#jerk junhoe

Darkness engulfed the sky, much like it had done to Junhoe’s heart. The thunder echoed with the voice in his mind, the one that was calling him an idiot, a jerk, an asshole, out of many the many other insults to himself. Despite regretting his burst of anger, he was slightly relieved to get it off his chest. With this, he hoped that Hyena would be able to move on from their relationship, even if he couldn’t. It was better that she stayed mad at him forever, wasn’t it?

From then on, Junhoe focused on himself - in a good way that is. He started helping out his uncle at his store doing all the heavy lifting and deliveries, knowing very well that he wasn’t as good of a salesperson as he was a heavy lifter. In an extremely odd way, knowing that Hyena would move on from the darkness that ate him and their friendship made him more motivated as a person. He knew that she would be happier this way and to help her get over their broken relationship faster, he would rush out the class and quickly made his way to his uncle’s store. It hurt him to not be able to face her properly but he deserved it for all the times he rudely ignored her when she tried to reach out to him. He would scoff at himself for being so absorbed in his emotions for her, realising that despite all the hurt she caused him and vice versa, he could never erase his feelings for her.

“Hey Donghyuk, what’s the class doing for the school festival?” Shocked, his classmate dropped the box of cardboard scraps as Junhoe spoke out of nowhere. The taller male hadn’t talked to him since the former quit coming to the community dance classes right after his father passed. Even when they started going to the same high school, Junhoe never approached Donghyuk, the curious boy getting information about his behaviour from Junhoe's childhood friend Hanbin, who was in the high school dance club with him. He always thought that their friendship was genuine back then and so this sudden conversation initiated by Junhoe warmed his heart a little. 

The boy’s eyes widened as he saw how Junhoe bent down to pick up the scraps and put them back in the box, an initiative move on his behalf. After a pause, the nostalgic stricken Donghyuk could only stutter out a, “We-we’re doing a maid and butler cafe.”

“Okay… And why?” Junhoe’s eyebrows furrowed as he absorbed the information, having not participated in any school festival ever. With the now filled box in his hands, Donghyuk began walking with Junhoe following behind him as he explained, “Well the girls really liked the idea when uhm… Hyena suggested it.”

Junhoe nodded at him to continue, trying to keep a straight face knowing full well how his old friend was trying to be wary of his words despite not know why or how he knew about Hyena and him. Donghyuk shifted his gaze to peak into the classroom, letting out a sigh of relief when he noticed that all the girls weren’t there before he continued, “And then Yuna suggested that the guys could dress up as butlers so it would be ‘fair’. We also don’t have much space in the class so we decided to make it up for it by selling real baked goods and drinks like macarons and tea and stuff.”

Checking to see if Junhoe was paying attention, Donghyuk placed the box on the floor and proceeded to pull out a note that instructed him to arrange the cardboard scraps to make the words ‘CAFE 2-3’, Junhoe’s hands automatically pulling the scraps out of the box in an offer to help as soon as he read the note. Although looking distant, Junhoe was aware of the murmurs from the handful of guys around him as he helped Donghyuk and in an attempt to break the awkwardness he continued their conversation, “So who’s making all that real food and drinks?”

With a smile, Donghyuk replied, “Half of the girls and some of the guys are experimenting and designing the menu right now actually. The rest of the girls are tailoring the outfits that are going to be used for the festival. Everyone’s pretty excited about it.”

Junhoe felt nervousness rise in his stomach as he prepared himself for his next line, clearing his throat before he said, “Could I… Become a butler too?”

“Seriously?” Donghyuk’s eyes widened as he saw real emotions cross Junhoe’s face, an expression filled with worry and optimism. It was so interesting for him to not see and feel an ounce of arrogance or pride in his friend’s tone. Nodding with enthusiasm, Donghyuk waved for one of the guys in the class to come over with the measuring tape, quickly getting his old friend to stand up and take his measurements before he thinks twice about his involvement.

“What made you want to do this though?” Trying to be careful with his words yet trying to ask an important question was really difficult for Donghyuk, the boy not used to such upfront confrontation. Unable to tell his old friend in front of so many people that he’d decided to live his life without grudges, Junhoe looked him in the eye as he shrugged and answered, “Figured it was about time I stopped being an ass.”

Bursting out laughing, Donghyuk looked around the classroom to see the other guys smile oddly at Junhoe, his comparably gentler words and actions making him seem like a completely different person. Noticing how they were all looking at him who was standing in the middle of the class and getting himself measured, Junhoe decided to say one more thing, “Could you guys maybe not tell Hyena that I’m helping out? Well, she wouldn’t want to hear that anyway.”

For the first time ever, he made the effort to turn around and face all of them, recognising and trying to remember the faces of his classmates who meant nothing to him before, unsure of his own intentions in doing so. When he turned to face Donghyuk, he was surprised to find his friend smirking to himself, the boy responding to Junhoe, “And how do you know she doesn’t want to hear that?”

