Jul 28, 2025
That's one way to end an interview.
Inspired by @amunzai
Made for @bastianfruit and SamBucky Events Discord Server
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That's one way to end an interview.
Inspired by @amunzai
Made for @bastianfruit and SamBucky Events Discord Server
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For the @dark-stucky New Year's Exchange, I was super psyched to get paired up with @amaraangelicus !
She had some really fun requested tags like Murder as a Love Language, Bad BDSM etiquette, Under Negotiated Kink... some of my favourite things. I was in the middle of another project, so I took a few weeks to plan out the scene, but when I finally started writing it, I just wasn't happy with it--I wanted something I knew Amara would enjoy and it just wasn't coming together like I wanted. I scrapped it and started rewriting, but no matter how many times I started writing, I kept hating what was going down on the page.
So, I took a step back and decided I needed a playlist. Music is usually a huge part of my writing process and I hadn't really put anything together, so of course it was feeling unfocused. I sat down and thought about the songs and sounds that I associate with Bucky Barnes and with Brock Rumlow and with WinterBones and about halfway through this coming together, an idea grabbed me that I absolutely loved--and, more importantly, I knew Amara would love, too.
Unfortunately, I also knew it wasn't gonna be done in time for the exchange--the outline alone was 4.5k and I only had a month left. So, I switched gears, polished up the playlist, and made it a shiny new cover. This is what I've been jokingly referring to as The Notebook.
Happy new years, Amara! May there be more WinterBones to come!
i'll take advantage (while you hang me out to dry)
For the WIPBB2025, I was so privileged to work with my friend @katie-delaney to create a playlist and art for her fic, i'll take advantage (while you hang me out to dry).
This deep dive into the playlist and art is NOT SPOILER FREE! Read the fic linked above first if you don't want to be spoiled!
The Music
I remember the first time we talked about this fic, long before the WIP bang, and she was calling it the Sonic fic while I was giggling over Tails jokes. I think the doc was even called "Megadrive" when she first shared it with me. Even though Sonic didn't end up featuring quite as strongly as the original concept, of course I wanted to pay homage to those roots by including the Mega Drive version of Sonic's Green Hill Zone theme as track one on the playlist--it had to happen. Other than that, Katie asked for a 90s vibe (some of this is very early 00s) and for Taylor Swift's Red to be on the list... And, here we are: The Playlist.
Track Listing
STH1 Green Hill Zone ~Mega Drive version~
Masato Nakamura
Bucky spends a good deal of his time ignoring Steve to play Sonic the Hedgehog on his Mega Drive.
Bucky unpacks his football kit, sorting it into the laundry, then sits down opposite Steve on the floor and turns on the Megadrive. “You wanna play?” Bucky asks. “No, thanks,” Steve says, still not looking up. “What you drawing?” “Houses,” Steve says. God, no wonder the kid didn’t have any friends. Well, Bucky tried. He ignores Steve, something he’s become very good at, and carries on playing Sonic the Hedgehog.
I Want You to Want Me
Letters to Cleo
Despite being mostly ignored by Bucky, Steve just wants Bucky to want him. He's been crushing on Bucky for a long time, even if Bucky never notices.
“Bucky. I…” he laughs and shakes his head. “I had a feeling I might be going into heat that night, I kind of hoped you might…” Bucky stares.
Truly Madly Deeply
Savage Garden
As Steve's heat sets in, he wants to be Bucky's everything.
“I hoped you might take advantage of me, not be able to control yourself, and you did, and you couldn’t, and it was so fucking hot.”
Kiss from a Rose
Seal
Bucky was just never that into Omegas until he scented Steve presenting and now he can't get enough, like an addiction that he can't deny.
Bucky wakes up with a jolt, achingly hard, grinding his dick into the sheets and the scent of, oh, fuck, he doesn’t know, but it’s the best thing he’s ever smelled in his life. He cringes, god knows he can’t do this with Steve here. Eurgh. Why does this have to happen now when he can’t jack off? It’s never been this bad before. What’s usually an itch under his skin is a burn, he feels like he can’t breathe, can’t do anything but rut his hips down into the mattress. He lets out a whimpered moan into the pillows. [...] It’s Steve. Omega his brain supplies. Oh. Oh, fuck. Steve’s an Omega. Steve’s presenting and Bucky can’t control himself. He feels his body moving, like it belongs to someone else, moving down onto the floor because he needs more of that scent. He can’t do this, he can’t, it’s little Stevie Rogers and, fuck, does he smell good.
Teenage Dirtbag
Wheatus
Teenagers in high school be teenagers in high school, but Bucky especially feels like a teenage dirtbag.
They walk around the back of the bike sheds, thankfully finding the usual teen hiding place empty. “So, uh…” Bucky says, gearing up to get yelled at, or to start his apology, when Steve pushes him up against the back of the shed with surprising strength. Well, good for him. He hopes the punch he’s gonna get is just as bad.
Sex & Candy
Marcy Playground
Bucky's mostly just hanging around minding his own business when there's Steve, smelling like sex & candy and honestly casting some devious stares in his direction.
“Stevie!” Bucky whispers when he’s shut the door. He can scent him from the doorway. “You’re not supposed to be in here!” “I was cold.” When Steve slides under the bedsheets, he is, in fact, nice and warm. He’s also completely fucking naked.
Hella Good
No Doubt
Steve's just enjoying the ride with Bucky. He's feeling hella good, so he just wants to keep on dancing!
“I wish I could take you back to my place,” he whispers in Steve’s ear, his voice hidden to the others by the limo music. "Me, too. Well, maybe when you’re at college I can come over and stay the night.” He grins. “Or when we’re a bit older and they just won’t care.”
Kiss Me
Sixpence None The Richer
An incredibly popular prom song from the late nineties/early aughts. It's also one of Steve's new favourite things to do with Bucky, "So kiss me."
“Can you kiss the back of my neck again? Was so nice.” “Oh, okay, Stevie.” Bucky kisses Steve’s neck, kisses and nibbles and Steve shudders.
I Love You Always Forever
Donna Lewis
As Steve and Bucky explore this new dynamic between them, the often find themselves, "lost in a deep cloud of heavenly scent, touching, discovering" each other.
