#keepmyjob

Now, you may have the best job ever, but there’s always something your employer or human resources department doesn’t want you to know. Not that they are conspiring against you, it just so happens that you are not important enough to know what lies beneath. And while I am scouring the internet to look for best ways to impress a potential employer, I am also trying to build on what I should, or in this case, shouldn’t do, to keep my job. So, here goes:

1) We don’t stop at just ‘Googling’ your name

The HR department is the perfect sleuth in a corporate environment. And while it is certain that your name will be Googled for a background check, it is almost doubly certain that potential employers, especially the big-wigs of the industry go far and beyond to ensure you have a clean track record in cyberspace. Social media stalking may be the norm, but companies now-a-days also deploy progressive online monitoring platforms to dig deeper and yank the skeletons out of your closet. After all, what goes on the internet stays there forever. Now, where have I heard that before?

Tip: Google you name and see what comes up. If you are surprised, your employer is less than impressed. Find a way to take the unwanted and unfavourable information down. If you can’t, have a solid explanation for how it went there in the first place. If you can’t absolutely wiggle out of it, turn the disadvantageous situation into a lesson learnt with a positive outcome.

2) We  don’t care about your job as much as ours

Unless your immediate reporting boss is the owner of the company you work at, your boss is an employee too. And so are the HR guys. In which case, everyone is scrambling to keep their jobs. So, don’t expect the boss or HR to read your mind and arrange for a training session to help you deal with that new company software more effectively. If you need help, training or support, it’s YOUR DUTY to let them know.  And well in advance. Not before a client presentation.

Tip: Always be proactive. There is nothing wrong with asking questions. Even the silly ones. For your boss was once where you’re now, and he knows exactly how to get the job done. All you need to do is ASK.

3) You are promoted because you’re doing so well in your current position

Sad but true, your best career move isn’t always in the best interest of the company. So while you may be ready to jump two steps up the corporate ladder, make sure your boss thinks the same way about you. For, if you kick ass at your current position, chances are the employer prefers you to stay exactly where you are.

Tip: Before broaching the topic of promotion, pause and think. Assess your skill; match it to the next position’s profile. Have answers to questions like ‘why should you take a leap when the current position brings out the best in you?’ Finally, have a persuasive pitch that reflects your eagerness and your capability.

4) Your personal life is cutting into the time you should be devoting to us

Beware, all your activity, on the internet as well as time spent eating, being on the phone, texting, chatting with a co-worker, using the restroom or just plain smoke breaks are monitored. Far worse, your internet time on non-professional activity is most likely documented. So while you think you can sneak in a quick IM or linger by the coffee machine a little longer without anyone noticing, remember there’s always someone watching. ALWAYS.

Tip: Allot a time of the day, say a part of your lunch hour, to check your personal social networks. If the company disallows its use, refrain completely. Keep a tab on the breaks you’re taking and their duration. Have a stopwatch on your computer to monitor your break time. Whatever you do, DO NOT let the total not-ready time go beyond 20 minutes in a given day.

5) Your keenness annoys the hell out of us

Agreed, it is good to be interested in everything that is related to your job and ask the right questions. But there’s difference between being a keener and going overboard with your eagerness. No one has that extra time during the day to listen to how awesome the company can be with your great suggestions or how you would like to learn the latest version of Photoshop so you can design your website. Seriously, you’re no better than the slacker in the office corner if you are overtly enthusiastic all the time.

Tip: Keep it professional. If you must, ask only close-ended questions and stop at one or two. Do not start a trail. As far as possible, avoid questions that aren’t directly related to the job at hand, altogether.

6) We don’t like that you’re dating a co-worker

Another truth. Especially if you are fairly recent in the company, and anything less than six months is considered recent. Many companies disallow dating co-workers (really, they exist), but if you ever find yourself dating one in a company that allows them, keep it barely visible and under the surface. Be upfront, do not lie, but at the same time, do not let it lax your work load. Public display of affection is strictly a no-no. And mushy talks and hand-holding are considered PDAs.