#kaleste

For you I’d leave all this behind

6 years ago when i was a wee lil lad, dave bayley broke into my house at 4:30 PM whilst i was filing my taxes (age 10) after evading them since conception. he stepped onto my tax papers and proclaimed "I, Dave Bayley, vocalist of hit band Glass Animals" and then he walked into my second bathroom and has been locked in there ever since. i have not found a way to get him out of there, i do not know how he is still alive, as i have not given him any food or supplies, and there is no outside source that he is getting it from, so i can only assume he is a self-sustaining creature. i propose dave bayley is going through photosynthesis, and i am not alone in this theory. if you have had a real life encounter with dave bayley of glass animals, you may have noticed that you were not allowed to touch him. that is because every sighting of dave bayley in the past 6 years has been a hologram that he has been projecting from his iphone in my bathroom. i do not know how he gets around so well and preforms such good shows from the limits of my 1x1 bathroom. i believe this shows how talented dave bayley from glass animals truly is. in other news, i have not been able to use my bathroom for 6 years, and i would like to go soon. dave bayley, if you are reading this from the depths of my bathroom, please hurry up, i have been holding for a really long time.

dearest dave bayley, resident of my back bathroom.

you have been staying there for 6 years without paying rent. i dont know if you know this, but bathroom bills are expensive. and i need you to start paying up because i know you make big money from the shows you preform from your iphone in the comfort my bathroom. i hear you every single day and night singing every glass animal song in alphabetical order. i have not slept or used the bathroom in 6 years, david baseley. i am going to have to demand some form of payment if i am going to let you keep staying. as i have food bills, and bathroom bills, and i need my vbucks. i need to demand that epic games makes a dave bayley skin (from glass animals), and i need to make sure i have the vbucks to purchase your digital avatar in fortnite so i may play as you while i fight against goku. i feel as though you should know that not being able to use my bathroom for 6 years has caused me many health problems. such as: my belly button has filled in. it is no longer there, and i am examined for science every day. i am furious. do you know how it feels to go to the doctor for a check up every year, for them to see your lack of a belly button and then ask if you were "actually born?" do you know how that feels? do you know, dave bayley of glass animals who has been hiding within the walls of my 1x1 bathroom? recording each glass animals album greater than the last, brilliantly utilizing the reverb from the walls within my bathroom for your recordings? do you? you will never understand the pain of a broken belly button dave bayley. i miss my naval, dave. i miss it more than my wife.