“Trust me, she doesn’t. So don’t,” With a firmer voice, Junhoe hoped this would help prevent them from crossing paths any time soon, their wounds far too big to be patched up at the moment. He had hoped that this would be another way to distract himself since working at his uncle’s store just didn’t seem enough to stop him from thinking about Hyena. 

And so the preparations for the school festival began, Hyena and Junhoe going about preparing for the class cafe in their own little ways, unknowing of what the other was doing. They both took a step forward in their recovery and despite the wounds in their hearts, the laughter of their classmates brought a temporary fulfillment in a void that might not heal.

“Finally!!” Hyena was engulfed in a hug as soon as her friend broke through the crowd of people. Hanbin laughed loudly as he gave Yumi a pat on her back, the girl panting from running. Her friend’s unique red girl’s school uniform shone brightly among the crowd and people were glancing their way, trying not to make it obvious. 

“Okay, let's go to your class first and then we’ll go to Hanbin’s class and then Jinhwan oppa and Miso unnie’s class and then we’ll take a photo together and then -” Hanbin slung his arm over Yumi’s shoulder and cupped his hand over her mouth to keep her from talking, quickly interjecting as he brought her face close to his, “Or you don’t have to drag anyone anywhere and just enjoy it with me for the time being. The others are busy anyway.”

With a laugh, Hyena gave Yumi’s hand a squeeze and quickly excused herself, telling her to come over to her class a bit before her break at noon. She looked over her shoulder, her heart warm at the view of Hanbin and Yumi laughing loudly together, the two being best friends for too long to be just friends. The look in Hanbin’s eyes told her everything. Somehow, Hyena felt jealous. With their circumstances, the two had always been able to be open with each other, something Junhoe and her couldn’t achieve since they were little. 

Pushing the thought away, Hyena went back to her class, surprised to find a long line spilling out from the entrance. She passed through the people after much trouble and her eyes immediately widened at the sight before her. Junhoe, who she hadn't seen in close to a month, was in a tailored butler outfit. It wasn’t just any outfit though, since Hyena distinctly remembered stitching that little rose patch on the right breast pocket of the outfit exclusively for her good friend Donghyuk. 

It took Hyena off-guard seeing him smile at the girls he was serving, a wide toothy grin that was dazzling in its own special way. She felt her heart prick at the sight and she slowly made her way to the food preparation area of the classroom which was cordoned off with floor to ceiling curtains. Instinctively, she clutched the fabric of her outfit and closed her eyes for a moment, waiting until her felt herself calm down. 

“So I guess you saw him?” Hyena looked up and a smiling Donghyuk greeted her, the boy arranging macarons and biscuits nicely on a plate. She let out an exasperated sigh and sat down on a chair near him as she said, barely above a whisper, “Why is he wearing your outfit?”

“He wanted to be a part of it so I just gave his measurements as mine. No biggie,” As he passed the plate to Yuna who came in, the said girl looked over at Hyena and perked up, “Oh! Must be time for my break!”

Before she could protest, Yuna pushed the plate into Hyena’s hands and pulled on her wrist to drag her outside, quickly telling her which table to give it to before waving goodbye as she left the classroom. The group of guys in the corner looked unamused as she approached and she cursed herself for having a hand in deciding the ‘you take their order, you serve them’ rule the class voted for. Despite being worried, Hyena walked over to the table and presented the plate to them, giving them a big smile as she did so. 

“Hey, you aren’t Song Yuna. You think we customers are a joke or something?” As one of the guys said this, he pushed the plate off the table, the sound of the plate breaking enough to hush the crowd in the classroom. 

“I’m sorry but Yuna had matters to attend to so she wasn’t able to finish all her duties,” Bowing slightly to them, Hyena took in a deep breath as the group of guys proceeded to laugh her. 

“Well, can’t be helped. You’ll just have to go around with us to make up for it, maybe?” Their cackling laughter was becoming extremely annoying and Hyena looked up at them, ready to say something back. 

“If you aren’t satisfied with our service you could fill out the feedback form we have,” She looked up at Junhoe who suddenly stepped in front of her waving a feedback form in the faces of the three guys. His voice was unexpectedly polite and neutral while his expression was pleasant and genuine, shocking Hyena. 

Looking around the now quiet classroom, the three guys realised how embarrassing they must’ve looked and quickly got up to leave the classroom, giving Junhoe and Hyena rotten expressions as they left. The quiet of the classroom soon disappeared and along came bustling chatter and hushed whispers. Despite that, Junhoe didn't even spare a look at Hyena and proceeded to do the rest of his duties. 

“I didn’t know Koo Junhoe was that cool.” Said one girl to her friend as Hyena took their order. 

