Gilbert and Keith’s ship name is Keibert

Oh! That’s an interesting question!!

I think their favorite thing about each other is how much they surprise each other.

I've talked about this in passing in the tags of another post but a headcanon of mine is that when they first met, they both took one look at each other and, with a lifetime’s experience of two people for whom being able to rapidly get a general impression of what kind of person they have in front of them was sometimes a matter of survival, thought they had the other figured out. Keira pegged Lambert as a macho man with something to prove, daddy issues and a problem with authority. Lambert saw Keira as a vain and shallow woman with little concern for anyone except herself and an irritating need to always get the last word.

I'm thinking about this in the context of pre-Wild Hunt attack Kaer Morhen: Keira just arrived after Geralt suggested she took refuge in the Wolves' bastion and Vesemir, Eskel and Lambert are here to welcome her. Lambert and Keira, each thinking the other one is a dumbass, keep bickering and everyone else is like 🙄 please either stop being in the same room together or fuck it out because this is getting ridiculous

Then something happens — I haven’t decided what exactly. Maybe Lambert chances upon Keira’s notes for the cure of the Catriona plague and the alchemist in him is both intrigued and compelled, but the thought that Keira might be embarked on a humanitarian mission just isn't adding up with his preconceived idea of her, and now he needs to find out more about her. Or maybe Keira stumbles upon Lambert and the other wolf bros that night when they're shitfaced and raiding Yennefer's closet: she takes one look at him and immediately knows this isn't his first time wearing a dress, but she can't reconcile that idea with what she thought she knew of him. They're both behaving like they're standing at a conspiracy string board and have just been presented with a contradictory element, telling themselves they need to be Right about the other one and not realizing they're already strangely obsessed.

The obvious answer is Keira, because she’s very meticulous about her appearance and probably has a 17-step skincare routine, while Lambert does a quick shave in the morning and washes his face with plain soap and running water, because that’s all the men in his family have ever done (which has Keira internally screaming).

BUT (because the other way around is so much funnier), the day they officially moved in together, Keira brought along all her products, shampoos, lotions, creams, balms, perfumes, and claimed a not insignificant portion of the space in Lambert’s bathroom.

He complained about it, of course, but couldn’t help being vaguely curious about why exactly Keira would need so many different things to do something that takes him exactly ten minutes. (He’s never moved in with a woman before; he’s seen some of his exes’ bathrooms, but they weren’t close enough for him to feel comfortable digging through their stuff.)

So he studies the packages, examines the composition, opens some of them to take a sniff (and wrinkles his nose at the artificial scents), sometimes even tries them on when he has a pretty good idea of what they’re for and how to use them. It’s not an unpleasant experience. He had no idea the skin of his legs and arms wasn’t supposed to feel so dry; he just thought it was part of those things in life you simply had to deal with.

But Keira is beginning to get part suspicious and part worried, because Lambert has never taken that long in the bathroom before, so she takes a peek in, just to check that he didn’t hit his head and fall in the shower. When she sees him with one of her lotions in hand, she rushes in, saying, “these are EXPENSIVE, why couldn’t you just ask me, you’re only supposed to use this one after a cleansing lotion in the evenings, and you don’t even know your skin type—”

Chapter: 1/1

Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game)

Rating: M

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationship: Lambert/Keira Metz

Additional tags: Post-The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt, written from Keira’s POV, references to TW3 quest: An Invitation from Keira Metz, references to TW3 quest: Hunting a Witch, rated M for language and mild Sexual Content, Bisexual Characters, Internalized Toxic Masculinity, mentions of past bullying, discussions of gender non-conformity, Makeup, mentions of alcohol, lambert has gender issues, keira helps

Summary:

From Keira's perspective, Lambert looks like someone who’s spent most of his life repressing the least masculine parts of him but is open for a bit of exploration. Also, he has really nice lips.

Now my brain is churning thinking about an enemies-to-lovers -- or, well, at least an inconveniences-to-lovers keibert fic where Lambert pragmatically decides that leaving with Keira after the battle of Kaer Morhen is the best option for him because he wants to reinvent himself as something other than just a witcher and surely traveling with Keira will be more comfortable than traveling alone (also the sex is great)

Except he can barely stand her (and he's not exactly nice to her either, so the feeling's mutual)

So they travel together and keep bickering and being insufferable together and everyone they come across tells them "please for the love of all that is holy just go your separate ways you're clearly not good for each other" but they're both like nah. This is fun actually. Everyone else is boring by comparison.

Anyway fast forward a few months, they're starting to get to know each other, they're slowly coming to the realization that they're Uncomfortably similar on certain aspects and all the bickering is starting to feel like banter. Keira manages to perfect her cure to the Catriona plague and their partnership has logically come to an end, except Keira keeps coming up with more, increasingly meaningless errands she absolutely needs Lambert's help with and Lambert rolls his eyes for the principle of it but doesn't complain.