heavy

In longing, you feel heavy. Your desire feels like a burden you've been carrying for too long. Your heart is a large weight in your chest, so heavy it brings down your shoulders and puts a bend in your back. You feel like if you were thrown into water, the weight of it would drag you straight to the bottom. It's as if no matter what you do, you just can't shake it or let it go. 

When you let yourself feel it, it's almost suffocating, you're drowning in desire, quietly. You unfocus your eyes and breathe out until the stream of air thins, a pang in your chest follows. The next breath is a sigh. You've been so patient, you feel you deserve something. Your yearning pulls and pulls at you but you've tried everything, nothing left to do but wait. Once you've accepted this, you push the thoughts away, but the weight is still there. 

Sometimes you convince yourself you don't even want what you desire anymore, you just want the weight lifted. But something says don't give up. You're too deep in love. Be strong my dear, stay determined.