#kaeya.

@selenitias.

their dynamic had been one built on broken promises and fleeting chances. from the moment they had laid eyes on one another the ice beneath their feet had started melting into an unmanageable muddy slop. he’d never believed that anything could grow in such unpredictable conditions, and certainly not if he kept poisoning the soil with his own self doubt, tearing up any semblance of safety and shelter to appease the demons in his head. to build something with ajax had been to hope for a future, to struggle against fate with a bargaining chip he didn’t even own. to ask him to stay implied he could be someone’s sanctuary, that he was someone capable of protecting something he loved.

the words had always lingered on the tip of his tongue, lingering beneath the coming dawn but never able to kiss the light. oh kaeya had dreamed of the agency to want, to do more than yearn, and yearn, and yearn.

kaeya had broken ajax’s heart out of what he thought was necessity, and he had carried that hurt into the abyss and still came out flush with that same, endearing desperation. his love was not fragile. the envy of such unrelenting resolve gnawed at his insides, made him green with it, clawed and raked at those crumbling walls until kaeya could no longer deny his insurmountable, unrelenting, and wholly consuming desire. he didn’t deserve him, but he wanted him. he might not be able to see his fate through to the end, but he would rather die trying than to lie with his regret. that had been the tragedy of kaeya’s two warring natures ; for love to be his greatest strength, and his greatest undoing.

asking someone to stay, meant begging them not to leave. until ajax allowed kaeya to nestle in the cradle of his ribs, he’d been to weak to withstand another goodbye.

          “   just this once   …   ”   and for the final, eternal time,   “   stay for me.   ”

his grip on ajax’s hands had never been tighter. the elegance of them made for slinging love poems and plucking violin strings, giving way to the warrior’s calloused scars, the way untrimmed nails gripped his flesh like he would crawl out of his self-made grave to keep him. he was so tired of keeping up this facade of distance, so tired of holding up the walls melting around his heart. kaeya’s face crumpled, practiced svelte tones coming away discordant and raw, grip tight and trembling, tear pricks at his eyelashes shadowed by the lines of unkept hair. if his own mask had between between his hands and not ajax’s freckled hands, it would have shattered like ice.

only now that these requests hung in the air between them could kaeya envision a future where his world had come tumbling down. after the ground had split, the skies had been swallowed, that he might be able to rebuild again.

          “   please.   ”

“ charles has been feeling under the weather lately. i’ll be your stand in for the evening. ”

it was no secret to the locales of mondstadt that the younger ragnvindr brother was once the dab hand with a drink ( dubiously familiar with every type of wine even before reaching the legal age. ) thought his destiny hadn’t lie with the peaceful merchant dreams crepus had once envisioned for his youngest son, that didn’t mean he couldn’t relive the fantasy behind the counter from time to time, especially now that he and his brother were on better terms than before. yes, there were other people that could fill in charles’ role with little to no issues, even diluc himself could take the reigns for the night, but there was something nostalgic and refreshing about stepping away from his role a knight, even for the day.

still, the urge to grill the infamous silvana as a knight would had to be put on hold during this particular moonlighting session. whether he was doing anything particularly illegal shouldn’t have been kaeya’s business, but he had to admit that bartending still lent the same curious ear that his other professions did. drunk people did tend to talk, but smarter people kept their wits about them when privy to the captain’s true nature. that still didn’t stop kaeya from the wicked smile curling lips, the barely-there purr in his voice lolling over over the syllables of his invitation.

“ what will it be tonight silvana ? we always have a fresh batch of dandelion wine at the ready. a shot of fernet maybe ? a negroni ? or can i tempt you with a glass of death after noon ? ”