“He’s a good fighter and he stands up for women? What a combo,” Said another as Hyena picked up dishes on their table from the previous customers. 

“Having a bad boy in class must be quite exciting huh?” One girl asked Hyena directly as she was trying to take her order. 

Deciding that she won’t have it, Hyena walked back to the preparation room after serving a final customer and managed to get another girl to replace her for a while, knowing that Junhoe’s shift would end soon and she just didn’t want to see or hear about him for now. She then hid herself in another sectioned off area which acted like a break room. The class created it with the intention of giving those who needed a short break a space in the class rather than outside where everyone was enjoying the festival. 

“You okay in there?” Donghyuk said as he peeked from behind the curtain that separated the preparation room from the break room. Hyena nodded in response, knowing her voice would only betray her if she tried. He moved from behind the curtain and walked towards her, handing her a plate of colourful macarons as he grinned, “I’m hoping the bright colours might bring out a brighter expression from you.”

She couldn’t help but laugh as he said this, thankful that her friend was always understanding of her feelings, unlike someone. As she took a bite out of a red macaron, the curtain parted and a voice said, “Hey Donghyuk we should… go.”

Junhoe’s eyes reached hers and before he felt the heat rise to his ears he directed his gaze to Donghyuk and continued, “Uh, I’ll just be waiting outside.”

He left as quickly as he entered, Hyena realising that she hadn’t blinked since he came and looked over at Donghyuk, blinking up at him. With a sheepish smile, Donghyuk was about to explain himself before she interjected, her voice sounding slightly sad, “I hate how he looks so good in the outfit I made.”

“Go and make him happy, please,” She smiled at Donghyuk, a genuine yet pained smile that showed she cared more for him than she let on. He could only give her a thumbs up and a nod in return, unsure of how to answer her. 

Sighing, Hyena thought about how their closure had really helped diminished the anger she thought she had for Junhoe, something that was not surprising since she knew she still cared for him. She was thankful to be given the chance to let out her rage, knowing full well that despite all the trouble they caused for each other, she was loyal to her feelings for him, truly believing that Junhoe’s true feelings was somewhere behind his hard exterior. 

She was pulled out from her thoughts when the curtain was pulled away, her classmate informing her that it was already Hyena’s break time, the girl checking the time on her phone before thanking her classmate for letting her know. Looking around the corridor as she stepped out of the classroom, Hyena kept a lookout for the eye catching red uniform and clutched her phone in her hand out of nervousness. She hadn’t talked to Yumi properly since she came back and she wanted to know everything that has been going on in her friends life. 

“Sorry to keep you waiting!” As Miso and Yumi brisk walked towards her, Hyena couldn’t help the smile that formed on her face from seeing them together. Yumi grabbed each of their hands and looked up at them, a gleeful look in her eye as she said, “The three blind mice are together again!”

Feeling some kind of a soft sadness inside her, Hyena pulled the two into a group hug and gave them the tightest squeeze she could manage. Jokingly, Yumi let out a laugh and said, "Okay, don't squeeze the air out of us please."

When Yumi saw how Hyena wiped away a small tear that appeared at the corner of her eye, she immediately softened and gave the slightly taller girl a pat on the shoulder as she said, "You've been through a lot since you came back haven't you?"

"Let's not focus on that for today! I just want to have fun with my closest friends," Thinking about how her old friend still had the brightest smile she'd ever seen, Yumi turned to look at Miso and they both nodded in agreement at Hyena's simple request. 

“Did you know the Go family moved back above us? I saw Hyena and her mother in the elevator this morning and it felt like an eternity since I last saw them,” Junhoe’s uncle cautiously said as he placed the side dishes on the table. He knew how sensitive his brother’s son was towards the mention of his previous best friend. Since he was being unresponsive, he continued, “Hyena grew up beautifully don’t you think? She’s still looks like a small, timid girl but she seems more confident compared to before.”

“Nothing changed,” He monotonously responded. He shoved another big spoonful of rice into his already full mouth, quickly chewing through it, his constant anger towards everything fueling his hunger.

“She’s been doing well though. Both of them. Since they’re struggling, they’ve been doing all they can to save costs. I just can’t believe they’d resort to not eating properly,” Junhoe looked up from his rice bowl and gave him a confused look, the mention them not eating peaking his interest. His uncle continued talking when he realised he finally caught his attention, “With me being a helpful person and an old friend, you know I had to give her mother whatever I could spare,” The boy felt some relief in his chest and thought back about their run in at the sick bay, how food wrappers dropped from her lap, the crinkling sound disturbing the silence. There was no point in asking her about it then, his firm stance in not interacting with her at all being in his way of speaking up.

