Heymes: I think our colleague did a good job and I really appreciate it. I think the world needed to know how our marshal really was after the damn trial.

Jomini: I agree with Colonel Heymes, although the memoir mostly focuses on life next to the Marshal, not on the military campaigns per se. Which is understandable since I doubt our colleague can grasp the art of war properly.

Heymes: .. Stop this.

Jomini: I’m just stating the facts?

Heymes: you are being arrogant asshole even as a woman. What do you even want from us, if we are so inferior?

Jomini: I never said that -

Heymes: You do. In. Every. Single. Word. You. Say. You keep boasting about your knowledge, which is somewhat justified. Somewhat. You keep complaining about us, and yet you are staying. You know what? I’m a patient man. But I’m done. Explain yourself or leave.

Jomini: That is a serious case of insubordination, Colonel.

Heymes: It would be, if you weren’t a Russian, general. I stayed by the Marshal’s side from Russia to Waterloo. Levavasseur even longer. We might not have our eloquent way of words and we don’t view the world as a giant chessboard, but we are here, and we shall remain here. Now. Your turn. Explain yourself. Make your next move.

you have reached my communication channel. I shall read through the letters as soon as one of my ADCs brings them to me, which might depend on the situation in the field.

You are welcome to submit any question, please be brief and go straight to the point. The love letters will be rejected.

If anyone has seen my family, please let me know.

Ney.

Prince de la Moskowa, Duc d’Elchingen, Maréchal d’Empire

The marshal is a busy man, and some inquiries might be answered by us, his staff:

General Baron Antoine-Henri Jomini, chief of staff of Marshal Ney and the strategy expert. and a traitor who should not even be here Author of multiple best-selling books on the matter.

Captain Octave Levavasseur, the most heroic aide-de-camp of Marshal Ney and author of the bestselling book of simping about Ney Memoir!

Colonel Pierre-Agathe Heymes, the adult one

Tags:

Les proclamations du Maréchal: announcements and official letter responses

Communication personnelle du Maréchal: Private communication

Les portraits du Maréchal: related art done either by @neylo or associates

Meine Adjutanten sind Idioten: The Aides-de-camp are responsible and upstanding officers except for the time when they aren’t

Disclaimer: This is rp/ask blog created for fun by @neylo. Please note that I am no Napoleonic historian and my only qualification might be that I also happen to be a redhead disaster with no concept of patience.

Didn't you have enough? Time to get to know the rest of the dead French squad!

@armagnac-army - Jean Lannes (he still didn't learn to spell)

@askgeneralduroc - Geraud Duroc and family (although he might be very busy since he is apparently a proud dad now)

@murillo-enthusiast - Jean de Dieu Soult (That loser who thinks he should be the king of Portugal. He should not.)

@your-dandy-king - Joachim Murat (and his terrible taste) - the KING OF ITALY

@chicksncash - André Masséna (you might miss your wallet after the conversation)

@general-junot - Jean-Andoche Junot (not even a marshal. He needs a therapist)

@trauma-and-truffles - Dominique Jean Larrey - Medical attention (More like amputation station)

My dear Marshal

I always wanted to tell you. But my valour fades away every time I look into your eyes and I agent confronted with your resonating will. I will never forget when you approached me and simply announced that I was to be your ADC. It took me by a surprise but now I regard that they as the happiest moment of my life.

You are indeed the bravest and the most honourable man of the Grande Armée. Your hair shine like the finest copper. Your eyes are as blue as the summer sky reflecting on the calm pond and I wish I could drown in them.

Heymes: Octave, you need to come back, he is really angry… And this is positively terrible. You can’t let him see this.

Levavasseur: Shut up! And let me try again!

“Big blue eyes, tiny nose,

Getting angry, making noise.

Iron will, bravery…

How you deal with misery (??)

