#kalroy

And it’s true. One day, Kaldur is going to have to address that he gets honest-to-goodness butterflies in his stomach when he’s around Roy, and that doesn’t happen when he’s with anyone else. He’s going to have to dig deeper than Garth and Tula had, he’s going to have to identify these feelings and who has them for -- and that scares him so badly he starts walking faster.

He cuts his 10 minutes down to seven, and by the time he’s reached the zeta-point his mind is carefully blank, save for the lingering memory of Dr. Pepper on his lips.

+

Upon returning to the Cave, Kaldur receives no less than three wolf-whistles, three open stares, and feels his heart climb into his throat when Zatanna comments, “Didn’t know you liked UCLA, Kal.”

He holds up his hands, not really sure what he wants to do with them, and winds up making a ‘go away’ gesture at all of them, to their delight.

He’d been so caught up in his head he completely forgot to change. His uniform is folded neatly in the duffel hanging off his shoulder -- he meant to change before getting here, so he could avoid all of...exactly what he’s getting right now.

“I didn’t even know you owned sweatpants,” Artemis says, with an infuriatingly cheeky grin. She’s squeezed between Robin and Wally on one of the loveseats, and she doesn’t actually look that upset about it. “You never struck me as the relaxing type?”

Kaldur looks down. Has been that high strung for so long? It really does feel great to see his team -- these days, he misses them more than he’s comfortable admitting -- but he really does not need this level of ribbing tonight.

“They’re not mine,” his mouth is saying, stupidly.

“I wonder whose they could be!” Zatanna sounds too damn happy about all of this, and Kaldur fixes her with a level glare for a moment. She set up him. This was a trap from the start.

“Roy could’ve at least followed the guy walking out with half his closet,” Wally says. “We never see him anymore! What gives?”

“He’s busy,” Kaldur and Robin say simultaneously, with very different inflections. Kaldur fixes him with a look too.

Robin holds his hands up in mock surrender. “I didn’t mean anything dirty, Kal! Get your head out of the gutter.”

Not that it was before, but now that Robin’s gone there he most certainly cannot, and to his chagrin, feels his face start to warm. This is too much. His relaxing night has taken too many left turns, and at this rate he’s either going to implode or end up waxing poetry about Roy’s biceps.

Covering his face with one hand, Kaldur leans his head back and groans. “Why do I let you do this to me?”

All of his teammates look at him with matching smiles from hell, including M’gann and Conner -- who feign innocence so perfectly but Kaldur knows they’re giggling like a bunch of toddlers via mindlink. Wally and Robin have the worst ones.

They know too much, Kaldur thinks. The not so rational part of his brain suggests fleeing the scene.

“You looove us,” Robin sings, hand over his heart.

“I tolerate too much,” Kaldur grumbles back.

“You tolerate the perfect amount.” Artemis stands at the same time Zatanna does, and the two make their way to the kitchen. “But now that you’re here, we can actually get started with movie night. Me and Zatanna have popcorn duty.”

“And by that she means I have ‘keep Wally out of the kitchen’ duty,” Zatanna snorts.

Kaldur blinks in confusion, and she pauses as she passes by him. “What, you thought we were gonna start the movie without you?”

“I…” Kaldur doesn’t know what he thought.

“Just don’t look so surprised whenever people actually give a shit about you, okay? I’m not sure if it makes me wanna hug you or deck everyone else.”

It seems like Roy has been right about more than a few things tonight.

Zatanna’s expression softens. “We waited for you because we wanted to, Kal. It’s not team bonding without the whole team, you know?” And then she pulls him in a quick but energetic hug and follows Artemis into the kitchen.

Feeling properly ridiculous, Kaldur makes to drop his bag off in his room, but M’gann insists that he leave it where it is and deal with it later. The lightheartedness of the night really does make him feel like they have all the time in the world. A little untidiness never killed anybody; he drops the bag and sits next to her on the long couch.

“We really did want to wait for you,” M’gann says helpfully, letting her hand drop on his knee. “And Artemis and Robin taught us a bunch of games!”

Robin snorts; in the time that Artemis had been away, he and Wally had managed to tangle themselves up in a Batman-themed blanket. “And by that she means we sat around and gossiped for like half an hour under the guise of Truth or Dare.”

“And 20 Questions,” Conner says. “Apparently, all my questions were boring.”

“The point of 20 Qs isn’t to ask someone what their favorite color is nine times in a row, buddy,” Wally says. “It’s to get someone to squirm a little and spill something really embarrassing.”

