what if the secret to everything about the beatles is that they’re all in love with ringo and thinks he’s in love with them and he’s shagging each of them and making them feel loved and special and keeping them together and okay and soothing feathers and what have you, and he’s good at it, for like years, until eventually tragically paul lets something slip and john and george both think he’s stolen their man and they blame him and not ringo because everyone loves ringo, and john’s like ‘paul cant let me have anything of my own’ and george is like ‘not even ringo thinks I’m special, it’s always about paul’ and that’s where all the pain comes from and paul just thinks they’re being weird because he just deals with/ignores his emotions and is all ‘yeah it makes sense for ringo to fuck all of us that’s fine, he’s really good at it’, but everybody else is not okay and they’re having hysterics and falling apart and ringo stops sleeping with any of them and without the magic of his dick the beatles collapse within months