#jongup's post

You..damn you..you have been here day and night, day after day for seven months straight, as my best friend, lover, boyfriend, fiance, husband...ex.

I have broke your heart more than once, pushed you away all over again, said things to hurt you, be with others...I just have been the worst guy behaving like a total heartless person but still, anything I did made you leave. You never stop fighting to keep your spot in my heart. Never met such a stubborn person but fuck it, I thank you for it because I had someone else besides you and you knew it, and when I thought that person would never leave, he did but you stayed by my side keeping your feelings aside just to comfort me and show me you meant it all, you meant when you promised to never give up and always hold onto me. 

When I asked you for a chance and you said no, I really thought it was time to get over you since I deserved it. I made the impossible so your feelings towards me would change so what was I expecting? is completely understandable you said no so I decided to move on with that person. 

When he left, for once in my life I understood how it felt to lose the one you loved, I understood how you felt about me and I hated myself so badly for not only leaving you once or twice..but for being a fucking retarded who needed all that bullshit to happen to realize it's you. Yes, it's you the one my heart needs. Even if we have our fights and problems, we are trying to make this work and to be honest, we are doing a good job lately. You are being your old self, the first guy I fell for here.

I'm honestly sorry for all the pain I gave you in the past but you know, some bullshit can make you change your priorities and give yourself to the one who deserves it from the start. 

I'm holding onto you Kim Himchan because you are the one who never lets me down and the one who made me want to become someone better, to focus on what is right for me and the more important reason, to be the Jongup you have always wanted me to be. To love you the way you deserve.

Will all this, I just want to let you know I'm done with running away and hurting you. I gave in to your love so baby, I'm all yours, head, mind and soul. I'm not sharing myself with anyone else because I do want to be with you. 

Our story has been hard since the very beginning but here we are after seven long months. I'm fucked up for everything that happened to me but knowing you are awaiting for me everyday is enough to look at the future and never turn my head back to the past. 

-lets out a deep sigh- I should stop now..but let me add you one last thing before I leave. 

I love you bunny.