#jomini

I can never form an opinion on the guy

What's funny to me is how swiss he looks.

Lannap, Lannieres, Lannouise, lannuroc, Lanney, Lannurat, Lannagration, lannarbot, lannoult, lanrrey, lannerino

I love yourhair btw

I’m not a navy officer, therefore I can hardly rate ships.

Jomini: sir, “the ships” means “pairings” in the internet slang. They are asking you which of these people would be the best match for Maréchal Lannes.

Lannes, @armagnac-army why should I give you relationship advices?

Anyway, what the hell is Lannerino?

Jomini: You know, the Duke of Montebello has a soft spot for merino sheeps…

Ach Jomini

Heymes: I think our colleague did a good job and I really appreciate it. I think the world needed to know how our marshal really was after the damn trial.

Jomini: I agree with Colonel Heymes, although the memoir mostly focuses on life next to the Marshal, not on the military campaigns per se. Which is understandable since I doubt our colleague can grasp the art of war properly.

Heymes: .. Stop this.

Jomini: I’m just stating the facts?

Heymes: you are being arrogant asshole even as a woman. What do you even want from us, if we are so inferior?

Jomini: I never said that -

Heymes: You do. In. Every. Single. Word. You. Say. You keep boasting about your knowledge, which is somewhat justified. Somewhat. You keep complaining about us, and yet you are staying. You know what? I’m a patient man. But I’m done. Explain yourself or leave.

Jomini: That is a serious case of insubordination, Colonel.

Heymes: It would be, if you weren’t a Russian, general. I stayed by the Marshal’s side from Russia to Waterloo. Levavasseur even longer. We might not have our eloquent way of words and we don’t view the world as a giant chessboard, but we are here, and we shall remain here. Now. Your turn. Explain yourself. Make your next move.

Heymes: Sir, you should take a rest.

you're welcome

*they can suddenly hear the sound of a loud thud from Jomini’s room*

Scheiße! Now he must have broken something. Octave, come with me, we should check on him.

———

Jomini: *everything looks… different, and rather… uh, upside down. But at least he is feeling younger. However, it appears he is still immobile. No matter how he moves his limbs (which look weirdly non-human), he just can’t stand up*

Levavasseur: that is a turtle. Why is a turtle here.

Octave, it’s a tortoise and we should help it to turn around… Just help me.

wait, what. What. What the fuck. It is… Jomini.

Jomini: *nods slowly*

you have reached my communication channel. I shall read through the letters as soon as one of my ADCs brings them to me, which might depend on the situation in the field.

You are welcome to submit any question, please be brief and go straight to the point. The love letters will be rejected.

If anyone has seen my family, please let me know.

Ney.

Prince de la Moskowa, Duc d’Elchingen, Maréchal d’Empire

The marshal is a busy man, and some inquiries might be answered by us, his staff:

General Baron Antoine-Henri Jomini, chief of staff of Marshal Ney and the strategy expert. and a traitor who should not even be here Author of multiple best-selling books on the matter.

Captain Octave Levavasseur, the most heroic aide-de-camp of Marshal Ney and author of the bestselling book of simping about Ney Memoir!

Colonel Pierre-Agathe Heymes, the adult one

Tags:

Les proclamations du Maréchal: announcements and official letter responses

Communication personnelle du Maréchal: Private communication

Les portraits du Maréchal: related art done either by @neylo or associates

Meine Adjutanten sind Idioten: The Aides-de-camp are responsible and upstanding officers except for the time when they aren’t

Disclaimer: This is rp/ask blog created for fun by @neylo. Please note that I am no Napoleonic historian and my only qualification might be that I also happen to be a redhead disaster with no concept of patience.

Didn't you have enough? Time to get to know the rest of the dead French squad!

@armagnac-army - Jean Lannes (he still didn't learn to spell)

@askgeneralduroc - Geraud Duroc and family (although he might be very busy since he is apparently a proud dad now)

@murillo-enthusiast - Jean de Dieu Soult (That loser who thinks he should be the king of Portugal. He should not.)

@your-dandy-king - Joachim Murat (and his terrible taste) - the KING OF ITALY

@chicksncash - André Masséna (you might miss your wallet after the conversation)

@general-junot - Jean-Andoche Junot (not even a marshal. He needs a therapist)

@trauma-and-truffles - Dominique Jean Larrey - Medical attention (More like amputation station)

Now I need to go, for I have scheduled an aerial combat training with @askgeneralduroc .

À bientôt

Jomini: As you wish, sir

—————

Here you are. In triplicate.