#junhee angst

You watched the snowflakes melt against the glass as you looked out of the window, so serene and so scenic. You saw a group of kids throwing snowballs at each other in front of the corner shop, and a couple linking arms while crossing the street. You saw a businessman with an umbrella, trying to shelter himself and his perfectly neat tuxedo from the snow. You saw the currently playing ad on the skyscraper opposite the office building, its bright colours attracting everyone’s attention.

This time of the year came again. The shivering cold, the blinding whiteness of the accompanying snow and the memories of him, you and him, and the break-up. One week, you had been throwing snowballs at each other. The next, your whole world had come crumbling back down, and since then, each and every year in December, the memories came back to haunt you as vivid as if the break-up had only been yesterday.

Sometimes, you wondered if any of it had been real. If any of it had actually happened because it had all been a secret. You had not even told your parents, your friends, your colleagues. No one.

Ever since then, you hated winter, and especially December. You had already bought him a present and been looking forward to spending some time with him (in secret, of course) by the time you had broken up. That year, you had experienced for yourself how cruel and cold winter could be.

“Sunbaenim?”

You whipped your head back at the voice of the cheery marketing assistant, Haewon, and looked at the slide she currently presented.

“Yes?” You tried to appear professional despite very obviously zoning out, and looked at her with a polite smile. Haewon didn’t seem affected, and that’s one of the reasons you loved working with her. She was hard-working, proactive and didn’t let anything faze her.

“I was just asking if we can move on to the possible candidates for our ‘Begin Again’ product line launch?”

“Yes, sure. Please, proceed,” you bobbed your head, and Haewon flipped onto the next slide. Your fingers froze above your laptop’s keyboard when you saw the pictures on the slide, the cursor blinking back at you relentlessly.

“We have three candidates for now. We have the model, actor and singer Cha Eunwoo who has just finished his military service and this could be his first campaign after coming back. He’s very popular with our target audience, has a youthful look and a clear image, but one drawback is that he only worked with bigger brands before, even our competitor, mixsoon, a few years ago, so we are not sure if he would be willing to work with us. Even if he was to accept our offer, his pricing might not fit our budget.

Then, we have the actor Gong Myung who has a similarly youthful look and a clear image, and he was voted as the celebrity our customers would most want to see in our campaign according to the mid-year survey. However, he is currently filming overseas for an American movie, and it has not been publicly disclosed when he would return, so the timing might not be right.

Thirdly, we have Park Junhee, who has made a successful debut as a solo artist after his group went their separate ways. He’s currently trending on multiple charts with his song going viral, he’s also active on social media which we could use to our advantage, and he might be willing to work with us again since he did so when he was still in ‘Favourite Boyz’.”

He did work with you, you remembered all too well. That’s how you had met. They had been in their second year as a group whereas you had been just an intern back then, and Junhee had gone out of his way to comfort you when he had overheard your then manager scolding you for messing up a document. You had instantly fallen for him, hard and fast and oh so naive.

However, you had been merely 20 back then and utterly obsessed with the idea of being in your first relationship. Too bad the years had hardened you…

“Thank you, Haewon,” you managed the words out after clearing your throat. “Do any of you have anything else to add?” You turned to your two interns - Kyujin and Woonhak -, your marketing executive - Nayeon - and the social media content team members - Yudai and Yeonjun.

Nayeon briefly pointed out the budgeting details before Yudai took over and said a few words about the said celebrities’ social media activities. Since you wanted to focus on a lot of different paid campaigns and even proposed a small dance challenge launching a new hydrating sunscreen, it was important to have a celebrity promote your product who was active on social media. In all honesty, Junhee beat out everyone else in this category.

“Thank you so much for your hard work. I will take it to Mr Seo, and will come back to you with the results as soon as we get the green light,” you wrapped up the meeting professionally and confidently walked out of the meeting room even though all you wanted to do was to hide in a corner and cry, suddenly remembering your 21-year-old self, sobbing into your pillow because Junhee had broken up with you.

Back then, it had seemed like the end of the world, and you had not known why he had wanted to push you away when you had been so good at hiding your relationship. However, his band member had been caught red-handed going on a date not long before, and it had nearly ended their rise to fame. So Junhee had not wanted the same to happen to you, especially because you weren’t a celebrity, and he had wanted it to stay that way.

Now looking back, it was probably for the better because it would have not worked out either way. He was a celebrity, and you weren’t. He had to follow a strict diet, he could only contact you via a secret phone that the company didn’t know about, and he sacrificed his precious free time to be with you when he should have spent it sleeping or resting. You had seen it all - the gruesome side of the idol life, the sacrifices and the behind-the-scenes secrets -, and yet, you had foolishly thought that you could be together.

Despite all the good times, you wished that you had never fallen in love with him. It was worse loving him and then losing him than never having loved him at all because the memories didn’t leave you, not even after all these years.

Now, all you could do was try and hope for the best: that it wouldn’t be Junhee who would be the face of your new campaign.

Your manager had made some inquiries, and it turned out that Cha Eunwoo had just signed with a competitor brand, so his contract wouldn’t allow him to work with you, and Gong Myung would not return to the country for a few months, so that left you with the most plausible choice either way.

Park Junhee.

It wasn’t like you could avoid him completely because his song was going viral, and it was even more difficult to avoid thinking about the implications behind his song. He knew that sunflowers were your favourite flowers, and the lyrics of his title song said ‘I made you turn away like sunflowers turn away from the gloom’, and it couldn’t be a coincidence. Neither could the temporary sunflower tattoo that he had on the inside of his wrist during promotions. Not that you cared, really…

Nevertheless, now it would be impossible to avoid him altogether because as the manager of the marketing team, you were required to accompany your line manager to the first in-person meeting with his company, and he would be there. Not just as the artist but as the CEO because it was his company. You were about to work together with your ex.

You told yourself that it would be fine, you were more mature, more responsible and less likely to be swayed by anyone, much less him. After all, the break-up had happened six years ago. In the meantime, you had finished university, climbed the corporate ladder and fought tooth and nail to become a successful, respectable manager. You rented your own place now which was a significant upgrade from living with others all throughout university and your first years working full-time. You had a driving license and had your own car, and could start saving up for the future.

On the other hand, you practically lived for your job, so that you would have no time to feel alone (and therefore lonely). You tried to make some friends by going to social events and joining your local pilates studio, but you gave up trying after all of them either faded into silence or never came to fruition at all. Let’s not even mention dating…

So really, sometimes you were wondering if all that success and glamour was worth it when you had no one to come home to, not even a freaking plant. Your sister moved abroad and started a family in the meantime, and your parents still lived in the small town you detested growing up in because it had been everything you had wanted to run away from. Not just from the restrictive beliefs that you would never be able to work for a big company and carve a life out for yourself in the big city, but also from the version of you that you had been back then.

Hence, you had practically no one to lean on, and at times like this, you liked to reminisce about the year you had spent being in love, deluding yourself into naive fantasies about growing old together with Junhee. You had been so stupid because how could it have ever worked out with a celebrity like him?

A celebrity who, though was a bit surprised to see you at his company, acted friendly and polite towards you like any other famous person you had ever worked with. You also had a feeling that you were the only one who noticed the slight falter in his movements when he turned towards you after shaking hands with your manager.

He was gorgeous, even more so in person than on the screen, and as he grew into a man from a 20-year-old boy, his features matured, the soft edges hardened. His black blazer accentuated his broad shoulders, and paired with black cotton pants and a white shirt, his appearance was sophisticated yet not pompous. He was a CEO now, not just a rookie idol, and the confidence he carried himself with showcased the years of experience he had under his belt.

“And this is Y/N. She’s our marketing team manager,” Mr Seo introduced you, and you bowed out of respect. Junhee did the same and extended his hand that you shook as politely yet swiftly as humanly possible. He wore the same smile that he did around everyone back in the days, even if it had been an ahjumma at a random food court, and it made you falter for a second.

The touch that you had craved so much back then still had its effect on you, but you told yourself that the tingling sensation in your fingers was due to your cold hands meeting his warm ones, not because it was him.

“I am looking forward to working with you.”

“Likewise,” you echoed the artist’s words, and put on a friendly smile that mirrored his. From the outside, you probably acted like usual, but from the inside, you were trying to fight the avalanche of emotions that came over you.

Junhee was very professional throughout the meeting though. He had his manager and an artist development director with him, but their team worked well together, and he even came up with a few reasonable points that you needed to cover before starting the product launch project. Though he did make a few jokes here and there like he used to, he was also acting in a more responsible, more mature way, something that surprised you a bit. However, you needed to remind yourself that you were also not the same girl who had messed up a document all those years ago, so you couldn’t expect him to stay the same carefree jokester he had once been.

Too bad that he was still as charming as ever - if not more -, and had that aura around him that made you not want to peel your eyes off him. You had the excuse of doing so though. After all, you were paying a lot of attention to what he was saying. That wasn’t so wrong, was it?

However, looking at him from your position now, you couldn’t help but wonder what had prompted him to open up his own agency and become a CEO instead of signing with an already established one. You knew very well that Favourite Boyz’s company had been harsh on all of them, but you mused if he felt comfortable being responsible for his employees as well as the financial performance of the agency as its sole artist. Sometimes you felt small and inept when it came to the management of your own team, so what could he possibly feel as the director?

Anyway, you managed to conclude the meeting without any mishaps, agreeing on further actions and the next time you would meet face-to-face. You were proud of yourself for keeping it together even though the minutes seemed to go by impossibly slowly.

Yet, that traitor heart of yours still skipped a beat when he called after you while you were exiting the meeting room.