Bucky goes, pulled like a magnet to Steve, his lips drawn to his like they never wanted to leave. He feels positively giddy as they kiss, a little lightheaded, and he has no idea what from, the hormones and the alcohol blurring in his head.
Save Tonight
Eagle-Eye Cherry
Steve knows Bucky's leaving, but doesn't realize what that will mean for them. Bucky knows he's leaving, but that doesn't mean Steve can't have something nice right now.
He just can’t stand Steve sad. And it’s not a lie; he definitely does want Steve. He knows he doesn’t deserve to have him after what he did, but, well, if Steve wants him, too, and he does seem to, maybe it couldn’t hurt to give Steve something nice before Bucky has to go away to college.
My Own Worst Enemy
Lit
As Bucky desperately tries to convince himself that he's done the right thing, I'm sure he asks himself often if he's his own worst enemy.
“Bucky,” she says eventually, right when he thought she was about to leave. “What happened between you and Steve? Sarah says he’s beside himself, won’t stop crying, won’t come out of his room.” Bucky’s heart twists.
No Ordinary Love
Sade
Steve gave all of himself to Bucky and Bucky... Bucky just took his love.
“I just, we had fun, you know, and I –” “Fun? Fun?!” Steve stands up, somehow seeming to tower over Bucky. “Fuck you! Fuck you, Bucky Barnes!” he rips off the chain from around his neck and throws it at Bucky. “Fuck you, you stupid fucking Alpha!”
Never Ever
All Saints
Never ever has Steve ever felt so low.
“Fuck. Bucky, I just, I don’t know what to do,” he says honestly. “You broke my heart. I… don’t think I ever recovered. I know you did it thinking you were doing the right thing, but…” he shakes his head. “I wish you’d have just talked to me, Bucky, been honest with me.”
My All
Mariah Carey
Steve just wants another night with Bucky.
“I. Know. What. I. Want. You moron. And it’s your dick, inside me, right fucking now.”
Your Woman
White Town
Steve's friends hate Bucky, but Steve just wants Bucky to tell him why he broke up with him. He thought they had a good thing going on, but he's started to accept that he could never be Bucky's Omega.
He walks out and finds Nat sitting chatting with Sam in the car. She seems to have won Sam over, but he still glares at Bucky when he approaches the car. “If you’ve bitten him…” “I haven’t,” Bucky says, rolling his eyes, having taken an immediate dislike to the Alpha after he punched him in the face. Nothing to do with the fact that he’s living with his Omega. Stop it Bucky. Steve isn’t your Omega…
Do You Still Love Me?
The Kooks
When Steve realizes that Bucky is truly the stupidest Alpha to ever have lived ever, he realizes he can't really blame Bucky. He might even still be in love with him, but he needs time.
Bucky’s heart twists. He thinks about getting dressed, but he has no idea what Steve wants, so he ties off the condom, chucks it in the trash, and waits. Steve isn’t long, a couple of minutes, and comes back with red eyes and wet cheeks. [...] “Hold me. Idiot.”
I Knew I Loved You
Savage Garden
Steve knew he loved Bucky before they ever even got together.
“What do you want?” Bucky says. “Whatever you want, we’ll do that.” “What I want?” Steve gives a hollow laugh. “Bucky, I’ve wanted your teeth in my neck since I was 15 years old.”
About a Girl
Nirvana
Bucky takes advantage of Steve on his heat and then dumps him after leading him on for months, while Steve is taking advantage of Bucky's pheromone-addled brain and manipulating him into having sex.
“I hoped you might take advantage of me, not be able to control yourself, and you did, and you couldn’t, and it was so fucking hot.” Bucky blinks. “I...” “I mean, maybe I shouldn’t have done that either, but I never felt particularly bad about it.”
Red (Taylor's Version)
Taylor Swift
This song is everything about how Steve feels for Bucky, particularly after they break up.
“And, no, I didn’t manage to find someone I liked. I tried, though. I had sex with quite a lot of them before I realized it just wasn’t hitting the same. No matter how fucking horny I was. And every time, when they just didn’t scent quite right, they weren’t handsome enough, or they weren’t fucking me right, I hated you a little bit more. You ruined me, Bucky.”
The Art
The concept of the fic cover and the chapter headers is that it is a scrapbook of Steve's side of the chapters, so while the fic primarily presents Bucky's perspective, the art is from Steve's point of view.
Cover Art
The image of kids playing SEGA Megadrive is licensed under CC by 2dot0dot. The image of Steve's nude back is under open license from Bianca Petrisor from Life of Pix. The image of Sebastian Stan as Bucky is from the 2012 TV series Political Animals and is used under fair use. The image of the Coney Island sign is under open license from Nelson Ndongala from Unsplash. All other art is courtesy of Canva and has been modified for use.
The fic cover gives a very brief overview of Steve's perspective, the video game Bucky would ignore him for, then Steve, vulnerable in his first heat, then their date to Coney Island, then Bucky the way Steve comes to resent him. Each chapter header directly reflects the characters, places, and events of each chapter.
Most of the text in the art is Katie's writing, but I really wanted to be very clear about Steve's resentment of Bucky so in case the crossed out eyes weren't enough, I added a little sarcastic speech bubble, making Steve put some unflattering words in Bucky's mouth. To underline that this was my embellishment and not Katie's writing, the font used is the same as the one used for my name. Similarly, the title and all the chapter titles are in the same font as Katie's name.
Chapter 1
The image of kids playing SEGA Megadrive is licensed under CC by 2dot0dot. The image of Steve's nude back is under open license from Bianca Petrisor from Life of Pix. All other art is courtesy of Canva and has been modified for use.
For chapter 1, we have Steve's drawn houses behind the title card, the messy bed in Bucky's room, the boys in front of the SEGA Mega Drive, Steve's nude back during his heat, and the morning after pills Bucky bought for him.