His uncle, reading his expression, tilted his head as he realised his nephew knew nothing about them at the moment, “Didn’t you know? Hyena’s father passed away,” The look in his usually tough eyes softened as he continued, “They moved overseas to get away from the stuffy city air and get better treatment there but it didn’t work out like they wanted it to,” His voice was not in his usual loudness as he finished his sentence, his own face reminiscent of their earlier years, the years when his own brother - Junhoe’s father - was fighting for his life.

Junhoe looked away from him, unsure of how to respond to the information he had just been given. He stopped eating and waited for his uncle to join him on the dining table, a new guilt emerging in his mind. He realised then how he’d been so absorbed in his emotions for so long that he didn’t realise how it adversely affected his uncle whose health and wellbeing should be his main priority. How could he just let himself be engulfed with grief from his father’s death and his best friend’s departure without ever considering the feelings of his uncle who had taken him in despite having his own struggles?

“What’s wrong?” His uncle looked at him when he returned from the kitchen, concern written on his tired face. Junhoe gave him a small smile and picked up his chopsticks to resume his dinner when he saw his uncle dig into his own food. Just as he was about to put another spoonful in his mouth, Junhoe paused and looked up at his uncle before he sincerely said, “Look, I’ll help out at the store after school from now on.”

A smile broke out on his uncle’s face but there was a melancholic expression in his eyes as he gazed at him, “You’re just like your dad, always giving short answers and never being upfront when talking about your feelings,” He laughed a little, the unsteadiness in his laughter causing Junhoe’s heart to ache.

Choosing to change the topic, he started by saying, “Did you finally let the nurse patch you up? It looks like a really clean job,” He reached over to Junhoe’s arm and gently touched the bandaged part, inspecting it closer. Junhoe breath caught in his throat and he started coughing, briefly choking on air at the unexpected question. He continued coughing as his uncle handed him a glass of water, his beating heart calming down as he downed the drink, his throat feeling better. He looked up from his bowl, clenching his jaw as he struggled to contain a smile from breaking out on his face as he said her name, “Hyena did.”

“You let someone touch you? And it was Hyena?” Shock was in his voice as he tried to absorb the given information, warmth spreading in his heart as he realised his nephew’s feelings. It had been years since anyone other than himself was allowed anywhere near Junhoe’s comfort zone, easily being distrustful of people since the only people he ever loved left him. Uncomfortable with the amount of attention his uncle was giving him, he directed his gaze back to his food, murmuring, “It’s nothing, really.”

His uncle gave him a hearty laughter and looked at the top of Junhoe’s head, the boy’s head still lowered, as he said, “Hyena and you are so similar, both so daring despite being reckless at times.” A knowing look was in his eyes as he continued, “You’re both also show a tough front, being bold even though you’re actual softies.”

Junhoe shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he thought about the truth in his uncle’s statement. It’s true that Hyena was more timid in the past but she was daring, having pulled him out of his shell and showing him how bright the world could be if he opened up. Nobody knew Hyena better than he did, that’s why he knew how she was exactly the same - she just had more scars on her soul compared to before.

After that incident, it seemed almost impossible for Hyena to try and meet Junhoe anywhere at all. First, it was around their apartment complex. They originally didn’t see each other much since Junhoe would just take the stairs to avoid her or he would close the lift in front of her face, pretending not to see her but this time, it was like he wanted to avoid her at all cost completely. Even in school, it didn’t even matter that he sat behind her in class since he dashes out of the classroom as soon as the school bell rings, even if the teacher didn’t deem it the end of class yet. After school was even worse, since she assumed that he could be anywhere in the general area with his group. It was already a good week or two since Junhoe started really avoiding her and since it was nearing the school festival, Hyena got busier with helping the class prepare for the event, Junhoe expectedly not participating in helping out.

That day in particular though, Hyena finished her duties early and had met up with Jinhwan to ask about why Junhoe would do such a thing. Jinhwan could only tell her, “Well for the last seven years of him not being able to see you, fighting was his way to forget you.” He stopped cutting the paper in his hand and lifted the scissors as he said, “Man, can you imagine, if he fought in anger when you weren’t here, how would he be now if you are here?” Jinhwan’s eyes enlarged as he realised what he said, and he dropped the scissors on the table to reach over and place a hand on Hyena’s shoulder as he warned her, “I think you should be by his side. He wouldn’t even be fighting if he didn’t care about you, honestly.”

Confused by the sudden seriousness in his tone, Hyena tried to absorb what Jinhwan said but she couldn’t really understand the correlation between Junhoe’s occasional fighting and her presence in his life. Was he fighting with others as a mean to forget her existence? Or did he just not want to deal with his hateful feelings towards her? With a groan, Hyena placed her head on the table, feeling defeated. Although she had stayed back in school to specifically talk to Jinhwan, the boy gladly took advantage of the situation and asked her to help him with some of his student council work while they talked. The student council club room was the same size as a normal classroom but looked bigger since they stacked the unused chairs and tables in a corner. Since it was a Friday, the club room was empty save for the two of them. They talked about different things and it was only a matter of time before the always curious Hyena asked, “So what’s up with you and Miso? Are you guys still married?”