“I like knowing your favorite colors,” Conner replies with a shrug.

Wally makes a very exaggerated huffing sound and throws up his hands. Snickering, Robin says, “Wally’s just mad ‘cuz he kept wussing out on dares.”

“I didn’t wuss out--”

“It was a bit wimpish,” Conner says, as M’gann offers, “I don’t blame you for it!”

Wally just groans again.

Now that he’s not the object of teasing, Kaldur finds it in him to smile. “It sounds like you had fun.”

“After four uninterrupted hours of homework, yeah,” Robin says, petulance betraying his age. After a moment he grins again, and even though his dark glasses cover his eyes, Kaldur can imagine the gleam of mischief behind them. “After the movie, we’ll get another round of T or D going with you, Kal. That way you don’t get to miss out on any fun.”

Kaldur’s stomach feels like it sinks all the way into his toes. It’s stupid to think that Robin is doing anything sinister or diabolical -- he can be nosy but he’s not mean -- but Kaldur can’t shake the feeling that he’s being backed into a corner. As if someone just threaten to shine a flashlight on him and to see all the dark little details he keeps hidden away.

His heart pounds. Suddenly all the jokes about him and Roy, the knowing winks, the teasing -- doesn’t feel so lighthearted.

Kaldur tenses up and shrinks into the couch, not trusting himself to say anything without giving himself away. He sees Conner frown out of the corner of his eye, but Artemis and Zatanna come back with bowls of popcorn and save him from the rest of that conversation.

Something tells him that Robin is staring at him, but Kaldur ignores it and thanks Zatanna for his bowl of popcorn instead. To his surprise, she follows up with a blanket that she spreads out over his knees, then drops into the couch beside him and curls into his side like a kitten would. After a few moments of adjustments, she’s worked herself under his arm, popcorn bowl on his lap.

Again, he’s not sure when Zatanna adopted him, but he’s not even the slightest bit upset about it.

Robin gets the movie going, and for the next two and half hours they all watch Steig Larsson’s book come to life.

(Conner falls asleep about a half hour in, and M’gann leans against his chest and sighs, her contentment practically radiating off of her, and Kaldur’s heart just...hurts, watching it. That could be him. He wants that. He’s almost certain he will never have it.)

Throughout the movie, he can’t help but feel like his entire body has released a partial sigh--this is something he’d been wanting for so long. Just spending time with the team who had become his closest friends when he wasn’t paying attention. There’s no talk of school or family or life outside the Cave; it’s just them in the dark watching a movie and making the occasional side-comment.

It’s...really, really nice.

Kaldur makes a face during one of the darker scenes. “You enjoyed this?” he asks Zatanna quietly.

“Look at the job we have, Kal. I think we’ve all pretty much seen some messed up stuff.” She pauses. “For example, I watched a magic deity possess my dad and claim his body for the rest of forever. So, like. Call me jaded.”

Her jaw tightens as she says it, and Kaldur winces, apology at the tip of his tongue. Ultimately, he decides it’s not the right time. Looking at Zatanna, he recognizes himself; the desire to put on a brave face and march through pain, no matter the personal cost. Acknowledging it was rarely an option. Her jokes were just deflections to distract from her real vulnerability.

“Okay, Jaded,” Kaldur faux-whispers. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Oh my god,” Zatanna snorts and gets a chorus of shushes from the others.

Kaldur opts to relax around her, and she holds onto him just a hair tighter afterwards.

+

“Not bad,” Robin says after, as they all blink and adjust to the lights coming back on. “I figured out the so-called plot twist about five minutes in, but still. Not bad.”

“Five whole minutes? You’re getting slow, Boy Wonder,” Wally chides.

“I believe I still enjoy the book more, but it was a very well-done adaptation,” Kaldur says, peering down at Zatanna. “Your movie tastes have certainly earned my respect.”

“Noice,” she says around a yawn. “Next time, you get to pick though.”

“I’d be honored,” he smiles.

“And bring Roy around too,” she mumbles into his chest. “None of us would mind, and I’d like to finally meet the legendary Red Grump.”

And just like that, Kaldur’s state of undistracted relaxation is gone. Suddenly paranoid that Zatanna can hear how fast his heartbeat has gotten, he sits up, jostling her out of her comfortable snuggle, faking thirst. He tries to calm down as he chugs from his water bottle, but Conner ruins his concentration but saying, “Are you okay?”

Kaldur nearly drops and spills it. “I -- What?” he asks. “I thought you were asleep?”

