#joleyman

Ahh!! Please don’t apologize for spamming my notes! It is always my favorite thing and it made me really happy when you showed up! <3

Also thank you for telling me that! The idea of beginning a relationship is scary right?? Everything about it is. It’s one of those situations where I think everyone should just admit it’s terrifying and stop pretending it’s all fun. And I don’t think that only because of possible rejection or embarrassment. Even if someone said, hey I really like you, that’s scary! There’s a part of me that would be terrified by that. I mean, obviously that would pass if it was right and I liked them etc. i don’t mean that I think the actual process of dating would be terrifying. (if it is it’s probably not right!) :D It’s just a tough start, you know?

Thank you for sending me this; I’m so glad I found your blog and you! I’m sorry I took some time answering this. 

(these are out of order, sorry babs)

(say hello to my slightly internet-less best friend, everybody)

joleyman replied to your post “HI GRACE, in honor of you losing your soulmate to public transport...”

Did I almost cry at this story?? Maybe. Very possibly. Quiet camarederie and also dramatically falling in love with a person for all of one minute until they walk away are my great weaknesses.

you know what? me too, chums, me too. My life is still the romcom without the romance, but now there’s a little more romance, and I am so EXCITED for it!!!

joleyman replied to your photo

excuse you moi I too disagree

:D y’all are like my guardian angels rolling your eyes at my self deprecation. (love youuu <3)

joleyman replied to your post “am i doing this right”

WHAT IS THIS MEME I LOVE IT

IT IS THE BEST THING SINCE AUDITIONS MEME WAS A THING! WOULD YOU BELIEVE the swifters had a bingo night while simultaneously freaking out about secret sessions???? (I challenge u, chums. there’s a website for it and everything. come make a bingo card.)

joleyman replied to your post “so I finally watched Always Be My Maybe on Maria...”

I still need to watch it!!

But I have no Netflix here *cries*

BUT SOON

HELLO HELLO DARLING. Giving me a whole galaxy??? I see I see this is EXTRA EXTRA star lyrics game time. <3

I mean, I would be COMPLETELY remiss if I didn’t mention the fave:

I’ve watched from a distance as you made life your ownEvery sky was your own kind of blueAnd I wanted to know how that would feelAnd you made it so realYou showed me something that I couldn’t seeYou opened my eyesAnd you made me believe

I’ll always be a little bit in awe of this song, and how it so perfectly encapsulates the feeling of being absolutely changed by another person. We are habitual creatures, all of us, and love to stick onto all our old haunts, ghosts, and miseries- in truth, I don’t know how any of us would break out of our own heads, if we didn’t have other people to wake us up. I love this in younger Taylor’s writing, how wide-open she is to other people and their hearts, how much she’s wanting to give and how much she wants to take into her heart and let it change her. She is always, somehow, entirely willing to look the truth in the eyes and accept it into her being; an unusually vulnerable act in a world where we should never be the first to call or the last to respond. But whoever Taylor is and whoever she becomes, she is always the person who shows up first, who loves first, who notices first. She is the careful one, but she also has this sheer abandon that comes from her fearless, seeker heart. 

I think the thing about people is that we like to hold on. None of us are very good at accepting things into our hearts, and when we do, we have no idea how to let them fade away again. We have difficulty with impermanence, and so being alone can often seem much simpler and better than choosing to open ourselves, to be loved by others and seen by them and changed by them. It’s hard to let go of our old miseries, our old lonelinesses, and yet when we do, it always is the most worth it. 

I mention this because this is always the most YOU thing to me, my dearest of Jo’s. You, maybe more than anyone I’ve ever met, have always been so willing to be changed, to accept someone else into your life and soul, and let them change you from the inside out. You are always the most perceptive, the most ready to love of anyone. There’s a kind of generosity in that kind of person, in this soul who can fling out their arms to the world, and let it reach right into you for better or worse. You are always the one, looking and loving first, standing to the side learning to believe again. You are always holding out your hand- and when someone takes it, you have the courage to hold on and let them know that you want them to stay with you in the dark. You let yourself be changed, and you have the strength to meet that change right where it is, right in that moment. 

Extra:

And it's not theirs to speculate if it's wrongAnd your hands are tough, but they are where mine belongAnd I'll fight their doubt and give you faithWith this song for you'Cause I love the gap between your teethAnd I love the riddles that you speakAnd any snide remarks from my father about your tattoosWill be ignored'Cause my heart is yours

.....and I mean just the entire song but Ours has always reminded me so much of you that it’s hard for me to not cry when I hear it. It’s just the most peaceful, sunshine-y song in the world. It sits in almost the same corner of my heart that my faith does- somewhere calm, and growing, and full of that unspoken love that you feel sitting in an adoration chapel. 

(so everybody this is my very real, very loving, very beloved best friend @joleyman who is my favorite person in the WORLD even when she accidentally uses anon :P)

So, chummy, my favorite thing about you is....well, what ISN’T, frankly. I love that you’re naturally funny, that you look at the world through the lens of ridiculousness of it all, that you’re silly and funny and know how to make anybody laugh. I love that you’re dedicated and forceful, and that you remember everything about the people you love, that you make us the spotlight of your life. I love that you’re emotional and intelligent, that you’re always in duality of your heart and your head in equal measure. 

