#justfyi

I found our way to my room amid twists and turns caused by too much gin and the stairs never felt so high. I climbed up with John following me closely as I guided him by the hand in the dark. We tried to hold back the laughter and got tangled several times on the steps that followed.

We went for the first time together to a pub down the street, and there we met George, Richie and Paul to celebrate the boys' post-recording album freedom. It was also the first time that I could see John feeling comfortable in public in a long time.

Recently the media has not been very kind to the guys. Criticism related to their appearance has been increasingly common, especially with John's weight.

In addition, the harassment of the fans has been frequent. I spend half my time taking them away from the boys and the other half pretending that I am not jealous of all the people who throw themselves at John's feet.It is good that he feels comfortable going out for a beer with his friends, but its even better that he invited me too.

I met John almost a year ago while trying to paint a random picture in the company of my cats. One of them, Theseus, ran into my neighbor's back garden and started purring frantically. I noticed his absence a few hours later and it wasn't long before I found him lying on the lap of the stranger, receiving all possible hugs. It also didn't take long before I knew that the stranger was John Lennon, the owner of the most beautiful smile in the world and my heart since that day.

John spent the night dancing with Paul in the most exaggerated way possible, and sharing the most sneaky looks with me across the table.

As we live close by and John doesn't like to be alone at night, we tend to come home together and share my bed. It's not uncommon for John to show up at my house at night after rehearsal and crawl between my sheets like a stray cat in need of affection.

Tonight, John has been a little kinder than usual. When he saw me in the black dress with slits I put on to meet him, I could see an unusual sparkle of desire in his eyes. Throughout the night, I saw that he took long minutes traveling through my silhouette and the sheen of sweat on my cleavage.

John loves to flirt by nature, but I've always tried not to get carried away by his personality. I know that for him the whole "feelings" thing is a game, but every new look of desire I get makes me hope that maybe he sees how he really I feel about him.

We went home intertwined on the cold street singing some silly sailor rhyme between laughter. John's hand stayed firm on my waist the entire time, while I delighted in the smell of his skin. The coat, that now covered me from the cold breeze from Liverpool at four in the morning, gave off the faint scent of John's perfume.The same perfume that has stuck to my pillows so many times.

At some point going up the stairs, I found myself laughing enough to bring tears to my eyes from something John had said about breaking a glass, and only then did I notice that I was laughing alone. John was staring at me, and I realized that at some point I had fallen into his lap on the small steps of the stairs.

I felt the warm pressure of his body beneath me and became very aware of how little my dress covered in that position, I could feel John's entire thigh pressed to my groin.

Our face was close enough that I could feel his breath. His long fingers were pressing on my thigh just above the edge of the dress, and that was enough for the temperature to rise immediately. John was still staring at my lips when I suggested we went to the bedroom, as it was close to dawn and we needed to bathe before my aunt woke up for the first morning shift.

John, who needed a few more seconds to process what I had said, stood up and followed me in silence, as if the air was so hot that it had become heavy.

We entered the room and John planted a kiss on my hand before letting go to enter the bathroom. I went to separate one of my shirts, which was actually an old John shirt, for him to wear after his shower. A few minutes later the room was filled with soft steam and the smell of soap coming from the bathroom when the door opened, revealing a John drying his hair lazily. He left wearing only his white underwear, apologizing for the amount of skin exposed. His hair was slightly wet at the ends, and the skin on his face was red. I threw the clean shirt in his direction and told him it would be my turn to clean myself.

I approached John, who was now standing against the door, holding the towel.He was still traveling around my body in the black dress, and I asked for help to open it before entering the bath. I positioned myself in front of him and allowed his long fingers to travel the bare skin just below the zipper of the dress, almost forgetting how to use human legs and collapsing on the floor immediately. John took a few seconds longer at the base of the zipper, which was at the height of my lower back.

I could feel his hesitation and for a moment I believed that John could want the same thing as me: That this touch came without any barriers, just me and him.

I walked to the bathroom already feeling a hot, slippery sensation between my legs, and focused on the fresh smell that was still in the bathroom. Somehow it was as if John's scent had settled on every particle of water that stayed there.

Not thinking about him was no longer a possibility tonight.