#kasbiel

Kasbiel and his mate, Anahel, my first two Coatls who I already adore

And their son Akhazriel and his mate Semyaza, who I also adore

I highly recommend speaking to someone. It’s scary as fuck to feel like you’ll lose independence, but like you said, these issues are getting big. You’re not lesser or less worthy bc of them. I hate that we’re made to think that. I don’t cook for myself, and one time while at my sister’s I chucked the cheese powder of Mac n cheese into the boiling pasta, didn’t occur to me I did it wrong, it’s not like I haven’t seen people do it, I think I read the box too. I hate that feeling.

kasbiel replied to your post: I’M HAVING A SHIT TIME THIS WEEK SO IT’S A VENT...

When under stress I’ve had straight up hallucinations too, auditory and visual. Heard flies buzzing under my pillow and thought I saw a spider in my room when house spiders don’t exist this far up north   

Yeah. I’m seeing my GP next month. We’ll see what we can do.

It’s just so fucking frustrating; I’ve said before that I used to be very intelligent and productive, and I don’t know what’s happened to me - other than The Breakdown™, but that was several years ago and I’m supposed to be getting better, aren’t I? The thought that this might be the rest of my life, where I’m incapable of creating anything on any kind of regular basis and have to rely on other people nearly every day just so that I don’t burn my house down, or that my condition might even worsen even further from here, really shakes me up.

@kasbiel And another one is done! This was stupidly fun to write and I thank you profusely for the prompt. I hope it’s to your liking!

Prompt: Dean is actually not scary to be around when Castiel is around and that’s fascinating and intriguing to Jack. Of course, he’s blunt so he says something absolutely nobody wanted to verbalize. Castiel’s more than an anchor or friend to Dean. 

Pairing: Dean/Cas

Rating: G

Warnings: fluff, Jack doesn’t understand subtext, author’s attempts at humor

It started with the coffee.

           Jack watched curiously as Castiel silently handed a still mostly sleeping Dean fresh mug of coffee. Jack didn’t care much for the bitter drink, but the Winchester brothers seemed to live off it. Castiel didn’t drink it either, but he knew how to make it. For Dean. Just the way Dean liked it. And Jack watched, fascinated, as Dean took the mug with a soft grunt and cradled it to his chest.

           Jack blinked, waiting and watching. No matter how many times he brought Dean food, or beer, or whatever the man wanted, Dean had always had some harsh comment. A sarcastic snort. Or even just an angry stare.

           Jack waited a bit more, but Dean just sipped his hot drink and rubbed his bleary eyes. Jack frowned and glanced at Castiel, who seemed at ease around the two brothers. As if he…belonged.

           Jack stood to follow Sam out the door, ready to do their job. He glanced back only a second to see Castiel stand as well. But Dean, with a simple hand gesture, gave the angel pause. Castiel silently sat back down and waited. Because that was all he needed. He understood Dean.

           Jack did not.

~*~

           They were at a diner. One of those new ones that tried to look retro, like it was built in the 60s but really it was only a few years old. Over the top décor, complete with a mural of old cars and waitress on skates.

           Dean, who always seemed to lead by default, sat them near the back. In a booth that squeaked. The table had a miniature jukebox that took quarters and had 10 songs. They all ordered, except Castiel, who sat close to Dean. Their arms brushed together, but neither seemed to mind. Jack glanced at Sam, on his right, and at the near foot of distance between them.

           Their burgers arrived (Sam got a salad, which Dean scoffed at). While they ate and discussed the current case, Castiel reached over and fiddled with the knob on the jukebox. His head tilted, his eyes squinted. Jack watched, enraptured, as Dean ceaseless handed over a quarter while munching on a fry. Castile wordlessly stuck the quarter inside and a few moments of indecision, picked a song.

           you need cooling

           baby I’m not fooling

           im gonna send ya

           back to schooling

             Dean began bobbing his head, mouthing the words in between bites. Castiel leaned back in the booth, shoulder leaning against Dean’s as he gazed out the window. Sam ate his salad, Dean devoured his burger and occasionally passed a fry to Cas, who ate it even though he didn’t need it. And Jack watched this all, his own food completely forgotten.

~*~

           Jack sat in the backseat of the Impala. Normally he would be watching the trees fly by, the rain drops splatter across the glass of the windows, but his eyes were trained dead ahead. At the two in the front.

           Dean and Castiel. Sam was back at the bunker, sick with the cold of all things. Dean’s music was playing at a moderate level and the hunter was drumming his fingers on the wheel. The drive had remained conversation free for the most part. It made Jack twitch, but Castiel seemed…content with it all. He sat comfortably up front, watching the rain and lightning with eyes that spoke volumes. Like the angel knew just what is was like to fly into the heart of the storm.