“I was just resting my eyes,” Conner frowns. “Why does your heart rate keep racing like that?”

At Kaldur’s bewildered expression, Conner shrugs. “I keep an ear out. It’s good background noise. But also in case anything goes wrong.”

Kaldur nearly snaps at him to stop it, but that wouldn't be right. He sighs instead. “I am fine, Conner. Thank you for your concern, but it isn’t necessary.”

“Okay, then color me curious,” Conner pushes back. “What’s going on with you?”

Kaldur realizes that the rest of the team has gone quiet, listening in. The feeling of being cornered creeps down his spine.

Artemis clears her throat, looking a little awkward. “Actually, Conner brings up a good point. We’re all a little...curious.”

He jerks to look at her, back ramrod straight. “What do you mean?”

“You haven’t been yourself lately,” she says, looking down. “I mean, sometimes you’re a million miles away even though you’re standing right in front of us. Your default face just looks...sad.”

“Batman may have mentioned that Aquaman was worried about you,” Robin adds, pointedly nonchalant. “He didn’t want to pry. But the concern is definitely spreading.”

“Plus, you’re our friend. I mean yeah, you lead us into increasingly ridiculous situations, but you’re also just Kaldur the merman who we all actually care about and seeing you look like you’re not quite sure where your next footstep is gonna land is just…” Zatanna trails off and shrugs. She’s looking at her hands. “You’ve done so much for all of us, Kal -- even me, and I just got here!”

“What she’s saying is, it’s time you let us do the carrying,” M’gann says gently. “Lean on us for a little bit, okay?”

Part of Kaldur is touched. His heart sort of melts and he feels foolish clenching onto his water bottle for dear life. But at the same time, his instincts to deflect have never been sharper. He doesn’t want them to pry, and he doesn’t want to open up, because how do you even begin to explain something you’ve never even let yourself think about?

The half of his heart that aches for companionship feels so full right now, he thinks he might burst.

And as always, he’s self-aware enough to know that he is not hiding this as well as he’d hoped.

He opens his mouth but chokes on the silence.

He has options here. No one is going to say something unless he does, or until the silence stretches into the territory of hostile, and he doesn’t want that. So he has the floor, and he can either come clean about one of the many things plaguing him, or dodge like he was born for it.

The thing is, it’s not like Kaldur likes, or even actively tries to keep everyone an arm’s length away. It’s just easier that way. Rather than bear the weight of social exile, or even risk being looked at differently, it’s easier to just...truck on. One can’t get hurt if he nevers offers others the opportunity to hurt him. There isn’t a portion of his brain that definitively believes his team would shun him if he came forward with the part of himself he hides away; it’s not like they’d run off to Batman and tell him Kaldur likes a boy, he’s unfit to lead, but that doesn’t mean there aren't icy tendrils of terror gripping his heart right now.

“This…” Kaldur starts, and everyone leans forward just a little bit. Waiting.

“This is a bit overwhelming,” he says honestly. “I am not sure that I...this is much more complicated than my words can explain.”

Robin is giving him that look again. Like he’s a puzzle--an especially difficult one. “Kaldur,” he says, without a hint of humor in his voice. “Truth or dare?”

This is the flashlight moment. His under a microscope moment. Kaldur can barely meet his eyes. He wants to talk to his friend, his heart hurts for it, for the connection, but at what cost?

But Robin is giving him an excuse to open his mouth, so he takes it.

“Truth?”

“Tell us,” says Robin, “whatever you want to. But just be honest.”

That’s a big request. Honestly, Kaldur wants to tell them what has been clawing at his heart for so long; that he is lonely, that this Cave is so empty and he days are so long without them. That his heart longs for someone that cannot and will not allow himself to have. That he loves in way he fears they will find ugly and disgusting -- even he himself fears it, and it makes no sense, and he’s both angry and jealous that Conner and M’gann don’t have to fear their love. They don’t question what their hearts feel, they don’t over analyze and dissect every moment and passing thought and try to shove it down as they burn with shame.

He wants to say, I like a boy, without his throat closing up or the world coming to a halt. Maybe he’s not ready to air all his dirty laundry, but he can at least start somewhere.

At the root of this all, Kaldur just really, really doesn’t want to feel so alone anymore.

“I am very grateful for all of you,” Kaldur’s mouth says before his brain can stop it. “So grateful, in fact, that I find myself missing you more often than not.”

