#junhoe fics

Darkness engulfed the sky, much like it had done to Junhoe’s heart. The thunder echoed with the voice in his mind, the one that was calling him an idiot, a jerk, an asshole, out of many the many other insults to himself. Despite regretting his burst of anger, he was slightly relieved to get it off his chest. With this, he hoped that Hyena would be able to move on from their relationship, even if he couldn’t. It was better that she stayed mad at him forever, wasn’t it?

From then on, Junhoe focused on himself - in a good way that is. He started helping out his uncle at his store doing all the heavy lifting and deliveries, knowing very well that he wasn’t as good of a salesperson as he was a heavy lifter. In an extremely odd way, knowing that Hyena would move on from the darkness that ate him and their friendship made him more motivated as a person. He knew that she would be happier this way and to help her get over their broken relationship faster, he would rush out the class and quickly made his way to his uncle’s store. It hurt him to not be able to face her properly but he deserved it for all the times he rudely ignored her when she tried to reach out to him. He would scoff at himself for being so absorbed in his emotions for her, realising that despite all the hurt she caused him and vice versa, he could never erase his feelings for her.

“Hey Donghyuk, what’s the class doing for the school festival?” Shocked, his classmate dropped the box of cardboard scraps as Junhoe spoke out of nowhere. The taller male hadn’t talked to him since the former quit coming to the community dance classes right after his father passed. Even when they started going to the same high school, Junhoe never approached Donghyuk, the curious boy getting information about his behaviour from Junhoe's childhood friend Hanbin, who was in the high school dance club with him. He always thought that their friendship was genuine back then and so this sudden conversation initiated by Junhoe warmed his heart a little. 

The boy’s eyes widened as he saw how Junhoe bent down to pick up the scraps and put them back in the box, an initiative move on his behalf. After a pause, the nostalgic stricken Donghyuk could only stutter out a, “We-we’re doing a maid and butler cafe.”

“Okay… And why?” Junhoe’s eyebrows furrowed as he absorbed the information, having not participated in any school festival ever. With the now filled box in his hands, Donghyuk began walking with Junhoe following behind him as he explained, “Well the girls really liked the idea when uhm… Hyena suggested it.”

Junhoe nodded at him to continue, trying to keep a straight face knowing full well how his old friend was trying to be wary of his words despite not know why or how he knew about Hyena and him. Donghyuk shifted his gaze to peak into the classroom, letting out a sigh of relief when he noticed that all the girls weren’t there before he continued, “And then Yuna suggested that the guys could dress up as butlers so it would be ‘fair’. We also don’t have much space in the class so we decided to make it up for it by selling real baked goods and drinks like macarons and tea and stuff.”

Checking to see if Junhoe was paying attention, Donghyuk placed the box on the floor and proceeded to pull out a note that instructed him to arrange the cardboard scraps to make the words ‘CAFE 2-3’, Junhoe’s hands automatically pulling the scraps out of the box in an offer to help as soon as he read the note. Although looking distant, Junhoe was aware of the murmurs from the handful of guys around him as he helped Donghyuk and in an attempt to break the awkwardness he continued their conversation, “So who’s making all that real food and drinks?”

With a smile, Donghyuk replied, “Half of the girls and some of the guys are experimenting and designing the menu right now actually. The rest of the girls are tailoring the outfits that are going to be used for the festival. Everyone’s pretty excited about it.”

Junhoe felt nervousness rise in his stomach as he prepared himself for his next line, clearing his throat before he said, “Could I… Become a butler too?”

“Seriously?” Donghyuk’s eyes widened as he saw real emotions cross Junhoe’s face, an expression filled with worry and optimism. It was so interesting for him to not see and feel an ounce of arrogance or pride in his friend’s tone. Nodding with enthusiasm, Donghyuk waved for one of the guys in the class to come over with the measuring tape, quickly getting his old friend to stand up and take his measurements before he thinks twice about his involvement.

“What made you want to do this though?” Trying to be careful with his words yet trying to ask an important question was really difficult for Donghyuk, the boy not used to such upfront confrontation. Unable to tell his old friend in front of so many people that he’d decided to live his life without grudges, Junhoe looked him in the eye as he shrugged and answered, “Figured it was about time I stopped being an ass.”