“Yes?” You turned around, your eyes immediately finding his. Your voice was as stable as ever, but there was a hopeful undertone to it despite your best efforts to remain neutral.

“You left it behind,” Junhee pointed out as he held up your scarf. Damn it, it must have slipped out of your coat when you stood up from the chair…

“Thank you very much,” you forced a smile as you reached for your scarf, and for the briefest moment, for a small eternity, when you looked into his eyes, you saw the boy you fell in love with, and felt the same kind of warm embrace that his presence brought out in past you.

Then, just like that, he let go of the accessory, and your heartbeat went back to its natural state, forgetting that it ever thought of this moment, of this interaction as something significant.

If you wanted to be honest with yourself, the resentment from the break-up lasted maybe a year. You saw more and more idol dating scandals surface in the meantime, and realised that Junhee was right. As much as you hated to admit it to yourself (especially in the beginning), he was really trying to protect you from all that gossip, stalking and death threats by breaking up with you. It was for the better for both of you.

On the other hand, he was your first love, and first loves just had a special place in people’s hearts, didn't they? Sure, you had silly little crushes here and there at school, but those were just crushes, nothing more. Your first love was him.

Being in a relationship, albeit a secret one, taught you so much about how deeply and intensively you could love someone who wasn’t even family, and also about how much you could be loved by someone so unconditionally. Despite the bittersweet ending, you had never felt more loved as someone coming from a dysfunctional family.

Now that you saw him in person for the first time in 6 years, you had no idea how to deal with the wide array of emotions that invaded your heart. You weren’t angry at him, not anymore, but you also couldn’t say that you would be able to strike up a friendly conversation with him if needed. You were rather confused as to how to act around him, and he didn’t make it any easier because he was being so kind, so very kind.

You had no idea whether your shared history had an impact on his work ethic or not, but he always sent back his responses and approvals on your documents within mere hours, and as Mr Seo put it, he was a joy to work with. You had a few emails exchanged with a chain of people from both his side and yours, another in-person meeting and an online meeting before him and his team came to your little studio to shoot the promotional photos and videos.

When Favourite Boyz had worked with your company before, there had been no separate filming studio inside the building, but over the years, the company had bought another floor and turned a part of it into a studio that was mainly used by the social media content team (Yudai and Yeonjun) and the online catalogue team.

So his surprise seeing the studio in person was genuine, and you had to hold yourself back from smiling at his reaction. He really did look like an excited child at an amusement park at times, and it seemed like some things didn’t change.

“Aww… isn’t he the cutest?” Haewon cooed beside you, affectionately clutching a folder to her chest.

Your lips curled up at the way she eyed the celebrity, someone she was so excited to meet. She had tried to hide the fact that she was a fan of Junhee (as a solo artist, she didn’t really follow Favourite Boyz), but when it was announced that it would be him you would work with, she came up to you and confessed, worried that it would mess up her professionalism. You had told her that it would be totally fine, you would be there either way, and you were sure that he wouldn’t mind knowing that someone he worked with liked his music. That had seemed to put her mind at ease, and she had been nothing but enthusiastic during the last few weeks leading up to the shooting.

“Do you think it would be weird if I asked for his autograph?” The girl blinked at you with a pondering expression, and you chuckled at her earnest reaction.

“I think you should go for it. Maybe at the end of the day though.”

“Nice!” She clapped her hands, giving you one of her trademark eye smiles before she scurried away to get herself a drink before she was needed anywhere else.

You checked that everything was in place, everyone knew what they had to do, and you also checked that Junhee was feeling comfortable and knew what was required of him. Maybe it was the fact that it was your territory (a place that you knew oh so well rather than an unfamiliar one) or maybe you felt more confident than the last few times, but your heart didn’t go crazy this time when he gave you a relaxed smile.

“Everything will work out just fine,” he mentioned as if he knew that with the added responsibility, you were also more nervous that things would go south. As the manager, you were the one who needed to make sure everything ran smoothly, and you were also the one who needed to take responsibility if mistakes or accidents occurred.

For a moment, you felt like your 20-year-old self again, feeling like the weight of the world was on your shoulders, and if anything went wrong, it would be over for your internship. Then, there he was, with a smile on his face, a kindness that was unmatched in the tense atmosphere, and his words felt more comforting than a band-aid on a fresh wound. He had no idea how much his presence meant in that moment, in that heartbeat, in that desperate state of yours.

You were not that girl anymore though, you reminded yourself, and shook off the sudden flashback.

“It will… yeah,” you squeezed out the words before turning on your heel and busying yourself checking emails until the shoot started. Then, you took your place behind the photographer’s monitor where you could see the pictures he took on a bigger screen.

The shoot went by in a blink of an eye. Junhee was a professional, his years in the industry evident in every pose and the ease he carried himself with. However, his true colours shined through the dance challenge promoting the new sunscreens because he could be more goofy and finish with a big smile which was so like him. It was also a look that you liked on him. Another reminder though that he was so perfectly fine and thriving on his own, and you felt like questioning your own definition of being fine seeing him.

Your heart was heavy when you wrapped things up, and you felt like you desperately needed some fresh air even though the others were going out for dinner (after lunch had been covered by Junhee himself). You told them that you would head home, but instead, you escaped to the rooftop like you always did when you felt stressed.

One of the reasons you loved your office building was because it had a rooftop, and one of the main reasons you chose your apartment was because it also had a rooftop. Some people liked to go to parks to let off some steam whereas you liked to look over the city from rooftops, away from everyone, away from the hustle-bustle, being a nobody with no responsibilities, no title to live up to, and no one to please.

You were so lost in thought that you barely registered the door to the rooftop opening and closing behind a new visitor, but his voice didn’t go unnoticed by you. It could never go unnoticed by you.

“Mind if I join you?” Junhee inquired as he walked up to you standing beside the railing, looking over the buzzing city centre bathing in the dazzling colours of the sunset. Thankfully, after the cruel winter, spring has been kind so far and mild in temperature, so it was perfectly pleasant weather for a rooftop escape.

“No,” you shook your head, and watched the way his whole face lit up at your answer. His lips pulled into a wide smile, the toothy kind that you loved so much.

“It was so cool to see you work today! Oh, and of course, congratulations on becoming a team manager,” he beamed enthusiastically, and he made it seem so natural to strike up a conversation with you that you felt a bit more at ease beside him now than you did back in professional settings.

Even though you thought that working with him would provide an excuse to keep your distance, this felt safer than any interaction that you had with him in the past months. Maybe it was because it was just you two here, and now you didn’t need to hide your reactions from your colleagues.

“Thanks.”

“I remember that it was your dream to become a team manager, so how does it feel now?” He raised an eyebrow, his head tilted curiously. He seemed so genuine that you didn’t want to lie to him and say that it was exactly like how you had imagined it.

“It’s only been a year since I became one, but…”

“But?” He prompted, sensing your hesitation. You tore your gaze away from his face because it was suddenly too much to look him in the eye. You were afraid that if you did so, you would tell him things that you had never told anyone before. Like how you had told him all those years ago about your emotionally immature parents and the favoritism towards your sister, and how it had impacted you.

Alas, he had the same effect on you after all these years, and you found yourself telling him the truth.

“It’s not really what I’ve expected. I’ve realised that I don’t really enjoy leading people. The added responsibility just makes me more stressed, and I’ve never really thought I would need to fire people, for instance, until I was the one who needed to do it,” you admitted, watching the opposite building being painted in a purple hue. You felt like an invisible weight had been lifted off your chest after your confession, but your previous musings regarding his CEO status resurfaced, and you immediately added:

“But I don’t want to complain to you. After all, you have your own company.”

You heard him suck in a deep breath before he spoke up. His voice was gentle and caring, no hint of playfulness.

“Y/N, we are two very different people working in very different industries and we have very different circumstances. So complain all you want because I’ll listen, and I won’t think that you’re just complaining for no reason,” Junhee said, and it was like he knew exactly what you needed to hear.

That’s one of the things you loved about him. May it be because he was the leader of his group or his generally well-spoken personality, but he always seemed to know what to say, he knew how to read the room, and he was never afraid of voicing out his fears and worries, things that others might have deemed too vulnerable and not so manly.

So you told him about how you had needed to dismiss someone who was actually older than you, but kept messing up on purpose since he had wanted you to fail because he couldn’t accept that a younger woman could be his manager; about the first time you had to be there for a team member whose loved one had been diagnosed with cancer; how you had needed to take responsibility for an inaccurately set-up spending limit for an online ad that you had also overlooked, and how you had been so afraid that you would not seem like a good manager if you had not come first thing in the morning and left the latest that you practically lived for your job.

It was easy to tell him anything because he listened attentively, never interrupting you, but rather trying to comfort you, so you wouldn’t feel so alone with your concerns. He also shared that despite having more artistic freedom, he was worried that he wasn’t that good of a CEO, but he had to trust his employees when they said that they liked working with him. He was happy, doing something that he enjoyed, and you truly wished him all the best because he deserved it after all those years of hard work and sacrifices.

However, when he brought up the time you dissed your manager during your internship whilst he dissed his company on their dorm’s rooftop, and how similar it was to today, after laughing about it initially, your smile gradually faded. Suddenly, you were reminded of the girl you had been back then, so naive, so foolish, unable to stand up for herself, unable to speak up when her manager mistreated her, unable to quit, and it felt like a knife was twisted in your heart. You realised that you worked so hard and you were so strict with yourself because you dreaded becoming that girl again. Or worse, realising that you were still the same girl.

It was like waking up from a stupor, you were suddenly all too aware of his closeness and of your heart thumping against your ribcage with the foolish hope of going back to how things were before. You had to remind yourself that he was still an idol, and all those years ago, you promised yourself that you would never want anything to do with an idol ever again.