The chapter begins with Bucky being pretty dismissive and even annoyed by Steve, so I wanted to find a quote that spoke to Steve's thoughts about how he was being treated. He admits later on in the story that he knew he wanted Bucky since they were young, but at this point, Bucky doesn't seem interested in Omegas, he just wants to hang out with his stupid Alpha friends and play video games. Even without taking into account Steve's health and other motivations, being an Alpha might've seemed like a better way to get Bucky's attention than being an Omega.
Little did either of them know how strongly Bucky would react to Steve's presentation and how perfectly it turned out for Steve... at least at first.
Chapter 2
Image of Chris Evans as Steve is from the 2014 film Captain America: The Winter Soldier, and the image of Sebastian Stan as Bucky is from the 2012 TV series Political Animals, and both are used under fair use. The image of two boys at school is under open license from Nicolas Carbon from Life of Pix. All other art is courtesy of Canva and has been modified for use.
Chapter 2 spent a lot of time at the boys' school, so in addition to head shots of both the boys, I decided to include a shot of them at school together. I had to include a little sketch from Steve of the shower/locker room as I imagine that encounter remained in his spank bank for years to come. The maps and the quote both foreshadow Bucky leaving and how far away they'll be.
Chapter 3
Image of Sebastian Stan as Bucky is from a 2011 photoshoot for August Man, and the image of B. Dylan Hollis as Steve is from the Instagram of B. Dylan Hollis, and both are used under fair use. The image of the Coney Island sign is under open license from Nelson Ndongala from Unsplash. All other art is courtesy of Canva and has been modified for use.
This chapter included both their Coney Island date and prom, so there was a lot going on! The Coney Island sign is front and center, along with some boardwalk tickets and a sketch Steve made of the necklace Bucky won for him. I imagine him sketching it out as he remembers it after chucking it at Bucky in the end. Prom streamers line the background and the photos of the boys are in their prom attire. Interestingly, neither of these photos were actually the ones I had originally planned on using.
Although I had always planned on B. Dylan Hollis being my stand-in for little Stevie Rogers, I originally was going to lift a picture of him off one of his cookbook covers, I think, in a khaki suit with a bow tie, but all the baking stuff around him was a little weird and then I stumbled on this picture and thought it was perfect!
The original image I had in mind for Bucky was honestly kind of boring? (Sorry, Sebastian!) I liked that this one was more pensive, like his thoughts about Steve and their eventual breakup.
Chapter 4
Images of Sebastian Stan as Bucky are from Denise Truscello for 2013 D23 Expo, Jon Premosch for Buzzfeed in 2016, and the 2012 TV series Political Animals, some of which were heavily modified for use. Image of Chris Evans as Steve is from the 2007 film The Nanny Diaries. Image of Anthony Mackie as Sam is from the 2006 film Crossover. All of the images of Sebastian Stan, Chris Evans, and Anthony Mackie are used under fair use. All other art is courtesy of Canva and has been modified for use.
Chapter 4 brings us an older Bucky with longer hair, Chris Evans as Steve, and little baby-faced (and very angy!) Anthony Mackie as Sam. I wanted Steve to have a lot of time to sketch out both how he remembers Bucky and Bucky now, so I heavily filtered some different shots of Sebastian to look more like sketches and even did one that looks vaguely like maybe pastels? (I was going for water colors, but the soft colors clashed with Nat's convertible.) Bucky's got his map to Steve's place behind his picture, Sam looks like he's gonna punch Bucky (again) and Nat's red convertible pulls up right under the title card. I loved this quote, by the way, and felt it really summed up Steve's initial reaction to Bucky. "Fuck. You bastard. Fuck you."
I had an absolute blast working with Katie on this one. I had the privilege of being with this project from start to finish since I also was beta reading it and it gave me some great insights that I hope translated into some great tunes (and passable chapter headers, lol). By the time we were done with this one, both of us were sheepishly trying to figure out how to ask if we could work together on future projects, so watch this space for more soon!
For @marveltrumpshate 2024, @misscapsicle asked for a playlist with cover art and liner notes for her ongoing Logan-centric fanfic, When Monsters Become Men. She has been incredibly patient and understanding with me while I worked on this, the first of five custom playlists I'll be curating for her. Below the cut you will find the full liner notes, cover art, and my notes on the creation of the playlist. These notes may have a couple minor spoilers, so go ahead and hit play while you read through her fic, then come back for the notes!
Liner Notes
The image of books on a wooden table is under open license from Debby Hudson from Unsplash and has been modified for use.
On my first read through of When Monsters Become Men, I knew immediately that I wanted to incorporate the memory books into the theme and what better place than the liner book? The books were described as aging along with their memories, fraying and deteriorating from disuse.
The image of many open books is under open license from Kamila from Unsplash and has been modified for use.
I got this idea that each of the pages of the liner notes could be a page from one of the books, but the first run I did turned out a bit, well, boring, so I found this great shot of a pile of open books on Unsplash and the added detail of all the books and pages overlapping really added some much needed visual interest.
The image of many open books is under open license from Kamila from Unsplash. The image of Michael-James Olson as Young Victor is from the 2009 film X-Men Origins: Wolverine and is used under fair use. All images have been modified for use.
As described in the fic, reading the books of Logan's memories was more like seeing his memories unfolding than reading an actual book, so I wanted to include images of the people, places, and ideas that were held within. I wanted these to still feel connected to the books, so I made them a bit sketchy, like ink on paper. Here we have Victor, the image covered in blood.
The image of many open books is under open license from Kamila from Unsplash and has been modified for use.
To merge the track listing into the idea of the books, I decided I wanted the tracks to be listed like MLA sources cited. Did you know that there are different ways to cite sources if the music is online versus if the music is being coursed from a physical copy? Well, since I wouldn't be linking each song to a track, I decided to forgo the links for online sources, but the rest of this should be (mostly) compliant.
The image of many open books is under open license from Kamila from Unsplash. The image of Lynn Collins as Kayla Silverfox and Hugh Jackman as Logan is from the 2009 film X-Men Origins: Wolverine and is used under fair use. All images have been modified for use.
I wanted to represent in image the idea of Logan's memories being sometimes taken from him by force, like the memory of Kayla was at the end of X-Men Origins: Wolverine. So, I took the memory of Kayla that Logan read about in his books and I overlaid it with a heavy burn covering most of her face and their mouths where they would have been kissing. It's ugly and tragic, just like the end of their story.
