#jumlbr

✨️Is this Jew a filthy zio or not?!✨️

He wore a bracelet with a 🎗...

It better not be about the hostages that were kidnapped by Palestinian terrorists on October 7...because these hostages were zionist dogs who deserve to be kidnapped, raped, tortured and murdered! And only an evil colonialist genocidal demon would want to show support for these hostages and their families!

Did he watch the hamas gopro footage from October 7? Was he horrified? Did he cry? Was he angry? Was he worried about family he might have in Israel? Did he post about the massacre? About Kfir and Ariel and Shiri Bibas? About Evyatar David? About Shani Louk?

If yes, than thats a big no no - he is a filthy, conniving, greedy, bloodthirsty zionist vermin that must be excommunicated and exterminated.

But if he was screaming "globalize the intifada" and "death to israel" with us on October 8, tearing up posters of the hostages and drawing 🔻 and other nazi symbols and slogans on synagogues...this means he is a ✨️good jew✨️ and we can treat him like an actual human...unless he steps out of line, of course.

So your story includes a Jew (or two) and you’ve a got a scene in a synagogue. Maybe there’s a bar mitzvah, maybe your gentile protagonist is visiting their partner’s synagogue. Maybe there’s a wedding or a community meeting being held there. For whatever reason, you want a scene in a shul. I’m here as your friendly (virtual) neighborhood Jewish professional to help you not sound like a gentile who thinks a synagogue is just a church with a Star of David instead of a cross. 

Quick note: The are lots of synagogues around the world, with different specific cultural, local, and denominational practices. The Jewish community is made up of roughly 14 million people worldwide with all sorts of backgrounds, practices, life circumstances, and beliefs. I’m just one American Jew, but I’ve had exposure to Jewishness in many forms after living in 3.5 states (at several different population densities/layouts), attending Jewish day school and youth groups, doing Jewish college stuff, and landing a job at a Jewish non-profit. I’m speaking specifically in an American or Americanish context, though some of this will apply elsewhere as well. I’m also writing from the view of Before Times when gatherings and food and human contact was okay.

Bear in mind as well, in this discussion, the sliding scale of traditional observance to secular/liberal observance in modern denominations: Ultraorthodox (strict tradition), Modern Orthodox (Jewish law matters but we live in a modern world), Conservative (no relation to conservative politics, brands itself middle ground Judaism), Reconstructionist (start with Jewish law and then drop/add bits to choose your own adventure), and Reform (true build your own adventure, start at basically zero and incorporate only as you actively choose).

Synagogue = shul = temple. Mikvah (ritual bath) is its own thing and usually not attached to the shul. Jewish cemeteries are also typically nowhere near the shul, because dead bodies are considered impure.   

A Bar/Bat/Bnai Mitzvah is the Jewish coming of age ceremony. Bar (“son”) for boys at 13+, Bat (“daughter”) at 12+, and Bnai (“children”) for multiples (i.e. twins/triplets/siblings) or non-binary kids (although the use of the phrase “Bnai Mitzvah” this way is pretty new). 12/13 is the minimum, 12-14 the norm but very Reform will sometimes allow 11 and anybody above 12/13 can have theirs. Probably a dedicated post for another time. Generally, however, the following will happen: the kid will lead some parts of services, read from and/or carry the Torah, and make a couple of speeches. 

Attire: think Sunday Best (in this case Saturday), not come as you are. Even at very liberal reconstructionist/reform synagogues you wouldn’t show up in jeans and a t-shirt or work overalls. Unless they are seriously disconnected from their culture, your Jewish character is not coming to Saturday morning services in sneakers and jeans (their gentile guest, however, might come too casual and that’d be awkward).  1a. The more traditional the denomination, the more modest the attire. Outside of orthodoxy woman may wear pants, but dresses/skirts are more common. Tights for anything above knee common for Conservative/Reform/Recon, common for even below knee for orthodox shuls. Men will typically be wearing suits or close to it, except in very Reform spaces.  1b. Really, think business casual or nice dinner is the level of dressiness here for regular services. Some minor holidays or smaller events more casual is fine. Social events and classes casual is fine too.  1c. Even in reform synagogues, modesty is a thing. Get to the knee or close to it. No shoulders (this an obsession in many Jewish religious spaces for whatever reason), midriffs, or excessive cleavage (as I imagine to be the norm in most houses of worship). 

