#journal;

i got people i want to but fuck if i know if i can.

everyone i tell either dies or gets hurt or. forgets.

i cant tell anyone.

i want to tell them but i cant. ive told undyne and ive told papyrus, what little i did, and that’s all i can do.

they’re the only ones who i trust to survive knowing anything i do. besides i guess gast, or. i feel like there’s someone something im missing here.

i can’t remember shit. but i know there’s gotta be someone else i can trust, too.

either way, i cant stand all this. it’s too much. ill just stay out here a little longer until i can handle goin’ back and apologizing for the tantrum i had.

i dont feel sorry for it, but it’s better to not burn bridges like that than it is just thinking i was in the right. i might be a prideful motherfucker but even i know playin’ social games isn’t right. most of the time.

ughhhhh

Daddy says i’m a slut. Daddy says i’m a whore. Daddy says that I need to earn some self respect.

Daddy doesn’t understand. Daddy doesn’t see.

I’m the girl they fuck. I’m the girl that lets them. I’m the girl that straight girls use to experiment, to try things out, and decide that they don’t swing that way. I’m not the girl that you take home to your parents, just the bitch you brag about to your friends. I’m the skank before you find the one. 

First and foremost, Happy Father’s day to all the amazing, hardworking and loving dads out there!

It’s still surreal to realize that in these two years I’ve transitioned from celebrating Father’s Day in the honor of my own father, to actually getting to celebrate it in the comfort of my own house, with the family I managed to establish and provide for. It’s a very rewarding feeling to realize that finally in my 39 years of age I finally entered my father’s long awaited footsteps, and get to experience what it’s like to receive that little extra bit of love and gratitude from my already very appreciative surroundings. 

Words can’t describe how blessed I feel getting to celebrate this special day, graced by that wide smile and gleeful squeals, you’re the best gift a father could possibly wish for, little man. Father’s Day is a day that’s centered around all the hardworking daddies, but in reality, this special day still revolves around you, like all my days do and always have since the day you got born. 

Every single day, I’ll learn something new, see resemblances back into your boyish features or behavior that remind me; yes, this little package of joy is definitely my own, and I feel a great sense of astonishment and pride every time again and again. Little man, daddy’s little pumpkin, my baby boy, who’s already so big yet still so small, you’re the greatest gift of them all that keeps on giving.

Getting to wake up to your extraordinary high pitched squeals because you could no longer contain your excitement while you forced your present down my hands left me on the brim of tears, eating the breakfast you especially assembled in bed while wiping dollops of cream off your cheeks because you saw this as your opportunity to munch off the yummy toppings and knowing you’d get away with it had me doubling over, and getting to cuddle with you after because just like your dad you slump into a food coma left me content and whole. 

Little boy, you’re my rock, the center of my universe and so much more.  But most importantly you are my son. And without you I’d never have known what it’s like to be loved so unconditionally. 

“ Roses are red, Violets are blue   Together they birth purple,   The color of my (in)sanity.   What does it represent to you? ”

First and foremost I’m incredibly grateful for the overwhelming amount of enthusiasm we’ve received for Young and Menace!

What started out as a mindless scribble on a blank canvas that had no intention of ever making it to broad daylight, gradually grew in the comfort of our own silence over the course of these last couple of months, where at last it’s insanity got blown into production, to find its way to the speakers of our eager audience.

You’re rooted with this insanity that originated from your brain, and gradually you turn it into a far more graspable piece for people to partake and hopefully find themselves just as tangled in. Mania definitely takes this confidence to a whole new level.

I'm worried sick about Arturo. I can tell he's not doing good right now and it makes my chest hurt just thinking about it. I should be there to look after him, but I can't stand the thought of looking him in the eye right now after everything that's happened.

I'm such a shitty sister.

I'm starting to get the impression that Val is mad at me. Maybe I'm being stupid, but I don't know why. It doesn't feel good though.