Commander Starscream, I come to you with another hypothetical question. Would you adopt a slug cat? Now you’re probably wondering what a slug cat is exactly if you don’t already know that.
A slug cat is a purposed organism built to clean pipes of super structures, oh and they can’t exactly die unless they ascend or die young? That part is a bit cloudy but if you get one, no need to worry if they die.
All you gotta choose is which slug cat to adopt, we got;
Lost kitten (Survivor)
Lost kitten but younger (Monk)
Cancer but worse (Hunter)
Literal god (Saint)
Mass murderer (Artificer)
Mouthless messenger (Spearmaster)
Chubby craftsmen (Gourmand)
Land axolotl (Rivulet)
Always watching… (Eponymous)
None of them can fly, but they are all quite cute and squishy and organic. Did I forget to mention the part where some of them have special abilities and not just cosmetic changes?
The Saint can uh… instant ascend you… and fly
The Artificer can explode, put explosives on spears, and they hate scavengers for killing her slugpups
The Spearmaster has infinite spears that come from their tail, thats also how they eat since they don’t have a mouth… don’t want to be stabbed by them…
The Gourmand needs to eat a lot more, but they can craft all sorts of things! But they tire out quite easily…
The Rivulet is quite smaller than the rest but much faster, can jump and climb much faster, and breath in the water for periods of time but can still drown
The eponymous can uh… go through space and time and teleport..?
So, would you adopt a slug cat commander? I swear they are good at emotional support and you only have to give them a translator for you and others to communicate with them!
-A mysterious entity from the void
Hhhhhh… what in Primus’ name have I just read? ‘Slug… cats’? Disgusting little organic pipe-cleaners that squish when you touch them? And you presume I, Commander Starscream, would adopt one of these bizarre, soggy vermin as though I were some sentimental fool who collects pets??
…Go on. Tell me more.
Because, as revolting as they sound, I suppose one or two of these creatures might serve a purpose. For instance...
This so-called ‘Hunter’ cancerous but deadly? Now that sounds like a creature after my own spark. Drop it in Megatron’s quarters. Either he'll die or finally get thick enough walls.
‘Artificer,’ you say? An organic with explosives. Finally, a minion with practical application! (If it doesn’t explode itself into paste first…)
The ‘Saint’? Able to fly, you claim? Hah! An organic achieving what so few of its kind dare attempt. Intriguing. (But it had better not upstage me.)
The ‘Spearmaster’… infinite spears from its tail. Disturbing. Potentially useful. Also likely to stab me in recharge. Pass.
The ‘Gourmand’ a chubby craftsman. Absolutely not. The last thing I need aboard the Nemesis is a wheezing, sweaty organic collapsing in the hallways. If I want something crafted, I can do it with my own genius.
And the ‘Rivulet’ small, fast, amphibious. Hmmm. Potential scout material, if someone doesn't step on it first or drown.
The rest? Frankly sound like nightmares from an ill-coded simulation, and I refuse to play caretaker to some time-warping abomination that could teleport into my quarters uninvited!
So, would I adopt one? Don’t be absurd. I would, however, command one—should it prove useful, obedient, and sufficiently terrified of me.
...Ah. So it’s you again. The ‘mysterious void entity.’ I should’ve known—you have a habit of dropping these bizarre little hypotheticals onto my comm feed. First it was humans, now these… slug cats. Hmph.
You mentioned translators. Communication. That… does make them marginally more interesting. Most organics are tedious precisely because they cannot properly comprehend brilliance when it is spoken aloud. But if one of these creatures could… converse—if only poorly—it might be less insufferable than the Vehicons.
.…And. Well. I—......I suppose there is something to be said for companionship.
Do not misunderstand me! I am, of course, superior on my own. Entirely capable of functioning without anyone! But… the Nemesis grows quiet, sometimes.
Without the others—Thundercracker, Skywarp—it can be… tiresome.
So perhaps, perhaps, a translator-equipped organic with its own strange little quirks might be… tolerable company. Not an ‘adoption,’ mind you. Simply… a resource. Something to break the monotony.