Jinhwan sarcastically laughed at her childish question, replying with a steady voice, “We’re just best friends, don’t think about it too much. And that was like seven years ago, I’m surprised you still remember.”

Trying to direct their conversation elsewhere, Jinhwan smoothly transitioned the questions towards Hyena, quickly adding, “But what about you? How’s your family doing? I haven’t seen your dad around the neighbourhood so I assume he’s still in Australia?”

Hyena backed up hearing all those questions at once, surprised at the amount of the questions asked. She knew that eventually someone was going to ask her about her family sooner or later, she just hoped that the first person she would personally tell would be Junhoe. Her lips formed a straight line as she let out a long, “Hmmm,” tears starting to well in her eyes. Unconsciously, she started tapping her foot under the table, feeling a little anxious despite preparing herself for it, “He’s doing well I think. I don’t actually know though, since he’s not-”

The sliding doors of the council room abruptly opened, cutting Hyena off and a deep voice followed, “Hyung do you happen to have a band…aid…” Junhoe’s words slowed down as he looked up the situation before him. His eyes were unfocused and blood from his forehead ran down to the side of his face, his partially blood stained lips parted and without another word, he slid the door close, the sound of him walking away echoing in the hallway.

Hyena shot up from her seat and took a step towards the door before stopping herself, looking down at her hands, her vision blurred with her intensifying tears. If she followed him, he would probably get mad and yell at her but if she didn’t, he could just go back into whatever ruckus that put him in those injuries. As she thought too much about it, a first aid kit was pushed into her vision. She looked up at Jinhwan who simply said with a soft smile, “Go to him.”

Using that as a boost, Hyena grabbed onto the kit and dashed out of the room towards where Junhoe went. Despite not knowing where he was, her intuition kicked in and she ran up the staircase all the way to the top floor. She stopped before the last set of stairs that turned to the roof access, her gut feeling telling her that Junhoe was there. Still out of breath, she peeked from behind the partition and sure enough, Junhoe was sat on the stairs with his head in his hands that were bruised and bloodied.

Hyena felt her heart clench at the sight before her and she gripped the handle of the first aid box tighter, confused and unsure of what the pain meant exactly. The shuffle of her footsteps echoed softly in the still air and Hyena quickly wiped the tears on her face.

Even without looking up, Junhoe already knew who was walking towards him. She was never able to leave him alone when they were kids, always insisting that they did things together or following him around when he wanted to do other things with the guys. It was annoying back then and it definitely is annoying now. He let out an exasperated sigh when he heard her settle down next to him and immediately, her warmth spread to him. He turned to look at her, the lack of sleep evident in his tired yet secretly amused expression as he said, “Will you ever stop following me?”

Despite sounding like a threat, there was a very small hint of playfulness in his voice and Hyena’s eyes lit up ever so slightly, no one other than Junhoe could’ve figured out that she was happy from hearing such a thing. He had a strong urge to give her a wide grin but that would show her how weak he was to seeing her smile, even if just a little. Instead, he raised an eyebrow and cocked his head as if expecting her to answer his question. Much to Junhoe’s surprise, she said exactly what he didn’t want to hear, “No, I won’t. I like you too much.”

She had said that same line to him seven years ago when they played hide and seek with Miso and the others. Back then, Junhoe didn’t understand why her last line made his heart race so fast, brushing it off as adrenaline from their game. Now, however, his blood boiled as she said this and he looked up from his hands to make eye contact with her, his fiery gaze meeting her steady gaze. He didn’t expect that fragile yet emotional look to tug at his heartstring, yet it did. Hyena looked him dead in the eye and stated that she was going to patch him up, uncertainty disguised under her unwavering eyes. Somehow betrayed by his own voice, Junhoe blurted out, “Do whatever you want.”

Unable to control herself, a wide smile spread on Hyena’s face and she fumbled with the first aid kit, her hands shaking from the happiness inside her. She took a deep breath as she turned to look at Junhoe, his eyes having been on her the whole time but with his normal blank expression on his face. Unsure how to proceed, Hyena stuttered as she said, “You-You’re going to need to, uh, look a-at me. Like your head, just you know, turn it to look at me.”

Junhoe tilted his head, his expression slightly serious as he said, “Isn’t that what I’ve been doing?” Hyena sensed an underlying connotation in his statement but couldn’t fully understand what he meant. Was it because he was already looking at her getting ready to patch him up? Or was there some deeper underlying meaning? Before she could even begin to question him, he seemed to have understood what she meant since he turned his head towards her so that his wound was directly facing her, “Right, you probably meant this.”

