#journal 37

We didn't learn who it was until a little while ago. We just sat in the closet  together holding each other. He told me he loved me like we were going to die. Honestly, I was terrified, but he held me and kept me calm, It was the scariest when we heard him right outside the closet. 

But we're okay, shaken up but okay. Trent's here now, Sam went home for a little while. but he's coming back soon. Trent was a mess when he got here. I got frantic texts from him that i couldn't respond to because I had no service and it would've been stupid to during the lockdown anyway. I got some from Chris too.

We sort of just sat in my living room and he held me as I cried. It was so scary. I found out that Jeff, Kurt, Unique, Jake and Blaine got hurt. I know that JBI was creepy, but I never thought he'd do this. And of course my parent's aren't home so Sam's staying with me. I can't be alone not after this.

When Sammy and I were in that closet holding each other and when he hummed our song, I realized how short life really is. I don't know if it was because I was scared out of my mind or what but I realized I want to be with him forever. We didn't know what was going to happen to us. I love Sam, I really do. He's my rock, he keeps me grounded and loves me unconditionally and makes me happier than I've ever felt.

I know we haven't known each other as long as other people but that doesn't matter. I know that I love him, and the others won't agree but it's my relationship. I want to marry him. I want him to know I want a future with him, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna ask him. We can have as long of an engagement as we want. But I want to marry him, someday. I can't picture anyone else I'd want to share my life with but him. There's one problem...his parent's. I need to ask for their permission, I won't ask him without it. I don't know when I'm gonna ask, but I will.

Ugh, just today was so terrifying. I honestly don't think I would've gotten through it without him. I held onto my promise ring on my neck the entire time. It comforts me in a weird way. I just, god. I don't even know. I kind of want this to be just a horrible dream and wake up and everyone's okay. I hate this so much. Trent was so scared, thank god he had Chris, he would've had such a bad panic attack. Which reminds me I probably should thank him for that.