#karnus

“I don’t know, Stan… Benni is such a good kid despite everything. And I feel like they’ve been… outperforming even me lately. Maybe I should retire.”

Stan rolled his eyes. “For real this time?”

“Yes, for real this time. Besides, I can still keep up with my hobbies.”

“Your hobbies become jobs. You like the praise and attention your work gets you. I don’t think you’re capable of fully retiring.”

“Well, Irma has a contingency plan for when, or if, I do. Honestly, I think it’d throw her through a loop if I actually went through with it.” Alphonse sighed and stared at the ceiling. “When Cadmus finally settled into being a functioning adult, I worried he’d never find something to excel at. Then he got into big business, finance, and whatever else he does around the realm. Then the triplets came along and started carving out their own paths. Artisanal workmanship practically baked into them.”

He paused.

“And I think Benni finally found their spark. Despite the life they were handed… we were never great parents, but I’m proud of them. Proud and a little devastated that they’ve surpassed me.” He snorted softly. “Also mildly annoyed that the fashion genius turned out to be Karnus, who refuses to actually create anything.”

Stan frowned. “What are you getting at, babe? You’re rambling.”

“…I think our time is slowing down. We’re not the main characters in our own lives anymore.” Alphonse’s eyes darted away, suddenly sheepish. “I think we should try to put things right before we’re… written out.”

Stan looked at him for a long moment. “What exactly do you have left to put right?”

“I said we. And it’s not like we’re leaving anytime soon, so we still have time to ask forgiveness and break a few generational curses.”

“Generational?”

“We’ve lived for generations, Stan. You more than me. Our baggage is generational by definition.” He rubbed at his face. “Point is, we should work our shit out now so our later years are easier to live with.”

“What’s easier than this?” Stan gestured lazily around the room. “You keep us comfortable. We spend half the winter fucking to the annoyance of our children.”

Alphonse laughed despite himself, then quieted again. “That’s not the same thing as being at peace with ourselves. Honestly… wouldn’t you rather have a better relationship with Benni?”

“I do have a relationship with them. I get along with Karnus, and the grandkids love me.”

“…Stan.” Alphonse turned to him flatly. “Do you not see Benni as a separate person from Karnus and Syliph...Do you even talk to Syliph?"

“Well, they all came from the same kid..…”

“They’re triplets, We need relationships with each of them individually. Or at the very least, one where I’m not getting shot at with crossbows.”

The alarm blared at 9 am, jolting Cadmus from his slumber. He groggily glared at the intrusive noise, only to realize he had no plans for the day. Those were the moments he cherished the most—when he could laze around, perhaps indulge in a rejuvenating spa session or treat himself to a relaxing facial. He relished the idea of sleeping in and disregarded the peculiar shadowy figure lurking in the corner of his room. However, before he could fully embrace the day, his tranquility was abruptly shattered.

Oh no. A sudden tendril snaked around Cadmus' leg, lifting him effortlessly into the air. He couldn't help but let out a frustrated cry, "GOD DAMN IT, KARNUS! HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO GET IN HERE?" Cadmus quickly grabbed a nearby silk sheet, attempting to cover himself. After all, he rarely wore anything to bed.

With a mischievous grin, Karnus, his younger brother, maintained his hold on Cadmus, dangling him in mid-air. "Come on, Cad. You know the drill. If I had told you beforehand, you would have made it more difficult for me. It's gym time!" Karnus playfully dropped Cadmus with a satisfying thud, preparing to drag him along for their exercise session.

Cadmus grumpily stood up and draped the sheet around him like a makeshift toga. "I'm not going, it's Sunday! Besides, I have my own gym, Karny."

Karnus smirked, undeterred by Cadmus' resistance. "Yes, I know you have your own gym, but we're going to mine today. You use your gym as a pickup spot, and that's precisely why we're going elsewhere. Now, hurry up and get dressed. Our parents are waiting in the car."

Cadmus raised an eyebrow in surprise. "You brought them along? What's the occasion?"

Karnus grinned proudly. "Well, it's Mother's Day. I thought it would be nice to have a family get-together."

Cadmus let out an exasperated groan. Of course, it was Mother's Day. He mentally reminded himself to send Al and Stan flowers later. "What about Bennie and Syliph? Are they joining us?"

Karnus shook his head. "No, they're both busy. We'll meet them for lunch later."

Cadmus snapped his fingers, instantly transformed into proper gym attire, though his melting eyeliner still made him look a bit disheveled. "Why don't they have to go to the gym?"

