#joyiscoming

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#joyiscoming #poem https://www.instagram.com/p/B1eGH1YhUmm/?igshid=1qpi891688btf

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#mammysheart #keepmoving #godisfaithfull #joyiscoming

Today we took our kids to Sweet Frog and enjoyed some frozen yogurt together. While there, of course, Ellie made a friend. While chatting with her new friends Mom, we found out that this Mama was going to have a baby. "I'm pregnant with a boy due in August" She said. I shared a look with Blair. A knowing look, rooted in pain and despair, Sorrow. She talked about how excited she was and I willed my fave not to give it away. This Mama didn't know. And it wasn't a moment to share. But I've not stopped thinking about such a small encounter and I know Blair knows it's still rolling around in my head. We would have found out if we were having a boy or girl, though I'm convinced we would have had a boy. I would be showing ever so slightly by now. I would have been able to share kicks with Blair and Ellie and Dean, though he wouldn't have understood. "the sun starts rising hours before you can see it...your joy is coming." This not from my sister in law made its way into an art journal page tonight. As many notes tend to do with me. And I want to believe it...I keep reading it hoping it sinks into my heart...and perhaps, eventually it will. I'm still in a season of Nope. Nope to more kids, nope to more loss, nope to seeing a stranger who was due the same month as me. Nope to ever ever ever ever doing THAT again. I don't think this will always be my season, but it's where I am. Miscarriage doesn't end when the pregnancy ends. You carry for months the knowledge of what you WOULD be doing. What WOULD have happened. Your "due date" comes like a stab to your heart, a quiet reminder, this baby is no more. I am trying to live with myself again. Slowly. Because it felt like betrayal this last time. Like some sick joke and I question what my body did and what it does and if it will do it again. I do not trust it. This body that gave life to Ellie and Dean and that took three from me. I'm learning how to look in the mirror without seeing a tomb. Just because it's over doesn't mean a Mama isn't fighting battles. Be kind to them, Loss Mamas. We fight battles and climb mountains. #loss #miscarriage #thoughts #joyiscoming justdontknowwhen

I just haven't felt like me in a long time. But with you... I do. God, give me the strength to weather this storm, for the joy that is coming will be far more worth it than I realize. #blonde #blueeyes #christian #God #strength #patience #weatherthisstorm #joyiscoming

After you have endured the pain of affliction..There will be Joy and Pleasure. Pain brings Appreciation and God's presence brings Pleasure forevermore!!! #itsonlytemporary #joyiscoming #dontgiveup #Endure #HoldOn #AnytimeNow