[ Frollo, Esmeralda, Sweeney Todd AU. 5; Things you didn't say at all. ]
{{so initially I misread this as 5 Things You Didn’t Say At All. and the angst monster I am really likes that idea, so I’m going to incorporate it into the Drabble!}}
She is five years old. Like all five-year-olds she can be temperamental and loud- and move quickly from that to being the sweetest creature to ever grace the earth. That is Esmeralda. She’s a child with a temper and a heart too big for her chest.
But she knows too few people for her heart to be full. Just nursie and the butler and her father.
Esmeralda was angry that afternoon and hardly consolable. There was no particular reason (she was five) but her father heard her screams and solemnly ascended the stair. His tall presence calms her quickly, and within the next hour she has eaten a light supper, been bathed, and tucked into her flannel nightgown.
(She and nursie manage to convince her father to read her a bible passage before bed, and the child could hardly be more excited.)
The Judge’s voice is sonorous and solid, so the child soon began to drift to sleep. Dutifully, her father leaned over to kiss her forehead, as proper parents are wont to do.
“I love you, Papa.” Is what the five-year-old wants to say, but even at five she understands that those are words to be careful with (and not words her father would like.)
So she mumbled a “Goodnight, Father.” and fell asleep.
Esmeralda is almost ten, now. She is angry again (which is hardly surprising. Ten-year olds are fickle creatures). This isn’t quite like the anger of her childhood- this anger is deeper and redder and cannot be consoled by her father’s presence.
If anything, his presence only inflames her nerves, for it is her father who is the cause of her anger.
He has fired her governess, again. She has not had a steady companion since she was six, and to her this feels as though it is the last straw. She has no companions, no friends, not even a constant maid.
She has no mother and she wants to know why.
(This isn’t the first time she’s asked it, and it won’t be the last)
Her father is sighing, pursing his lips in disapproval as he repeats what he’s always told her.
He took her in and made her his ward, for her mother had endangered her.
He had tried to help the poor woman, but she was beyond all hope.
Her mother was dead, or worse.
Telling her more would only hurt her.
If what he said was true, (and she didn’t want it to be), she didn’t listen. Esmeralda was too old now for screaming, so instead she curled up in her window-seat and shook from the anger that consumed her.
He lurked for some time before he finally retreated. As he shut the heavy door behind him, Esmeralda held her tongue so not to say the words she wished to.
She is fourteen now and it is Easter- a day in which she finds it impossible to be unhappy. The sky is blue and her lark is singing. It is all she can do not to twirl about her room until she falls to the floor in dizziness.
Esmeralda has the constraint for that, but nothing can stop her from singing her heart out to the early morning sky, all bedecked in pinks and blues (like her dressing gown). Nothing except, perhaps…
She heard a sharp intake of breath from the vicinity of her doorway and spun around, suddenly breathless. The Judge seemed breathless as well, blanched and looking as though he was choking on something. Esmeralda found herself at a loss for words…
He did too, or so it seemed.
“Are you ready for church, Father?” She managed after long minutes of his eyes roaming her body.
He nodded, and that was that…
But for the words that rested (unspoken) on her tongue.
“Why do you look at me that way, Father?”
Why was it she couldn’t say a word to him about the way he looked at her?
Why was she unable to express her-her sheer repulsion at the way his eyes never left her form?
Why was she so unable to refuse the dresses and jewels he so pressed at her?
Why could she not escape the endless red of his eyes and her dresses and the thoughts that pervaded?
But she was only fifteen and all she could say was “Yes, Father” and “Thank you, Father”
instead of the questions she wished to ask.
It is her sixteenth birthday and she is dressed in a gown of white, adorned with red-red as blood. There is chatter and laughter and the clinking of glasses all around her, for her father guardian has arranged a ball to announce her coming of age.
There is dancing and the eyes of the guests never leave her. It is as if they know something she does not. Esmeralda cannot help but believe it’s something awful, something terrible.
The Judge takes her hand and waist for a waltz. She is grateful that the music can take her away to a place of joy, rather than one of fear. It is only when it comes to an end, however, that she realises the folly of forgetting herself.
They are standing at the front of the ballroom, all eyes on them. It is as if she sees him-in a dream- fall to a knee in front of her and begin a long speech. She does not hear the words, for she knows what he asks.
He was her father. Her guardian. But he wishes to be something more-something she cannot imagine accepting.
He wishes for her to be his once more, bonded by the word of the law and the lord.
As he finishes, she knows what she wants to say.
No. No. Never. Not if it condemns me to hell. Not if…
But the eyes of the guests are terrifying and paralyzing and no breath or word comes.