With a nod of her head, Hyena proceeded with cleaning his wound, her free hand gripping onto the side of a step next to her since she didn’t know what to do with it. As she dabbed the gauze on his forehead, Junhoe hissed at the pain and he closed his eyes. Hyena peeked at his pained expression and instinctively her free hand went up to the side of his face, cradling his right cheek. Junhoe opened his eyes quickly, his eyes narrow and eyebrows furrowed as he realised she was holding him. He talked slowly through his teeth, trying to get the message across to her that she shouldn’t be doing this, “What.. are you.. doing?”

She gave him a soft smile and her eyes searched his for traces of her Junhoe, her tough but gentle Junhoe. It was going to take time before that Junhoe would show up and time was something she didn’t have. She kept her hand on his cheek and continued dabbing the gauze on his forehead, cleaning the blood away as she said, “I need a firm hold of your head since you keep moving. That’s it.”

He noticed how she bit her lip as she smiled, recognising how her lips quivered as she forced the seemingly relaxed smile. He noticed how her eyes almost welled up as she looked into his eyes, it was as if she was looking into his soul, asking him to come out of the familiar shell he had made for himself. He felt a newfound sense of power that somehow seemed to wipe away the same insecurity that had haunted him for years. He had spent years building walls, sure that everyone was eventually going to walk out of his life without warning like she did but now, he saw how he had her wrapped around his finger. She came rushing to him each time she saw how he was injured. She offered him comfort and healing when he was at his lowest, probably to get him to revert his ways, but it didn’t matter what her reason to follow him was since he already made up his mind to separate himself from his childhood friends.

He continued looking at Hyena’s face, from her sheer bangs on her forehead to her slightly parted lips. They were a light shade of pink as she mumbled about how he shouldn’t let things be thrown towards him and how he should cover his face at least since there could be big injuries and blah blah blah. Her voice drained out as concentrated on her lips, focusing on how the corners of her mouth lifted up and formed a familiar cat-like smile.

“What are you smiling about?” Junhoe didn’t realise how his body has acted on its own, his lips forming a half smirk. He slowly changed his expression, getting rid of his almost smiling face and replacing it with his signature blank look, unsure if he should just push her away now and leave the situation.

Hyena realised how this was the closest she had come to seeing his smile in years and a spread of warmth blossomed in her chest, the girl letting out a sigh as she felt it hit her, the happiness spreading throughout her entire body. She carefully finished up on his forehead and prepared a q-tip for his bleeding lip, not wanting to look at him, slightly afraid of his reaction.

“Just finish what you were doing.” Despite the crazy thumping of his heart, Junhoe didn’t see it as a reason to truthfully answer her, making him even more pissed off at himself for allowing such a small thing to affect him so severely.

“Jun…” Softly, gently, broken yet relieved. He hadn’t heard that nickname since before he yelled at his friends to stop calling him that years ago, Hyena being the creator of that nickname. She stood up from the bed, the food wrappers falling to the floor in her rush. He stared at her, the flash of pain in his eyes changing to confusion, trying to understand why she was there. As if it was a wakeup call, the school bell rang and made Junhoe blink, his eyes now devoid of emotion and he quickly turned around to leave the room. Not wanting to pass this opportunity, Hyena stepped forward and grabbed his free hand with both of hers. Junhoe turned to look at her, anger filling his eyes while sincerity was brimming in hers. They both looked down at their hands and Hyena let go upon realising the origin of the sticky feeling. She looked Junhoe up and down multiple times, the boy trying his hardest to stare her down, but to no avail.

Before Junhoe could say anything to her, Hyena dashed past him into the main room and grabbed the nearest first aid box she saw, quickly wiping away the stains on her hands with some wet tissues she spotted on the table, immediately turning back as she was done and back into the room, pulling Junhoe down next to her to sit on the bed. Despite being shocked, he pulled his hand away from her and stood up to leave, embarrassment and anger filling him up all at once. However, choosing to bear with his rage, Hyena once again grabbed onto him and pulled him down. In a shaky yet firm voice, she said her first real words to him after seven years, “At least let me do this.”

Her hands that were still slightly stained with his blood were gently pulling the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbow where the cut was, something sharp that was thrown in the fight probably causing it, but he couldn’t actually remember what the cause was. He was too focused on how the colour of her hair was a little darker from how he remembered, focused on how her feet still didn’t touch the floor when she sat on the bed, focused on how she was blowing onto the cut as if it’ll get better just like that. He let out a scoff then, and a new anger started to boil inside of him at the realisation of his own fondness towards her.

Distracted by his voice, Hyena cautiously looked up, only to directly meet his gaze, his intense and unfaltering gaze. A wave of embarrassed hit her but she knew better, so she held onto his gaze and gave him a small, genuine smile before returning her gaze to his cut. Her grip on him loosened and she held his wrist lightly, both her hands shaking as she continued whatever she was doing, her demeanour and actions completely contrasting.

