#justgovaning

This is a passage of reflection on a night before a quick trip to Maryland with the Navy.

 There will be a few themes that are easy to pick up if you spend a day or two around me, or a day reading my writings. One, I have had a little too much to drink, Two a few too many girl friends. It’s made for some fun nights and great stories but it has added up over the years. Driven me to self-reflection and trying to keep my nose a bit cleaner. In these short paragraphs I discus a night before shipping out for a few week Detachment to my home State of Maryland. Pretty much everything is typical of my life from 2010-2013 in these words. I had a drive in me at that time to get wild and forget a lot. I was pretty reckless and don’t even remember what fight we got into, who I was with or with whom we picked a fight.

 I wasn’t always so excited to greet people with a hug or smile. I used to be quicker to ask whom you knew and why you were in my presence. I had a take no shit attitude. In some ways it has carried over, I am proud of who I am, I will stand up for myself and I am proud of my time in service. But back in 2013 I was on a crash course. Headed straight to the bottom. I had been through a lot up to this point and spent a lot of time on the road. Finishing my 8 years in the Navy almost exactly 2 years later to the date of this journal entry. August 11th 2015 I separated from the Navy, with 10 Detachments/Deployments under my belt in just shy of 6 years worth of deploying. Work had been insane to this point; qualifications were the least of my concern. Witch landed me in a lot of shit at work and a crummy day-to-day job. I was running myself into the ground.

  Aug 15 2013

          Its Thursday the 15th I have been back from my second Detachment to NAS (Naval Air Station) Pax River in Maryland. Being in Maryland I was able to visit with friends and family. This trip was a quick one and just a very typical small detachment of sailors, everything that could go wrong went wrong. We drank too much every night, the plane broke down almost daily and it was a proper shit-show. But it all went wrong before it started; with a short phone call 24 hours before we were to depart base in Washington St. I was informed that I was going to leave early the next day and to pack my shit. We weren’t leaving first thing in the AM that day but in order to leave on orders you well, need to fill out the orders. In typical fashion like many of my of my Navy stories I was drunk when I got that phone call. Then of course proceeded to get even more drunk. I went out with some of the guys that night and got in a little scruff down town towards the end of the night. Luckily I am a smart sailor and I live a mile and a half up hill from the bar. So my drunken self took my drunk self on a walk home.

 Remembering I had things to do I woke up the next morning with my 3 hours of sleep and went on into work. About the second I walked into the shop everyone knew what had happened. Three people didn’t make it to work on time and I was hammered drunk still. Seeing as my comrades decided to be no shows I was then sent to round the boys back up and drag em into work. Non the less this didn’t go over to well with some of the senior leadership but hey what else are you supposed to do when they tell you you’re leaving in the morning?

          So on to Maryland I went. I was very fortunate to have this nice lady (not my mom) pick me up from Dulls and drive me all the way down to the base. It was really nice being able to see her so quickly; she had just visited Washington 7 days before. It’s nice to be home.

 Ok back to modern day.

 So that lady and I carried on for a bit. She visited, then I visited and then poof she walked out. I don’t mean to trash to hard but lets be real. I’m not writing a love story. I’m currently living in a van on the side of the road. And best of all I am a pirate. So after reading this you could circle down to my first post on this blog and read about Greece for a short second. I didn’t mention it much. Why? Because I was already pulling in, caving in on my own thoughts and choices. 2013 was a pivotal year for me. I was realizing I was miserable as shit. What happened on that trip to Greece and some other amazing European countries is I got dumped for the second time for another fucking guy.

 What is so pivotal about this short post is that while I was home I was focused on her, drinking and fucking off so much that I missed out on family time I desperately needed back then. I knew before that short phone call and quick trip to Maryland that I was to deploy to Greece within a few weeks time. I knew I was going to be away from family and I opted to drink and party instead of spending time with my family. I repeated these decisions for 8 years. Running myself into the ground repeatedly.

 I had ended up in another country on deployment; yes it was Greece and yes Greece is pretty, don’t need to point that out. I have been blessed to visit the 14 countries I stopped off in along my travels with the Navy. What matters is your mental strength while you’re traveling. Especially while you’re in the military and working hard, getting yelled at and drinking everything with an alcohol content. I was broken up with within the first few weeks of this Deployment. In my passage above I don’t talk about this lady very much but she meant a lot at the time. If you’re reading this and you were with me on that deployment to Greece I once again want to apologize for all the crying, mental break downs and hard, hard drinking I forced you into. While I was coping with this break up I lost my nerves. I had just about had it.

 This journal entry is short and I do not point out a lot that I am writing about now. But those days are fresh on my mind. This entry in my many pages of writing is important to me because it shows a turning point for me. As much screwing off as I was doing I had started showing up on time and being responsible to a point.