#joy au

An invitation from the one and only Park Sooyoung brings you to her apartment for what should have been a simple studying session, but truth be told, simple just isn’t in her vocabulary.  

Sooyoung is her own kind of whirlwind, one that you have had the most gracious opportunity to be swept up in. She isn’t problematic, per se, but she has had her fair share of shitty relationships and poor decision-making that has made you worry for her more often than not. 

Her previous partners have either been too little or too much, and her last relationship left her a little less like her usual self. Her sudden bouts of flings afterwards and late night calls to you confirmed that. 

Sooyoung wasn’t one to let the ends of relationships hurt her, at least not in this way, but she and Doyeon shared i-love-you’s and an entire summer together when they took back to back summer sessions together. Neither of which were Sooyoung’s forte, because she didn’t fall in love and she didn’t cohabitate with partners longer than a couple of evenings at a time.

Now, you’re certain she is even more adamant to keep these rules enforced as you see her phone light up with unsaved contacts. They were probably people she had met at the bar she worked at, because one glance at the screen earns the sender a distasteful click of her tongue and her attention is turned back to you instead of all the Chaucer poems you two are supposed to be transcribing for the upcoming midterm. 

“Question,” she says, letting her pencil sit back on the coffee table. 

To be fair though, you two have been deciphering the texts for the last hour and half, so a break does feel necessary.

“Answer,” you reply, feeling some satisfaction in hearing her snort. 

Naturally, her answer isn’t one you expect. It’s hard to say what you expect from her sometimes; one minute you can guess what’s on her mind, the next minute you have to wait for her to explain her thought process. “Wouldn’t it be fun to try a relationship out?”

Your eyebrows furrow, never once had the topic of a relationship with Sooyoung ever popped up in conversation until now. “What do you mean? Why—?”

“Just to try!” she says this with a shrug; to which you raise your eyebrow. 

“I don’t know. Haven’t you ever wondered what a relationship with me would be like?”

You chuckle. “You’re so full of yourself sometimes.”

Leave it to your best friend to present the somewhat taboo questions in life. Not that thinking of dating your best friend is the biggest taboo, which it isn’t, but leave it to her to ask it as if she were asking how your day was going. 

“But haven’t you?” she asks, glancing at you with an indiscernible look. You can’t decide whether she is trying to parse out a specific answer or if this is genuine curiosity, and even then, you don't know what would have compelled her to ask such a question. An inkling of a feeling tells you she has motives for it though.

You gulp; it’s still such a loaded question isn’t it? Your best friend, who is gorgeous, vivacious, and all too good for any of her previous partners, was asking you if you ever considered dating her? It’d be a lie to say no. Of course, you have. 

“Who hasn’t?” you blurt out, voice a little uneven. It feels like your heart might beat its way out of your chest.  

That catches her off guard just a little. 

“Wait, huh?”

“I just mean I think it’s a common thing for people to think of what dating their best friend is like,” you say carefully, each word chosen with care, because you find the real reason a little embarrassing. Sure, you’ve joked about being the real one that she needs in a relationship, but deep down, you mean it. 

“Is that the only reason?” she asks, not wholly convinced, and with a damn good reason. 

You nod, but you’re awful at half-truths. 

“I believe you’re missing the part where you tell me the whole truth.” 

It’s an opportunity to guffaw, at least to diffuse the situation, but it falls short in your throat. 

You know you have to admit the truth then. If you’re awful at half-truths, then you’re abso-fucking-lutely terrible with whole lies. You had tried it once, and only then, because she had caught you the moment you tried to say you were fine when an ex had broken up with you on the same day he had cheated on you with someone he told you not to worry about. She knew by looking at you and was just about ready to light his ass on fire had you not needed her then. 

But, to set things straight: you’re not in love with Park Sooyoung. Of all people, you know better than to let yourself fall in love with her. That’s asking for hurt. But wishing you could date her? Show her what a relationship should be for her? Yeah, you’ve thought of it on more than one occasion, and you tell her that. 

