#kawatana

today mark left:( but i think today was also pretty spectacular.  

small joys help distract me from the big chunk of my heart that just went back to nagoya

joy 1. volleyball- i didnt realize how itchy i was to play until i arrived at work today and was invited to go watch the high school team play.  they’re all under 5′3″ i think, and pretty awesome ha.  at 14 they’ve already devoted themselves to this one sport, bc here you pick one in 6th grade and stick with it until your senior year in high school.  SO, there i was watching anxiously, in the blazing hot gymnasium, wearing my moms old 3/4maxi dress and a sweater BC YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR SHOULDERS COVERED IN SCHOOL (boooo), when i all of a sudden experienced the UNSHAKABLE DESIRE TO PLAY.  i stood and asked if i could block (the weakest aspect of my game lol) and since i am the jolly green giant compared to these girl i stuffed the ish out of each one as they rotated through.  they were so excited (even when i said gomenasai), and i felt like they were thinking the same thing as me... “LETS WORK TOGETHER AND PRACTICE EVERYDAY AND BECOME GREAT” It felt great to do something familiar. i realized i hadnt played in about a year, after club season at poly ended in a dramatic/toxic situation.  i think i didnt miss it at all because of how stifling and poisonous the season as a whole became.  BUT NOW, watching the 7 girls play with such enthusiasm ohhhhh boy #throwback. 

soon enough we were scrimmaging, me + 2 coaches + 1 ridiculously chill libero (@janehayashi she balls like you, effortless reading and micro-adjustments in her platform cashing DIMES everytime) versus 6 youngins.  KEEP IN MIND THE MID MAXI DRESS- of course the competitiveness took over and when we were down 22-23 there was no other choice BUT to dive and save Kondo sensei’s shank. game story short, we won and i have a hole in my dress from where my knee slid on their floor lolol. i felt the restoration of something that once brought me so much passion suuuuurge. SURGE PEOPLE. pretty rad. arigato jesus. joy 2. hayashi sensei will probably be a homie for life. we took a two hour lunch break today and discussed our shared love for travel/boiled octopus/yoga (and our hatred for spiders) on the 4th floor of our school where theres a glorious view of the town nestled in this crazy jungle thats posted right up next to the ocean.  SHE WILL BE MY NEXT JANE (not a replacement just a reminder of my oldest homie)

joy3. i got to nap today

joy4. presents from mark littering my apt acting as little reminders of some pretty rad love.

i definitely expected to feel like a lousy american/human more than once this trip, but dang when it blindsides ya it hits hard. Today at 11:00 am I stood behind the rows of students from Kawatana high school as they finished up their Peace Assembly.  They all sat on the ground listening to speeches and watching a partially animated video about what life was like during WWII.  The little animated girls were so stoked to get new white uniforms, then they announced that white uniforms would be easily spotted from planes above, so they were going to have to wear black instead.  There were also testimonies from elderly people who had lost loved ones, including an obachan that had saved remnants of the outfit her little girl was wearing the day she was killed by the atomic bomb.  

I tried to get in the head of the students that sat in front of me, and figure out how they were receiving the assembly. but then the obachan started crying, and i could only remember the slo high kids i subbed for in may. they all argued on their practice AP exam that America was right in dropping the A Bomb, that we had no choice, and that they would do it again.

at exactly 11:02 the gymnasium was instructed to turn towards Nagasaki and have a minute of prayer, to honor the exact time that the bomb detonated.  the entire gym turned to face me, and in some instinct of horror/shame/sadness i became angry. the town rang its warning siren (for tsunami or typhoon warning) for the first 30 seconds, just as they did 70 years ago, and i began to thank god repeatedly that i had never heard one of those sirens ring in my blessed lifetime.