The image of many open books is under open license from Kamila from Unsplash and has been modified for use.
The only thing about these MLA style citations that I couldn't get fully compliant is that the album name should be italicized. I decided to go with underlining the names instead because I knew I wanted to use an authentic-looking typewriter font (this one is called True Typewriter) and typewriters typically didn't have an option for italics, so I couldn't find a font that came with that option.
The image of many open books is under open license from Kamila from Unsplash. The image from the 2016 film Deadpool is used under fair use. All images have been modified for use.
As long as we each live, our stories and memories are still being written, so I wanted this final image to be a reminder of that. Logan's story isn't done, just like this image of a place he's found to make a home. Nothing is complete, but there's hope in the unfinished image, that he's still writing his own stories and making his own memories with the people he has found are his family.
Playlist Cover Art
The image of gravestones in a field from RDNE is used under the Pexels license. The image of Hugh Jackman as Logan is from the 2003 film X2 and is used under fair use. The image of the headstone grave by Hucklebarry is used under open license from Pixabay. All images have been modified for use.
The other imagery from the fic that I knew I wanted to incorporate into the themes of the art for this project were the cemetery and headstones that Logan encounters in his inward journey into his own mind. These graves were sort of the precursor to the books so I like them as cover art to the list where the liner notes would have traditionally been found inside.
Here we see Logan looking out on the countless graves of people he doesn't even remember killing, people whose memories he feels compelled to recall out of respect for the lives he has taken. The track listing on the back cover art was supposed to resemble letters carved into the headstone... how well I succeeded probably relies heavily on the size of the screen you're using, lol
Playlist
I began working on this playlist last year when this fic was just a wee baby 15k with more on the way. Initially, we discussed something with an outlaw country vibe, specifically referencing Johnny Cash (who made it to the final playlist), but leaving the door open for other genres.
I took a break from creating and when I came back, the fic had grown. It's currently sitting around 55k and it ain't over yet. So, I got to reading, pulling some inspiration pieces together as I went. The following tracks didn't make the final cut, but did serve to direct the sound of the final mix.
With guidance from MissCapsicle, the playlist came together with a dark americana sound, dabbling a bit into a more indie or singer/songwriter vibe. The final cut brought the list to just over an hour in length.
Annotated Track List
Become the Beast by Karliene: Track one was an early addition to the mix. This song is one I've long loved for Logan and other hunters learning to accept their beastly sides.
Sleeping on the Blacktop by Colter Wall: Another early addition, this song really evoked a feeling of Logan's younger days to me, living rough and running from himself as much as anything.
In Dreams by Ben Howard: This was in the first draft playlist, though it was one of the last additions to that cut. This was a new find for me and I think I'll be listening to it in the future. Beautiful picking and the lyrics are so enchanting. It reminds me heavily of Kayla--"In dreams I have lain in sin just to be the cracked and the cared for. How can I ask, ask for more?"
Hypothermic by Goodnight, Texas: So, this was added in one of the last changes, but it's long been a Logan song for me and fits nicely in his hiding out in Alaska years. I just wasn't sure that it fit the vibe for this particular fic, but it was an instant yes when I suggested it. Seriously, read the lyrics, the whole thing sounds like a narration of him circa early X-Men (2000).
Bad Dreams by Bellhound Choir: This was a pretty late addition, but the sound of it is so, so tasty. Bluesy guitar work, moaning fiddle that has so much tooth to it that it sounds like a saw sometimes, and growling, gravelly vocals.
Brother Run Fast by KALEO: This was very much a Victor song for me. "Brother, run fast, they're headin' your way, it's best you not speak of what you found, please don't pass judgment on me now, don't seek the truth, they'll make their own rules and when they've come for me, they'll come back for you."
Dogs of War by Blues Saraceno: This was one of the last additions in the final round. I initially seeded this list with another song by Blues Saraceno, but it didn't quite fit the story. This felt like another Victor song to me (this is the Victor section, clearly), dealing with Logan's inability to control Victor and Victor being unable--or unwilling--to control his bloodlust.
Bad Things by Rayland Baxter: Logan and his guilty conscious. When Dogs of War joined the list, I knew I had to place it near this song (which was already firmly on the list) because of all the burning bridges.
Ballad of a Prodigal Son by Lincoln Durham: This was one of a few songs that had a strong religious bent that I had to sift through and choose carefully which ones would make the cut without making this too much of a fire and brimstone playlist. The singer being around for "a lifetime or more" and the dark americana sound of the song contributed to this one making the final cut.
It’s Alright by Shawn James: Initially, this was a late addition while I was looking for songs about being lost in your own mind, "Seems like I can't ever, I can't ever outrun the past All these good times, well they never last Maybe it's all inside of my head Maybe all I've ever wanted is all I've ever had But it's alright now, I'll be just fine on my own I'll be just fine on my own If I go any deeper, I'm bound to lose my mind If I had any answers, maybe I wouldn't waste my time," but MissCapsicle pointed out, and I agree on subsequent listenings, it really captures that internal struggle Logan has and his reluctance to reach out for others, always telling himself it's alright, that he's fine on his own.
Too Old to Die Young by Brother Dege: Another of the religious songs that made the final cut. I think we can all agree that Logan is too old to die young.
The Hurricane’s Eye by Jesse Roper: This was one of the earliest additions after I finished reading the fic. It initially caught my eye because it was a stomp 'n' hollar from a Canadian rocker, but it grew on me really fast--it's just a really fun jam with an older man giving advice to a young traveler swept up in an unexpected flurry and now I can't stop associating it with Logan and Marie.
On the Road Again by Jack Broadbent: The heaviest blues influence in this list, but with a very americana steel guitar and great lyrics. "My dear mother left me when I was quite young, when I was quite young, she said, 'Lord, have mercy on my wicked son.'" Great moments in the lyrics of Logan finally reaching out in his way--if you ain't coming, gonna find somebody else.
Hurt by Johnny Cash: The Man in Black was always going to be on this list. I initially had both this song and God's Gonna Cut You Down on the seed list, but in talking to MissCapsicle, it turned out that this song was an inspiration for one of the scenes in the fic, so of course it had to be included.