“I’ve thought about dating you,” you admit to her. “I’ve considered what it would be like, how I’d treat you better than half of those other people you’ve gone out with, because I think you deserve a million times better than any of those assholes. It’s embarrassing, I know, and you’re in no desire to get into another relationship, but yeah, I mean it. I’d date you if only for that reason.” 

“So you think you could make it convincing if we tried it?” she asks, tilting her head at you. 

“Huh?” This time it’s your turn to be thrown off guard. 

“Is this where you tell me what brought all of this on?” You can tell your cheeks are burning; while you’re used to being vulnerable with Sooyoung, you also don’t like to act as though you know what’s better for her. You know your own capabilities of what you can do and offer her, and you know that a real relationship for you two could spell inevitable trouble if things go sour, and the idea of jeopardizing that feels more unsettling than being exposed to your own whims of seeing your best friend happy. 

“Well, do you want to try being together then?” she says all of this without batting much of an eyelash. If anything, she seems amused more than anything else; over what exactly flies over your head as you feel your cheeks burning even hotter. 

You say her name, more so in warning than in a whine, but you can’t even tell if your voice is strong enough to come off intimidating with the way her eyes seem to crinkle with her smile. 

“Ah, c’mon,” she giggles, “you’re too cute when you’re trying to be serious, you know that?” 

You shake your head at her, pursing your lips. 

She exhales, leaning closer to you on the coffee table. It makes you hyper aware of both your positions. Somehow facing her with only this glass top table feels too intimate for you, like you two are entering uncharted territory, what with the confession in the air and now her sudden proposition. You never know what to expect with her. 

“I just--I’m sorry,” she tells you, with a quiver to her laugh. 

This time it’s your turn to tilt your head at her. “What’s going on?” you ask, none of the potential conclusions making much sense in your head. She didn’t suddenly awaken with the desire to be in a relationship, least of all with you. This feels similar to the time she had you accompany her to her aunt’s wedding for the sake of saving face when an ex of her blew her off at the last minute. 

“Doyeon started working at the bar.” 

“Oh--” you blink. “Are you alright?” 

“I’m managing,” she tells you with a less than convincing nod, “but I didn’t realize it would suck this much to see her again. She’s been coming around with her current plaything, because he can’t seem to leave her alone, and it just… sucks.” 

“Oh Sooyoung,” you sigh, reaching over to put your hand atop of hers. “Do you need me to be your hot best friend-turned-significant other?” 

She smiles, the crinkly-eyed one, that you consider rather contagious. 

“Maybe, yeah.” 

“She never did like me all that much,” you tell her. “She always looked like she wanted to murder me every time I came around.” 

Sooyoung leans in, as if to tell you a secret, and whispers, “She did. She thought you actually had the hots for me, and would eventually steal me away. Some dumb shit like that. I always told her you weren’t the homewrecking type.” 

“Of course, she felt threatened by me,” you snicker. “Well, if you need me to be your new plaything, I agree.” 

She rolls her eyes at you. “You’re not a plaything,” her tone is gentle, and she changes the position of your hands so she’s the one holding yours, “but I appreciate your acceptance to being my fake girlfriend.” 

“Of course,” you scoff playfully, “what else am I here for?” 

“Apparently, to show me what a good girlfriend is supposed to be,” she retorts, earning a squeak from you. 

“Shut up!” 

She laughs, still a rather pretty sound. “I appreciate that though, Y/N. You’re always looking out for me.” 

“I’d be a really shitty best friend if I didn’t want the best for you, you know. But, also, let me just say that I didn’t mean it to be prescriptive or whatever. I just want to see you happy.” And it’s true, that’s all you want for Sooyoung. She’s so headstrong and passionate; she loves wholeheartedly and knows what she wants; so, more than anything, you want her to have someone that can match that, or if anything, keep up with her and support her just as she should be in her endeavors. 

“Well, you make me happy,” she says with a smile. That same damn crinkly-eyed smile.