â & âŁ
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i. holding their hand.
itâs a wednesday. theyâre sitting at a little table in their favourite cafĂŠ, the dayâs classes all but behind them. he isnât sure when he started losing focus, but the colours have all blurred and heâs trying not too stare too hard at the boy in front of him. inho doesnât know where to look; doesnât know if he should be looking at all. he wonders if thereâs a line between where theyâre standing and where theyâre not supposed to go, wonders if theyâre just toeing the line or miles away from even being at the risk of crossing it. he watches joohyuk laugh, watches the corner of his lips fall before he takes inhoâs hand in his own and laces their fingers together. he watches joohyuk begin to talk again, his careless grin threatening to push inho over the line. his heart comes to an absolute standstill for a fleeting second before he grits his teeth and returns joohyukâs smile, his own a little shattered and crooked on the edges. he will not let himself fall, not when he knows joohyuk has someone else to run back to.
ii. finding them crying.
anxiety doesnât come to him as much these days, but heâs always going to be running from the monsters he never tried to eradicate while he still could. theyâre a part of him, and he thinks itâs no use trying to beg for any repentance when the only one not trying to save him is⌠well, himself. itâs storming, and heâs pretty sure heâll see hell and a solid cold by the time tomorrow dawns, but at least he wonât be able to tell apart the tears running down his shirtfront and the rain pelting down on him. inho doesnât even try to stumble to his feet and splutter a response when he hears footsteps fall in place to his right, and certainly doesnât look up when he sees timberlands and ripped jeans out of the corner of his eye. the last thing he needs is for joohyuk to see him like this, a disparity from his usual verve. âgo back in. donât catch a cold because of me.â