“I’ll get back to you with the finished material as soon as I receive it, but I have to go now,” you excused yourself sternly, and without looking back at him, you turned on your heel to walk towards the door.

“Y/N!” Junhee called after you almost immediately, and when you didn’t stop, he reached for your wrist. You let out a sigh before turning around, facing the man whom you would have once given everything but couldn’t even face now.

You could see that he was battling with himself over what to say, the struggle that you had also been fighting while working together with him, but in the end, he said the words that he had said over and over again on that snowy winter night six years ago.

“I’m sorry,” he confessed as he let go of your hand, your arm feebly falling back to your side.

You had cried so much back then, your tears blurring the sight of him, shielding you from seeing his face while he had been trying to console you. Even when he had been breaking up with you, he had tried to comfort you, to tend to your heart, and you had hated him even more for it. It would have been better if he had just coldly walked away without batting an eye. Instead, he had held you in his arms until you had stopped punching him in the chest, weak attempts at trying to channel your anger at him. Afterwards, you had been the one to let go of him, push him away and leave the room.

“It’s fine, Junhee. I’m not mad at you. I was stupid enough to believe that we could be together in the first place, but it would have never worked out between us either way,” you said tartly, keeping the eye-contact.

It was true. If anything, you blamed yourself for thinking that you could date an idol without getting caught, and he was right to break up with you to prevent it from happening.

On the other hand, he looked at you as if he had committed a crime, and your reaction made him seem even more remorseful. Long gone was his toothy smile and that joyful glint in his eyes, and you hated seeing him like that, but you had to put out the sparkle before it could ignite a fire.

“Y/N…” Junhee whispered, his voice sorrowful, but you couldn’t waste any more time being around him. The more time you spent around him, the weaker you grew for him, but you couldn’t let history repeat itself. It would end the same way after all.

You turned around once more, but you didn’t stop this time. You opened the door to the rooftop and let it close behind you. Junhee didn’t come after you either.

You should have not seen Junhee again. Approvals and finishing touches were discussed via email or online meetings if needed, but you weren’t supposed to meet him again.

However, Haewon accidentally put the whole chain of people whom she had addressed before on the project launch celebration invitation, meaning that Junhee, his manager and the artist development director were also invited. The mistake was only found out when they came back with an answer, and said that they would be able to attend the event at the time and date mentioned.

You mentally prepared yourself for the event, making plans of sitting beside your team members instead of him or anyone from his company, leaving early and such, but you managed to come down with something on the day of the event, so you had to work from home that day and decline the celebration. It could have worked as an excuse to avoid seeing him again, but you were genuinely feeling poorly, fighting shivers, fatigue, a blocked nose and a sore throat.

You were too worn out from your day, and fell straight into bed after ending your last work call. You were too tired to even go to the pharmacy, you told yourself (and Haewon who couldn’t stop worrying about you) that you would go the following morning if your condition didn’t improve.

With everyone at the celebration and not having invited anyone over, you were surprised to hear the doorbell ring after about a two-hour nap. Groggily, you walked up to the door and opened it slightly ajar.

If you had not been ill and half-asleep, you would have probably voiced out your shock of seeing Junhee on the other side, dressed business casual for the occasion, holding a plastic bag in each of his hands.

Yet, this way, you could only gape at him, unable to form words or coherent thoughts.

“Hi!” Junhee greeted you a bit awkwardly, and tried with a wave, but since both of his hands were full, he could only lift one of the bags in the air in the process. He chuckled at his clumsy antics, but when he looked back at you, his eyebrows furrowed out of concern. He hesitated for a moment before he continued.

“So sorry to just barge in, but Haewon said that you’re sick and that you haven’t even gone to the pharmacy, so I picked up some for you, and also got some ingredients for soup.”

“Did she tell you my address?” You asked weakly, but you immediately regretted it because you burst into a coughing fit afterwards. You could feel his concerned gaze even before you recovered from it and looked back at him, waiting for him to answer your question.

“Yes, but she said that she would keep it a secret, and that she sensed that something was going on between us,” he recalled with a bit of a coy smile, but you should have known that she would sense something like this. She was observant like that.

Not having the energy to object or send him away, you opened the door fully and let him in. You made your way back to your living room couch while he was prepping your medication and a glass of water. He put them down on the table in front of the couch, prompting you to take them.

“I’ll take them later,” you shrugged it off, your head too heavy from the fatigue and the remains of your nap to be able to function properly.

“Y/N, please…” Junhee pleaded gently, and crouched down to be at eye-level with you. You blinked back at him, and you were glad that the sickness numbed your senses because his closeness would have surely had a more devastating effect on the state of your heart if it had been for different circumstances. “Your colleagues are worried about you. I’m worried about you. Please, let others take care of you,” he added tenderly, his chocolate-brown eyes shining affectionately.

You had always said that his smile and his eyes were your weakness, and this time was no different. The more you gazed into them, the more you felt pulled in, his power magnetic. He was like a black hole, and you were drawn to him like stars whose formations are influenced by his creation. You felt defenseless, falling into his love, but the thorn in your heart didn’t let you forget about the past.

“An idol shouldn’t take care of an ordinary girl like me,” you bit back, and though you could see the hurt flashing across his face, he recomposed his features within a few seconds.

“I’m not here as an idol now, and you were never just an ordinary girl to me,” Junhee confessed, rendering you speechless.

You felt your eyes burn from unshed tears, the weight of his words making you emotional. He looked at you like he was ready to walk through fire for you, and despite what had happened in the past, you couldn’t question his sincerity. Even when he had been breaking up with you, he had been honest, not hiding the reasons for his decision, so you knew that you could trust him that he was telling the truth.

On the other hand, you were terrified of opening up your heart again only to have it broken into a million pieces, and you could only avoid falling for him if you didn’t spend time together with him. Once you were near him, you couldn’t lie to yourself that your heart was beating faster and your head was filled with hopeful thoughts.

However, you weren’t strong enough - neither physically, nor emotionally - to push him away today. Your limbs were weak, your body heavy, and the physical symptoms were more uncomfortable than his presence.

You were saved by a sneeze, and Junhee immediately got to his feet to get you tissues from the box of Kleenex on the table. You accepted them without a word whilst bearing the weight of his concerned gaze. You decided to take the meds he had bought for you in hopes that he would leave afterwards, but he mumbled something about making some immune-boosting soup for you while you slowly drifted into sleep.

When you opened your eyes, you weren’t sure whether you were dreaming or he was actually there in your kitchen, an apron around his waist, chopping up vegetables. It was such a domestic scene, something that you had not seen for yourself, let alone in the same space as him, only through the variety shows Favourite Boyz had been on. You had fantasied about such scenarios in the past, so it all seemed too good to be true now.

You told yourself like a mantra while drifting in and out of sleep that it wasn’t real, that he wasn’t really there because it helped to put your mind at ease, knowing that he didn’t know how you were actually feeling, how you actually wanted him to stay.

The first rays of the sun painted orange lines onto your living room table when you woke up in the morning. It took some time for your eyes to adjust to the sudden brightness, but when they did, you realised that you had managed to fall asleep on the couch, and that Junhee was still there, his head tilted to the side as he was sleeping soundlessly in the armchair beside the couch. Something in you came undone as you watched his chest rise and fall, his breathing rhythmic, his face completely still and soft.

You had watched him grow into a man in the past few years because it had been impossible to avoid news of him and his band and then their disbandment. Plus, you couldn’t lie to yourself, sometimes you had deliberately checked his social media or listened to the songs you had heard he contributed to. Despite everything, you wanted him to do well, and you were glad to see it happening.

However, now that you were in the same space as him, you let your eyes travel over his features: the sharpness of his jawline, the broadness of his shoulders, the evident muscles highlighted by the tight black turtleneck he wore. You let yourself wonder for a moment what would have happened if you had stayed together, but the little fantasy was ruined by a cough that you couldn’t suppress even if you wanted to.

The sound woke him up, and when he blinked his eyes open, it took him a few seconds to realise where he was. When his eyes landed on you, his lips curled into a soft smile, the kind that made you feel cared for.

“You didn’t have to stay the night,” you remarked, your voice coming out hoarse. Feeling the dryness of your throat, you pushed yourself up to a seated position and reached for the glass of water on the table.

In the meantime, he stretched his neck and straightened his back, adjusting his position to a more comfortable one.

“You asked me to,” the idol pointed out without malice, but when you merely looked back at him, confused, he mumbled something akin to:

“Ah, you don’t remember…”

“I thought it was a dream,” you admitted, your memory hazy from the night before. You had been drifting in and out of sleep, so it was difficult to tell what was true and what was just the creation of your imagination.

“I didn’t want to wake you up when I finished making the soup, but I wanted to get you some more water and put your next round of medication on the table. When I did that, you opened your eyes and told me to stay. I asked you if you were sure and you said yes,” he recalled gently, but if anything, you just felt embarrassed for keeping him here when you were sure that he had a lot of things to do.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I’m sure you’re busy.”

“I stayed because I wanted to,” he stated, no room for doubts, but you felt like you didn’t deserve his kindness, his care.

Even though he had been the one to break up with you, you also had regrets about how you had handled some things back then like how you had wanted him to remove his mask when you had gone out in public and no one had been around, or how you had complained when he had left your messages on read. You should have been more understanding, more aware of how cruel the entertainment industry could be, but you had fallen so deeply for him that everything else had dulled around you.

On the other hand, Junhee looked back at you as if you were something precious, something that he wanted to protect, and you were sure that if you had been perfectly fine, you would have been blushing under his caring gaze. Damn him and his captivating eyes, you had to look away to keep the last bit of your dignity.

