#keepsmilingwider

how the zark I've been able to keep my composure in the moment is totally beyond me—it makes me a little nervous, considering—but it's probably the terrifying virtue of necessity. survival instinct and what-not.

reëd's the most unnerving and mortifying thing I've probably ever seen. I thought reëd through the back-door lens was a hard thought to swallow. . . now I'm stuck wondering whether bluntness or subtlety is worse.

zarking hell that's euphemistic. it's disgusting, there are so many zarking euphemisms, euphemisms are disgusting.

I am kind of "grateful" in a messed-up way that I saw the blunt most-probably tortu (damn it all if euphemisms make it a hair easier to process) approach first. I was alone on the other side of a monitor, and being alone I could actually allow myself to internally lose my mind. it didn't help knowing that what I was seeing was within literal feet of me, and yet I could hardly hear a damn thing. I was sorely tempted to just leave, but of course there would've been questions. I could've claimed getting overwhelmed, but who knows how that would've been resolved. I certainly don't want to.

but subtlety is far more insidious. it's almost easy—in broad strokes it's something of chemically-laced and deep-rooted hypnosis, kind of. but there's a willingness there, even before the wash-out starts. that's why it can be subtle, and easy, and that's petrifying.

what gets someone to a place where that submission happens? I get the culture's omnipresent, that's kind of the point, but I've been here two years now (Bob Almighty help me cope) and if anything my resolve to resist is stronger. but is it the "atmosphere's" pressure, so to speak, or is it something else?

you’re going to find out.

you’re no idiot, you’re going to find out I’m a total sham–academically, professionally, dispositionally–and you’re not going to let it slide.  you’re not, I just know it.

and I don’t know which prospect scares me more: the general notion of reëd, especially since I’m starting to know what goes down in more detail than I’d care to have; or the notion that maybe all my seams are way more visible and threadbare than I want, and you’re just waiting for me to fall apart because it’s only a matter of time before I do.

Trying to get some information outside of the session, doctor?

Vernalagnia:Does their mood or outlook on life change with the seasons? If so, how?

Sort of! For Eugene, seasons don’t matter, it’s the food changes. And all of them make him pretty cheery, tbhSpring: Easter candy;jellybeans, cadbury eggs, etc etc

Summer: Ice cream, ices, milkshakes and other cold sugary drinks!

Fall: halloween candy! Consume all the pumpkin lattes! 

1. I want to RP with you but I have no idea how to do the thing.5. I like seeing you on my dash and admire from afar.

Eugene is friends with a lot of doctors. But he is just terrible at taking care of himself. Dentist friend? Eat all the candy! Possibly befriending a psychiatrist? Cancel appointment due to nerves and make up excuses! 

[x] Me as a servant for a day.

"It’s not often I’m requested for an entire evening let alone an entire day.” Mickey purred as they eyed up their client, curiosity on their mind as their fingers settled in their pants pockets, fingers clutching at the fabric within.

 Leave a “Tell Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about my character confessing something to yours

keepsmilingwider

Earl was skeptical about seeing a psychiatrist, to say the least. Especially one from Desert Bluffs. But he had just gotten back home and was thrust into a job, a home life with a son, and the only person who he thought would understand or talk to him about his problems did everything in his power to avoid the subject.

So, when the loneliness crept in and he took to the solace of a bottle while his eight year old son slept upstairs, he knew he had a problem. He knew he needed to call and talk to somebody.

That’s when the weekly visits with Dr.Prendtergast started. They were slowl going at first- Earl was reserved, and afraid to talk, but the other man was charming. He showed moments of pride and maybe even a little hubris, but he was kind, and he listened to Earl’s fears, about the nightmares that plagued him of being dragged away by the mute children, and about his fixation with Cecil.Fixation, he soon realized. Not crush. It was something to do with his need to reconnect with his past, not necessarily Cecil himself, that had him constantly thinking about the man.

It was 3 months into his sessions, and he finally realized that, as he sat across from the professionally dressed man. Dr.Prendtergast looked up at him from his notebook and gave Earl a smile, and Earl gripped at a pillow. He tried to ignore the way his heart raced like it would when he used to see Cecil all those years ago.