They sat in silence as she cleaned up his wound and put a bandage on it, the wound being a bit too large for a normal band aid. The howling wind outside accompanied the silent hum of the air conditioner, and gradually the intensity of the fresh autumn wind toned down ever so slightly, much like Junhoe’s negative emotions towards Hyena. Before cloudier thoughts could emerge in his mind, Hyena slowly looked up at him and met his gaze as she asked, “Are you okay now?”

He now felt how their palms were touching, felt how soft her skin was below his rough hand, noticing how much smaller her hand was in comparison to his. Something stirred inside of him as he felt heat rising to the back of his neck. Not wanting to back down, he held her gaze, trying to convey his dissatisfaction of having her there with him, “No I’m not but it doesn’t matter how I feel does it?” With that, something changed in Hyena’s hopeful eyes, a miniscule to others but noticeable to Junhoe kind of change, and he took her stunned reaction to good use, easily slipping away from her grip before quickly leaving the room, the curtain closing behind him fluidly, softly, with the harsh slam of the door following after.

“Hyena!!” Hyena spun around as she saw Hanbin, another familiar face. It had been about a week since Hyena had talked to Junhoe, her emotions changing from sadness, from thinking about how he’ll never forgive her, to feeling hurt, from how harsh his words were and how it didn’t have to go down like that, to understanding, eventually backing away from her initial plan of further pursuing their friendship and let him have some time to himself, the situation probably too much for him, she had though. Hyena shook her thoughts away and instead focused on how Hanbin was jogging towards her, a smile spreading on her face since she hadn’t seen many of her elementary school friends other than Miso and Jinhwan in the past few days, with Junhoe being the exception, of course. Somehow aware of her situation, he softly questioned her, “So, have you found a way to talk to Junhoe?” With a shake of her head and a dejected smile on her face, Hyena bit her lip under her smile to stop herself from feeling too emotional. 

Hanbin gave her a pat on the head as he said, “I wish we had more time to talk but I have to rush to my dance practice. Maybe we could have lunch one day with the others? Yumi has been chewing my ear off talking about when she can meet you.” Hyena laughed heartily at the mention of another one of her childhood friends and nodded in agreement before they exchanged their contact numbers. She felt a bit better after they stood there chatting for a while, glad to feel a little bit light hearted even if it’s just for a little while. They eventually said their goodbyes and Hyena watched as he left. As he was about to turn the corner, Hanbin unexpectedly stopped in his tracks and looked back at her, a grin on his face, “You know what? I think I remember seeing him going to the library. But then again, it couldn’t be him.” With a wink, Hanbin spun around and turned the corner, disappearing from her sight.

It didn’t take long for Hyena to find him. She practically memorised how the top of his head looked like after the countless times they spent in the community library for her sake when she was in her bookworm phase one summer and wanted to go to the library every day to read a book before they played. The summer where Junhoe and her were inseparable. The summer where he would fall asleep opposite her on the table, his sleeping position the same as it was now. A soft smile spread on her face, warmth spreading in her chest as she realised how much she had longed to see him like this.

Her grip on her bag strap tightened as she sat opposite him, like old times. She placed her face in the palms of her hands and gazed at him fondly. Feeling an incredible sense of courage from him being asleep and unable to hear her, she started talking to him like he was awake, “Hey Jun. It’s been a while hasn’t it? Well, this is kinda weird.” She laughed softly, careful not to cause a disruption, “I’ve been trying to bring myself to ask you… if you really hate me for leaving. You have every right to be mad at the fact that I just left and came back unexpectedly.” With a bitter smile she continued, “I guess I had no courage to tell you about what’s really going on.”

She let out a deep sigh and laid her hands on the table, staring at them, remembering simpler times where they would go to swimming parks together, holding onto each other tightly, the fear of the rides disappearing like magic as soon as they were together. As the nostalgic emotions engulfed her, she opened her mouth to say something, anything, but her voice came out barely above a whisper as she said, “I miss you so much, but I’m so scared of you. I’m scared of what will happen to you if I stay by your side this time.” Her voice cracked slightly as she continued, “I’m really afraid. I’m scared that we changed too much as people and I’m afraid of hurting you again because we might’ve changed too much. I just wish…”

Hyena caught herself before she said anything she might regret and took a deep breath, calming herself down, embarrassed at herself for getting so emotional. It was her first time being able to properly convey her feelings to him since she returned, although he wasn’t even consciously with her. She stayed there with him for a bit, feeling sleepy herself as the sun beginning to set. Battling with her fear inside, Hyena got up and went to his side, the side where his face was visible. She crouched down a little to look at him, shocked to find patches of dried blood and scratches on his face. She stood up and took a deep breath before giving him a light push, gently calling out his name to wake him up. No answer. She pushed him slightly harder and called his name a bit louder. No answer. With a sigh, she resigned from her attempt and sat on the chair next to him, gazing tenderly at his bruised sleeping face, thankful to have this rare chance and taking in every moment she had with him like this.