“Plus, I don’t have anything to do today. That’s why I said yes to your company’s event. My next schedule is an interview tomorrow, but I don’t have to prepare for that today,” he added, saving you from further musings. You just nodded before you had some of the cough syrup and used the nose spray he had bought, busying yourself with something to avoid thinking about your feelings.

Truthfully, you didn’t feel like eating, but you also didn’t want him to leave without having breakfast. Even though he said that he was fine, you insisted that he had some of the soup he had made. So he warmed it up for the two of you while you tried to somewhat pull yourself together in the bathroom.

The soup turned out to be exceptionally good, warm and flavourful yet not too heavy, exactly what you needed. When you complimented him on his cooking skills, he said thank you shyly, looking away for a few seconds as if he was embarrassed by your praise.

You were silent for a while, but you didn’t know whether it was because he didn’t know what to say or because he didn’t want you to speak a lot since your throat was hurting. However, there was something that you wanted to check, and you knew that if he left today, your paths wouldn’t cross again, so it was now or never.

“Do you regret it? The time we spent together?” You asked, looking down into your bowl instead of his face.

You could only hear the clattering of his utensils for a few seconds before he spoke up.

“Is that how you think I feel about us?”

Us. Because once there was an ‘us’, not just a ‘you’ and ‘me’.

“I don’t know. I was a risk for you, a liability. You could have felt this way,” you muttered before clearing your throat. You were unable to look at him, to look him in the eye until he called your name so softly, so fondly, your eyes were immediately drawn to him.

“You know how difficult it was for the group that year with the pressure to do well after the success of ‘Our Little Secret’, but you kept me going. You were the reason I could go on, I could give it my all and not care about what others might think because I only cared about what you thought and how you felt about me. So how could I have ever regretted it? I was just worried about you because I knew that you could get death threats and receive harassment over dating me, and I didn’t want that. I was used to such treatment as an idol, but I couldn’t expose you to that side of my life.”

It felt like all the air was punched out of your lungs after his confession. All this time, you thought that he must have regretted dating someone because he could have been caught and it would have risked the group’s future. Like how the news of his band member dating the actress from one of their music videos had affected their reputation and led to the company tightening rules even more. He had broken up with you not long after the incident, so you believed that he must have felt ashamed.

“Even yesterday… I haven’t slept so well for a long time because I knew that I could be there for you and you let me. We were just us, not an idol and a girl he cares about. I could be just Park Junhee beside you,” he continued as confidently and passionately as if he had been delivering a speech on behalf of his past group. And he looked so genuine, so desperate while doing so, you felt bad for ever thinking otherwise.

“Thank you for yesterday,” you managed the words out, and even though you wished you could have said more, it felt like nothing could convey your feelings accurately because there was just so much to say and so little time. Not to mention the fact that if he left today, you wouldn’t even have work as an excuse to see him.

He just bobbed his head, his lips curling into a bittersweet smile. You finished eating in silence, and when he insisted on washing the dishes himself because you needed to rest, you felt the itch to reach out and hug him from behind, resting your chin on his shoulder. You imagined how warm his body would feel, and how joyous his giggle would sound, and how your heart would skip a beat just like the first time he had touched you.

Instead, you retreated to the couch, throwing a blanket over your shoulders and watched him act so domestic, so that you would be the furthest from him while still being able to see him. It was crazy how even sick, the one thing that hurt the most was your heart. Even as he was leaving, you were contemplating whether to reach out, whether to hold onto him, whether to call out his name one last time, but you didn’t. You couldn’t.

So he left, gifting you with one last toothy smile and the remains of his cologne, and the tears surfaced only when the door closed behind him.

After his solo debut last summer and a mini album in December, Junhee went on to release another full album in spring and another one in autumn before he announced that he would have one last concert before he would step back from being an idol and focus on producing and recruiting talent for his company.

The news was met with intense reactions, but those who had followed him from the start knew that he had already spent 7 years being a trainee, another 7 years with Favourite Boyz before doing solo activities for a year and a half. That summer, he fainted after a concert and halted promotions for two weeks after losing his grandfather, so it was an intense period for him.

You had a feeling that it must have been a difficult decision to make because you had gone through something similar. After much thinking and discussion within your team, you decided to part ways with the company after almost 8 years, your new job lined up for January. You would continue working within marketing but in the nonprofit sector and with a smaller team, a fresh start. You would surely feel bittersweet saying goodbye to your colleagues, but you knew that Nayeon would be an excellent successor.

You also decided to take advantage of the opportunity and see Junhee’s last concert since you had not wanted to attend any of the Favourite Boyz concerts to avoid being embroiled in rumours in case old pictures of the two of you would surface, and fans would connect the dots.

However, you weren’t afraid anymore, and since you knew that you wouldn’t have a chance like this again, after fighting for tickets like your life depended on it, you managed to secure one.

It was ridiculous how nervous you felt seeing him that December. You knew very well that he couldn’t possibly see you or know that you were there, but still, you felt a thrill going through your body when the lights went out and he showed up on the stage.

He was as captivating as ever, his obvious passion for music evident in his singing, his dancing and the way he interacted with the audience. He had guests as well - the other members of Favourite Boyz and a group of trainees from his company -, but still, he was the one your eyes were always looking for.

As the concert came to an end, the idol took his time to explain his decision of stepping back from his idol life. He touched upon the loss of his loved ones over the years, the exhaustion he felt from packed schedules and the realisation that whenever he visited back home, his parents got older and older. He realised how precious time was, and he said that he wanted to lead a more ordinary life. To live and to love freely. Instead of watching out for him, he teased that the trainees at his company were working hard to bring cool performances in the future, and that fans should look forward to their debut.

He did tear up when he said goodbye as ‘idol Park Junhee’ for the last time, and he couldn’t even finish his encore stage, so the fans finished the song instead of him. You felt emotional too, flashbacks of hiding on rooftops, walking beside the Han river with masks and caps on, watching his music show appearances first things first after you finished with your internship for the day coming back, sewn together with the memory of the break-up and checking on him throughout the years. So much had happened during these years, and it was crazy to think that you were the same people, yet you were so different to who you were when you had first met.

When it was over and you went back to your flat, you spontaneously sent Junhee the picture that you had taken of the stage before the concert started and congratulated him on the show, plus wishing him good luck for his future endeavours. You didn’t even know if he had the same work phone number as before or if he carried it with himself to shows or if he was looking for you to text him out of the blue, but you did it anyway and there was no turning back.

His reply came an hour later, and he thanked you profoundly before sharing with you that he was currently celebrating with the staff members, the Favourite Boyz members and the trainees, but if you felt comfortable, he would love to catch up with you someday.

“I’d love to,” you wrote back and smiled at your screen giddily like the first time he had messaged you.

It seemed that amidst all the changes in your life, some things never changed.

You felt emotional leading up to the day you would see him again.

When you had started working together with Junhee, you had kept your distance because you had been scared that if you had started being friendly again, you would have inevitably fallen for him again. By doing so, you would have disrespected his decision to break up with you, the decision you had learned to accept and see as the only solution. He had still been an idol, still working in the public eye, and though he had established his own company, what he had wanted to protect you from hadn’t changed.

You would have never asked him to choose between being with you and being an idol, that would have been so unfair. However, he had made his own decision to step back from his idol life, and though you had not expected him to suggest meeting up after your message, you wondered if it had anything to do with how you had left things after your last conversation, and how he had said that he could be just Park Junhee beside you, not idol Park Junhee. He had also said at his last concert that he wanted to live and love freely, and you had a feeling what he meant by that.

After your compliments regarding his cooking skills last time, he offered to cook for the two of you. Since he had recently moved into a new flat and still had boxes lying around, you suggested he come over to your place, he already knew the address.

He didn’t even protest, so you set a date and time, and despite the fact that it wasn’t a date, you still spent an awful lot of time deep cleaning the flat and picking out an outfit for the occasion. You didn’t want to go with anything too vivid or revealing, but you also didn’t want to look like you were attending a business meeting. You opted for a white knitted sweater with a turtleneck with light blue jeans.

When you opened the door for Junhee, he immediately let out a giggle and pointed at your sweater.

“Guess what! We’re matching,” he announced as he got rid of his scarf and unbuttoned his coat, revealing a similarly white knitted sweater with a turtleneck. You couldn’t hide your smile when you saw it before beckoning him inside.

He came with two plastic bags full of ingredients, and after instructing him where he could find some kitchen essentials, he got started on preparing the kimchi stew. You inquired if you could help with something, but he told you that you should tell him what you had been up to instead of assisting him.

So you told him about work and your new job lined up for January, and why you had made the change. He was genuinely happy for you, asking a multitude of questions regarding your new position, the charity’s work and whether his company could also work with them, even if it was just for a volunteering day for the staff members.

He had this thing where his eyes widened whenever he was listening attentively and also processing the information, and your lips curled up at the realisation that such things had not changed. It also didn’t change how his dimples popped off when he was focusing on his task at hand - cooking now -, and how he pursed his lips cutely.

When he looked up from the cutting board to catch you smiling at him, he even asked why you smiled like that.

“Ah, it’s nothing, really,” you objected, trying to come up with a topic for a smooth change of subject, but he didn’t let you.

“You think I’m really cool cooking like this, huh?” He wiggled his eyebrows, a boyish grin invading his lips. You shook your head seeing his antics, but your smile didn’t fade.

“What can I say? I’m impressed.”

“I knew it,” he clicked his fingers at you before averting his eyes back to the cutting board and chopping up some spring onion for garnish. The scene was so domestic that just like last time, you were sure that you could watch him cook all day and not be bored of it. The difference was that this time, you weren’t even trying to suppress such thoughts.

