#juniper thoughts

!!This price sheet is no longer accurate, commissions like these are currently closed!!

Finally threw together a quick price sheet, woohoo! I'm still very much open for commissions and will be for a good long while!

My situation isn't as dire now but I am still job hunting so any work I can get done at home is always welcome. That and I've very much enjoyed getting to draw for other people in this lovely community!

Struggling eternally because for the past year and a half I have been so liberated in my fat body. I have LOVED gaining a little weight on top of everything, and just enjoying the way I am while partaking in one of the most accepting and loving communities in existence.

And then I get diagnosed with non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. And I don’t know how to function anymore because what’s been my positive life for over a year now has to change. I have to change my eating habits. I have to lose weight. How the fuck am I supposed to continue to love myself when now I have to change it all?? I have literally, never liked the way I looked more than I do now. It’s been a struggle my whole life, because I’ve always been fat and have had body image issues, but this is the fattest I’ve ever been and it’s been great but now, if I don’t change things, it will eventually kill me. And I hate it, but I’m scared and don’t want to die, so I have to change things.

I feel like lately I’ve been really struggling to grow as an artist as well as my socials kind of stagnating. I know there’s no sure fire way to fix either of those issues (keep drawing and keep posting) but it’s definitely disheartening at times. I do draw for myself, like I definitely haven’t really drawn much that I didn’t actually want to draw, but I also know what (most) people like in this community so it’s very easy to play that up in my art.

Definitely just having a very bad case of “comparing yourself to others” situation right now. Not to out my wife or anything but they are WILDLY more popular than I am in terms of interactions such as likes/reblogs as well as followers. We both started our accounts at around the same time, and I am SO so happy of the growth they’ve had, I love to see the new stuff she’s creating as well as how many people enjoy it enough to throw a like or reblog at it. She has an amazing style that you can clock from a mile away, does wonderful work with colors and posing, and every time they experiment with new techniques it just always comes out looking so cool. I truly cannot praise their skill enough and getting to see their success and how much they enjoy what they create just makes me fall so much deeper in love with her ❤️

Looking at my accounts though, I’ve got maybe a third of the followers (less on sites like bsky and fur affinity) and struggle to get more than 20 notes on my own without a reblog from them or rarely, another more popular artist. I know that my style isn’t nearly as fleshed out as theirs and that I’m not as experimental (I’ve been working on that lately) but I’m really trying. And evidently I’m just not very good right now at handling the hard truth that I’m not as skilled as them and so many other artists I look up to. I can see how much I’ve improved in the past year and a half I’ve been doing this but I’m dipping hard back into the opinion that it’s not enough.

Yes, I draw for myself, and I have fun with what I’m drawing. 90% of the time I’m so happy with how my recent works have come out, and I’m like “Yea, this looks so good, surely other people will think so too!”

And then I get, maybe 10 notes. I already don’t have much of an ego but this really kills everything I have left.

This is not even mentioning the money part of things since I would love to be able to make some money on the side off of my artwork since it’s literally what my college degree is in !! I do have a stable job but it is absolutely a “barely scraping by” salary. I’m in my job for the stable hours, benefits, and people I interact with, not the pay. So being able to take on commissions and draw things for others that I also enjoy drawing? Sounds like an amazing gig to help bring in more money.

Can’t really do that unless people like my stuff! And I can’t explain how appreciative I am of everyone who has been along with me on this ride so far, I love every single one of you SO much and this is not me trying to be unappreciative towards my current followers. Purely this is just about the potential growth I could have, but am not getting.

Long story short, all of this is frustration with myself because nobody has done anything wrong. I don’t have an easily identifiable style, I don’t focus on drawing one gender over the other (I feel like this could really be hurting me since a lot of gay men don’t want to look at women art and vice versa), and I’m in a furry subcommunity that is growing, but is still niche to some degree.

Sort of on that topic, since we didn’t get to do one before the con, we’re doing one after! A collab wg drive with @snepfeathers ❤️ Just wanted to throw a poll out there to gauge peoples’ interest in different characters since this’ll be a pairing. Not planning on it being a competition, more of a gaining weight together (although if you do donate, you can specify who and where the added weight will be going)