#k.f

untitled #35

5-6-2018

dear body by k.f. (me)

untitled #34 by k.f. (me)

fixed point in a spinning universe by k.f. (me)

in the valley by k.f. (me)

ruin by indifference by k.f. (me)

7-25-2017

I am not the girl that you used to know,

And I am not the girl that you used to love.

That girl has turned to dust,

And has been carried away with the wind—

Leaving just a shell for a new era.

You see,

I am no longer the 16-year-old girl

With hair that almost reached her belly button

That you said “looks just like gold”.

I am no longer the girl

With widened sweet eyes

That would put herself on the line

For a boy that simply opened the door for her.

I am no longer the girl

With a masochistic heart

That skipped a beat every time

You would say my name so sweetly,

And then pretend that I did not exist.

I am no longer the girl

Who kept eyes down watching her steps,

No, that is not me.

I am the girl

With her head up focusing on where she is going—

Keeping her head in the clouds

And eyes on the prize.

For you, and for everyone,

I went without and without,

Just so that you could be with

Until I had nothing left.

But I have entered a new beginning,

A more selfish beginning.

But the thing is,

I feel like I am still giving away,

But I am receiving as well.

Because you were a bottomless pit

That continued to take—

An abyss I glared into with diamond eyes—

Who just glared back at me.

I have found my footing.

Finally, yes, oh finally.

I can give and not be empty now

Because I am surrounded by those

Who want me to thrive.

I know you weren’t trying to destroy me.

We were just two terribly different puzzle pieces

That we forced into each other

Until we were both fraying at the edges.

But I hope that you will find someone

Who will smooth them out for you again

Because I have.

And some moments, I would catch myself

Wishing for you—

What could have been,

But I know those times are over.

You will always have a friend in me—

That is for certain.

We have too much history to be strangers.

I know that now after years of banishing you.

We are bound together

In some mysterious and sick way,

But I need not be rid of you any longer.

I’m at peace with what happened

And what we were

And what we were not.

Come to me when you need me,

For my ears are always open

For a woeful soul,

But I cannot say I will do the same.