#jumbledwords

            ❝ So -- I know you said you helped Jo-boy over there in baking these, but it must have been all you, right? They taste much better than the last time he tried to do it all on his own. ❞ As well as teasing Joseph, seeing he was in earshot, Lucius couldn’t help himself from flirting with Laurence, holding up the brownie he had just bought and started to eat.

and as u keep things in urself, para ka nang nababaliw and di maintindihan ang mga nangyayari sa paligid. alam mo lang ang gulo gulo, ang labo, maingay, tahimik, halo halo na.

I.

Violent delights

pile up,

All this white hot electricity,

I’ll be Bonnie if you be-

Knives running through,

Fingers interlaced.

II.

Not enough chemicals in the world 

To bring my mind to a safe place.

Oh god, and you keep telling me

To take my pills-

Slashing my wrists is just a scream

Without sound.

III.

Violent ends.

Creaking bones,

Brittle from never meeting our maker

Fingers untwined,

You loved me, and you left me

Pent up with all these

'  tell  me  you  love  this  .  tell  me  you're  not  miserable  .  '  

the  words  rattle  around  his  ribcage  ,  chest  constricting  with  the  w e i g h t  of  them  .  can  he  say  them  ,  in  truth  ?  (  LYING  is  a  mortal  sin  ,  after  all  .  )  can  he  be  happy  with  this  ,  even  if  it  isn't  what  his  heart  desires  ?  he  LOVES  his  children  .  he  loves  his  job  .  he  loves  his  WIFE  ,  too  ,  even  if  he  knows  ,  deep  down  ,  that  he  doesn't  love  her  the  way  that  he  SHOULD  .  it  should  be  enough  ,  but  he  knows  deep  down  it  isn't  .

❛❛  there  are  times  in  our  lives  where  we  have  to  do  what's  best  for  OTHERS  ,  not  just  ourselves  .  ❜❜  it's  not  an  answer  ;  he  can  only  hope  it's  enough  adjacent  to  one  to  appease  him  .  he  doesn't  think  he  can  take  it  otherwise  .  doesn't  think  he  can  withstand  the  probing  questions  ,  the  far  too  astute  observations  .

maybe  if  he  knew  him  a  little  less  ,  maybe  if  he  didn't  care  for  him  so  much  ——

there's  another  version  of  him  ,  he  thinks  ,  that  might  have  let  this  continue  .  that  might  have  been  able  to  stomach  the  thought  of  it  ,  unfair  as  it  would  be  to  him  .  it  wouldn't  be  the  FIRST  time  he'd  felt  the  twisting  ,  aching  guilt  of  an  affair  ,  and  it  had  certainly  never  stopped  him  before  .  

            ❝ if you think about it, i don’t think any dogs have masters. they are the masters of us. like cats. for example, cats treat their owners like they’re servants. dogs do it on an extremely subtle basis. they wag their tail the right way, tilt their head and act cute, and people fawn all over them. we’re the ones getting played. ❞ god, he loved dogs anyway.

            lucius wished he knew what the meanings behind the flowers were, assuming that it would make more sense why the crown consisted only those two. it was beautiful regardless of the meaning, however, fixing the crown as it was placed on his head and bending down a little to press a kiss to laurence’s cheek. ❝ thank you. it’s beautiful. ❞