#jyaevents

0.2 + 0.2 = 1.5

Like in amount of people

I feel like I'm made of 0.2, or 0.1, or 0.3, or whatever small number like that

And all of it adds up to 1.5, or 1.6, or yk just more than a person

And I think it's part of why I struggle with labels?

Every label feels like tiny boxes that I need to squish myself into. But I don't fit, I feel like more than a person. And trying to fit is suffocating

And not each 0.2 or whatever could fit under the same label. Some fit in one label fine, some struggle to fit under any label at all

And so even things like "unlabelled" just feels like another box. Any kind of label at all, LITERALLY anything no matter how much it's meant to reject labels or boxes, feels like I don't fit

Like there aren't labels that work. So I do use the labels, it's just never quite right. And I guess I just have to live with that, but it feels suffocating

Sometimes it's like the body that I live in is itself too small

Like there's so many things in my head, my head is so full and I have so many things I want to remember but it just doesn't fit. I can't keep any thought in my head for long

Does anyone else feel like that?

I wanna RP with people. Like. Like alllll the time. I barely want to not rp with people. And so I ask people to RP a lot and join a bunch of groups and- make them apparently now. And roleplay with people at weird times of day for both of us and also roleplay with like 4 people at the same time sometimes (haven't too recently tho :P).

And then I feel bad because these people have lives and probably don't want to roleplay 24/7 but I have no way of knowing unless I ask directly and that is awkward and aaaaaaaa

Like I have all the motivation and inspiration and creativity and ideas in the world!!!

But I can't just get up and draw aaaaa or make bracelets or make polymer clay or like anythinggggg

I want to draw the flight people so baddddddd and my OCs aaaaa

I'm going to be taking a break from roleplaying! This goes in all the mcyt communities (the Avid cult, the Scott cult, and house tigris).

I may use this time to set up my rain world roleplay blog (behind the scenes), we will see. I'm unsure of what I'm doing other than I need a break from mcyt.

This is partially because I am getting tired irl and lots of stuff happening in my life, as well as the stuff with Avid and Marm meaning I'm not comfortable roleplaying in mcyt spaces for a little while. I will be back, it is not forever.

Given the stuff happening with those two, I feel conflicted. I do not support Avid or Marm at all, and I have dealt with someone like them before who did a lot of irreparable damage to me and some of my closest friends. I feel for the other content creators, and am wishing them luck and happiness.

Whether I will be posting on here at all, we will see. I don't really know what I'm doing. I do need time to process that as well as some stuff going on in my real life.

Why did it make my head hurt MORE????

Wtf???

I want to draw and like make my tf smp oc a dorm room but I don't got ANYTHING in me

Why?????????