Bursting out laughing, Donghyuk looked around the classroom to see the other guys smile oddly at Junhoe, his comparably gentler words and actions making him seem like a completely different person. Noticing how they were all looking at him who was standing in the middle of the class and getting himself measured, Junhoe decided to say one more thing, “Could you guys maybe not tell Hyena that I’m helping out? Well, she wouldn’t want to hear that anyway.”

For the first time ever, he made the effort to turn around and face all of them, recognising and trying to remember the faces of his classmates who meant nothing to him before, unsure of his own intentions in doing so. When he turned to face Donghyuk, he was surprised to find his friend smirking to himself, the boy responding to Junhoe, “And how do you know she doesn’t want to hear that?”

“Trust me, she doesn’t. So don’t,” With a firmer voice, Junhoe hoped this would help prevent them from crossing paths any time soon, their wounds far too big to be patched up at the moment. He had hoped that this would be another way to distract himself since working at his uncle’s store just didn’t seem enough to stop him from thinking about Hyena. 

And so the preparations for the school festival began, Hyena and Junhoe going about preparing for the class cafe in their own little ways, unknowing of what the other was doing. They both took a step forward in their recovery and despite the wounds in their hearts, the laughter of their classmates brought a temporary fulfillment in a void that might not heal.

“Finally!!” Hyena was engulfed in a hug as soon as her friend broke through the crowd of people. Hanbin laughed loudly as he gave Yumi a pat on her back, the girl panting from running. Her friend’s unique red girl’s school uniform shone brightly among the crowd and people were glancing their way, trying not to make it obvious. 

“Okay, let's go to your class first and then we’ll go to Hanbin’s class and then Jinhwan oppa and Miso unnie’s class and then we’ll take a photo together and then -” Hanbin slung his arm over Yumi’s shoulder and cupped his hand over her mouth to keep her from talking, quickly interjecting as he brought her face close to his, “Or you don’t have to drag anyone anywhere and just enjoy it with me for the time being. The others are busy anyway.”

With a laugh, Hyena gave Yumi’s hand a squeeze and quickly excused herself, telling her to come over to her class a bit before her break at noon. She looked over her shoulder, her heart warm at the view of Hanbin and Yumi laughing loudly together, the two being best friends for too long to be just friends. The look in Hanbin’s eyes told her everything. Somehow, Hyena felt jealous. With their circumstances, the two had always been able to be open with each other, something Junhoe and her couldn’t achieve since they were little. 

Pushing the thought away, Hyena went back to her class, surprised to find a long line spilling out from the entrance. She passed through the people after much trouble and her eyes immediately widened at the sight before her. Junhoe, who she hadn't seen in close to a month, was in a tailored butler outfit. It wasn’t just any outfit though, since Hyena distinctly remembered stitching that little rose patch on the right breast pocket of the outfit exclusively for her good friend Donghyuk. 

It took Hyena off-guard seeing him smile at the girls he was serving, a wide toothy grin that was dazzling in its own special way. She felt her heart prick at the sight and she slowly made her way to the food preparation area of the classroom which was cordoned off with floor to ceiling curtains. Instinctively, she clutched the fabric of her outfit and closed her eyes for a moment, waiting until her felt herself calm down. 

“So I guess you saw him?” Hyena looked up and a smiling Donghyuk greeted her, the boy arranging macarons and biscuits nicely on a plate. She let out an exasperated sigh and sat down on a chair near him as she said, barely above a whisper, “Why is he wearing your outfit?”

“He wanted to be a part of it so I just gave his measurements as mine. No biggie,” As he passed the plate to Yuna who came in, the said girl looked over at Hyena and perked up, “Oh! Must be time for my break!”

Before she could protest, Yuna pushed the plate into Hyena’s hands and pulled on her wrist to drag her outside, quickly telling her which table to give it to before waving goodbye as she left the classroom. The group of guys in the corner looked unamused as she approached and she cursed herself for having a hand in deciding the ‘you take their order, you serve them’ rule the class voted for. Despite being worried, Hyena walked over to the table and presented the plate to them, giving them a big smile as she did so. 

“Hey, you aren’t Song Yuna. You think we customers are a joke or something?” As one of the guys said this, he pushed the plate off the table, the sound of the plate breaking enough to hush the crowd in the classroom. 

“I’m sorry but Yuna had matters to attend to so she wasn’t able to finish all her duties,” Bowing slightly to them, Hyena took in a deep breath as the group of guys proceeded to laugh her. 