           Jack blinked when Castiel suddenly moved, reaching over to the cassette player. Jack’s jaw dropped as Cas wordlessly ejected the tape. Jack cast an anxious look to Dean, remembering a time when he’d tried to ask to change the music. If looks could kill, Jack would’ve burst into flames.

           Dean’s fingers paused and he blinked, but said nothing as Cas rummaged through the collection of tapes. Once settled on one, Castiel popped it in and once again music filled the car. Jack watched Dean pick up his drumming once again, as if nothing had happened, as if Jack’s world wasn’t just tilted on its axis.

~*~

           Jack followed silently behind the three. He still felt unsettled by places like this. The big red ‘Target’ was lit up above as they walked across the parking lot. Once inside, Sam grabbed a cart and darted off towards the grocery side. Dean and Castiel, however, walked towards men’s clothes at a more leisurely pace. Jack, without much thought, followed them.

           People rushed by them, some in a hurry, some with upset children, and some with overfilled arms because they only come in for one thing. He watched as Dean, oddly, let Cas lead the way. The angel walked around the racks of clothes, occasionally touching one the flannel shirts. Jack felt sorry for Cas. He’d made the mistake of asking for something once, at another Target. Dean had snapped, saying they didn’t have the extra cash to spend on things they didn’t need. Jack just hoped Cas kept his desires to himself.

           They found the socks and here Castiel paused. Dean almost ran into him, stopped in time, but didn’t move out of Castiel’s space. His chest brushed up against the angel’s arm as Cas observed a pack of men’s socks. They had bees on them. Castiel smiled softly and took them off the hook, running a thumb over the material.

           Then they moved on, the pack of socks in Castiel’s hand. Jack frowned as he followed, so deep in thought he hadn’t noticed they made it back to the clothes. He blinked as Castiel held up a few shirts to Jack, eyebrows furrowed slightly. Jack realized Castiel was sizing them, making sure they fit him.

           In the end, the Impala’s trunk was filled with food and Jack’s shirts. He sat in the back with Cas, who held his bee socks, and began to wonder.

~*~

           Jack came to a conclusion on a Thursday afternoon.

           He was in the garage, watching Dean rattle around under the hood of the Impala. He couldn’t understand how Dean knew how to take the engine apart and put it back together. It all seemed rather complicated to him. He’d tried to help once, to learn how, but the only thing he’d learned was that Dean Winchester didn’t let anyone touch Baby.

           Except…

           Castiel had his trench off, his sleeves rolled up. He was hunched down beside Dean, their hips bumping, as Dean showed him…something. Jack had no idea, but he didn’t care. What he cared about, what was absolutely boggling, was that Castiel was the one with the tool in his hand. Dean showed him where it went, Cas made an attempt and failed, and Dean patiently explained it all again.

           Cas bent over, eyebrows knitted in concentration, and Dean’s hand came up to the small of his back. And stayed. They both bent underneath the hood, cheeks just an inch apart, voices low, and that hand was still there.

           “Oh,” Jack breathed. “Oh…”

~*~

           They were in the library, researching a case. Jack was good at this and so he was eager to impress. When Dean called a short break, Jack opted to bring everyone a fresh drink. He brought Sam a tea, and placed a single beer between Dean and Cas.

           Dean blinked. “We only had one left?”

           “Not at all,” Jack beamed, pleased with himself. “But I read that couples like to share their drinks.”

           Sam choked on his tea and launched into a coughing fit. Dean sputtered, face turning a deep shade of red. Castiel tilted his head, looking curiously at the bottle of beer.

           Jack’s grin faltered a bit. “I…I’m sorry. The site actually said shakes, but we don’t have any…is it supposed to be shakes?”

           Sam was now laughing, wheezing actually. Dean looked ready to explode, and hadn’t managed to get a single coherent sentence out. Castiel was silent, thoughtful, until he purposefully picked up the beer and took a sip.

           “No, Jack,” Castiel said smoothly, gently placing the bottle down. “Beer is just fine.”

@kasbiel Here you go, hun! I have to admit, I struggled with this. Making these boys Talk is like pulling out a tooth. Hope it’s to your liking. Ask box is open for more prompts, folks! Just hit me up!

Prompt: Cas finds out all the scary violent and John-like things he’s been doing and they Talk.

Pairing: Dean/Cas

Rating: T

Warnings: Mild language, fluff, slight angst

He was supposed to be

The first male love of your life

You still search for him

Everywhere

-father

(poem by rupi kaur)