#kala vent

I am tired of how the community treats those like us

I am tired of how the community seems far more intent on reminding us how humans are part of the community while excluding physical experiences

I am tired of a community which demands we submit to humans desire in what is promised as a retreat from the other 99% of our lives submitting to the humans

I am tired of a community which demands we submit to their frameworks and terminology, while leaving no place within it for us

I am tired the price of admission to what is ostensibly our community is to deny our own experiences as real and genuine

I am tired of the demands of proof and to conform to hard materialism set only to us in a wider community of experiences which do not conform to hard materialism

I am tired that in a community of animals, dragons, spirits, elves, past lives, and those from fictional worlds, shapeshifting is too far

I am tired of a community that seems far more interested in trying to present itself as legitimate to the outside world than it is to ensure those it promises refuge to are actually welcome

I am tired as we make our own spaces for not being welcome we are decried as separatist or believing we are superiour

I am tired being told to make our own communities and resources but being harassed as we do

I am tired of our terminology we use to find others to be appropriated, watered down to just another meaningless tag in tag-spam

I am tired how even if we made a new term, soon enough it would be turned into again into metaphor like with so many terms before

I am tired of the entitlement of the community to every space and term and for to always be accomodated as they push out those by which the space was made

I am tired of our experiences being turned into spectacle or of a wish others could have

I am tired of outsiders self-appointing as saviours and leaders, using us for their own gain

I am tired of "community leaders" need to comment on experiences, terms, and communities they are not part of and have no understanding to

I am tired of "community leaders" who choose invariably to do the most harm possible in any discussion, connecting only to their preconcieved biases and presenting themselves as a voice of reason

I am tired of "community leaders" willful and malicious ignorance of a discussion before commenting to it and of the influence they wield, for which they do not make even a token effort to rectify the situation afterwards

I am tired of the community's tendency to mechanically apply the framework of one situation to another because it looks superficially similar

I am tired of the constant sanism - our experiences and concerns to be overlooked or hidden away for they might make others uncomfortable

I am tired of our experiences written off if we do not word something politely enough and to account for every clarification

I am tired of a community which views every commentary, every criticism, every discussion as an attack on the reader specifically

I am tired of a community which posits itself as "the most accepting community" but seems to only have space for non-mad white males/mascs in a certain range of experience, while the rest sit on the fringe

I am tired of the sharp reaction when people try to address racism, sanism, or any number of things in the community noting the reflection of real power-systems within the community or the skewed demographics within it

I am tired to being reduced to a subject of discourse rather than creatures with emotion and agency

I am tired of being alone but disallowed to create meaningfully our own spaces

I am tired of therians and their community

I am tired of tumblr

Hopefully this ends soon so I can clear some tasks. And hopefully once it is a tail, it will never happen again as the body has what it expects and I should not carry so much stress or weight.

I was remembering the others for a bit after the appointment. I do not know if they had names or I had my own name. The medicine either destroyed the others or forcefully mushed us all together into one. It was forbidden to use we/our/us/etc. The medicine warped my shape into this awful form and locked it. I do not want to be made to remember or whatever it is the humans demand; I want to go back in the water and swim forever with my pod.

I hope this passes soon and I can be back to posting and chatting. I am sorry to those who I have not responded to, I will hopefully get to it eventually.