“Well, can’t be helped. You’ll just have to go around with us to make up for it, maybe?” Their cackling laughter was becoming extremely annoying and Hyena looked up at them, ready to say something back. 

“If you aren’t satisfied with our service you could fill out the feedback form we have,” She looked up at Junhoe who suddenly stepped in front of her waving a feedback form in the faces of the three guys. His voice was unexpectedly polite and neutral while his expression was pleasant and genuine, shocking Hyena. 

Looking around the now quiet classroom, the three guys realised how embarrassing they must’ve looked and quickly got up to leave the classroom, giving Junhoe and Hyena rotten expressions as they left. The quiet of the classroom soon disappeared and along came bustling chatter and hushed whispers. Despite that, Junhoe didn't even spare a look at Hyena and proceeded to do the rest of his duties. 

“I didn’t know Koo Junhoe was that cool.” Said one girl to her friend as Hyena took their order. 

“He’s a good fighter and he stands up for women? What a combo,” Said another as Hyena picked up dishes on their table from the previous customers. 

“Having a bad boy in class must be quite exciting huh?” One girl asked Hyena directly as she was trying to take her order. 

Deciding that she won’t have it, Hyena walked back to the preparation room after serving a final customer and managed to get another girl to replace her for a while, knowing that Junhoe’s shift would end soon and she just didn’t want to see or hear about him for now. She then hid herself in another sectioned off area which acted like a break room. The class created it with the intention of giving those who needed a short break a space in the class rather than outside where everyone was enjoying the festival. 

“You okay in there?” Donghyuk said as he peeked from behind the curtain that separated the preparation room from the break room. Hyena nodded in response, knowing her voice would only betray her if she tried. He moved from behind the curtain and walked towards her, handing her a plate of colourful macarons as he grinned, “I’m hoping the bright colours might bring out a brighter expression from you.”

She couldn’t help but laugh as he said this, thankful that her friend was always understanding of her feelings, unlike someone. As she took a bite out of a red macaron, the curtain parted and a voice said, “Hey Donghyuk we should… go.”

Junhoe’s eyes reached hers and before he felt the heat rise to his ears he directed his gaze to Donghyuk and continued, “Uh, I’ll just be waiting outside.”

He left as quickly as he entered, Hyena realising that she hadn’t blinked since he came and looked over at Donghyuk, blinking up at him. With a sheepish smile, Donghyuk was about to explain himself before she interjected, her voice sounding slightly sad, “I hate how he looks so good in the outfit I made.”

“Go and make him happy, please,” She smiled at Donghyuk, a genuine yet pained smile that showed she cared more for him than she let on. He could only give her a thumbs up and a nod in return, unsure of how to answer her. 

Sighing, Hyena thought about how their closure had really helped diminished the anger she thought she had for Junhoe, something that was not surprising since she knew she still cared for him. She was thankful to be given the chance to let out her rage, knowing full well that despite all the trouble they caused for each other, she was loyal to her feelings for him, truly believing that Junhoe’s true feelings was somewhere behind his hard exterior. 

She was pulled out from her thoughts when the curtain was pulled away, her classmate informing her that it was already Hyena’s break time, the girl checking the time on her phone before thanking her classmate for letting her know. Looking around the corridor as she stepped out of the classroom, Hyena kept a lookout for the eye catching red uniform and clutched her phone in her hand out of nervousness. She hadn’t talked to Yumi properly since she came back and she wanted to know everything that has been going on in her friends life. 

“Sorry to keep you waiting!” As Miso and Yumi brisk walked towards her, Hyena couldn’t help the smile that formed on her face from seeing them together. Yumi grabbed each of their hands and looked up at them, a gleeful look in her eye as she said, “The three blind mice are together again!”

Feeling some kind of a soft sadness inside her, Hyena pulled the two into a group hug and gave them the tightest squeeze she could manage. Jokingly, Yumi let out a laugh and said, "Okay, don't squeeze the air out of us please."

When Yumi saw how Hyena wiped away a small tear that appeared at the corner of her eye, she immediately softened and gave the slightly taller girl a pat on the shoulder as she said, "You've been through a lot since you came back haven't you?"

"Let's not focus on that for today! I just want to have fun with my closest friends," Thinking about how her old friend still had the brightest smile she'd ever seen, Yumi turned to look at Miso and they both nodded in agreement at Hyena's simple request. 

