nico, absolutely. He’s got the entire treasury at his disposal, are you kidding me? 

Makes the other eat breakfast

I actually think Nico - Rhode is too busy marveling over the food, marveling over whatever new thing has her attention that day, that he’s got to tap the edge of her dish to get her to eat. 

Remembers anniversaries

Nico. He makes sure his secretary keeps them in his schedule with the proper reminders several weeks in advance so he has time to pick out his gifts.

Brings up having kids