Gendered clothing:  3a. Men and boys wear kippahs (alt kippot, yarmulkes) in synagogues, regardless of whether they’re Jewish or not out of respect to the space. Outside of Jewish spaces it’s saying “I’m a Jew” but inside of Jewish spaces it’s saying “I’m a Jew or a gentile dude who respects the Jewish space.”  Outside of very Reform shuls, it’s a major faux pass to be a dude not wearing one.  3b. There are little buckets of loaner kippahs if you don’t bring your own and commemorative kippahs are given away at events (bar mitzvah, weddings). Your Jewish dude character not bringing or grabbing one is basically shouting “I’m new here.”  3c. Women are permitted to wear kippahs, but the adoption of a the traditionally masculine accessory will likely be interpreted by other Jews as LGBTQ+ presentation, intense feminism, and/or intense but nontraditional devoutness. Nobody will clutch their pearls (outside of ultraorthodoxy) but your character is sending a message.  3d. Tefillin are leather boxes and wrappings with prayers inside them that some Jewish men wrap around their arms (no under bar mitzvah or gentiles). Like with the kippah, a woman doing this is sending a message of feminism and/or nontraditional religious fervor.  3e. Additionally, prayer shawls, known as tallit, are encouraged/lightly expected of Jewish males (over 13) but not as much as Kippahs are. It is more common to have a personal set of tallit than tefillin. Blue and white is traditional, but they come in all sorts of fun colors and patterns now. Mine is purple and pink. It is much more common for women to have tallit and carries much fewer implications about their relationship to Judaism than wearing a kippah does.  3f. Married woman usually cover their hair in synagogues. Orthodox women will have wigs or full hair covers, but most Jewish woman will put a token scarf or doily on their head in the synagogue that doesn’t actually cover their hair. The shul will also have a doily loaner bucket. 

Jewish services are long (like 3-4 hours on a Saturday morning), but most people don’t get there until about the 1-1.5 hour mark. Your disconnected Jewish character or their gentile partner might not know that though. 

Although an active and traditional synagogue will have brief prayers three times every day, Torah services thrice a week, holiday programming, and weekly Friday night and Saturday morning services, the latter is the thing your Jewish character is most likely attending on the reg. A typical Saturday morning service will start with Shacharit (morning prayers) at 8:30-9, your genre savvy not-rabbi not-Bnai mitzvah kid Jewish character will get there around 9:30-10:15. 10:15-10:30 is the Torah service, which is followed by additional prayers. Depending on the day of the Jewish year (holidays, first day of new month, special shabbats), they’ll be done by 12:30 or 1 p.m. Usually.  After that is the oneg, a communal meal. Onegs start with wine and challah, and commence with a full meal. No waiting 4-8 hours to have a covered-dish supper after services. The oneg, outside of very, very, very Reform spaces will be kosher meat or kosher dairy. 

To conduct certain prayers (including the mourner’s prayers and the Torah service) you need a Minyan, which at least 10 Jewish “adults” must be present, defined as post Bar/Bat/Bnai Mitzvah. In Conservative/Reform/Recon, men and women are counted equally. In Ultraorthodox women are not counted. In Modern Orthodox it depends on the congregation, and some congregations will hold women’s-only services as well with at least ten “adult” Jewish women present.

In Conservative and Orthodox shuls, very little English is used outside of speeches and sermons. Prayers are in Hebrew, which many Jews can read the script of but not understand. Transliterations are also a thing.  In Reform synagogues, there’s heavy reliance on the lingua franca (usually English in American congregations). Reconstructionist really varies, but is generally more Hebrew-based than Reform. 

We’re a very inquisitive people. If your character is new to the synagogue, there will be lots of questions at the post-services oneg (meal, typically brunch/lunch). Are you new in town? Have you been here before? Where did you come from? Are you related to my friend from there? How was parking? Do you know my cousin? Are you single? What is your mother’s name? What do you think of the oneg - was there enough cream cheese? What summer camp did you go to? Can you read Hebrew? Have you joined?  A disconnected Jew or gentile might find it overwhelming, but many connected Jews who are used to it would be like “home sweet chaos” because it’s OUR chaos. 

In Orthodox synagogues, men and women have separate seating sections. There may be a balcony or back section, or there may be a divider known as a mechitzah in the middle. Children under 12/13 are permitted on either side, but over 12/13 folks have to stay one section or the other. Yes, this is a problem/challenge for trans and nonbinary Jews.  Mechitzahs are not a thing outside of orthodoxy. Some older Conservative synagogues will have women’s sections, but no longer expect or enforce this arrangement.   

Money. Is. Not. Handled. On. Shabbat. Or. Holidays. Especially. Not. In. The. Synagogue. Seriously, nothing says “goy writing Jews” more than a collection plate in shul. No money plate, no checks being passed around, even over calls for money (as opposed to just talking about all the great stuff they do and upcoming projects) are tacky and forbidden on Shabbat. Synagogues rely on donations and dues, and will solicit from members, but don’t outright request money on holidays and Shabbat. 