Junhoe titled his head in confusion as Hyena suddenly stopped what she was doing, her hand in mid air holding the q-tip gently on his lip. She stayed there for some time and Junhoe, getting annoyed, called out to her, “Ya, shorty. What are you doing?”

“N-nothing. Sorry.” She let out a deep sigh from within, it was shaky and long, her whole body rising and falling to emphasise the intensity of her feelings toward him. She continued with what she was doing, trying to be careful not to expose herself.

Nothing my ass, he thought. There was no way she was okay with the way her whole body screamed like she was upset about something. The way she tried to steady her slightly shaky hands and how her breathing became more intense as if she was about to burst into tears.

Before he knew it, his hand was out and he held her by the wrist, stopping her actions. He was shocked by himself, not realising at first how his hands came out of nowhere. He stared at her, her eyes widened in the same shock. He hated how he wanted to see more of her face, hated how he could just stare at her all day.

“Jun… My wrist hurts…” Her expression albeit gentle, slowly turned into a pained one the longer Junhoe held her. As much as she appreciated how he was the one initiating the contact between them, she couldn’t help but think about why he was so worked up.

“You didn’t answer me shorty. Why did you stop? What’s with the face?” His voice dipped to a gentle tone at his last line, surprising them both. He studied her expression and in a moment of trying to put her feelings first, he loosened his grip on her wrist.

“I just thought about how much you mean to me. That’s all.” She directed her gaze elsewhere, suddenly afraid about expressing her strong desire to reconcile. She could hear her pounding heart and an enormous sense of guilt engulfed her. In an instant the pace of her breathing quickened, the tightness in her chest making her feel like she wasn’t breathing, this being a usual occurrence ever since she came back to Korea. She looked up at Junhoe from under her quickly blinking eyelids, her voice caught in her throat and her lips quivering, preventing her from speaking.

His grip on her tightened as he recognised her actions, for his father had episodes like this before he was hospitalised. Her whole body was trembling and she looked like she was short of breath. Junhoe used his other hand to grip her free arm, pulling her to stand up before him. She was stood on a step higher than him as her tears streamed down her face and she stared past him, though he was facing her. Junhoe felt his heart race as flashes of the detailed dream ran through his mind, about how she would forget him even when he was looking right at her.

His broken conscious told him to leave her if she was being like this, about how he should call Jinhwan to pick her up there and take care of her. It wasn’t even his duty or anything. But of course, the part of him that truly cared for her wouldn’t accept such a thought, telling him that it was his fault she was like this in the first place. She wouldn’t have had an attack if she didn’t think about him. She wouldn’t have looked so broken every time they met if it wasn’t for him being a jerk to her.

Junhoe could feel his heart ache at the sight before him and on an impulse, he brought his hands up to her shoulders, making her face him. Her eyes were unfocused and she didn’t even look at him but Junhoe fought with his inner demon that was telling him to leave her, since he was unsure if she would return to him if he was a jerk to her this time. Something was coming up to the surface, Junhoe wasn’t changing but his past self was emerging from within him, taking the reins of this situation. From the outside, it would’ve looked like he was being controlled by someone else but Junhoe knew it was just his innermost thoughts making him act as if he had no control over himself. In a swift but gentle movement, he cupped Hyena’s face with his hands. Her eyes met his then, focusing on him instantly, blinking up at him.

“What’s wrong? Tell me,” Although his words were reminiscent of a past Junhoe, the gentle but awkward Junhoe, the firmness in his question reflected the older, more serious Junhoe. Hyena brought her hand up hold his hand on her cheek and Junhoe realised how cold her hands were now. With a small smile she looked him in the eye, her expression conveying an overall sadness as she said, “I don’t have time Junhoe. My mother is… not well,” Junhoe didn’t know how she could laugh in a situation like this. He didn’t understand what she meant by that but it had to be severe if she had that pained expression on her face and that was enough for him to believe her.

Junhoe’s hands moved away from Hyena’s face and he reached behind her - just like he did in the library - one hand behind her head and one hand on her back, pulling her in. His hug was warm and familiar, and before she knew it, Hyena’s tears started to spill again. She could only bring her arms around his back, hugging him with the same tightness he was giving her, sobbing even harder when she felt how physically close they were. She let out a muffled wail as she was in his embrace, all the emotions she had to hold in since her father got really sick, all the pain that she felt but could never express to anyone else.