“You know, I’ve never thought that I would see you cook in my kitchen again after last time, but I’m glad that you’re here,” you mused out loud, and right immediately, Junhee stopped in his tracks, holding the knife above the cutting board and looking straight into your eyes.

Then, his lips pulled into a tender smile, the kind that made you feel all fizzy inside, his effect on you not fading with time.

“I’m glad, too,” he echoed your sentiment.

When he kept staring at you with that intense, all-consuming gaze of his, you started feeling bashful, so you busied yourself with setting up the table and listing the drinks Junhee could choose from. He settled on some juice since he was driving, so you poured some for him before you did so for yourself. You knew that it was a way to distract yourself from the very man that was in your kitchen, but even if he noticed your restlessness, he didn’t say a word.

When Junhee was done, he put the steaming pot of kimchi stew on the table. You thanked him for the food before digging in, and oh gosh, it was even better than the soup he had made you last time. He was visibly proud of himself when you shared your opinion with him, and it was a good look on him.

While eating, you inquired about his side and what he had lined up for him now that his final concert was over. He said that he was busy preparing the first album for his trainees, and it was rather adorable how much he talked about each and every member as if they were his little brothers and he was recalling their mischievous pranks yet hard-working attitude. Calling them so cute and so young was funny because as you reminded him, he was that cute and that young once.

“Come on, I’ve always been cool,” he insisted between two spoonfuls, but you shook your head.

“You think all those badass outfits stood a chance against your naturally cute antics? Absolutely not! As soon as you smiled, you dropped your mysterious boy act,” you clicked your tongue, recalling debut era Junhee. Even though Favourite Boyz used to have a bad boy concept in the beginning, one just had to look at an interview with them, and they knew that the boys were far from bad boys.

“Okay, fine. If you say it like that, I’ll take that as a compliment,” Junhee gave in, giving you a boyish smile. You smiled back at him, and the conversation continued to flow naturally as if you had been old friends reminiscing about the past and laughing over how you had acted back in the day.

It was easy to forget now that he had once broken your heart, and that you had tried to avoid him as much as you could because everything reminded you of him. However, his close proximity was making you remember the way you had felt, the way your body had gravitated towards him, and you were genuinely hoping that he wouldn’t be able to tell. Whenever your hands brushed or you stepped closer to him to get something from the cupboards, you felt a bolt of electricity zip through your body.

On the other hand, it seemed that you weren’t the only one who felt this way because when you finished washing the dishes (you insisted that you do it since he was the one who cooked), and turned around, Junhee was right in front of you, and you could have crushed into him if he had been just a few inches closer.

“Sorry. I just…” Junhee apologised immediately, his left hand reaching to scratch the back of his neck in embarrassment.

You just blinked up at him, your eyes wide in surprise, and you were unable to mutter a word because you were waiting, no, yearning for him to finish what he wanted to say.

“Hmm?” You hummed instead, your eyes not leaving his face. He let his arm fall back to his side before he let out a somewhat awkward laughter.

“You don’t know, do you?”

“Know what?” You questioned, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Junhee was still standing there, not moving an inch, but there was something desperate in the way he stayed so still. As if he was forcing himself to do so.

The air was heavy with tension, his unsaid words aggravating the silence that fell upon the two of you. You were unable to look away as if you might miss out on any of his microexpressions, as if they could give away how he felt, as if they could give you hope. Your heart was dancing wildly against your ribcage, your breath erratic and uneven. You were not even touching and yet this was how he made you feel.

Junhee looked away first in what felt like forever, but looked back a few seconds later, his body still rigidly still. He let out an aghast sigh before he broke the silence.

“That it takes everything in me to not reach out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear or cup your cheeks or hold your hand or just touch you anywhere because I want to respect you and the distance between us.”

The air was squeezed out of your lungs hearing his words, and for a moment, you wondered if you had just imagined him saying those words because you had been daydreaming about a confession like this for so long. Yet, there he was, standing close to you yet not too close, not yet touching, and he was looking at you like he was waiting for the sun to rise to end his endless darkness.

Without a word, you took one step closer to him, closing the distance between you two. This close, you could smell his sandalwood and citrus cologne, see the slight creases on his forehead, and appreciate all the blemishes that his idol make-up usually covered up.

This close, he didn’t seem so far away, not figuratively and definitely not literally, and self-restraint was lost on you because you didn’t waste more time reaching out to place your hands on the back of his neck and pulled him down for a kiss.

Junhee was surprised for a moment, but he eased into your touch easily, and put his hands on your lower back, pulling you closer to his body as if it was even possible given your close proximity. It was nowhere near the uncertain and coy kiss you had shared for the first time; both of you were desperate and impatient this time. You squeezed all those years of yearning and longing into it, exploring each other’s mouths with fervor. The knot in your stomach loosened, your heartbeat calmed and the familiar electricity was buzzing through your body.

Panting, you came up for air after what felt like a pleasantly long time, and his lips curled into a smile when he looked at you. You smiled back at him, and you knew that this time would be different, this would be the right time to fall in love again, and this time, you would not let each other go.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this story of mine. Let me know what you think. ❤️

Header taken from the 'Supernova' MV.

You held your hand up to block the sun out from beating down directly into your eyes as you looked around, your skin quite literally feeling as if it were on fire. Yet it was better out here than in the car that had broken down and was now just trapping heat inside it with no relief in sight. Checking your phone once more as you hold it up in hopes of even getting a slow signal, anything to send out a call for help.

“Any luck over there Junhee?” You call looking over to the man who is switching between trying to figure out any way to get the car running again and trying to search for any signal himself. 

“Nothing yet, we might have to start trying to walk back to the last town we passed soon.” Junhee sighs, looking around only to be greeted with the same barren desert you’d been stuck in for the past almost two hours.

 Your complaint dying on your tongue the second a van pulls up, stopping as they notice your dilemma to offer you a lift to the nearest town. Was it a good idea? Hell no, but you could run the risk of accepting the ride or the risk of trying to rough it out in the desert until some other form of salvation arrived. So you two decided to accept the ride. Someone in the back sliding the side door open for you both to climb in. Giving you only a moment to bask in the feeling of relief that the air conditioning brought before your mouth was covered with a cloth and your vision getting hazy as the shock made you suck in a harsh breath through the drugged material. 

Waking up to the cold, rubbing your arms as you try to make anything out in the dark box you currently found yourself in. The only source of light a small slit at the top on one side to provide you with air. Crawling over to the unconscious Junhee, gently trying to shake him awake so you could find a way out together. His eyes finally blink open as light floods the empty box, the front opening to let you now see that you were in a storage container. Two men coming in to grab your arms and drag you out, guns flashing in the sunlight. Looking around to see a whole dock situated behind a large grocery store. To your left there were two other people in the same boat as you, being dragged towards the back entrance of the store by armed guards. A man greets you with a disturbing smile as you walk through the door.

“Welcome! We’re so glad to have some fresh blood. We’re always looking for new eager workers to welcome to our team!” The man claps, having the guards force you in further, “We’ll start with training then. Rule number one: There’s no way out so don’t try. We’d rather not damage you, but we will if we have to. Rule two: Whatever the customer wants they get no matter what that means from you. Rule three: Anything I say goes. Now let’s get you cleaned up and dressed for your first day of work.”

As they lead you off once more you catch a glimpse through a set of freezers from the back, to see what appears to be a normal grocery store. Yet any employees in the back ran out as soon as they saw the man along with the guards not wanting to be stuck in a room with them. Which is how you found yourself being injected with a tracking device and shoved into communal showers before being given a uniform and sent to clean the store floors. Only to make eye contact with Junhee and make a bolt for it when neither of you spotted any guards. You had a lot to learn about the compound though and the tracking devices did you no favors. Being dragged by your hair back behind the store where the man met you only to nod at the guards who shot you in the shoulder while shooting Junhee in the thigh. 

“You’ve barely been here six hours and you already want out that bad? Well, what’s stopping you? Kill me and you can have your freedom back.” The man taunts, tossing a pair of scissors at your feet. Smirking as you rush to grab them and lunge at him only for him to press a gun to your forehead and stop you dead in your tracks before you could bring him any harm, “Let them sit for the night. If they survive, maybe they’ll have learned their lesson by then.”

The guards drag you back to your storage container with no care as to your cries of pain or the blood trail it left behind. After all, they weren’t the ones who were gonna have to clean it up anyways. Tossing you into the cold dark storage container and locking it once more. You two were in for a long night.

Sirens were cursed creatures; luring men each and every night to sip the soul out of them, then waking up each morning not knowing what had happened the night before. They were unconscious when they killed, but they needed to kill to stay alive. To stay as young and beautiful as they had been when they had died. That was the price they paid for killing innocent souls in their previous lives. Now they were forced to kill while being in a daze, and if they didn’t feed themselves on human souls, they would eventually die.

Sori was no exception, and if fate could have been even more cruel to her, she had been cursed to love a man whom she might kill before he would be able to love her, and by loving her, he would be able to free her from her curse, sealed by the true love’s kiss.

Prince Junhee was cursed to love a woman who could cause his downfall and bring destruction to the whole kingdom, and if she didn’t love him back wholeheartedly, her kiss would be fatal.

If both of them were sincerely, genuinely in love, they would be able to lift each other’s curse. If they met at the wrong time, or let their rampant feelings take hold of them when the other wasn’t yet reciprocating their feelings, then one of them would die.

Or worse: both of them.