Cocaine and Abel by Amigo the Devil: Literally the last song added to the playlist, Amigo the Devil was actually one of the original seeds, too, but with a song called Cannibal Within. I love this artist so much that I actually sat down and listened to his entire library of songs and narrowed down to two finalists to be included, this song and Stray Dog. I think a little read through of the lyrics will explain why this one won.
Years in the Making by Bryan Martin: This song is exactly the auditory vibe I was going for with this playlist and has great verses. I wasn't sure about the chorus being so heavily about making music, but MissCapsicle convinced me to keep this one.
Peace Somehow by Avi Kaplan: Now, this song wasn't the original final track, but I'm so happy with how it sounds now that it is. The beautiful bass tones are so lulling with the lovely guitar over it and lyrics about finding peace--not a perfect, happy ending, but something hopeful--somehow.
CATWS 10th Anniversary | April 4th
» Prompts: Reunion for @catws-anniversary
a loving homage to A Softer World and @asofteravenger
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Ten First Lines
Instructions: post the first line of the last ten things you posted and tag ten (or however many) more people to play.
I was tagged by @theeternalghost and I guess this is going to be the majority of what I finished for Febuwhump this year? I haven't published anything new since then...
He heard the sound of the lock clicking open and closed his book. (The Scientific Method)
He’d lost track of how long he’d been in here, but he knew he had to get out soon or he wasn’t gonna. (Hands-On Training)
“Congratulations, Sergeant Barnes,” Zola’s voice echoed from the doorway behind him and Bucky flinched. (The Illusion of Choice)
It was never quiet in Brooklyn. (Precautions)
He woke suddenly, gasping and breathless, to the sound of screams not his own for once. (The Blessing)
The screaming was so loud, it actually deafened him a bit. (Incident 470703.001)
The Machine shut off and Bucky’s entire body collapsed limp into the chair. (What We Lose in the Choosing)
“If he starts to fall asleep, and it can happen quite suddenly, he may pass out and fall again, so you keep him in bed, James Buchanan, resting but awake, no matter what he says.” (The Disintegration Machine)
The new arm ached. (Where Monsters Belong)
He came to slowly, shivering and dripping and confused. (Capable Hands)
Bonus, I'm sharing also the opening from the series itself because it's fun.
A long enough fall seems like it should feel like flying. You should be able to spread your arms and listen to the rushing wind in your ears, feel your stomach floating weightlessly in your chest cavity, and know, inarguably, the exhilaration of really flying. That’s not how it works, though. Your grip fails, your foot slips, and then it’s just bowel-churning, gut-clenching, hysterical, shrieking terror all the way down. At least it’s over when you land.
Spoiler: it was not over when he landed.
No pressure tags, y'all: @blackwood4stucky @bromcommie @katie-delaney @amaraangelicus @thepiper0fhameln @humanshapedmonster @princesscas @possumwoodpie @succulent-hyena @dharmasharks
If you've already done this one, maybe post your next 10 lines, or your last 10 last lines, or your favorite opening?
While the Stars Chase the Clouds
For my first year doing the WIP Big Bang, I sought out to work with authors I already knew in the community and it led me to making a playlist in a style I probably never would have tried without this motivation. @onecontinuoussigh wrote a gorgeous, atmospheric historical AU called While the Stars Chase the Clouds and I knew the only way I would want to try soundtracking it was to lean into instrumental works, something I'd never done for a fanmix before. When I approached Jo with a couple musical suggestions for a mix, they were so encouraging about it that I knew I had to do it and I knew I had to do it justice.
This deep dive into the playlist and art is NOT SPOILER FREE! Read the fic linked above first if you don't want to be spoiled!
The Music
When I first pitched this playlist to Jo, it was with the song Snowden's Jig by the Carolina Chocolate Drops and the intention of including more Jew's harp, bones, hurdy gurdy, that kind of thing. As the concept grew and evolved, different character's associated instruments and styles emerged and the overall vibe shifted a bit to be sort of a blend of Irish and African-inspired folk/Americana and Indo-Middle Eastern aesthetic.
Most of the time when I make a playlist, I find anywhere from a handful to a dozen songs that fit my vibe(s) and then I spend a lot of time just listening to music seeded from that starting point and adding anything that catches my ear to a separate playlist which will become the final cut. Once I have a good amount of music, anywhere from 20 to even 50 or 60 songs, I start the process of culling. I note each song for its primary instruments, style, genre, lyrics, and/or themes and then I start making connections between the songs and the story and between the songs and each other, until I have narrowed down the list. Below are the notes I made on each of the scenes in the fic and the songs that made the final cut, so you can get an idea where they came from and how everything for the playlist came together.
The Playlist
A Series of Meetings
Chapter 1, Scene 1: Intro scene, chill walking around music with a nice beat for walking.
- Steve on the boardwalk, bored, having packed up from drawing caricatures. - Steve disappointed and then disturbed by Doctor Pierce’s Magical Exhibition. - Steve seeing Bucky bound, observing how drugged up he must be, then reacting when Bucky meets his gaze. - The suffragettes and the witch accusation.
Last Kind Words by Kronos Quartet: banjo is Steve’s main instrument, followed by violin/fiddle which both feature. Good walking beat with minor key. Love the name because this is the last time we see Steve relatively unperturbed.
Chapter 1, Scene 2: Whiny/annoying vibes (sorry Sharon).
- Conversation with Sharon. - Steve heals himself with magic and starts planning to free Bucky.
Ganges Delta Blues by Ry Cooder & V.M. Bhatt: Long, meandering song, probably covering two scenes (maybe Ch1:2-3 or all of Ch2). Whining/moaning guitar with banjo vibes—best for Steve scenes (not Ch 3, 5 or 6). Drums would lead nicely into Misourlou, so maybe end of Ch2? Nice winding, travelling song so maybe Ch1:3?
Chapter 1, Scene 3: Steve heavy music—banjo, fiddle/violin, with a strong beat for strengthening Steve, but also for travelling to the fair.