After about a minute of stroking her hair and swaying a little from side to side with her in his arms, Junhoe pulled away from the hug, placing his hands on her shoulders as he looked into her eyes, a struggling but sincere expression on his face. Seeing his expression, Hyena instinctively brought her hands to hold onto his wrists, her heartbeat fast and loud in her chest. A small smile made its way on her lips as she said, “I’m sorry for staining your shirt,” She wiped her tear streaked face, clearing her vision as she continued, “Being nice to me must be hard for you.”

“It is,” His voice was rough but hurt was etched in it. He closed his eyes as he said this, as if it was too hard to properly look at her, “That’s only because I haven’t really been nice to anyone in a long time, though.” Deciding that he should say his thoughts to her directly, he brought his hands down to his sides, feeling undeserving of this ecstasy that washed over his heart whenever he held her.

“Look, I never hated you.” The habit of rubbing the back of his neck when he was nervous didn’t change, she thought. His eyes were downcast as he continued, “I just hated what you did to me,” He couldn’t help his strong gaze as he looked at her, “It really affected me and I’m not sure if we could ever be like that again. Carefree and always together. That’s just not how I am now.”

Hyena wanted to interject but before she could even try, Junhoe continued, purposely cutting her off, “You left when my dad just died and you knew I had no one else. Did it never cross your mind that you could’ve just wrote to me?” His voice cracked a little as he said this, both anger and sadness emitting from his being. The thought of Hyena’s own burdens didn’t even flash through his mind when those harsh words escaped him. He was again, absorbed in his own selfish thoughts, this time directing it towards Hyena with increased volume.

The girl was frozen as she looked him in the eye, her resolve slowly breaking before him. Junhoe’s hot and cold personality seemed to get more extreme each time they met. She didn’t want to think that it was her fault, rationalising that there might be other factors. But despite trying, every situation she thought of had her involved in the molding of his current personality. It might sound arrogant of her but his actions heavily point it in that direction. It somehow had always been like that. With her father, with her mother, with Junhoe and even her childhood friends. She had always been a symbol of misfortune to herself and no matter how bright her smile was, Hyena had always felt that her aura was dark, that she was just meant to invite terrible fate. No matter how much she believed in making the lives of her loved ones better, she knew they would only have a better life if she wasn’t there.

Junhoe was silent after his outburst, the rage that was boiling in his blood coming down to a simmer. He felt relieved yet guilty. He knew it himself how his emotions tend to take over his whole being and he knew he didn’t mince his words, sure that they were like bullets aimed at Hyena’s already guilty conscious. His light heart turned heavy again, the guilt of raising his voice at her quickly pressing onto his conscious. When she was near him, he couldn’t control himself. Extreme rage or extreme joy were only a handful of emotions he could feel when he was with her and he didn’t know it would eventually be the cause of his eruption of emotions.

“Look, I didn’t ask you to approach me when we were kids. I was fine being the lonely sandbox kid in the playgroup. So why are you making a face like you’re the victim in this situation?” Unexpectedly, the look in Hyena’s eyes reflected anger. It wasn’t an ‘I’m going to kill you’ look that Junhoe was used to seeing during fights so he couldn’t understand the pain that was behind her furious expression. Hyena was changing, she was tired of being patient. She wanted to pour out her feelings and rip out his heart right there before she could rip out her own. She didn’t have anything to lose anyway.

“If I had known that trying to be friends with another loner would bring both of us this much pain, I shouldn’t have even tried,” She lashed out, furious at him but her voice betrayed her, extreme feelings of hurt being conveyed instead. Angry tears took over her sad tears and she quickly crouched down to pack up the first aid box, roughly wiping the tears away from her eyes as she did so.

There was no more flexibility in their relationship anymore, it was already being pulled past it’s limits. Junhoe being the first to let go and inflicting damage on Hyena, yet she held on. She held onto the relationship, hoping that he would come back and see her sincerity, hoping that he would pick up the other end of their fragile friendship. Truthfully, it had scared Hyena ever since she returned and no matter how hard she tried, Junhoe rejected her everything eventually, slowly straining their already stretched relationship.

With a deep, shaky breath, Hyena turned to Junhoe, her eyes fixed on him. She clutched the first aid kid in her hand, her knuckles turning white at her force. They stood there for a very short moment, stuck in their emotions. Tears were still streaming down Hyena’s face and without wiping them away, she brought her free hand up to hold his cheek as she said with finality, “Goodbye Koo Junhoe.”