Outside of Reform and very nontraditional Conservative spaces, no instruments on Shabbat or holidays. No clapping either. Same goes for phones, cameras, and other electronics outside of microphones (which aren’t permitted in Orthodox services either).  11a. In the now-times an increasing number of shuls have set up cameras ahead of time pre-programmed to record, so they don’t have to actively “make fire” which is “work” (this is the relevant commandment/mitzvah) on Shabbat, so services can be live-streamed. 11b. After someone has completed an honor (reading from the Torah, carrying the Torah, opening the ark, etc), the appropriate response is a handshake after and the words “Yasher Koach” (again, Before-Times).

🕯 Do you have any funny stories about explaining Hanuka to goyim?

🍩 What's your favorite Chanukkah food?

📅 yes, we go to Florida to visit the extended family typically. This year (literally in like two hours) we're going on a little cruise to the Bahamas and back!

🕯 I really enjoy walking goyim through ~why~ we're eating greasy foods. I also feel like I've had a lot of fun explaining that actually, there WAS a war on Hannukah.

So you want to write a Jewish character? Great! You don’t know how kosher works but really want to get it right? Also great! I’m here as your friendly (virtual) neighborhood Jewish professional here to given you the rundown! As a bonus, I promise this will be shorter than my previous Jewish writing advice post! 

There are three classes of food: meat, dairy, and pareve (neither). No mixing meat and dairy, either can mix with pareve. 1a. Caveat: fish does not count as meat in any Jewish community. In some more traditionally isolated communities neither does bird, but this is unusual. This can cause confusion as your character interacts with individuals who count fish as meat, and are confused that fish+milk is okay but cow+milk isn’t.

Food that follows the laws of kashrut is kosher and making something kosher is kashering it. 

Forbidden/acceptable animals:  Mammals have to have split hooves and chew their cud. Fish must have fins and scales. For birds, there’s a list of prohibited kinds of birds, no this-or-that rule, but the commonality is basically no birds of prey. No bugs except for flying ones (i.e. crickets and locusts that have a tendency to ravage ancient middle eastern farmers’ crops). No reptiles or amphibians. 

Additionally, animals must be dead (no eating living critters), have not died of natural causes (i.e. disease), and must not have been injured. This includes no shock or anesthesia first, as is common in non-kosher or Halal slaughter. Your Jewish character could find themselves in an awkward position explaining this. 

Not all of a kosher animal is kosher. The sciatic nerve in the hip socket is not, as are several other specific veins and fat deposits. Although some butchers will remove it to make the rear half of the animal kosher, it is a labor-intensive endeavor so most simply sell the unkosher meat to a gentile butcher. Your kosher-keeping character is therefore unlikely to be eating the back half of the cow. 

Kosher slaughtering is also a thing, performed by a shochet (alt transliteration shecht) who is sometimes but not necessarily also a rabbi. There are very specific requirements for this - your kosher-keeping character can’t just do it themselves.

There are also a bunch of weird little rules, like kosher wine being a thing. Most American Jews are not very attuned to the little and obscure rules, so it’s unlikely your character would be. Wine is a slight point of contention (because what would make it unkosher is the process to make it, not the ingredients), and a lot of otherwise kosher-keeping folks will have unmarked wine. 

The opposite of kosher is treif (alt: treyf). Vegetables, fruit, and water are automatically kosher. Anything processed needs to be marked for kosher-keeping characters. The mark (a tiny stamp about the size of a trademark sign) is called a hecksher and certifies the kosher status. There are dozens to hundreds of these, and which ones your character accepts depend on their personal strictness on kosher. 

Kosher households will have at least two sets of dishes, one for meat and one for dairy. Cups frequently overlap (as there’s not much meat going in cups). Your character gentile friends and family will likely be confused by the setup. 

Some families also have two sets of appliances, but this is much less common. They are likely orthodox if they have two sets of appliances.

A dish or appliance is neutral kosher until it is used with traif, dairy, or meat. It can be made kosher-netural again by kashering it by boiling it or burying it for several days. Most people just keep their dishes separate because kashering to make something kosher again is annoying. If your character has a favorite or special dish they might bother with it though. 

Passover has it’s own special kosher rules and dishes.

All of the above is assuming your character keeps pretty strict kosher. Bear in mind however, that keeping kosher is in practice a spectrum, and that strictness generally aligns with their observance of other Jewish practices. For kosher, there’s other several ways your Jewish character could align themselves. 13a. Doesn’t keep kosher. Exactly what it says on the tin.  13b. Kosher-style in ways as I’ve described above. Some variant of “kosher in some but not all circumstances.” This could be “my house is kosher but I’ll eat at non-kosher restaurants” or “my house is kosher and I’ll eat and non-kosher houses” or “ingredient-kosher but heckshers are whatever,” among other things.  13c. Vegetarian or vegetarian except for kosher meat. A lot of Jews do this because it’s easier.  14d. There are also more strict subsets of the observance, like Cholev Yisrael (milk that has been under the watch of an observant Jew) or Glatt kosher (specific strict supervision for meat).