Karnus shrugged nonchalantly. "Because they manage to keep up with their exercise without anyone asking them to."

"You little piece of..." Cadmus began, his words trailing off as he realized he was wasting his breath. "Fine. I'll meet you downstairs once I'm ready."

"Just don't make us wait Caddy."

A little while later, Cadmus, holding a coffee cup in hand, joined his family outside and climbed into the car. However, in his haste, he accidentally bumped his horns against the door frame. "SHIT!" he exclaimed, wincing in pain, before noticing his parents seated inside. "Hey Pops, Hey Dad," he greeted them, attempting to recover his composure.

Alphonse and Stan, completely absorbed in each other's embrace, finally acknowledged Cadmus's presence. Alphonse cast a concerned glance at his son. "Good morning, Cadmus... You're looking... pale. You had time to get coffee, but not for us?"

Cadmus smirked and fastened his seat belt, ready for the banter. "Well, considering I'm probably paying for lunch today, I figured it didn't really matter. Do I have that right?" He shot a glance at Karnus, who confirmed the arrangement with a nod.

"Yep! But you really should have just gotten water. Coffee isn't the best choice before a workout session," Karnus chimed in, offering his well-intentioned advice.

Upon arriving at the gym, Cadmus observed Alphonse and Stan, as expected, partnering up and engaging in all the activities that couples typically do at the gym.

Meanwhile, Cadmus found himself compelled to run laps, with Karnus as his coach. He huffed and puffed, his energy depleting until he eventually collapsed, like a house made of sticks.

"Come on, man, get up! Do you even parkour?" Karnus scolded, urging Cadmus to rise.

"Of course not!" Cadmus retorted, crawling back to his feet. "I'm not like you. I don't bound from rooftop to rooftop like some demented Mothman!"

"Well, perhaps you should, bro. You're really getting out of shape," Karnus chided.

"I beg your pardon! I look as good as I ever did!" Cadmus protested, his pride wounded.

"Yeah, and how much of that is glamour magic?" Karnus questioned, a knowing smirk playing on his lips.

Cadmus hesitated for a moment before offering a flimsy explanation, "Um... only a little, just to adjust my makeup."

"Uh huh," Karnus responded, his disbelief evident.

"Besides, magic eats fat. I don't see the point in exercise if that's the case," Cadmus countered, attempting to justify his aversion to physical activity.

Alphonse, who was diligently working on the stair master at this point, chimed in. "Son, magic may consume fat, but it doesn't replace it with muscle. That's why we exercise."

Stan, momentarily distracted from his bench curls by Alphonse's sculpted posterior, nodded in agreement. "Yeah... what he said."

Alphonse let out a playful chuckle, his tone laced with flirtation. "Are you distracted, my love?" he asked, maintaining his energy.

"Very~," Stan replied, matching Alphonse's playfulness, until Karnus intervened with a sharp whistle.

"Hey! This may be a holiday for you two, but this is still my gym. Don't make me separate you," Karnus admonished, his authoritative tone cutting through their antics.

Both Alphonse and Stan rolled their eyes in unison, mimicking the gestures of annoyed teenagers being told to clean their rooms. "Yes, sir," they replied in unison, a hint of mock obedience in their voices.

Turning his attention to Cadmus, Karnus reminded him of their agreement. "And as for you, Cadmus, we made a deal. It's either this gym session or you go through Aunt Irma's Boot Camp, and you know how severe she gets."

The thought of being chased through a Serbian forest by a wild bear did not appeal to Cadmus in the slightest. Reluctantly, he got up and continued his exercise routine without much complaint.

Cadmus: You should see me in a crown- Billie eilish

Benni: I believe in peace- Kate Douglas

Karnus: Masterpeice- Able heart

"Oh, what a great question! All my children possess wonderful qualities. Except for you, of course. Now, let's evaluate. Who boasts a rather successful business? Ah, yes, Karnus! His gym is thriving, or so I hear. Yet, no one can rival the achievements of the firstborn...triplet, Benni. I mean, those chocolates are truly out of this world, absolutely divine. And then there's our little mind reader, Syliph, who seems to know which book you need without you even asking—truly incredible talents. I wouldn't dare pit them against each other, and you should refrain from asking me that again, Cadmus, unless you want me to go all out on you. I love you all equally so there is no favorite."

