#john sleuth

SS: karkat

DD: aradia

HB: tavros

CD: sollux

PS: john

PI: jade

AD: sonhearst (returns somehow dont @ me he deserves his boy)

1: nepeta

2: God-Cat (Sylvester)

3: feferi

4: dirk

5: eridan

6: rose

7: jake

8: vriska

9: kanaya

10: equius

11: dave

12: jane

13: gamzee

14: terezi

15: roxy

scratch is kind of parenting damara but not really?? Death co-parents her and she likes Death better. far superior dad figure

the double reach-around DOES happen in this!! aradia does die and equius builds her a robot body! vriska loses arm, terezi goes blind, tavros is crippled (hope to god thats not an offensive term for it) by vriska, etc!

forgot abt broad and dame but.. they are just the ideal lesbian aunts to all the sleuth team kids

doze’s powers are too neglect-provoking for a baby and stitch is designated nursery watcher who is willing to and will handle babies and grubs when their dads r busy or they’re having episodes or whatever because he’s cool and best uncle to them. yeah