Sori didn’t think that she deserved to live, but facing death was something that even a creature like her dreaded. She had tried going days without feeding on men’s souls, but the weaker she had gotten, the more desperate she had become for wanting to live, and she had eventually given up going against her fate. Even though she didn’t remember what she had done in her previous life, she accepted that she must suffer through her present life by killing people at night while being unconscious and losing track of time during the days, sleeping and swimming in the ocean. The worst was that she couldn’t die any other way apart from not feeding on souls; if she got hurt in any way, she could heal herself and her body would return back to normal in a matter of time. She was ethereal as long as she lived off of others’ souls, or as long as she didn’t meet her gruesome fate in a man who shouldn’t love her until she loved him back.

She really didn’t think that she deserved to live, but some men were stupid, and even when she tried to tell those pirates that she wasn’t a mermaid but a siren, they didn’t believe her.

“A siren? Pff. Sirens are ugly creatures, that’s why no one trades with them. Yet, mermaids…” One of the bulked up pirates said, one of his front teeth missing while his lips were raised into a sinister smile. “They are so beautiful that anyone would pay a hefty price to get their hands on a mermaid,” he added as he reached for one of her moonlight-grey locks, twirling it around before yanking his hand away when she spat at him.

Even though her legs and arms were tied and she was kept in a cage, her mouth wasn’t covered, so having no fear and nothing to lose, she spat at the man, but it only riled him up even more. The laughter of his that followed truly proved her that he was after nothing but money; if he hadn’t been so blinded by his hunger for wealth, maybe he would have actually considered her words instead of believing those centuries-old tales about sirens being ugly, and he could have let her go back into the sea when she had tried to talk him out of keeping her on his ship. It hadn’t been the first time she had gotten caught by obnoxious pirates, but she had managed to escape a few times, and if not… When night time had come, those men had tasted their own medicine as they had fallen to their death, Sori sucking the soul out of their bodies. Usually, she was satisfied just by feeding on one soul, but when she was kept in a cage like this that didn’t contain water, she became weak, and her taking on her human form and off-water appearance also took a lot of energy out of her.

So she merely watched the man walk away, whistling under his breath, thinking to himself just how big of a price he could get for her body when in fact, he wouldn’t even see the next sunrise. If her senses were correct - though when she wasn’t in water, they were number than usual -, they were quite far from any port, and the nearest kingdom could be reached only a day later, so she only needed to put up with those disgusting men’s stares at her naked human body until sunset (truly the disgrace of her siren form was the fact that she didn’t have anything with which she could cover up her body when she turned into her human form once out of water because that wasn’t her natural form).

Consequently, she tried to sleep a bit to save up her energy, yet after around an hour of dozing off, she woke up to sounds of physical fight and unfamiliar voices filling up the ship. Out of all her senses, her hearing was the best, so she could differentiate humans’ voices quite well, and was surprised to find out that there were around 4-6 new, seemingly less profane voices present. Since she was in the basement, she could hear footsteps above herself, yet not knowing if the new men were here for the pirates themselves or everything valuable in the ship, she didn’t even try to scream for help.

However, when the door flung open, and an unfamiliar young man walked into the room, she couldn’t help but search for his gaze until his almost-shaped eyes settled on hers. He was tall and lanky, his expensive-looking coat framing his broad shoulders perfectly (it was probably tailor-made for him), dress pants tucked into his black boots as if he had been some kind of royalty: always dressed up neat and immaculate. He had jaw-length locks of the warmest of browns, his orbs resembling the sun rising on the horizon.

Needless to say, his eyes widened immediately upon seeing her naked body, and since she could have been easily held hostage or a slave, she wasn’t surprised that he was so horrified by the sight.

“Oh dear…” He mumbled, his lips parted. “Do not worry, my lady. I will get you out of there,” he promised, determined, and Sori tried to tell him that it wasn’t what he might have thought, but it had been some time since she had been in water, and she felt dizzy and lightheaded, thus even speaking up seemed exhausting.

The stranger cracked the lock of the cage open with an axe that he found nearby, and loosened the ropes on her arms and legs while his eyes were still on hers, so that he wouldn’t look disrespectfully at any part of her body. Even though she had been accustomed to men’s stares on her, and she didn’t shy away from their glances, she felt oddly touched by the man’s genuine care and discretion. He even pushed his coat off his shoulders, covering her body with the thick material, his hands hovering protectively over it.

“I…” Sori tried to speak up, but instead, she started coughing, her throat feeling dry. Her footing was uncertain for she had been locked up in that cage for a few hours now, and the young man immediately got a hold on her, holding her by the waist and letting her lean onto his body for support. His touch was firm yet gentle, providing enough certainty for her to hold onto while she was trying to gather her energy to walk in a straight line.

She hated it; feeling so weak without the water around her, but she had gotten so used to it; her life full of sorrow and pain, something she deemed she deserved after what she had done in her previous life even if she didn’t know exactly what she had done. It was almost cruelly laughable; the way she could heal herself when she got hurt, but when it was about her being in her human form, she could barely walk when she wasn’t in water anymore. Yet, the more she suffered, the more she assumed that she deserved it. It was almost like walking through fire that she had caused herself.

So she put up with it, pressing her lips into a thin line as she was walking assisted by the young man. She could barely register what was going on around her: all the noises and smells and curses that grew stronger as they were closer to the main deck made her feel lightheaded and her low energy didn't help her concentration either. What she could understand though was that the pirates were seemingly ambushed, captured by the group of men whose leader seemed to be the young man by her side, and they also wore royalty clothes made of fine materials, so Sori assumed that they were some sort of guards or soldiers. The pirates might have crossed territory without permission, or they might have been wanted criminals in the first place, so maybe they had been captured for more than one reason.

“Hey! You even wanna bring that mermaid with you? She’s crazy, I’m telling you! She even said that she’s a siren,” the pirate with the missing tooth blabbered, but Sori couldn’t see how the man beside her reacted because her vision got blurry, and she felt a more and more urgent need to jump into the water and recharge because she was getting more and more sick, and her longing for the ocean was stronger than ever.

“Stay here! I’ll get back to you,” the young man remarked kindly, and the moment his firm hold faded into nothingness as he walked away from her, she realised that she didn’t want to hurt him, so the sooner she could get away from all these men, the higher the chances that she could save him - the one with the sunrise in his eyes. She didn’t want to suck the soul out of him despite her not knowing him well enough. Even if she couldn’t do anything about killing men, she could try to get away from those who had tried to help her - which hadn’t happened a lot of times before.

So she sucked in a deep breath, her numb body moving on its own.

“Ya, she’s getting away!” Someone hollered before she flung herself off the ship with the last bits of her energy, leaving nothing but the young man’s warm coat and the memory of her curious gaze behind.

Sori spent most of her time swimming during the day. Time flew by differently for her during daytime and nighttime because she was unconscious from the moment day turned into night until the sun rose on the horizon, so nights for her went by in a blink of an eye. Daytime, on the other hand, seemed like a slow, peaceful haze that she could bathe in, and she enjoyed each and every moment thoroughly - feeling strong and invincible under the water, joyfully talking with friendly sea creatures and being mesmerized by her favourite cliffs and shores in different kingdoms. The thing is: she could swim faster than humans, so visiting multiple kingdoms in under one day was nothing impossible for her, and she made good use of that.

Usually, she didn’t really come in contact with humans, but when she heard a cry from a nearby lagoon, she swam to the source of the sound, surprised to find a literal child trying to come up for air while pedalling with her legs underwater. The waves that hit the shore and the high rocks that surrounded the steep water were strong, and it didn’t seem like the child had learned how to swim properly, only her survival instincts kicked in.

Sori didn’t hesitate to grab onto the child, gently shushing her while holding her up, so her head could be out of the water while she directed both of them towards the edge of the rocky part. There, she could put the child onto the ground, so that Sori could still be underwater while the child could be safe from danger.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?” she asked gently while wagging her tail underwater, so that she could still keep herself up.

The little girl coughed a few times, drenched hair sticking to her forehead, and Sori really wished she could do anything more for her, but she didn’t want to scare a child with her naked human form, so it was best if she stayed in the water. The child was thankful though, directing a weak yet precious smile at her as she said:

“Thank you for saving me!” She spoke up feebly, coughing up a bit more water after she had done so. Sori mirrored her smile, grateful that she was better now, only a bit scared. “Are you a mermaid?”

The child asked with her childlike innocence, and Sori wished she could have said yes to reassure her. She hated this question, so it would be rather bittersweet for her to break it down to her that no, she wasn’t a mermaid but a siren who sucked the soul out of men, so that she could survive. That’s why she refrained herself from lying, instead, she was about to ask how the little girl had ended up in the water, but then, she heard quick footsteps nearing on the two of them, hence she was ready to go.

“No, don’t leave! Let me thank you properly!” The child insisted in her almost hurt high-pitched voice, and Sori’s heart churned at the sound of it and at her pleading face with those star-like eyes. If she hadn’t been born as someone who had to kill to survive, maybe she didn’t fear humans’ reaction to her real self.

“I can’t stay. Others might…”

“Byeol-ah!” A voice called closeby, and Sori’s eyes widened because she recognised this voice; her hearing was the most immaculate out of all her senses, so she could have remembered this voice even if she hadn’t heard it a lot of times.

“Uncle Junhee!” The child called, bolting up from her previous crouching pose, running into the young man’s protective arms while his eyes were on Sori’s. As they locked gazes, she could see the realisation hitting him, and she didn’t know what to do about it. She was neutral towards men since they were so disgusting to her a lot of times, but she didn’t have the right to judge them since she killed them to survive. However, she didn’t delude herself into thinking that they could feel anything more than physical affection (or should she say lust?) towards her because a creature like her had been crafted to be beautiful, so seeing gratefulness and relief in his warm eyes because of her action was new. Unfamiliar. Painfully beautiful. She didn’t deserve such a look.