Zatanna makes a tiny sound of understanding, but the others seem lost.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you get to live a life outside of the team. You get to go to school and meet your friends and sleep in your homes, and I am either here dreaming of Atlantis, or here waiting you to come back. I don’t...the issue is not that the Surface doesn’t feel like home. It’s that I feel at home when I’m with you, and that seems to be so...rare these days.”

The silence is deafening. Then Wally says, “Aw, jeez, Kal.”

Conner frowns in a way that is far more emotional than his default. “I’m not gonna lie, I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Me either...but it’s true, isn’t it? We have been hanging out outside of missions less…” M’gann admits reluctantly. “Things have just been so busy since summer ended, especially with school.”

“I’d drop high school in a heartbeat to spend more time here, I swear, but my parents would never buy it.”

Kaldur has to fight the urge to roll his eyes. “I would never ask that of you, Wally. School is important. You cannot just leave.”

“I already told you I’d do it if anyone would let me,” Zatanna says. She sounds like she’s only half-joking.

“Alter ego life is pretty jampacked,” Artemis says. “We’re sorry, Kal. And not just like, a little sorry -- we’re really sorry. You know if we could stay longer, we would.”

“I know,” he says. For some reason, that just makes everyone seem even more unhappy.

The silence lasts several more moments, and Kaldur wishes he hadn’t said anything at all. Robin has finally stopped examining him, but now his expression is even harder to read.

“Okay,” Robin says, steepling his fingers. “Switching the game to 20 questions. Question number one -- can you promise us that you’ll tell us these things more often? You’ve got one heck of a poker face; we can’t know what’s up unless you say something.”

Kaldur looks sheepish. He nods quietly. “I will do my best.”

“Question two, did you write all that down before you said it? Or was that off the top of your head? ‘Cuz that was like, Obama-level good, dude.”

Trust Wally to break the tension; Robin digs his elbow into his side while the others chuckle, and Kaldur manages a smile himself. “I do not answer stupid questions.”

“Oh c’mon.”

“Here’s a question,” Artemis says, “just...you don’t have to answer it, but I’m just putting it out there. Is there something else you’re not telling us?”

A worried silence falls over the room -- Kaldur inhales deeply and shakily and it takes a strong burst of courage to nod his head. It’s barely a movement, but it’s enough. It’s a start.

One day he will tell them about how he loves, but for right now, the most he can manage is this.

Artemis has an expression that says maybe, just maybe, she understands his struggle a little more than he’d thought she would. “Okay,” she says quietly, patting his knee. “Whenever you’re ready, we’re not gonna rush you.”

And, for what feels like the first time in long while, Kaldur exhales. He squeezes Artemis’ hand, and even though he can’t form the words to say his thanks out loud, he’s more than certain she understands.

“Number four,” says Conner solemnly. “What’s your favorite color?”

The rest of the game is full of laughter, and a level of familiarity Kaldur never noticed before. They joke easier, laugh more, and there’s no lingering tension in the air. It feels like home, and if he could, Kaldur would bottle this moment and live in it forever.

They talk until the early hours of the morning, and after it’s clear that no one’s getting up to go to bed, they dish out blankets and nod off one by one. Kaldur suspects he’s the last awake, until Zatanna nudges him gently with her elbow.

“One last question for you,” she says, barely louder than the quiet snores of their friends.

He simply hums his acceptance of his fate.

“What is really going on with you and Roy?” There’s no judgement in her voice but Kaldur still has to force himself to relax his shoulders. She sounds curious, not teasing, and maybe a little protective.

Maybe it’s because he’s so sleepy, but he chuckles for a moment, unbothered. “I wish I knew,” he says. “But between you and me? I hope he never asks for his shirt back.”

“I wish I was recording that,” Robin whispers, scaring the pants off of both of them. “You’re definitely gonna deny that in the morning.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” Kaldur replies, stone-faced.

Zatanna begins laughing so hard she may very well start choking, and Robin only manages a hapless shrug before leaning onto Wally’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, I’m a patient guy. Artemis was on the money; take all the time you need, pal.”

He’s not sure if Robin is joking, but regardless, he feels an immense weight off his shoulders.

"roy"

"i'm not interested"

"Roy please, there's some new... i- we think you should be briefed on this in person"

"What part of 'not interested' do you not comprehend?"

"It's about Kaldur"

"...I'll be there in ten."

Recognized. Red Arrow. B zero six.

"Where is he?" Roy demanded, glaring at the room full of suddenly still teenagers. The team exchanged nervous glances and Roy gleaned that the briefing room was the place to be. He strode moodily to it, aware of the uncomfortable stares his haggard and unexpected appearance warranted.

