#kaibeak

“You know baek, like flowers, we must eventually fall” Jongin said as he picked up a cherry blossom and placed it in baekhyun’s cold palm. Baekhyun felt his heart flutter when Jongin’s warm fingers grazed his cold palm. “Jong, before you go, I want you to know that-” but Baekhyun was cut off with Jongin’s sudden embrace. “I’m going to miss you baek” Jongin whispered to his ear “so much” he said as he pulled bakehyun closer.

That night, Baekhyun finally understood the feeling of pain. He always thought why someone would choose feeling sad over feeling happy. Baekhyun laugh at this thought because at this moment he didn’t have an option to feel happy. His source of happiness was ripped away from him.  But then again it was him who sent his Jongin away. It was him who sent his first friend away. Jongin was indeed gone. The saddest word in the language Baekhyun thought; in any language.

That spring Baekhyun learned the feeling of pain.

The days Baekhyun spent after sending Jongin away dragged. He became forgetful and would find himself sitting at the bus station where he sent away Jongin. He remembered how nervous Jongin was when they were waiting for the casting result and the dejected look on Jongin’s face when he didn’t get in made Baekhyun swore he would do anything to make the  person he found love in smile again.

He gave up his dream to become an artist when he rejected the company’s offer so he would be by Jongin’s side, guiding Jongin through the twisted path called life. Almost instantly, his decision backfired when his offer was given to Jongin. Words of promises were exchanged when Jongin decided to give it a go assuring Baekhyun that he would never forget the years they’ve spent together.

Like a little kid, Baekhyun waited every day for any news regarding Jongin; any news at all. He stopped waiting; eventually, he got tired of waiting. The uncertainty of what the day might become ate him from the inside every time his day ended without any news from Jongin. Just like how spring transition into summer, Baekhyun felt his feelings towards Jongin change too. From loving him aimlessly to hating how every cell in his body longed for Jongin. He despised the very thought of Jongin. Even though it was summer, the sun bathed him with anger and loath instead of bathing him with its rays of sunshine like how it used to when Jongin was still by his side.

Summer was nothing but animosity.

The beginnings of everything are always harsh Baekhyun thought. The way hot summer wind was switched to cold autumn breeze was too harsh for his skin. It was autumn when he first saw his best friend after the day he sent him away. The tall walls of hatred which surrounded him came crumbling down when he saw Jongin in a teaser. Realization hit him hard like a brick in the face. Tears rolled down his cheek as he watches his friend dance. He was amazed as he watched Jongin’s body moved in sync with the music; eye’s filled with passion as he communicated with the music.

It was then when Baekhyun realised how much he missed his best friend. The ugly walls of hatred revealed the worst of him, the worst he will ever be. Baekhyun was mad at himself for letting the dark clouds of hatred blinded his vision from the rays of sunshine. He deduced that his hatred was sparked by his own self. Baekhyun wanted to keep Jongin to himself, stashing him away from anyone, hidden like a secret only he knows.

Baekhyun wondered, what would have happened if it was him who accepted the offer. What would happen if Jongin was still by his side now? The constant strings of “what if?” flooded his mind and he felt sick to his stomach. Some once said to Baekhyun “There is everything you know and there is everything that happens. When the two do not line up, you make a choice. ”.Baekhyun made a choice his egotistic self opposed; he choose to forgive Jongin. He choose to forgive him because it was pointless for him hold on to something that’s barely even there in the first place, in other words he was letting go.

  Autumn thought him the bitterness of letting go.

Forgiving Jongin meant mending his scarred heart. Out of the blue, Baekhyun had this sudden gush of confidence to share his small gift from god to the world. He started small, from the streets, to coffee shops and ultimately he had a slot every Thursday evening at a coffee shop not far from home. His songs were written by him, for Jongin. Hoping it would reach him in any way. It was silly for Baekhyun to hope but he couldn’t help but not to. They were the best of friends before he left and he wanted to be his best friend after his debut too. He wanted to continue making bittersweet memories with Jongin.

  Baekhyun was certainly living now but he couldn’t help to feel empty and at loss. He didn’t have anyone to talk too and it made him feel forlorn. Eventually Baekhyun met a long forgotten friend called fate. Baekhyun believed that it was fate that brought him a friend. It was easy to spot that tall man every Thursday; always wearing a snapback with a bomb on top of it with a sweater a little bit too big for him. What started as friends eventually developed into something more than friends.

The tall man has his own ways in making Baekhyun days brighter. Maybe it’s the way he smiles or the way his left eyes twitches every time he laughs or maybe it just the time they have spent together, this Baekhyun doesn’t know. But one thing he certain of is his heart is beginning to become full again, scarred with Jongin but stitched back by this tall man.

Winter made him feel again.

Cherry blossom began to bloom again as spring came. Baekhyun found himself sitting in a park bench under a canopy of cherry blossom. “Like flowers, one day, we would eventually fall” Baekhyun mumbled to himself as he watches a few cherry blossoms kiss the ground. “Lucky for me, I found wind to pick me back up again” Baekhyun said as he creases the fallen cherry blossom. “Baek are you okay? Why are you talking yourself? Did you catch a flu” as the tall man made his way to Baekhyun and put his hand on Baekhyun’s forehead. “I’m fine, stop worrying about me.” Baekhyun said “Come, let’s go, we’re going to miss the starting performance” Baekhyun said as he dragged him to the bus station.