“This mermaid saved me, uncle Junhee!” Byeol turned back to point her fingers at Sori who was about to disagree since it would be the second time the man would think that she might be a mermaid, and she would feel guilty if he kept thinking that she was. However, he was quick to cut her off.

“No matter who you are, thank you.” The so-called Junhee said almost desperately, eyes shining with a bit of guilt yet a ton of reassurance. Sori felt a knot in her throat grow bigger and bigger as he continued on talking to her. “How can I repay you for finding my niece?”

Sori didn’t save the little girl for any kind of payment. Truth to be told, she didn’t even know what a wish could be that someone could fulfill for her. Was she worthy of anyone’s consideration and gratefulness when she killed others to live? She didn’t think that it was in any way fair, so she merely shook her head.

“There’s no need to repay me.”

“I insist, Miss,” Junhee stated further, and he looked at her so caringly, so thankfully as if she had traded her freedom for his that she didn’t have the heart to say no. On the other hand, she didn’t even know what someone like him could possibly do for her when it was even embarrassing for humans to see her in her human form, but he had seen that already.

Nevertheless, she gave a brief nod of her head, signalling that she didn’t protest, but she didn’t even know what he could have in mind. It seemed that he didn’t either as they kept gazing at each other without a word until he suggested:

“Please, think about what you wish for! We can meet here again tomorrow at around... sunrise?” He raised an eyebrow in question, but there was a hopeful glint in his eyes. The way he worded himself and hesitated before the last word indicated for her that he knew what she was. He knew that she was’'t herself from sunset to sunrise, and that’s why he chose such a time. Still, the way he kept looking at her despite knowing that she was a siren amazed her... How? And why? She didn’t deserve it.

“Alright. Tomorrow at sunrise then,” she gave in tentatively, earning a relieved smile from the young man and a wide one from the little girl.

“Take care until then!” Byeol wished as she waved at her, and Sori couldn’t help but smile. Such a pure, innocent child, not knowing anything about the cruelty of the world and the creatures that lived in it.

“You too,” she found herself saying as she turned around, ready to swim further from the lagoon. However, when she looked back at the passing duo, Junhee also looked back, and meeting his eyes, something in her felt bitter. It tasted too much like destiny, too much like a tragedy, but her heart didn’t want to listen, didn’t want to admit.

From sunset to sunrise was the period Sori wasn’t herself. She didn’t feed on men during the whole period, but it was the time she was unconscious, hence it was the time she could get herself a prey, and feed on his soul. That’s why she despised this time, and that’s why she was relieved whenever sunrise came, and she could go back to her real self. If one was to ask her to describe how it felt to come back to her own self, she would say that it was much like waking up from a nightmare that scratches your skin, that makes you toss and turn, that makes you shiver and feverish. Then, coming back to reality feels like salvation; pure, clean and comforting.

That day, comfort came in another form. In those eyes that resembled the hope and joy of a new day with sunrise coming, the fine line between dark and light, the gentleness of a touch and the care of a beating human heart. He came. Just as he had asked her to do so. He waited for her at the same place, standing there patiently as the first rays of the sun were painting ruby, lilac and tangerine lines onto his skin, adding more colours to that beautifully crafted art piece that he already was.

His delicate lips curled into a relieved smile when he caught sight of her as she was swimming closer to the edge. This part of the lagoon was almost like a little pond crawling into the rocks and the cliff, meaning that she could stay in the water because it was deep enough, yet they could stay away from any curious glances around because the rocks around them formed many fascinating creations, covering them from above. It seemed like a secret getaway place for those who enjoyed the sight of the sea, but didn’t want to be seen. Perfect for the two of them.

“May I get to know your name?” The young man asked first things first as he crouched down to be more at an eye-level with her. She nodded, her heart taking a turn. People weren’t usually interested in her name: as soon as they saw her and thought that she was a mermaid, or as soon as they got to know that she was actually a siren, nothing else mattered. What mattered was what she was, not who she was.

“I’m Sori,” she replied with a tiny smile, something that was akin to a piece of hope coming from her.

“Sori…” He let the word roll off his tongue gently, caringly, effortlessly before he introduced himself as Junhee. He must have thought that her name - meaning ‘voice’ in Korean - was very fitting for her. She thought the same, although she despised the sound of it. Just another reminder of what she did when she killed men: using her voice to lure them in. “Thank you for saving my niece once again, Sori!”

The way he said it made it seem like she had done something grande when she had just done what her heart had told her to do. Anyone in their right mind would have wanted to save a drowning child.

“I let her get away from me because she wanted to play hide and seek, yet she slipped and fell into the sea, and it carried her away. I’ve really thought that I had lost her,” he recalled bitterly, his Adam’s apple moving fervently. He was tormented by the idea of losing his precious niece, and the sight of it squeezed Sori’s heart.

“But you didn’t lose her. Maybe that’s how the universe wanted to repay you for helping me,” she pointed out gently, hoping that Junhee’s heart would be mollified by her words. They did seem to reassure him, but they also piqued his curiosity because he raised an eyebrow, curious.

“Do you believe in fate?”

It wasn’t something that Sori had talked about before, but usually, her interactions with humans were rather short-lived and limited, and a lot of times, she ended up in wrong situations just like the time they had first met with the delicate young man. Discussing with someone what she thought of fate was unfamiliar, but she didn’t see the reason in lying to him.

“I do.” She nodded, pondering how she could put her thoughts into coherent sentences. “I’ve ended up this way because I’m being punished for something I did in my past life. Fate, destiny, gods, the universe… no matter what you call it, there’s always some kind of an unknown power that keeps the balance in this world. At least, I believe in it,” she explained to him, her words flowing in tranquility like the water around her.

Junhee’s lips wavered a bit, empathy filling up his almond-shaped eyes. It could be seen that he was hesitating whether or not to add something to her words, and she could understand that. She had just confirmed that she was a siren even though she had a feeling that he had already thought so. The way he had suggested seeing each other at sunrise couldn’t have been a coincidence, nor the way he had been quick to cut her off when she had been about to correct Byeol after the little girl had claimed that she was a mermaid. He was, once and for all, someone who could have easily fallen prey to her if the timing hadn’t been right, yet he didn’t seem intimidated or disgusted. Instead, he was almost bitter about her fate.

“Do you assume that you won’t be cursed for the rest of your life? Can you unbreak it somehow?” he inquired quietly, almost hopefully as if he would want to break the curse if he could. Sori had no idea why he felt so much empathy for her already, but she nodded nevertheless.

“In a way, I can if the time comes, but it’s because I’m cursed in a different way. Yet, it’s also too dangerous. I wouldn’t risk someone else’s life for my freedom,” she elaborated, not going into too much detail about how she had been cursed to love a man whom she could easily kill before he would love her back. It had been so long since she had been carrying the weight of this curse on her shoulders, and even though she wanted to believe that the time might come when she could fall in love, she was also terrified. Whether or not a curse can be broken depended on a lot of factors, and some were, unfortunately, out of her control.

Junhee looked away for a moment, staring at the horizon where the sun was rising rapidly, and everyone in the kingdom would welcome a new day with new hopes and opportunities. Despite being a human being himself, he looked ethereal; as if his skin was made of porcelain, and his eyes were jewels. He looked elegant, delicate and a bit fragile, but there was determination and fire in his eyes. He would probably not break that easily despite how otherworldly he seemed.

“And what if that someone wants to risk their life for you?” He raised an eyebrow challengingly, and for the first time since the beginning of their conversation, she was totally speechless. Unlike last time when she had been craving water and her throat had been on fire, now she was out of words because of what he had asked. This was something she had never dared to think about.

“Let’s not talk about that…” Sori mumbled quietly, tearing her gaze off from his face. Talking about her own twisted destiny wasn’t something that she enjoyed doing no matter how kind-hearted this young man seemed. “Tell me about yourself instead,” she suggested tentatively, averting her eyes back to him to look for any kind of disapproval in his eyes, but none came.

Instead, he told her about himself: about his life and his family, about what kind of flowers he loved the most, about how he preferred warmer seasons more than colder ones, about what poems were his favourites, about how he enjoyed looking at the sea because the sight of the calm waves reassured him that life would go on no matter what happens, and about how he had collected seashells when he had been younger because he had been convinced that they would come alive if he had enough of them.

Sori listened to him attentively, curiously, and the more he talked, the brighter the atmosphere seemed. Somehow, with his soothing voice and gentle gazes, he was able to dissolve that darkness that had fallen upon her heart as they had been previously talking about her cruel destiny. She didn’t even mind that he was a prince - first-born son to the king of the kingdom -, that he was too good to be true, that he had too pure of a heart, that she shouldn’t even have been talking to him because it was just so wrong… She just listened to him, and made herself believe that for this one day, she could forget all about who she was - what she was -, and she must have been out of her mind, but when he suggested meeting again the next day at sunrise, she found herself saying yes.

For someone who lived with guilt and self-hatred as long as she could remember, accepting someone’s consideration (even just their general interest) was difficult. Sori had been used to people cursing her, degrading her, humiliating her, and she had been used to being captured and assaulted. She knew she deserved it, she must have deserved it for she had been cursed, and her feelings had been carefully harboured to cater for all that had happened to her. She had never once questioned others’ behaviour, not until she had met prince Junhee.

