#journey.

after putting off reading through 4dbarbie's non-dualism posts i finally said that enough was enough. funnily enough, i read @4dkellysworld 4dbarbie adaption post on how to realise self. i'm not sure why i read the second post first instead of going in order, but i fully plan on reading through them all.

p.s, anything that is indented comes straight from 4dkelly's adaption post about realising self!

p.p.s, all dividers belong to @v6que.

There is no external life, there is no need to use any methods to recondition or train your mind. It is much faster, much easier and you are hundreds times happier just letting go of the mind. The process is one of letting go more and more until you find yourself having nothing, being nothing.

immediately i felt relieved upon reading this. being in the law of attraction & assumption, and shifting community meant that i had to "recondition" my mind if i wasn't manifesting my desires - to constantly think only positive affirmations. if i wanted to be blonde, i'd have to think "i am blonde, i love being blonde, i adore my blonde hair" constantly throughout the day. and it was tiring.

Stop thinking you are Vanessa, the thoughts of needing this or that drop away. By thinking you are it, you create a character who desires and then identify yourself with it. You can only have when you let go of thinking that you don't.

this seriously spoke to me as i can recall countless times i desperately tried any method i could, two cup, 5x55 challenge, pillow method, you name it! but it makes sense now. i was caught up with wanting and thus identified with a character who wanted, when in reality i always had.

i say "identified" and not "became" because, and correct me if i'm wrong, you cannot become anything - only identify with. the only thing you are is self.

I've said it before, you don't have to convince Vanessa that she's unreal. Just stop taking the thoughts you don't like for truth or reality. There is no convincing involved, it is all letting go... you're holding so tightly onto your ideas now, that's why you can't see their falsity. 19 You don't have to convince anyone of anything. What I teach here is to leave your mind alone, that is all. Don't go along with it. 2 Thoughts will keep on coming for a while, just now you know they have nothing to do with you.

i understand. simply observe the thoughts as clouds passing by, do not take them as truth and do not fight them. previously when i was still in the loa community i would combat them. a thought would enter, "you won't shift!" and i would fight him back, "yes i will! i already am in my desired reality! i am a master of shifting!" but this isn't right, as kelly said there's no need to convince anyone - especially your own mind.

First you start doubting "the facts", then you become indifferent to the facts, lastly there are no facts anymore and you can establish your own.

the beautiful process of shedding the ego! metamorphosis.

her post is rather long (and informative, go read!!) so i don't want this entry to be taken up of me nodding and going "yep so true!". instead as i read through it yesterday and allowed the info to soak into my brain i felt enlightened. i wondered why on earth didn't i read through this earlier? for the first time since late 2020, my mind became quiet on its own.

i observed the world differently, as if it were a dream - a lucid dream, because that's exactly what it is. it was mind-blowingly peaceful. a damn breath of fresh air to be told to simply let go, wholly, instead of repeating affirmations 69x, get into SATS every night, etc.

although, i will admit a part of her feels anxious at being told to "let go". many of us from the loa, subliminal, and shifting community, LOVE doing things and putting in an active effort because it's been instilled in our minds that hard work pays off. however, i shall only observe her fears and treat it with indifference.🦋

The boat ride had been a pleasant one, but still Sakura couldn’t help it if the thick fog was a little daunting. A little too reminiscent Team 7′s first mission away from home and the very first time Sakura realized how hard things could get out there. The good Samaritan who had offered her a place on his boat seemed used to navigating through it and soon enough there was land beneath Sakura’s feet. She thanked the local profusely and offered to pay him for his assistance, but he seemed nothing but pleased to be of help. 

That mission back then was exactly the reason why Kirigakure had been one of the places she wanted to visit. Haku’s techniques were quite intriguing, from faking Zabuza’s death to nursing him back to health after the battle with Kakashi. Clearly Kirigakure had something to offer to Sakura’s research; she could only hope the locals were willing to share. 

Not long after stepping off the boat, Sakura runs into yet another stranger and considers passing on by without acknowledging them - but Sakura can feel eyes on her and turns her head fully towards the stranger with a friendly smile. 

The sun was setting, giving way to a pleasant breeze rather than the scorching heat Sakura had endured all day. She’d just arrived in Otogakure, a stop that wasn’t really planned, but she would need to stock up on water if the heat would continue to be this severe during her travels; she figured she might find a place to stay the night, in that case. Sakura wiped the sweat from her brow and drank the last of her water before looking around, finding a young woman with white hair right down the road. 

the trainer sits awake, looking at the stars.

this is the one time of year that he pays attention to the passage of days, to the numbers on a calendar. it makes him increasingly restless as this day approaches. makes him excited. fills him with so much love.

chin rested on crossed arms, satoshi glances to the right of him, & smiles at seeing pikachu mirroring his pose. he turns his head to pillow it on his forearms, looking at his partner. voice quiet in the night.

❛ ne, d'you know what day it is ?? ❜

the pokémon's ears flick lazily, one then the other, turning a curious look at its trainer. its pika guesses at the end of march. the trainer's smile deepens & his shoulders bunch with it. he can't shake his head in his position. he settles for a tired shuffle.

❛ no, it's the middle of the night. midnight came 'n' went long ago. ❜

sleepy comprehension passes over the mouse, & it extends a paw to just - barely graze a pat on satoshi's elbow with a soft chirp. the trainer's chuckle is equal parts sleepy, more breath & shake than noise.

he knew it'd get it.

as the soft laughter wanes, he sighs into his smile, a content & warm thing, burrowing further in the crooks of his elbows, bleary vision full of dark blue & silver & most of all yellow with a red that looks black in the moonlight.

❛ mmh. happy anniversary, buddy ... to a dozen more ... ❜

the morning will find them cuddled together. satoshi & pikachu. pikachu & satoshi. no one without the other. partners & brothers until the sun explodes.