#juke blogs

me: soul-crushingly touch starved also me: flinches when touched

I applied for 2 jobs today, both of which would be really bad for my fibromyalgia. I need to find work if I want to keep having a place to live though. I hate that I feel resentment for the older generations who could actually afford to live, and for healthy people. and homeowners. I’m not malicious at heart, and feeling resentment makes me feel guilty. I wish I believed that there was hope for my situation. 

I’m so tired. When do things get easier?

Sometimes I hate the part of me that is optimistic and hopes because the cynical part of me knows its a lie. The optimistic part of me knows that even though I can’t see a solution that doesn’t mean there isn’t one, and that things might get better. The cynical half knows that hope and wishes don’t do shit and that sometimes the world decides to take a big fucking dump on you and there isn’t a thing you can do to stop it. Hope is dangerous. Hope keeps me alive though. 

I think I skipped dinner again, I can’t remember. I had some peanuts and water. Wow she’s so great self care how does she do it? /s You’d think skipping meals so often would mean I’m losing weight but you’d be wrong, I’m fat and I have a b12 deficiency. I still have a headache from yesterday someone please take tumblr away from me.