#jumpingintotheabyss

I don't like blasting my personal bullshit, as I like to deal with shit on my own. Deep in my heart, something has to give! I've hit just about every road block, on my way to becoming the person that I am today, but nothing has give. Every push, every pull, every single thing that I have run across has tested me in some shape or form. However, nothing has given. Maybe it's how I approach things, done things, etc...but deep in my heart, something has to change. It must change. Needs to change.

I've been in the Bay Area for close to 20 years. Worked here, lived here, made a life here...but for the past 5 years, it's been nothing but set-back after set-back after set-back. Pushing harder and harder to build a savings, working endless hours, while having them CUT to the bone, having more taking away from me. Everywhere I look, it's been nothing but CONSTANT change and constant people looking to use me/abuse me. Maybe it's my level of thinking, maybe it's the universe's way of telling me "Stop wasting time and energy into something that's not yielding any results." Basically, I've been throwing spaghetti at a wall for the past 5 years and praying that something will stick.

Honestly, maybe it's time for me to set-up shop somewhere else. To walk away from the pain of the past, to set my eyes higher than ever before. To meet new people, new experiences, etc...Only took me five years, as I would be leaving California broke, shattered into a million pieces, and wondering "What's next?" Right now, I have a possible job opportunity in the SouthWest, but nowhere to stay. Had an opportunity to work at a tech firm, but they've pushed my start date another month. Don't have time/patience/energy to hang tight, as right now I'm DESPERATE to work.

Maybe something will turn up in New Mexico the minute I get there...but that's jumping into an abyss hoping that something will catch me. Won't know until I try it, right? Right.