#kadeuhq

So nosy, aren’t you? Well, I suppose I’m in a sharing mood. Honestly? I think the resistance could do more than they have. I’ve been part of their ranks for well over fifty years and yet the change they promised me and many others has yet to come. In fact, Kadeu is worse off than when I first joined. A civil war in one faction, a usurped demonic tyrant in another, a psychotic bastard running mine, and another that sits on its ass hardly doing much save for the occasional handout to low rankers. You would think the resistance would make strategic attacks, utilize their high ranker supporters more fully, protect their low rankers more efficiently, and yet...sigh...I find myself struggling not to voice my frustrations half the time. Do I wish they’d do more? Absolutely. But I am no leader, nor do I have any desire to be. I’ll continue to trust them and follow their orders so long as they continue to, at the very least, try. But I am growing tired of waiting and following and working my ass off only to be met with empty results. There’s only so much patience I have and I have very little of it to begin with.

I...I’m not sure. Everyone always told me my eyes couldn’t be fixed so I’ve just lived my life accepting that. And it hasn’t been that bad, don’t get me wrong. Sure, I think a lot of my struggles came from the fact I couldn’t see the world like everyone else. It made it harder to survive. I had to leave my first home because of it...and maybe my blindness is the reason my parents left....But a huge part of me is used to my life like this. I met my family and friends because of my blindness. My fighting style is centered around the fact I’m blind. I love the way I “see” the world with my other senses. And while maybe I would’ve become a Shifter faster with eyesight, I definitely wouldn’t have chosen the animals I did if I could see. I wouldn’t have Chupa! I wouldn’t have Prospero or Lilith. I wouldn’t be a Spade. So I guess my initial answer is no, but...

Do you mind if I tell you a secret? 

I’ve always wondered what it’d be like to see. Everyone is always talking around me about things I can’t really understand. People talk about how pretty the snow looks covering the mountains in winter. What does that look like? I know mountains are big and snow is white and trees are usually green or naked in the winter, but there’s no image in head to go with the description. I have to fill it in with my other senses. Or when I go to the Palace, I love listening to the voices, the movements, the shift in the atmosphere. It’s amazing! But so often, there’s these moments that happen that the audience is reacting to something that I can’t see and it can hard when there’s no one to describe what’s happening to me. There’s gaps I have to fill that make it hard to enjoy the play sometimes. 

A glance to the left, another one to the right, then back to where the voice came from as Gowyu made sure he was the one being spoken to. The men at either side of him seemed to also be watching him right back, as if they just knew this was going to be something that left Gowyu perplexed, and not in a positive way. Gowyu leaned back in the black leather material of his chair, quite comfortable, it made for great support, and made him feel even more above whatever was happening around him. Whether he indulged himself or not, that did not mean that people were allowed to simply talk to him or even worse present him with foolish questions. If this was a new face around here who simply did not of how things worked with him, Gowyu wouldn’t know, even keeping track of the ones who he’d met more often was lost on him. If he remembered you, chances were, the reasons for that were favorable. At least not for the remembered party. 

But back to this nonsense. 

“You must be the kind of lunatic that no one wants to think even exists to have the nerves be asking me something as nonsensical, and looking at me like you really think I’m going to give you an answer.” He leaned forward, elbows on his knees as he went on, keeping a steady gaze on them, enough to have the satisfaction of having them glancing nervously around the room, which of course, no one would give Gowyu or this person the satisfaction of acting like they were on board with him. 

the façade: “Given the fair pricing of potatoes, I wish I enjoyed them more than I do”.

➵　factcheck! this is a lie. Cassius has no intention of ever enjoying potatoes. they taste like nothing.

cassius.

the name shoots through his head within seconds. when i’m with cassius would have been his reply two or three months ago. before his parents passed, before they had the fight. the fear in the human’s eyes, the way he stepped back because of the rising temperature. 

luke’s apartment is dark. he’s sitting where cassius sat months ago, on the chair next to the window of his living room. the blinds are pulled down halfway and the rest of the light shows his eye bags, his pale skin. he’s both restless and weak, hasn’t really found peace since the announcement he received that morning. he doesn’t even dare to think of sleeping, has already accepted what is yet to come. there’s no fire emitting his hands, nothing like the usual. no heat radiating off his body. he is as vulnerable as a human and everyone who wanted could take advantage of that right now.

so when does he feel the most in control? when he’s like this, mana channels not functioning? or when he’s with cassius, knowing that something could happen every second? when he’s with his grandfather, the only person he trusts to fight back, to be able to protect himself all of sudden?

it’s as if the fresh burn wounds are pulsing on his back. the thought of the pain brings him back to reality, makes him take a few deep breaths before he sorts his words and settles for an answer.

who said i ever felt in control.

“oh..there’s this one person, one person that makes me feel in control. i know they’re as afraid as everyone else, but there’s something about them..that makes me feel safe.”

and maybe when he’s with asra, too. 

wreathed in orange — is there someone you trust so much, you’ll follow them blindly?

Mallick had always been surrounded by children. From his own brothers, to his cousins, to his nephews, they seemed to be a big part of his life, and that was absolutely true. He also tended to enjoy mixing himself with their lots, soaking in that very essence of joy they carried without a worry for what the world offered. If they worried for a bit, something small given to them would be valuable enough to quiet their sorrows. The same could be said for if they were content with life, just a bit of a shake to their world could be enough to have them bawling as if it was the end of their existence. 

Their emotions ran high and low, they were not the kind to stay still in the middle. It was always this or that, now or never. The biggest of gestures could be considered with eyes that understood none of it, but a simple warm embrace could linger in their memory for years to come and they would always seek it whenever they saw you again. What had he learned about life from kids? That to take in the present, in the way it was, find the grasp on the moment one was living now and not think of the ones that were to come, made life easier, and richer. 

     from sunny’s point of view, there was a time when he tried to not put too much emphasis on any romantic or sexual encounter. he tried his damnedest to not let them effect him in any way, because to him, they hadn’t meant anything. he spent a lot of time when he was younger in the red light district ( something he prefers to keep hush - hush, the only people who really knows being sully and anton, he’s even kept it hidden from ara ) ; none of those encounters meant anything. he was at his worst back then, struggling to cope with damn near everything that was happening in his life, and that resulted in him turning towards ... unsavory activities. with that being said, though, those moments taught him that he couldn’t use sex to fill whatever void he had in his soul. and then he met sullivan, when sunny thought he was at his absolute WORST after everything that’d been happening with byeol, and things were ... different. it became the first relationship he ever had that was a genuine slow - burn, that actually felt like it meant something. when sunny realized he’d caught genuine feelings for sullivan, he really kicked his ass into gear. this is not to say that sullivan saved him, particularly, but that sullivan helped sunny in saving himself. it was the first time someone ( besides ara, of course ) truly stuck by his side and saw it through that he begin to better himself. sullivan brings the young, dumb actor an overwhelming amount of ease and comfort, that he never truly thought possible. yongsun has a long string over lovers that are subpar at best, but being with sullivan is the first time he’s felt genuine love.

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