- Steve visits Nat and Wanda. - They remind him of his strength. - Steve and Nat leave to reconnoiter the fair while Wanda researches.
(cont Ganges Delta Blues: see above)
Chapter 1, Scene 4: Primarily Steve, but let’s start to see Bucky influence here, klezmer or mid east vibes.
- Steve and Nat sneak into the fair’s encampment and find Bucky’s tent. - Steve tries to soothe Bucky. - Steve scents Bucky and hesitates to leave him behind, but knows he can’t take him now.
Misirlou by San Fransisco Yiddish Combo: chosen to complement Misourlou from Ch3:1 as this scene is a mirror, so a more Steve-instrument heavy version of the song chosen for that chapter. The speeding up at the end to signify Steve having to make himself hurry up and leave because he can’t save Bucky now but he’s struggling with leaving him behind.
Planning, Steve Dreams
Chapter 2, Scene 1: Steve heavy music with a discussion or argument vibe. Dueling banjos maybe?
- Steve and Nat return to Wanda and begin to plan breaking Bucky out. - Steve wants to go it alone, but Nat and Wanda insist on accompanying him. - Steve lets slip that Bucky is an omega and Nat and Wanda are immediately intrigued. - Wanda suggests that, with an omega for Steve, sex magic can be used to amplify the magic. - Steve concedes.
Budhvaar Raga by Kyle Tuttle: Banjo (Steve) with lots of back and forth/repeats. I like that it’s Steve’s instrument (Banjo) playing Bucky’s style (Indo-mideastern-klezmer).
Chapter 2, Scene 2: Steve heavy, but with Irish influences for his mother.
- Steve returns home, reflecting on how all of them as witches are at risk of being in the same state as Bucky. - Steve reminisces about his mother, who was previously revealed to be a powerful witch. - The day’s activities finally wear Steve down and he falls asleep on the couch. - Steve dreams of Bucky, both good and bad, being wrapped in his arms and reaching out as he falls away from Steve, but when he wakes, he is alone.
Idumea by Gwenifer Raymond: Welsh take on American banjo. Speeding up a bit at the end as Steve dreams of a Bucky not-his-own falling, also reminiscent of Misirlou speeding up when Steve has to leave Bucky.
Waiting It Out
Chapter 3, Scene 1: Bucky heavy, probably klezmer because Bucky is always Jewish in my head (sorry Jo). Something a bit dreamy hazy, maybe.
- Rehash of Chapter 1, Scene 4, but from Bucky’s perspective. - Bucky hallucinates that Steve is an Angel and he takes what comfort he can in the hallucination. - Bucky learns Steve’s name, though he doesn’t think he’s real.
Misourlou by Klezmerson: In love with this klezmer Misourlou. The whispering hush at the beginning is heavily reminiscent of The Winter Soldier theme mechanized screaming. Maybe a bit too long for this scene. Can I convince Jo to make this scene longer??? More hazy/delirious time loss? idk
Chapter 3, Scene 2: American or British interpretation of Indo/middle eastern music, maybe? Something grungier?
- Bucky realizes he’s going into heat. Although it means he will suffer through it alone, it also promises a break from the stage in the sideshow. - Bucky finds the washcloth Steve used to soothe him and starts to wonder about his hallucination. - Pierce walks in and Bucky is immediately afraid and on alert. - Pierce threatens and abuses him briefly before leaving. - While Bucky writhes in pain from Pierce’s abuse, he thinks of Steve and eventually passes out.
The Old Witch Sleep and the Good Man Grace by The Amazing Devil: ok, admittedly this is nothing like what I initially envisioned for this scene and in this case Pierce is the witch and NOT Bucky, but OMG the lyrics. “I'm learning to be/So much more than my tiredness/So much more than that old witch sleep wishes” and “My head's not yours, it's mine” and “You're not a coward 'cause you cower/You're brave because they broke you/Yet broken still you breathe” and “'Cause I'm not trapped/With you, you see/You're the one who's/Trapped with me/'Cause I've been here so many times before/Don't you think I look pretty/Curled up on this bathroom floor” and “'Cause when I stand, oh all those folks will run/And tell the tales of what I've become/They'll speak of me in whispered tones/And say my name like it shakes their bones” (ok this one is more Winter Soldier than Bucky Barnes, but still) and the vibe is just lovely.
Chapter 3, Scene 3: Jo’s pick for this scene
- Bucky’s heat progresses. - He tries to scent for a nearby Alpha, forgetting for a moment how awful that could be, but scents only the incense being used to hide his heat scent. - Bucky resolves to wait out his heat.
I Wish I Was the Moon by Neko Case: Jo’s pick for this scene. Bucky's really going through it.
Alone with his Mission
Chapter 4, Scene 1: Something repetitive for Steve waiting. Let’s stick to Sarah’s music here, Irish or something similar, but in Steve’s banjo/fiddle.
- Steve waits impatiently for the time to act, then goes to Nat and Wanda’s place at sunset. - Wanda feeds Steve and gives him tinctures and chocolate to bring along. - Nat convinces Steve to let them come along to get him to the tent. - Steve realizes he’s been handled.
The Girl Who Broke My Heart by The Gloaming: Okay, not in love with the piano here, but the fiddle is lovely and the back and forth between them evokes Nat and Steve talking about how the plan.
Chapter 4, Scene 2: A bit more waiting, actually, then meandering for the travel to/through the fair, but we can start to get into the Bucky influence for the bit at the fair, so maybe a bit of mideast compared to the earlier travelling songs?
- They leave after midnight on a dark and cloudy night. - Steve scents Bucky outside the tent and realizes he’s gone into heat. - Wanda casts spells on the tent to keep people away. - Steve tries to soothe Bucky and cuts the rope from his wrists. - Bucky is too panicked and deep in his heat to be completely sensible. - Steve agrees to help him take the edge off before they try to escape. - Steve uses his mouth and fingers to get Bucky off.
Shadrach by Brown Bird: Mideast/Romani influenced with cello? sounding a bit like a fiddle? This works.
Fruition
Chapter 5, Scene 1: Magic music. Since everyone keeps referring to Sarah as a powerful witch, let’s see some Irish influence here and strings.
