#johnny keating

Theme from Z Cars - Johnny Keating and the Z Men (peaked at Number 9)

Gosh, this one's a weird ride. I knew what I expected going in. Z Cars, as the name suggests, was a TV show. In this case, it was a TV drama, all about a squad of mobile police officers, based out of a town that's based on Kirkby, near Liverpool. It was notable for being a procedural, not some glam detective drama, and for injecting a grit and realism, with its focus on the working class north of England. It ran for a whopping 800 episodes and is remembered for pushing the envelope of what the BBC could do, offering a harder-edged show than rival, cosier police dramas like Dixon of Dock Green. All this considered, I went in expecting something action-packed, edgy, cool and modern-sounding. Which is... well, you'll see.

We start with snare drums, very military, and then what sound like fifes, or possibly tin whistles playing something that honestly sounds like something you might skip round a maypole to. Which is possibly not too far off the mark. Johnny Keating, it turns out, was a Scottish orchestral composer, and based the tune on a folk song and nursey rhyme, "Johnny Todd", which he found in a book of folk songs from 1891. It was apparently popular around Liverpool, hence its inclusion, but it does feel like rather an obscure pull, and also, somehow, quite old-fashioned and rural, like something you'd associate with a little, sleepy village, not the mean streets of suburban Liverpool.

And then, halfway through, the action does arrive, with a messy crash of drums, some rather off-tune-sounding piano and some horns. It creates a jazzy, slightly swung version of the tune that's not quite rock and roll, but does sound enough like, say, Johnny and the Hurricanes to seem cool, if you squint at it a bit. It's not the most polished performance, but it does feel realistically chaotic, which I guess fits the bill, if you're trying to show the realities of policing. I still think you'd struggle to have such a rough-sounding TV theme today, but there you go. Sadly, the tin whistles return for the end of the track. But the crashing, galumphing middle section is pretty good fun, at least.

The tune was apparently popular at the time - enough that it had a chart run, obviously. But beyond that, the tune's had a surprisingly long afterlife. Most notably, it's been used as a football tune for both Everton and Watford. Everton kind of makes sense, there, since it's based in the same sort of area that Z Cars was set in. But Watford? A quick look into that tells me that Z Cars was simply the manager Bill McGarry's favourite TV show. Which is actually kind of sweet. Sunderland and Workington have also used it for a similar purpose, which again makes some sense - it's the wrong side of the north, but people would have associated the tune with northern daring and heroism, all the same. More surprisingly than that, though, it's also apparently been used as a tune for a hymn, Father, Hear the Prayer We Offer, though a glimpse at Hymnary - not a site I assumed I'd ever need for this project - tells me that it's not the standard tune. Still, what a weirdly British phenomenon, a folk tune turned into a northern police drama theme, turned into a football chant, used as a hymn tune. Quite something.

Never Goodbye - Karl Denver (9)

Well, we're straight into the yodelling, here. Right out the gate with a single guitar chord an impossibly high, unpleasantly loud yodel. I don't think there's a song out there that's been improved by adding yodelling, and Karl's tune here's no exception. Thankfully, there's not a whole lot of it, here. Mostly it's just a slightly mopey country-ish number. And then, out nowhere, Karl will come lunging at you with an absolutely insane run of notes, way too many notes for comfort. Most are sensibly pitched, though, with none of the bone-piercing intensity of the opening line. And like I said, they're infrequent enough to really be annoyed at them.

Lyrically, the song feels pretty standard, a sappy sentimental ballad about how he doesn't ever want to leave his love. Never goodbye, he sings, that means we're parting / That means the tears / Instead of a smile. Partings are sad, Karl says. So instead of goodbye, why not say au revoir, or arrivederci, or even auf Wiedersehen. I appreciate this, both because languages - yay! - but also because all three of those actually do mean "until I see you again", or some variation on that. Which feels like it fits with what Karl's saying. It's not just that he hates the word "goodbye", for some reason, it's really about the finality of it, the idea that you might part for good. With an au revoir or an arrivederci or an auf Wiedersehen, there's the promise, at least implicitly, that you intend to see the person you're talking to again, that it's just a temporary leave of absence. Which I guess does make parting feel easier, to state the obvious. It's a small thing, but I do like it. And you know me, I'm a sucker for all things linguistic :)

Musically, it does drag a bit, but it's pleasant enough to listen to, with some backing singers lurching slowly around and a simple but nice mix of guitar and drums to back it all up. The latter are all that stop this sound from sounding like a song you might have heard in 1952 - the backing singers, in particular, feel very stodgy and old-fashioned to me. Still, there's a richness to their harmonies and the way they back Karl up that's quite pleasing, so I'm not going to knock them too hard. The song does plod a bit, but it's a listenable tune, none the less.

When My Little Girl Is Smiling - Craig Douglas (9)

And then, from a Karl Denver Number 9 hit to a Craig Douglas Number 9 hit. Truly, I can't contain my excitement. That said, I think this one's got a bit more going for it - it's certainly got more going on, at least, which has to count for something. We start at a similarly slow, stodgy pace, sure. But it's pulling the Helen Shapiro trick where there's just a slow, slightly melancholy intro, before the pace picks up, pulling you in for the rest of the track. Every time my baby and I have a quarrel / I swear I won't give in, Craig sings. Then my baby starts to smile at me / And I know, I know I just can't win. They've started out quarrelling, sure, and he sounds pretty blue about it. But it's not going to last, Craig will be back in love by the time the track's done, never you fear!

There's something quite sweet about it. I mean, don't get me wrong, here, Craig is absolutely whipped, here, and comes off as more than a little spineless. And it doesn't sound like the healthiest thing for him and his girl's relationship, overall, either. But there's nevertheless something quite cute about Craig and his girl arguing, but then Craig just seeing how pretty and cute she is, and folding like a piece of wet cardboard. I see those big bright eyes, he sings, and then I realize / That girl is gonna get her way. Arguing just no longer seems worth the effort. Some things are more important than whatever you're at odds over. Why should I want to fight / When I can hold her tight? / I just don't care who's right or wrong.

And the giddy excitement of all this is underscored by a perky backing of strings and chimes, a bouncy sort of sound that mimics Craig's buoyant mood well. There are some cool glissandos (glissandi?) on the lower strings at points, creating a weird sort of sliding sound, and a double bass that hops around the place slinkily, and the whole thing just sounds well-balanced, catchy, kind of quirky. I like it a lot. Add in the pacing at the start, and the sweet if slightly unhealthy lyrics, and you've got something that's unmistakably better-made than Theme from Z Cars was, and a fair sight more interesting than Never Goodbye. Truly, the best of both worlds.

Given all this, and given my previous interactions with Craig, I'm not actually that surprised to learn that this was not a Craig Douglas original. Instead, we're looking at a Goffin/King number, originally recorded by the Drifters. Which is honestly making me want to listen to the Drifters' original, because I can absolutely imagine them killing it. As it stands, Craig does a good job, but there is a definite cheesiness to it all, and not much in the way of subtlety. I like a bit of cheese, so this is the opposite or a poblem, but still. Interesting to see what a more authentically R&B-tinged take on this would sound like.

Like I said, these are three pretty twee songs. They're good, home-grown British fare, but smooth or subtle they certainly ain't, especially compared to the coolness of Sam Cooke a few weeks, or the unexpected chillness of Bruce Channel. Still, there's something to be said for their sometimes rough-around-the-edges cheese. If nothing else, all three of these songs did make me smile. It was a confused smile, in the case of the Z Cars theme, granted. But a smile, never the less.