@passimtemere

Cadmus sat upon his throne, draped in his black and gold robes. His hand tightly gripped a powerful staff adorned with an orb at the top, pulsing between shades of green and purple that were difficult to look at. The Dark King was a sight to behold, with a sharp jawline and piercing acid green eyes. However, his presence was also terrifying, amplified by the throne room's ominous atmosphere. The room was adorned with obsidian stonework, featuring gargoyles and imps glowering down from above.

"L-lord Cadmus, my liege," a royal messenger stammered, bowing before the king.

In response, Cadmus offered a rarely seen polite nod. "What is it?" he asked.

"Y-your Father, the Sky King, sends a request for an audience," the messenger replied meekly.

"WHAT?!" Cadmus exclaimed, his frustration evident as he picked up his staff and slammed it down upon the beautiful marble floor, causing a loud crack that shook the room. "Ugh, but I don't wanna..." he whined, sliding back into his throne like a petulant child. "What does he want now?"

The messenger shrugged, uncertain of the Sky King's intentions. "He said lunch? He also mentioned that, while you keep vampires as your subjects who at least go out at night to feast and have fun, he put 'fun' in air quotes and remarked that your Grace's tendency to stay indoors isn't very healthy."

Cadmus let out a sigh and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah," he grumbled. He couldn't deny that he had been spending a significant amount of time indoors, but with the scorching sun during the sunfall season, even the nights were uncomfortably hot, and he despised the heat—unless it was in his royal bath. "It would be just like him to comment on my lack of activities... Fine, accept his request and schedule lunch for tomorrow at someplace tolerable."

Despite the initial impression one might have of Cadmus, the Dark King, as an evil warlock overlord, the truth couldn't be further from that perception. In reality, Cadmus was a benevolent ruler with a penchant for dark and threatening aesthetics. For example, he had a torture chamber within his kingdom, but it remained empty as he couldn't find anyone deserving of such punishment. Even when he embarked on conquests to expand his kingdom, he did so through diplomatic means.

Initially, the sight of Cadmus's soldiers arriving in towns and villages with their ominous black wings and talon-like claws instilled fear in the hearts of the people. However, those fears gradually subsided as it became apparent that the soldiers were carrying essential supplies, food, medicines, and other necessities. Over time, even the younger subjects came to find solace and comfort in the dark and seemingly malevolent aesthetic that surrounded Cadmus and his kingdom.

The reason for Cadmus's petulant and foul mood stemmed from his latest endeavor to improve the livability of his kingdom—a sanitation effort known as the "Sewer system." Cadmus had witnessed the efficiency and brilliance of such a system in his father's Sky kingdom, though he had no intention of admitting this to his father.

Cadmus believed that implementing a sewer system in his own kingdom would greatly enhance the cleanliness and overall well-being of his subjects. However, the project was proving to be more challenging and frustrating than he had anticipated. The complexities of designing and constructing an efficient sewer system were testing his patience, and he found himself grappling with the details and logistical issues involved.

Amidst his vexation, Cadmus couldn't help but feel a pang of annoyance at the thought that his father's kingdom had effortlessly implemented such a system, while he struggled to do the same. Nevertheless, determined to improve the living conditions for his subjects, he persevered, albeit with a rather sulky disposition.

Cadmus let out a sigh, rising from his throne and exiting the hall. An attentive Imp attendant followed closely behind, ensuring that the Dark King's long robe didn't drag or get caught on anything. He arrived at a prominently displayed Crystal ball, setting it up on an ornate stand and raising his staff aloft before inserting it into the stand. The pulsating light from the staff's orb transferred into the Crystal ball, causing it to pulse with energy. Cadmus began to wave his hands above the ball while reciting an incantation.

"I call upon the forces in the aether, to contact one of my blood. Spirits of connection, let me speak to my brother Karnus."

The light within the crystal ball swirled and shifted, briefly showing a horrific beast with sharp fangs before fading away, revealing a young man in a precarious situation. Karnus stared back at Cadmus, whispering, "Cadmus... I'm not in the best situation at the moment..."

"Well, what are yo—"

"Shut the fuck up... Man," Karnus interrupted curtly. "Look, give me a second."

Puzzled, Cadmus watched as Karnus moved around the crystal ball, eventually realizing that his brother was standing on the edge of a tall building with a dagger in his hand. Shocked by the sight, Cadmus whispered, "What the fuck are you doing?!"

Karnus remained silent, focusing on finding solid footing on a larger outcropping. He ignored the mirrored surface of a nearby window, which reflected his older brother's image. Finally, he found a secure position and replied, "Guild business, what does it look like?"

