The farmer does not know how
It’s been a strange few months for me internally. I am still processing what God is working at lately, but I think it’s a call to deeper joy in Him regardless of immediate circumstances and whether my expectations are met or not.
Both for my personal growth and for the growth of people I’ve been ministering too, a piece of scripture comes to mind: “Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows he does not know how.” (Mark 4:27) Some seeds I’ve sown have been lying dormant, while there is unexpected growth elsewhere.
I’ve been going through phases of disappointment and frustration - the neighbourhood leaders that I’ve been discipling have all seem to fallen off the map, either to other commitments or self-isolation. We’ve lost momentum for the seniors’ tea, and there are some seniors I haven’t been able to connect with for a while. I had a breakdown where I was unreasonably angry at God for calling me into the hard work of sowing seeds into people only for the little growth I’ve witness previously seem to wither and die. I was so ready to be on coasting mode until I leave to go overseas.
But thank goodness that God is gracious and merciful and points me again to where He is making seeds sprout, even in my little self-centred rut, and invites me again to be part of His work - but in ways that I had not expected. There has been really amazing growth at kids church and youth group, where several un-churched neighbourhood kids like Annika* and Vanessa* have accepted invitations to come after months of building relationship with them. The trust grown between me and a “gatekeeper” family in the neighbourhood has made way for extended trust from many other parents, who in turn have let me bring their kids to church or youth group too!
Recently my colleague Jamie (who also pastors the church we partner with) overheard Annika say this to his daughter, Annie*, at the school’s breakfast program: “Hey Annie, don’t you wish we were in kids church right now??” Â
I’m pretty sure that is God’s way of showing me that the hours of babysitting and playing with kids have all been times where He has been growing the seed through my best attempts to love, even when my preference is not to spend a Friday night with a seven and twelve year old. Perhaps, the harvest will be ready soon, and maybe I’ll be able to follow Jesus again into sowing more seeds, trusting that God is in it for the long-term and that there is joy to be found regardless of what’s happening around me.
*names changed