Your hair is red, so beautiful,

like an angel in disguise…”

Eye of newt and chimney soot,

Stirred with a dried lizard foot

Cauldron bubble, potion whirl

*turns Levavasseur into a girl*

((please feel free to let this wear off whenever))

Levavasseur: No. No, no no, no... My moustache! Where the hell is my moustache. What's with my voice? And why is my uniform so tight? And my... oh fuck NOOOO!

Heymes: Oh. Hello there, ...Octavia?

Levavasseur: Stop this! I... How the hell do I get rid of this? Before the Marshal can see me?

Levavasseur: He is pleasuring the Russians, I presume? You should have kicked him back, sir.

Captain - Octave... I know how overprotective you are of me, but Jomini really did his best to help me, as much as you two did.

Heymes: We should give him a chance. Everyone deserves a chance.

Yes, Heymes is right. I also gave you a chance after forming a band with Soult’s staff and singing “I will always love you” because guess what - I CARE.

I did it again after you almost ended up duelling the said staff because of hurting Soult which I admit felt rather cathartic, and I welcomed you back because you have always been a great AdC and I didn’t regret having picked you back then. Because I CARE.

This place apparently really works differently. So, let’s explore and get the most out of it, damn, guys, we can’t even die. Let’s get up and kick assess because we deserve it!

Levavasseur+Heymes: Yes sir!

Heymes: Oh wait is that Masséna’s ADC @chickenmadam ?

Heymes: It feels strange. I'm familiar with handling the military affairs of our Maréchal and I believe I performed fairly well in my role as a chief ADC. Still, the events we have encountered have been truly unprecedented.

I feel bad for the Marshal. He seems like he is not doing well but he refuses to talk about it. He is more open to Octave Levavasseur. I can't believe that my colleague succeeded in his courting endeavours after the serenade attempt which almost caused my second death due to the second-hand embarrassment.

Levavasseur: I'm... in pain. It never stopped, but I don't want to tell Michel. He is so full of guilt, and I don't want to bother him. What hurts even more is seeing his wounds. I still refuse to believe that he will bleed like that forever. I need to find a way to heal him.

written by Pierre-Agathe Heymes, aide-de-camp du Maréchal Ney

I am no man of words and most of those I put on paper are those strictly related to the orders and the Maréchal's correspondence, but sometimes, I feel the need to speak, no matter if nobody will ever read it. One such occasion was the unjustified and untrue condemnation of my Marshal's conduct at the Battle of Waterloo. This is the second time and again, it has something to do with my commanding officer, which only proves my respect for this man.

He was gone. Nobody knew what happened. General Jomini assured me that he would take care of the staff and of the Corps and I didn't have the energy to tell him these efforts are barely needed as there is no war to be fought. Those were some quiet and depressing days.

But now, the Marshal is back and he is different. The first time I saw him, he was tightly hugging Maréchal Soult, and they both kept whispering words of apology to one another. My colleague Levavasseur then wrapped Maréchal Ney in a cloak and I have suspicion that the cloak belonged to neither of them, but it is not my place to judge the romantic endeavours of my love-sick colleague.

Since then, the Maréchal has been hiding from the world, and I feel the melancholia might do something with the upcoming 209th anniversary of the Battle of Waterloo. I do not know what happened to Michel Ney during his prolonged absence, but I am sure it was nothing good. He did not want to speak about it.

Levavasseur: He is probably back in Russia.

Heymes: Come on, they are right. *he knocked on the door* General?

*something shuffled behind the door as the ancient man tried to stand up again.*

Heymes: I don’t like this. He sounds like he needs help.

Levavasseur: Probably too much Russian vodka from the Tsar. The Marshal is really kind but naive to keep him around.

Heymes: Octave, please… *He opened the door* Oh, mon Dieu. Merde. Jomini, what…

Jomini: *He is barely capable of hearing, needless to say that he is very, very confused about his surroundings. 90 is a cruel age.* And who might you be, young man?

Levavasseur: oh gosh. This is what vodka does to you I guess.

Heymes: Captain, stop this nonsense and help me to carry him. He can’t walk like that.

Levavasseur: oh FINE. Yes. We should respect our elders.

Jomini: *he fell asleep*