#justforj

Got a new haircut yesterday, decided to keep the length on the top and I now have enough hair for that cute little swoopy thing. It's been a good week, slow but still nice. I think that tomorrow I might do a bit of recording with my new mic, but I'm still not sure how similar to a dying walrus I sound like so... We'll have to see. I'm debating moving back to my hometown to be closer to my dad's family and hopefully find a job while I'm there. To be completely honest, leaving this last time was probably the hardest thing I've had to do since moving back to where I'm at now from University. There's really nothing left here for me, save a small handful of friends. I'd be lonelier there but that would probably change rather quickly, my 21st birthday is only 3 months away and it's easier to be myself in a bigger city. So I guess that's a plus? But maybe I'm trying to make a hasty decision based on feelings... I don't know. It's hard to differentiate between fact and feeling these days but I'm still kinda new at this whole "I have feelings and am not a psychopath" thing. I love it and I hate it at the same time.

It's a rainy day here, the perfect weather to just curl up next to the fire with someone and do absolutely nothing productive. I don't like it, I have nobody here in my hometown that wants to cuddle with me 😔 I really wish it was three nights ago still, I was having a wonderful time with an amazing guy but I had to come home. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy that I met J but it made coming home all that more difficult. I guess I have another reason to go up and visit family but shit... That doesn't help me now when I'm lonely. I know that we aren't going to be a thing, but just having someone show compassion, kindness, and interest made me feel almost human for the first time in a very long time. So, because I don't say it enough... Thank you J. Thank you. Hopefully I get to see your smiling face again soon, but until then - blindfold yourself so you don't find a better person than me ;) because for once I want to be as selfish as I can be.

Ah, I feel a nice relief now that the shit show of a year 2017 is over and we have a fresh start with 2018. So, I guess I'll use this as like an update post. I spent the wee hours of the new year watching my cousins and talking to a great guy. I went to an out of town party at my dad's which was nice. Well, I met someone that's already been a wonderful influence in my life. I was planning on going home on Monday evening, but instead I came home today. I never thought that literally 4 days could be so empowering and life changing. This guy, for convenience sake we'll call him J, decided to talk with me early on into my trip. Anyone of you that actually knows me, knows that never happens - especially not the other person starting the conversation. Well, I agreed to meet J for coffee... God damn I'm glad I did. Not only did we completely click, but we had a great conversation. So I got away with seeing this really cute dude for coffee, didn't figure it would go anywhere - it's me here. Lowe and behold he texts me the next day asking if I wanted to go out that night. *Internal screaming* I literally had no idea what to do in this situation; someone wants to see me again? WTH am I on drugs? So I instinctively agree to go out again. I swear, time felt non-existent talking to him. Before I knew it, we'd be sitting in the restaurant for 2 entire hours, just talking. I ended up postponing my return trip home 3 times... I couldn't feel the same if I had just left it at that. We go out again the following night, it's a nice relaxed evening out - we ate Korean food. Last night (Thursday) was the last night I was going to be in town, J said he'd help me get to the train on time and we could spend some more time together. I got the privilege of going over to this freaking amazing dude's house - which is cool as hell too - and helping him move things and get the place closer to his plan for it. That might sound boring but it was a blast... His 3 dogs all seemed to like me, the alpha took a bit of time but eventually decided I'm not a threat. It sounds cheesy as hell but just getting to hang out with him was great, I wouldn't have cared what we did. We got the opportunity to cuddle up next to each other and that was amazing, the dogs were all trying to get in on the action and were really cute. I'm already thinking about my next vacation lol ;)