- Bucky is amazed to realize that Steve is real. - Bucky is somewhat clear-headed for the moment, but they need to move fast before his heat sets in again. - It’s hard to believe that Bucky is going to be freed, but he trusts Steve. - Steve gives him the tonic to drink. It’s gross. - Bucky starts to lose himself to the heat again, but Steve is fucking him through it so it’s more bearable. - Bucky begins to recognize the spell Steve is casting using their sex magic and starts to help, even through his heat and bondage. - Blinding white light.
Beth Cohen’s Set by Rhiannon Giddens: Irish influenced fiddling here with haunting accordion or something in the background that sounds almost like a maqam??? The music syncs up like Steve and Bucky do as they work magic together and becomes more frantic as they, well, fuck.
Chapter 5, Scene 2: More magic music, but maybe psychedelia-influenced? Something with a soft or triumphant ending.
- The blinding light gives way to darkness, then fireworks of color. - Raw magic everywhere. - Bucky comes to in Steve’s apartment, in Steve’s bed, beneath Steve. - Bucky realizes that the collar is gone and he’s free.
Suspirium - Live by Robin Kester: Jo’s pick. This just sounds like soft, soft magic. Very pretty. Is that a saw??? Great lyrics, too.
The Dust Settles
Chapter 6, Scene 1: Return to home. Irish inspired, maybe, since we’re back in Sarah’s home.
- Steve wakes in bed with Bucky, naked, but no longer bound by his knot. - Bucky asks Steve to kiss him now that his heat’s gone and Steve does. - Lots of kissing and cuddling, but before it can escalate further, Nat and Wanda interrupt. - The girls have been worrying all night. - Nat asks about the arm and Bucky reveals his captors cut it off and kept him gagged so he couldn’t ask questions. It’s awkward. - The girls make tea while Bucky and Steve sit on the couch and Steve finds Bucky very distracting. - The girls explain they’d been waiting all night for a signal and went to check, but the whole encampment stands empty. - Steve ponders thinking about wanting to be home with Bucky after the spell was cast. - Steve and Nat observe Steve seems to be healed in some ways. - Wanda excitedly plans to take notes on the spell work. - Nat tells Steve and Bucky to stay put and lay low while the dust settles and promises to bring them clothes and provisions. - The girls leave and cast a protection spell at the door. - Bucky nervously tells Steve that he can’t stay. - Steve starts spiraling, thinking he was just being a new captor for Bucky. - Bucky admits that he’s been with his captors for a year and he is afraid to stay and get Steve in trouble. - Steve promises he doesn’t want Bucky to go.
In the Pines by Justin Johnson: Nat wants to know where they slept last night. ¯*(ツ)*/¯
Chapter 6, Scene 2: Sexy merging of Steve’s banjo/strings and Bucky’s klezmer.
- The boys take a bath together, explore each others’ bodies, and get to know one another. - Bathtub foreplay.
Snowden’s Jig (Genuine Negro Jig) by Carolina Chocolate Drops: LBR, this song was always going to be for a sexy scene. This might be the sexiest fiddling in the entire world.
Chapter 6, Scene 3: Grounded, but worldly music to denote Steve and Bucky staying together and travelling.
- Wanda and Nat return later with the promised food and clothes, as well as a newspaper that explains that there’s a pending investigation into the disappearance at the fairgrounds. - Bucky prepares food while Steve flirts with him. - The boys plan to skip town, deciding to travel by rail car to the Grand Canyon at the end of the line.
Imidiwaren by Tinariwen: Tuareg music is undeniably travelling music. The voices singing together to rep Steve and Bucky coming together. Good, even beat for movement without being frantic.
The Album Art
So, the album art kind of started out as a joke.
Jo had been playing around with the art from The Weeknd's House of Balloons album and the 2014 film Captain America: The Winter Soldier for fun, but they hadn't really intended to use it for the fic. When they later shared some of the inspiration they were drawing from in the fic as the art from the Once and Future Witches, I immediately thought the brush work from that could work really well with the House of Balloons concept and sent Jo the basis of what would later become the playlist album cover art a few days later.
Front cover art based on the layout of The Weeknd's 2011 mixtape, House of Balloons. Faux runic/magical symbols are from Marvel's Hellhunters (2024). Image of Sebastian Stan as Bucky Barnes is from the 2018 film Captain America: Civil War. Image of Chris Evans is from Tony Duran's 2004 photoshoot for Flaunt Magazine. All images are used under fair use. Other art and fonts are courtesy of Canva.
The Header Art
I played around with a few concepts before landing where I did with the fic header art. I had just completed work on another project that had been really fun and a bit silly, but I wanted to make sure this project, with its distinctly more somber tone, had a completely different vibe. Here are some early concepts and layouts that were not used.
I finally decided that I wanted to keep things very simple for this fic. I decided to go with no more than 2 images per header, along with the title. I felt that simple, aesthetic images added to the atmosphere of what was already a very moody piece.
I also went through a few different font options. And this isn't even all of them. The fonts ultimately chosen for the fic were Huova Outline (title), EFCO Brookshire (series/subtitle), and 29LT Makina (by lines and chapter header titles).
Huova Outline was chosen, I'm not even going to lie, because it dots its i's with little stars. I was looking for an outline font with a 20s type vibe and then I saw the i's and I went 100% Midwestern, "ohfercute." It features most prominently on the fic cover where it is written across a fittingly starry sky.
EFCO Brookshire was chosen for its magical-looking, scrolling embellishments and its similarity to the font used on my copy of Something Wicked This Way Comes. Both works feature a strange carnival or fair come to town, magic, and unwilling souls held by the fair.
With two very different, rather fancy-looking fonts, I wanted to keep the third font very simple, but still anachronistic, so I chose a font reminiscent of the text of a typewriter. This is the font that carries through the chapter headers.
Fic Cover
This image from Niko Rau is used under the Unsplash license.
Although I'm sharing it first here, the fic cover header was actually the last one I made. My first instinct was, of course, stars and clouds, but I thought it was too obvious and spent an embarrassing amount of time looking for just the perfect dark academia, tent revival, wet specimen exhibit vibe in the free license images. After too long digging through images with nothing to show for it, I eventually decided to stop fighting my instincts.