"Where is he?! Where the hell is Kaldur?" He shoved open the door and entered with a ringing clang announcing him as it slammed shut behind him. He eyed the present group; Batman, Nightwing, Aquaman, Black Canary, and Green Arrow. Shit. His unofficial "support group" Nightwing did not expect him to take whatever this was well. The empty space next to him and Aquaman's distraught countenance sent a lance of fear through him. "I thought he was in Atlantis, with his family...?"

"That's the problem. He is...." Nightwing sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Roy's brain jumped to visions of Kaldur bleeding, Kaldur drawing rasping breathes as he drowned on air, Kaldur in agony- Roy's breath hitched. He'd seen Kaldur shrug off injuries that could incapacitate most people, but he had vulnerabilities - sensitive gills, dehydration, fire, and Roy had treated those more times than he could count.

"Is he...." Roy couldn't finish that sentence.

"No. He's alive." Nightwing said swiftly. Roy felt that anxiety crash down in a wave of relief.

"We've known for some time that Black Manta is Aqualad's father-" Batman began stating.

"Yeah, so? What's that got to do with where Kal is? And that's never been a problem before." Roy said defensively, crossing his arms.

"It is now." Aquaman said heavily. Roy stared at him, mouth agape. This was completely out of the blue. Aquaman was supposed to be Kaldur's number one supporter in the Justice League. He had vouched for Kaldur when his parentage had been previously raised as an issue.

"I- I don't understand?"

"There's no easy way to say this. Kaldur has joined forces with his father." Nightwing informed softly, a hand reaching to Roy's shoulder in support. Roy's stomach dropped.

"No. He wouldn't. You're wrong!" Roy violently jerked Nightwing's hand off and stepped away shaking his head. "Kaldur isn't a traitor. He's more loyal than any of you deserve!"

"I know this is hard for you to accept, he was your best friend-" Green Arrow walked slowly towards Roy, hands raised.

"is" Roy growled. This was surreal. He had to be dreaming, he'd wake up in his hole-in-the-wall safehouse on a mangled couch and he'd check in and make Kal take a night off and do something together and laugh about this idea that he changed sides.

"We have proof that he has turned on us. I'm sorry." Green Arrow said sincerely.

"How do you know it's not mind control? Or he's being forced? Or that it's really him? I mean I'm walking proof that somethings can't be trusted." Roy raged, grasping at every straw that came to mind.

"We checked thoroughly. I think you should watch this, it was sent to us...." Nightwing pulled open a file on the monitor. Roy strode over, and glared at the screen.

Kaldur filled the screen, expression twisted with anguish, a fire Roy had rarely seen a trace of burning in his eyes. His voice was a rough imitation of the soft words and steely commands Roy was accustomed to. Roy barely processed the words, too shocked by the utter pain his best friend was in. Every inch of Kaldur screamed torment. His eyes looked dead and shadowed from exhaustion, a bruise mottled his jaw and his hands were shaking. His words were of blame and Tula and loss. Kaldur held the team accountable and Roy couldn't fault him for it.

"Wow." Roy muttered, his voice shaking. He sucked in a few breaths, gathering himself, feeling a too-familiar protective spark rekindle in him. "Where is his last location?"

"Here," Aquaman said, gesturing at a map of the Pacific Ocean with a red marker in it, "But he is considered a hostile force. "

"Hostile force.  So you've just given up on him? Written him off?"

"Roy, its not like that-"

"Of course you did.  That's how things work around here. You just give up.  You gave up on Speedy, now you're giving up on Kaldur.  Somehow I'm the only one who gives enough of a damn to keep going."  

"Roy he made direct threats against the team!" Nightwing exclaimed in a tired voice that seemed like he hadn't wanted to divulge that particular information.

"Good thing I'm no longer affiliated with your team." Roy spat, walking stiffly back to the zeta transport.

"Roy, it's not worth the risk." Nightwing cautioned, calling after him. The rest of the team stared at the tense scene.

"I'll make that determination for myself." Roy shot back as he disappeared into the tube.

* * *

Roy wished Kaldur had come to him, like Roy had practically begged him to some many times, for a sympathetic ear. However, Roy knew Kaldur only confessed his woes under duress. Roy regretted every time he had vented to the atlantean, what he thought of as a demonstration of how friendship worked, the younger boy had probably misinterpreted. It was far too easy for Roy to imagine Kal bottling up his problems because he thought Roy had enough of his own on his plate.