I think one of the things that defines you is that, well, you love a lot. And because you use your head as much as your heart, that you’re very emotive about the things that you love, and yet at the same time logical. Everything you love has reason, somewhere, and yet, you’re okay with letting things be un-quantifiable. You’ve somehow gotten the trick, somewhere, of letting things be outside of your hands- of letting a mystery be unto itself, if that is the essence of its being- of letting go. 

Which is COMPLETELY enviable to me, something I wish I could!!! learn to do. I love how wise and old-soul-ish you are, and how much that is bound up in your ability to love and yet let go, to understand and let it be, to look forward and not behind. I love that you’re forward-facing, and that you’re brave. Maybe these are all different things, but to me, they’re all one thing- they’re Jo. And that’s all there is to it. 

OF COURSE NOT

19. If you could ask one person a single question and they had to answer 100% truthfully, who would you ask and what would you ask them?

I. have no idea. I never know what to say for these!!! I guess I would ask a friend that I lost a long time ago if she ever wonders how I am, too. (isn’t that sad and melancholic or WHAT)(it’s some kinda I Almost Do realness)

26. If you could get one wish to come true, what would that wish be?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmthat everyone I love has a good Christmas. That’s my wish. I hope we all sleep well and eat well and get filled up with love & heart & warmth. We all deserve something magical and bright to refresh and rest ourselves. 

37. Do you consider yourself to be the hero or the villain of your story?

HI HI CHUMMY <3 I will say that I’d title your biography as: The Golden One

Because, like. I know it’s my own particular kryptonite to fall in love with characters who never feel like they’re Good Enough, who never feel like they’re The Golden One, like they’re constantly living the events of You Belong With Me except with no fun outfit changes to brighten up their lives. I guess I love people like that the most, because that’s always been ME. I’m the person who watches as other people are the Golden Ones, really. 

But then, there’s a special thing about being one of your friends, chummy. Somehow, you have a way of looking at the people you love and somehow we really are the Golden Ones in your eyes. I feel like I’ve always been the Right One, all along- it’s just that no one ever noticed before. I think in essence that’s your own particular gift- you believe that people are good, and they are, because maybe you draw out the most of everyone around you. The good, the bad, and everything else- we can’t hide it, and from me to you, as someone who’s good at hiding- thank you for that opportunity. 

And also, if someone can make everything and everyone around them brighter- well, sometimes we can only reflect light, not make it. But I think you’re a light-maker, and a light-reflector at the same time. That makes no scientific sense, but you’ll probably get what I mean. You both have your own Golden-ness, but you make everyone else’s Golden-ness jump out and sparkle properly. So all along, you’re the true Golden One. 

who even knows what a paddywhack is, all i know is you have to give a dog a bone when you say it

cutie pie; most precious item you own?

MY SPARKLING WIT AND HUMOR. lol no I have a certain birthday letter from when I turned sixteen that’s very precious to me. And besides that, I have a fraternity pin from my grandpa and a sorority pin from my grandma that are interlocked and they have a lot of meaning for me. (I don’t know. I just like THINGS. Too much of a packrat always tbh how do people live minimal lifestyles)

ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad?

I MEAN. is this even a question. there was a space in my life where I would look up live versions of Shake it Off to cheer myself up almost every day with its sparkles and rainbows and magic, which is fitting on its 4(!!!!!!!!!!!!) year birthday. 

But otherwise, I love listening to Daniela Andrade to relish the sadness. No way to get through sadness than to sink even deeper in that good good self-pity, amiright ladieeeeeeeeeeeees!!!!!!!!! And another happymaker for me has always been the Waitress soundtrack, but it has to be the cast because their Southern accents are so CHARMING and you can’t HELP but grin at them. And recently the Mamma Mia 2 soundtrack has filled me with so much DELIGHT I can’t. 

ISN’T MUSIC FUN AND GREAT

sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?

ISN’T THAT THE QUESTION THOUGH. though I mean, it reaaaaally depends. sometimes you’re just in the exact mood to drive around a town and scream some Getaway Car/Mr. Brightside from the top of your lungs, and sometimes you’re in the exact state of mind that needs you to sway around your kitchen washing dishes while waltzing to Le Valse de L’Amour from Cinderella. 

But overall, I think I prefer headphones. Music is such a beautiful thing when shared, and it sometimes becomes too overpoweringly powerful when it is passed around between multiple people. Sometimes, you can only really love it and cherish it as you want to in your own space- but maybe that’s just the selfish little goblin part of me talking, MUEHEHEHE. (Be quiet, goblin. Nobody asked you.) (see what I mean I’m weirded out by myself today)

smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you?

Ummmmmm SO MANY THINGS. Everything affects me, isn’t that the thing? I will say that having other people’s belief in me since I’ve gotten older and become My Own Person has been probably one of the most profound, meaningful aspects of my life. From you, to my favorite professor, to my brothers, to everyone else- there’s really no better motivation in the world to try and try despite all, than to put a smile on the face of everyone who has ever cheered for you from the sidelines.