I tried a couple image options, but landed on this piece by Niko Rau because I liked how off-center it felt and I decided to further off-center the title to add to the feeling of wrongness throughout the story, about the treatment of witches, about Steve's treatment as an alpha, about the fair that's come to town, about its mysterious captive, and more.
Chapter 1
Top image from Erwan Hesry and bottom image from R Martinez are both used under the Unsplash license.
From the beginning, I wanted two things for the header for chapter one, and that was to establish the fair and to establish Bucky's bondage. Initially I was planning to make a faux pamphlet, sort of like a tent revival tract, but it ended up looking so busy while simultaneously looking unfinished. I realized how much it would take away from the reader to fill in so many blanks about Doctor Pierce and his menagerie.
At this point, I started to look at different types of specimens and artifacts that he might have on display, but ultimately nothing I could come up with would be as disturbing as whatever the reader could come up with using their own imagination. I abandoned the idea of showing anything but the red tent.
As far as Bucky, I was initially looking for a body double of a man on his knees, but, and I feel like a total nerd for saying this, none of the images I found looked as good as Bucky on his knees in the comics--and I wasn't ready to include comic-book Bucky Barnes, so I went back to the much simpler order of chains to represent his captivity. I had already amassed some different chain shots from previous layouts, but none of them really felt right until this one. I also modified it slightly to give the light reflections a red hue like the tent where Bucky was kept.
Chapter 2
Top image of Chris Evans as Steve Rogers from the 2014 film Captain America: Winter Soldier is used under fair use. Bottom image of arsenic wallpaper from the 1874 book Shadows from the Walls of Death is in the public domain.
When Jo and I were discussing their research materials, sources, and inspiration, one of the things they shared with me was a review of a book from 1874 called Shadows from the Walls of Death about arsenic used in wallpapers and of course I immediately understood that Steve was living in a goddamn death trap. No wonder Sarah could never fully heal the boy. I had to have Sarah Roger's wallpaper of death on one of the chapters where she's discussed and this seemed like a perfect place for it.
I knew I also wanted Steve represented on this one because it's the second chapter of his damn story and he hadn't been in the art, yet. I initially thought about including one of his sketches pinned to the wall, but I couldn't decide on what to put on the sketch. I briefly considered having a photo of Steve and/or his mother pinned to the wall, but since MCU didn't deign to cast the most important person in Steve's pre-serum life, I would have had to fancast someone, fake a picture, and I wasn't even sure how it would look "pinned" to the wallpaper, so I decided to just go with a tearaway photo frame for Steve's beautiful mug.
I tried to match the color of the font to the arsenic flowers, but it was completely illegible, so I saturated it a bit and lifted it.
Chapter 3
This image from Sophie Walker is used under the Unsplash license.
Chapter 3 presented a few dilemmas. As a Bucky-centric chapter, it made sense to feature him in the artwork, but this version of Bucky has a metal arm, so any images of Sebastian Stan as Bucky would have to be from an MCU source OR used such that his left arm would be obscured. In addition to this, there's simply not a lot of open license bondage images, much less ones that look like Bucky AND have the left arm obscured. I did find some usable images, but I decided to go for a simpler and more aesthetic image.
I wanted to go with a red font both to evoke Hydra and blood.
Chapter 4
This image from Cottonbro is used under the Pexels license.
For whatever reason, I really latched onto the tinctures that Wanda gave Steve to share with Bucky. I had an idea in my head of the bottles in a bag or being handed over from Wanda to Steve, but finding images of bottles of a thick, brown liquid proved surprisingly difficult, so I widened my horizons and just looked for any brown bottle or bottle of brown liquid.
Eventually, I found a nice, sharp image of a classic hinge top brown bottle with a bright red background and I thought... Red for Wanda's magic--this will work perfectly! It was only a single bottle instead of two, but that worked for the title, Alone with his Mission, so I paired it with a nice yellow script and sent it to Jo.
Jo was less enthused about it. It turned out, they had always imagined the bottles to be smaller, so I set back out to find more images of goddamned bottles. I sent along a few different versions, including a brighter toned, longer angle version of the above, but it wasn't quite right. I played around the with it, recentered, cropped it, adjusted the saturation and hue until I came to the above and I knew it was going to be perfect. I sent it along to Jo and they were on board!
Chapter 5
This image is courtesy of Canva.
Like everything else here, the header for chapter 5 began its life with a very different concept.
Originally, I had planned to layer and tile images of Steve and Bucky with wild, colorful filters to create a bright, chaotic pattern reminiscent of broken glass. I probably worked on it longer than any of the other headers and before I even finished it, I already knew I hated it. It didn't come together, it looked messy instead of chaotic, the colors clashed, and I wasn't happy with how it represented what was presented in the fic nor the title of the chapter. I read the chapter again and I could really only imagine one thing that would work.
It was perhaps a bit of a gamble if Jo would go for it. I sent it along, seemingly just a white panel with the lettering in the middle, and waited to hear from Jo. They were cautious about it so I took some time to embellish the field, adding more depth and layers of off-white, a shining starburst effect in the middle and speckles of white on off-white at the edges. I explained that what had looked like just a white field before was actually white on off-white and subtly got the effect of the blinding light of their magic casting across, but we could go with something more obvious, though I wasn't sure I liked it. Jo agreed and we went back to the simpler header you see here.
Click through for the higher resolution, then move the image and you'll be able to see the contrast in the white versus off-white that our brains ignore at this smaller scale to just say--is bright.
Chapter 6
This image from Liana S is used under the Unsplash license.
Okay, I lied in that last section: this one chapter stayed the same from concept to finish. I knew from the beginning that I wanted that tub on the header. Took a while to find a good one, but I loved that this one shows the movement of the water as it fills by magic!
And that's... it? Jo's fic was such a moody, dark little romp and I wanted to give them something that would complement it, not draw attention away from it. I stepped outside my musical comfort zone and had so much fun that I actually have another instrumental playlist coming together right now!
Thank you for inviting me into your world, Jo!