Cadmus pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times... The Thieves Guild is not a recognized organization! Couldn't you just find your thrill in the Adventurer's Guild like everyone else?"

"I could, but why would I want to be like everyone else? Besides, the Adventurer's Guild is overrun with jackass wannabe paladins," Karnus retorted. "Now, what's with the call? Do you have any idea what time it is?" He rummaged through his belt, searching for something.

"...Why did I call you?... Oh yes. Has Father contacted you?"

"Regarding what?" came Karnus's curt response.

"I don't know what goes through his mind; he's so scatterbrained."

"A trait you share in spades, dearest brother. No, Dad hasn't contacted me. Why does it matter?"

"Because he contacted me, and I wanted to make sure this wasn't a family affair I was unaware of."

"Well, if it were, I'm sure half the world would know. You know how he loves his parties," Karnus said, leaping from the edge of the building, which startled Cadmus.

"KARNUS!" Cadmus screamed-whispered at the Crystal ball, waving his hand somewhat frantically. He watched as his brother fell past several windows, only to realize that Karnus was wearing a harness and had a rope. Karnus stopped and flashed a cheeky grin at another window, where Cadmus's pale face had turned stony white, glaring at him. "That wasn't funny."

"You are a worrywart. Besides, you know we're mostly immortal," Karnus replied, repelling down the building even further.

"Yeah, 'mostly' doesn't stop us from turning into paste on a sidewalk," Cadmus muttered with concern.

"Listen, Caddy," Karnus began, his tone softened. "When was the last time you even had a meeting with him? Hell, with any of us? You have a bad habit of shutting the world away and overworking yourself—a trait Dad also shares with you. He's just worried, no ulterior motive... well, maybe except the occasional suitor, but honestly, I don't know anyone, aside from the demons you summon, who can last five minutes in the same room as you."

"Fuck you," Cadmus replied, feeling a mix of irritation and resignation.

"Aww, Caddy, fuck you too," Karnus said cheerily, flipping him off. "Goodbye, bro." He waved his hand, causing the crystal ball to turn translucent again, severing the connection between them.

Cadmus stood there, staring at the now empty crystal ball, a mix of emotions swirling within him. He couldn't help but acknowledge the truth in Karnus's words. Perhaps it was time for him to step out of his self-imposed isolation and reconnect.

In the cozy living room of their family manor, Al smacked a gavel on a side table. "Court is now in session," he announced, his voice filled with a mix of authority and warmth.

Cad, laying on the couch, glanced at his father with slight interest and annoyance. "Where did he get a gavel?"

"I made it," Al replied with a grin, his eyes twinkling as he tried to maintain order among the family members gathered. "Silence from the peanut gallery, or you will be held in contempt." He pointed the gavel at Cadmus. "Now, Karnus, you are being charged with the high crime of Dangerous Zoomies and willful destruction of one very expensive vase. How do you plead?"

Karnus, the energetic youngster, stood tall, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Not guilty," he declared confidently.

Al looked towards the family with a smile. "Who is representing the accused?"

Stan, Al's loving husband and a bit of a reluctant participant in the impromptu court proceedings, sighed and spoke. "I guess that's me, Your Hotness," he said with a grin

Al smiled stupidly, then composed himself and rapped the gavel once more. "I will not be swayed by flirtations from the defense counsel. Plead your case, counselor," he said teasingly.

Stan stepped forward, his expression a mix of determination and amusement. "Karnus having the zoomies is not something he can help, as it is in his nature. Also, that vase was clearly placed upon a pedestal within his zoomies running grounds, as noted by the repeated scratch marks on the floor."

Cad, their other child, couldn't help but interject. "Objection!"

Karnus shot back, "Who asked you to chime in?"

Cad, undeterred, continued, "You can't have court without a prosecution counsel."

Al glanced at Cadmus, waiting for him to correct himself.

Cadmus thought for a second before going, "Ugh, right, Your honor."

"Your objection is noted and stands. Cad, are you representing the prosecution?"

Cad affirmed proudly, "Yes, Your Honor. Karnus clearly and with malice destroyed the vase as it was overstimulating and frankly ugly."

Al pouted. "Hey! I worked hard on it."

Karnus hesitated for a moment, then added with a sheepish grin, "It was kinda..."

Stan put a hand over Karnus's mouth. "As your lawyer in family court, I advise you to shut up, kid," he said with a wink. Then, Stan spoke up again, this time in defense of his son. "We all know Karnus has a more direct way of causing destruction. If he wanted the vase destroyed, he would have done it on purpose and with malice, and then proudly told us about it. Because, well, he can be kind of a dick."