Him who was just the definition of finesse. Him whose smile was similar to that last glint of hope with which she held onto the possibility that her curse might be broken; it was comforting, warming and so very charming. His words were well-spoken, sometimes even daring, but always polite, always considerate. Him whose actions were never demanding, never humiliating or disgustful. If she had ever thought of someone who might be the human embodiment of the sea, it would have been him for all the serenity he had in him, the waves gently reaching the shore periodically, and the way the sunshine shone onto the surface, ever so warm and ever so beautiful, and of course the way he was so comforting, feeling a bit like finding solace, feeling a bit like the home she had never had.

On the other hand, something so ethereal could be equally dangerous, and something pure and innocent - the dare to feel hope and being cared for - could turn fatal the moment she might make a mistake. Hence, no matter how difficult it was for her to keep her distance from him because she was drawn to him (oh, how much she was!), she tried, she really tried her best to stay underwater, to leave way before sunset or to not let him know about her feelings all that much because she was afraid that she might cause his downfall.

The more they met, the more she realised that he might be the one mentioned in her curse, and just as much as it should have been comforting, Sori was terrified. How could she know when he would start loving her with all his heart? When would she know the same? For someone like her, loving someone and being loved were foreign, unknown. She might have heard tales of how humans fell in love, but how could she know that it was the same with them? After all, humans craved physical closeness in order to feel emotionally close, and they had barely had any of that. Only fleeting touches when she came close to the edge of the rock where he was sitting, or when he decided to swim with her, and she let him stay close to her.

It was just like that this time as well; they were circling around each other in the water while talking, and Sori’s lips curled upwards as the waterdrops sat idly on the young man’s mahogany locks like little pearls in a jewelry box. Even when she looked down to avoid meeting his curious gaze, the surface of the water reflected the warmth in his orbs and the care in his features, and she found herself falling even more. She saw him everywhere anyway, she looked for him everywhere. It wasn’t right… it really wasn’t, but it felt so good being so wrong.

“Why are you avoiding looking at me?” Prince Junhee inquired after a minute of silence, and an aghast sight escaped Sori’s lips.

“I was just spacing out,” she lied, putting on a fake smile as easily as if she had been doing so her entire life. While it hurt to keep her distance from him, she had to.

“I’m afraid I can’t take that as an answer. You know, I’ve been taught how to read others’ facial expressions,” he remarked with a lighter edge to his words, but she could feel the clear indication in his voice: I know you’re lying. Of course, he knew. She had a feeling that he had always known.

More silence. More patience from him. He was still there, looking at her as calmly (yet worried) as before, and the water around him formed circles as he was trying to keep himself up in the water with his arms. Even though she always pitied humans because they had to use their arms and legs so much to be able to swim and keep themselves floating, now she found this action of his heartwarming; how he tried to stay close to her each and every second.

“I’m just…” Sori hesitated, the words forming unnaturally on her lips. “I’m not sure I can make you happy. I might even hurt you,” she admitted between ragged breaths, and even despite being in water that made her strong, she felt weak and vulnerable. More vulnerable than when she had been put in that cage on the pirate ship, and he had found her naked in such a dazed state.

The prince’s lips trembled a bit, but his eyes were full of determination and unwavering affection. He was like those waves that washed away the last remains of a storm; pacifying the streams and currents, setting a new, calmer pace while letting the first rays of sunshine break through the surface, painting new colours onto its palette.

“Why would you think so?” Junhee asked quietly, confusion flashing across his midnight sky-like orbs. He swam a bit closer to her as he was waiting for her to answer. As if that would have made anything easier! Having him so close made everything more difficult because her rampant feelings were bursting out of her, and she had to force herself to contain them. She wanted to have him close, to graze her hands along his skin, to feel his hot breath on her cold body, to listen to his heartbeat like a lullaby at night… But she couldn’t, she shouldn’t…

Sori closed her eyes for a few seconds, trying to set her thoughts straight.

“I’m cursed beyond being a siren, and I think you might be the one in it,” she confessed in one-go, opening her eyes as she got to the end of her sentence. It was easier telling him with her eyes closed, but if anything, his expression just made her want to take back everything. He was determined, almost hopeful.

“Is this what you’ve told me once? Someone risking their life for you?”

She pressed her lips into a thin line at his choice of words. She knew well that she had mentioned her curse in this way, but now that she was trying to tell him the truth, it was difficult to not feel even more scared hearing the word ‘risk’. No, she would never want him to risk his life for her. He was a prince for God’s sake! The rightful heir to the throne on top of that!

On the other hand, if she was going to keep her distance from him, and she wouldn’t want to hurt him while doing so, she might as well tell him about her curse in detail, so he would know why she was so reluctant to let him in when she wanted nothing more than to do just that.

“I’ve been cursed to love a man whom I might kill before he would be able to love me. By loving me, he would be able to free me from my curse, sealed by the true love’s kiss, but if he doesn’t love me or I don’t love him wholeheartedly when we kiss for the first time, then…”

“Both of us die,” the prince cut her off, his eyes boring into hers. She was truly perplexed, her lips parting at the way he used ‘us’ already as if he had also suspected that they were trapped in a tragedy. That their love story wasn’t the fairytale-like one. That there was more at stake than just their desire. “I understand it now. I might be the one in your curse, and you might be the one in mine: the woman who could cause my downfall and bring destruction to the whole kingdom if she didn’t love me with her whole heart when we kissed,” he confessed straight away without even looking away, but Sori’s heart missed a beat.

So he had been cursed. He had been aware of the fact that she might be the one in his curse just as she had been suspecting the same, yet he had kept coming back day after day to see her after sunrise, and he had kept telling her stories about his childhood days and soldier friends and trips around other kingdoms, and he had kept smiling at her as if he would have been able to free all the stars from the sky for her, and he had taken care of her and her heart as if he had been protecting a priceless treasure.

“But why?” Sori croaked out, her throat suddenly dry. “Why aren’t you scared then? Of me? Of us?” she added, blinking at the young man, her heart tormented. She felt like her body was on fire, and she was burning with all those complex feelings taking hold of her, burning because of the longing, the fear, the hopeless hopes and the dark brightness. Burning because of him, him, him.

Junhee didn’t answer, instead, he swam closer to her, so close that when he reached his hand out, he could perfectly cup her cheeks with his hands, gently resting them on her skin. His touch was soft, protective and affectionate, but she still felt like being tortured.

“Because I do love you, and I know when the time comes, you’ll be able to love me wholeheartedly,” he confessed sincerely, and she wouldn’t have questioned his honesty because his eyes told tales instead of him anyways.

Love. What a beautiful word. What a complex phenomena. He had just said it out loud so easily while she had no idea what love was. Could she tell love and desire apart? Could a siren actually fall in love with a man only by talking and spending time by the lagoon? Could she ever truly love someone while she despised herself so much? She had no idea. To her, love was like hope; the more she tried to reach for it, the further it seemed to get.

“I-I…” She stumbled upon the consonants, not being able to get the right words out, but they weren’t needed anyways because the moment Junhee closed her in his embrace, nothing else mattered, only him.

And so he waited. Through sunset following sunrise, through the moon replacing the sun, through one season embracing the other.

Sori let herself believe that this could work between the two of them - that they could work -, and he made it so easy to believe because he was as patient as ever. Even though his hands were sometimes holding onto hers tighter, even though his lips were sometimes testing the waters in the crook of her neck and her cheeks, and even though his gazes weren’t always so subtle, he didn’t rush her. He waited for her just as patiently as he did so by waiting for her at the lagoon at sunrise.

That’s why Sori purposefully tried to close the distance between the two of them by daring to spend some time out of the water. Prince Junhee was always quick to lend her one of his coats or clothes, and after a while, he even got her some feminine gowns and dresses. Not like they needed to be afraid that anyone would find them since according to the prince, this part of the shore was mainly visited by the royal family, and out of them, Junhee was the one who was fond of the water the most. Hence, they didn’t need to worry that anyone would be horrified at the sight of a naked woman, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

While it was odd for her to walk sometimes because of how foreign her human body seemed, the prince always let her hold onto him for support, and after some time, she held onto him because she craved his touch, not because she needed it. She loved looking at him while the sun was shining brightly above them, making him glow in gold and making him seem so dreamy, it was a sight so picturesque and dear to her heart. It made her feel a bit more at ease, especially after nights of being unconscious. He made her feel so safe and secured, something she had never thought that she would feel.

It was the same at such a time when she nearly tripped over a small rock, but prince Junhee reached for her in time, grabbing her arm and steadying her by his side.

“Are you okay?” he inquired, worried. His eyelashes painted little lines on his parchment paper-like skin, and his orbs resembled tiny little jewels. She was sucked into those galaxies, those what ifs and that undeniable care and affection, so much that she barely registered what he had said.

“I am,” she reassured him with a tiny smile, but his grip was still tight on her as if he was afraid that if he let go, she would break. As she was looking into his eyes, she could see just how much he wanted her to be all his, and she wanted the same so, so bad, there was no use denying, no use resisting. That pull was stronger than ever, sucking her in more and more and more, and she couldn’t keep herself back, she started leaning towards him. As she got closer and closer to him, her body felt more and more electrified, and when her lips were so close that they were barely hovering over his mellow ones, it felt like being set on fire.

“I love you,” she breathed out, helpless and foolish, ready to sink deeper and deeper with him even if it meant that there was no end in sight.

As if he had been waiting for this moment to give him the sign, Junhee closed the distance between the two of them, and kissed her with all the desire, all the longing and yearning and all the waiting behind his back, desperately and impatiently, yet oh so lovingly. His hands were holding her steady, his heart was beating alongside hers, and his lips were cherishing hers, and it felt so good, so good, so good…

So good that when it ended, there was no more fear in her heart - because she knew that they both loved each other wholeheartedly, and that they would never be able to hurt each other after what they had been through.