With intertwined hands, a small Hyena in her favourite adorable yellow sundress pulled his hand forward, her mouth forming his name, “Jun!” She called. They were already holding hands, yet she turned to look at him, expecting him to come closer, “Jun!” She called again. The wind blew at them softly, the bright blue sky above them, no clouds in sight. He felt the grass tickling his exposed legs as he ran with her and glanced down, his khaki shorts reminiscent of his younger days. As Hyena pulled him further into the meadow, he looked down at their intertwined fingers, his hands so big compared to hers. Fully immersing himself in the moment, he lifted his head only to be faced with another Hyena. The new Hyena. Her small face was framed with her beautiful long black hair, her plump cheeks a pretty shade of pink from the running and her brown eyes formed crescents as she laughed, and a brilliant laugh it was. The soft sound of wind chimes in the air and her childlike laughter brought a smile on Junhoe’s face, a genuine smile that hasn’t appeared on his face in years.

The scene changed then, the clear skies behind Hyena suddenly turning dark. They had stopped running through the meadow, the tall grass still and cold against his legs. His grip on Hyena tighten instinctively and as he was about to pull her behind him, unexpectedly, she resisted him. He met her eyes and took in a sharp breath, her once bright eyes holding no reflection of himself in their now stone-cold state. She was staring right at him but in her eyes, she was looking at nothing but the meadow behind him, like he didn’t exist. Speechless, Junhoe’s grip on Hyena loosened and she used this chance to slip her hand out of his, the girl quickly dashing through the now muddy meadow, thunder booming above them. Realising too late, Junhoe ran towards her at full speed, his hand reaching out to her. He called after her, “Hyena! Don’t go!”

As he got a grip on her, she turned to look at him, a monotonous voice leaving her lips, “I’ll leave you again anyway, so why don’t you just let me go Jun?” As soon as that was said, she sent him flying upwards with one push of her hand. The boom of the thunder rang in his ears and Junhoe looked down at the meadow, his eyes following Hyena, the girl running further into the meadow, disappearing into the horizon, like how she disappeared from his life.

With a gasp, Junhoe opened his eyes, his breathing erratic and hands sweaty. He placed his elbows on the table before him and buried his head in them, rubbing his head as a headache started to form. Out of nowhere, he felt a hand on his shoulder and he jumped from his seat to a standing position, the scraping of the chair echoing loudly in the quiet space, his face showing a horrified expression.

Hyena quickly retracted her hand from his shoulder, her heart rate increasing as she stood up and started to speak, “A-are you okay? W-what’s wrong?” Junhoe looked up at her, a confused look on his face, his eyebrows furrowed and lips slightly parted. Afraid of what he had to say about her being there, Hyena’s hands formed fists and she dug her nails in her palm, embarrassed and apologetic as she said, “I didn’t mean to wake you up I’m so sor-“

Without thinking, Junhoe took a step forward and extended his hands around her head and back, pulling her in for hug. He shut his eyes tightly and his unsteady breathing turned heavier, causing Hyena‘s eyes to grow wide with worry. Habitually, she brought her hands up and gently stroked his back with one hand, the other gripping the fabric at his waist to steady his shaken body. With a slight emotional crack in her voice, she softly said, “It’s okay. I’m here. You’re awake now.”

“I’m so glad you’re here. Don’t leave. Please” Junhoe’s voice was low and fragile as he brought her closer, his mind picturing her empty expression, and a shiver ran down his spine. The dream felt so real to Junhoe. Her tender touch, her small body and her warm voice. Her warm and shaken voice. Her smaller than his body. Her real physical tender touch. Suddenly realising the reality of his dream, Junhoe opened his eyes, the view of the worn wooden bookshelves of the school library in front of him. He blinked a few times, trying to swallow down the information that this was real. This hug is actually a real hug from the real Go Hyena. She was still whispering to him that things were going to be ok, telling him that she was there for him, “I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere.”

The reality of the situation brought a wave of distrust and annoyance over his heart hearing that, and he brought his hands to her shoulders, pushing her away from him, purposely being a little rough. He closed his eyes as he prepared his expression, since he didn’t want her thinking any weird thoughts about this situation. With a deep breath, Junhoe opened his eyes and looked straight into her eyes as he gruffly said, “Don’t misunderstand, I thought I was still dreaming.” Realising how it sounded like he was dreaming of her, his voice wavered ever so slightly as he added, “It was a fucked-up dream and I just needed to hold onto something and you just happened to be here, so don’t misunderstand.”