Karnus barked in protest. "Hey! Aren't you supposed to defend me?!"

"I am, son," Stan replied calmly. "He's a dick because he's young and stupid, but that also makes him loud and obvious. So it would be out of character for him to move a pedestal within his zoomies path. A: He likes to run uninterrupted, and B: It's one of the things we allow him to do to burn off his creatura energy. So I accuse Prosecutor Cadmus as the one who destroyed the vase!" Stan pointed an accusatory finger at Cadmus, turning the tables in the courtroom drama.

Alphonse, who somehow manifested a bag of popcorn, gasped. "J'accuse!"

Cadmus frowned. "Objection! You have no evidence," he said with a smarmy grin.

Karnus shouted, "Overruled!"

Al looked at Karnus. "Hey buddy, that's my job. Counsel, do you have evidence to support your claims?"

Stan replied, "Perhaps. I think you'll find that Cadmus called the vase ugly and overstimulating. Also, Karnus was with me the entire afternoon; the vase was only put on display around 3 p.m. today. This entire court knows that you, my dear, are quite precise when it comes to placement of your creations and who was alone in the house around 4-5 p.m., as evidenced by Cad's need to steal food from our kitchen because he never has food at his penthouse. It's practically routine."

Cad shouted, "FINE I DID IT! It WAS ME! It was just ugly, and I wanted to cause drama."

Al banged the gavel "Cadmus Dolore you are under arrest for False accusations general assholery and your punishment shall be. First of all cleaning up the vase, and secondly taking Karnus to and from Practice for the Next week."

"Uhg...fine."

"So, let me clarify, Coach. I supported my son Karnus joining your gymnastics team, especially given the substantial funds I contributed for a state-of-the-art indoor gymnasium with all the necessary equipment. However, it appears you chose to take your team outdoors, which is acceptable. I assumed you were knowledgeable about sunscreen and staying hydrated in the sun, but apparently, that assumption was a mistake, making both you and me look quite foolish."

The coach started speaking but was swiftly interrupted.

"Shh, I'm not finished elucidating the situation. Not only did you neglect to provide essential items for the team, but you also failed to research any potential medical conditions they might have. I'm currently informing other parents about this neglect of duty, highlighting their rights to pursue legal action against you. On a day when temperatures were nearing triple digits, your brilliant decision was to subject the team to a grueling session under the scorching sun. Instead of opting for a practical training approach, you made them burn and boil while exercising. And if they dared to request water, you would only grant it after they completed HOW MANY PUSH-UPS, Karnus?"

Karnus weakly raised his hand, signaling a "50" for the push-ups. "50! PUSH-UPS. Now, Coach Matthews, I want you to understand that I'm not upset that my son collapsed in the heat, and you failed to call for help until another team member intervened. Surprisingly, it's not because I plan to sue you into oblivion – I don't need the money, and prison might feel like a vacation once I'm done. Can you guess why? Oh, good, you're screaming. My husband has located you. Goodbye."

"Now, children, we find ourselves in the capital for a crucial lesson in etiquette, specifically when interacting with politicians—be it a senator, congressman, cabinet member, or president. Remember, it is important never to bow or shake hands when greeting a politician."

Benni looked at his dad with confusion. "But wouldn't that be appropriate? You told us to treat everyone with equal respect."

Alphonse smiled. "Very good, Benni. I'm glad you remembered. However, politicians are different. They're often driven by personal gain rather than the greater good. While one might assume they are here to lead the world into a better tomorrow, as you've learned in social studies, many politicians struggle to make a positive impact and are primarily motivated by money. Despite starting with good intentions, those rarely endure long enough to make a significant difference."

Karnus seemed to grasp the concept, nodding first. "So what? Does that mean we can bite them?"

"No, Karnus. As much as you might want to, biting a politician is a terrible option. They can be quite greasy and often carry a myriad of diseases. Take this one, for example." Alphonse pointed out a man in a suit with an American flag pin, walking by and attempting to conceal his rather punchable face with an ill-suited beard. "The correct course of action is to give a terse nod followed by a look of disdain."

Syliph raised his hand shyly. "Would you say it's wise to spit at their feet after?"

Alphonse patted Syliph's head. "Well, Syliph, spitting at a politician's feet was a traditional method until everyone started carrying cameras everywhere. I personally prefer to say 'Memento Mori' with direct eye contact if a politician ever seems to have a glint of joy in their eye."