Roy pounded a fist against the windscreen of the speedboat he was driving, he should have paid more attention to Kaldur, kept better tabs on him. It was his responsibility as a best friend and he had known that the team did a less than stellar job of caring for their stoic leader. Roy had lost count of the number of times he had dragged out his med kit because the atlantean had been too proud- or shy- to ask his teammates for medical assistance. The team's impression of Kaldur as invincible was mostly due to his trust in Roy's medical skills.

Roy glanced frequently at the gps as he neared Kaldur's last known location. He had a looped message of his location being sent out on the frequency he and Kaldur utilized to speak to one another on private missions. Roy knew this was a major risk- broadcasting his presence in enemy territory- but he frankly didn't give a damn.

He shut the boat's engines off in a spot over the edges of a small trench system.  There was nothing he  could do but wait and worry.  He would wait as long as it took, or until Aquaman forced him back to land.  

He only had to wait two hours and forty-seven minutes.  His radar pinged, a shape was drawing near, Roy stared over the side of the boat, peering into the depths begging a light swirl of water to rise out depth propelling Kaldur.

A splash and a slight shift in the balance of the boat had Roy whirling and reaching for one of the knives concealed on the boat.  He hadn't brought his quiver and bow, it would be useless against underwater attackers and he wanted to "come in peace" per say.  Roy stared as a figure dressed in black armor pulled itself onto the boat and then slowly removed a helmet.

"you should not be here Red Arrow." Kaldur formally intoned.

"neither should you Aqualad" Roy's words were bitter, not the ones he wanted to say in his mind, but there would be a time for begging later-only if it came to that.

"My place is with my father.  This is where I truly belong." Kaldur stated with a noticeable lack of emotion.

"By that logic, my place is a cadmus test tube, but would you say I belong there?" Roy countered sharply.  

"No- Roy you need to leave." Kaldur looked pained.  Roy smirked internally at the reflex negation of Roy's self-depreciating comment, his Kaldur was still in there.

"no.  Kal, this isn't you.  I know you better than I know my real self.  I'm not leaving until I at least get an explanation."  Roy crossed his arms stubbornly, jaw set.  

"After...Tula...I realized I could no longer remain on that team," He spat the last word, looking down to break eye contact with Roy, "I had no choice.  I merely planned on leaving but my father found me and showed me the Light."

"Bullshit." Roy snapped, Kaldur flinched. "You've come to me so many times for physical injuries, emotional pain is just as valid. I may not be able to fix anything in just an evening, but God, Kal, you've passed out in my flat enough times to know that my couch is your couch! "

"They killed Tula!" Kaldur's demeanor changed and he snarled at Roy.  Roy responded with equal passion.

"Is this what she would have wanted?!"Roy regretted his words when grief twisted Kaldur's countenance.

"You have no right!"Kaldur growled.  Roy raised his hands appeasingly.

"I shouldn't have said that.  Kaldur'ahm, You can't heal through violence." Roy changed his approach, hoping to avoid further confrontation.

"I thought that was the way of heroes?  Channel loss into action?"  Kaldur asked in a mockingly innocent way.  This was a twisted echo of years of amiable banter, of Kaldur's naive questions about surface life, of late night discussions of motivation.  

"Damn it Kal, not like this. Let me help you"  Roy implored.

"I am beyond your help."  Kaldur resigned. Roy stared with pleading eyes, stripped of a mask or glasses or the fog of intoxication.  

"Kal, you'll be forgiven, come back to us. Come back to me.  We- I- care about you."

Kaldur looked thoughtful and was silent for a long moment.  When he spoke it was with serious urgency.

"It would be dangerous for me to show you mercy if ordered not to. If you care for me as you have often stated you do, then you must let me go."

"You know I can't Kal, I won't just abandon you." Roy was affronted.  He could let go of Kaldur no more easily than he could let go his own arm.  Kaldur was an integral part of him.

"You must. Roy, do not force me to face you on the field of battle."  Finally real emotion showed in Kaldur's face, a desperate fear of fighting Roy.

"Then don't become my enemy." Roy responded with little heat.  Kaldur had the decency to look guilty as he refastened his helmet.  "Hey," Roy called, Kaldur hesitated at the edge of the boat, "Take care of yourself fishsticks, I know you have no self-preservation ability, but..."  Roy paused. Kaldur vaulted over the side of the boat, but clung to the outside of the wall, helmet facing the archer and nodded.

"I..."  Roy didn't know how he wanted to finish that sentence.  He didn't know how to convey the turmoil of emotion he felt towards the Atlantean.  Kaldur nodded once again slid into the depths.