#joelxreader

But, nestled beside Joel Miller in a secluded corner of an otherwise crowded bar is worlds away from being ain’t too bad. This being the only bar in this little Jackson safe haven means so many patrons that you and Joel are squeezed into a booth that would still be relatively uncomfortable for a man half the size of Joel. 

Such close corners in fact that you’ve got to lean in real close, per Joel’s innocent request, towards his good ear as you speak. And, is surely the only reason why one of his arms is draped over the back of the booth behind you cutting whatever remaining space there was between you both. 

“Ain’t too bad,” you say while leaning in close to Joel. You know better than to make Joel repeat himself. A lesson you tell yourself you’ve learned as to give him a break from Ellie’s defiance, and not because the very gravel of his voice lures you instantly into submission like kindling to a flame.  

In the split second before the rim of Joel’s whiskey glass touches his unfairly pink lips you swear they curl into a smile. Even if it’s for a moment, and underneath multi-colored string lights with one or two bulbs out, it’s beautiful to see. To be this close to Joel outside of a life or death situation feels far too indulgent. It’s the way that for the first time you’re able to notice how the silver strands of his mustache swirl with the chestnut like Van Gogh’s goddamn Starry Night. Or that as you take in his scent all the nights where he’d insisted on taking first watch so you could fall asleep beside the warm fire only to be woken up in the morning as he hands you a cup of black coffee come flooding back. 

“You alright darlin,’” Joel asks knowingly. There’s no excuse as to why he leans in so close to you as he asks. Even though underneath his gaze you can feel your heart pounding in your chest, both of your ears work fine. 

If Ellie were here this is exactly when she’d say some smart ass remark to cut the tension. Something about your face getting stuck like that for how you’re looking at Joel, or that she didn’t know Joel even knew how to do anything else besides scowl. But she’s not here, in fact, it’s the first time that it’s just you and Joel. 

You and Joel. 

“Mhm,” you say back, trying not to squirm under his full attention. It’s not that you don’t like it, the problem is how much you do. How in this moment you know that with every fiber of your being you’d do anything to keep his eyes on you. This feeling of desire sends more of a rush throughout your body than whatever cheap liquor the bartender poured in your cup. 

“Think Tommy will mind if we add another round to his tab?”. 

Joel gestures to the now empty glass in his hand. Oh, his hands. You can imagine his hands sanding the delicate molding of a house effortlessly working off of years of repetition. Images of his body so in tune with the soft yet firmness needed to craft something, that his mind can drift off and his hands can do all the work. He works smoothly, with the grain of the wood, knowing exactly how much pressure to apply to get it to work with him. Not against him. Before you know it you begin to wonder if he could mold you just as easily into whatever he desired with those very same hands?

“Think you can handle another round Miller?” you wager with a false confidence you hope turns into something real. 

“It takes much more than a few glasses to take a man like me down darlin’. Now how about you, has that whiskey got you feeling warm yet?”. 

His words are dripped in suggestion and coated with desire. Whether it's the heat rising to your cheeks, or the whiskey, you’re feeling more than warm. You’d almost forgotten that with the right person it was possible to feel like your entire body was on fire just from a certain look in their eyes. 

What was the look in Joel’s eyes right now? Like something primal deep within him had been awakened and needed to feed. He could be such a calculated man. So certain of the expression on his face, or the tone of his voice and all in the name of remaining in control. Joel could effortlessly take control of any situation at any time, but the reason was always to protect you and Ellie. 

For the first time you were beginning to experience what it felt like when Joel demanded control not for perseverance, but rather in the name of pleasure. Yours, and his. It made you bite your inner cheek as you dared to think about what he’d do to satisfy such a primal hunger. 

“Like honey,” you answer before you’re aware the words are even leaving your lips. There is no space between you both anymore to hide your expressions, and seeing Joel smile like the fucking cheshire cat is almost too much to handle. 

Is he so pleased with himself because he’s simply just enjoying this, or because he’s seemed to corrupt you? Your need to be taken by a real man has been ever growing like the branches of the swarm since you’ve crossed paths with Joel. Can he smell it on you? 

“Mhm darlin’ bet you’re sweet like it too”. 

His eyes only leave yours to look at your lips. Slowly he takes his chin in your hand and with his thumb drags down your bottom lip. His calloused fingers are so rough against your cheek that once again you’re reminded of what he can create with those same fingers. Or destroy. Your body aches to know how it feels to be reduced to nothing but a desperate little thing by Joel Miller.  

Joel has always walked the line with you because you both were doing everything you could to protect Ellie. There was too much at stake to give into the burning desire that seemed to be programmed into the nucleus of each cell in both your bodies. But by hell you’d made it to Jackson. Tommy was alive, and had Maria. Ellie could be an actual kid for once. Joel found the words of Bill’s letter replaying in his mind. 

He’d kept you alive, and he’d always protect you, but now he could finally allow himself to have you. The thought alone igniting atoms inside of his body he wasn’t sure even worked anymore. His body was crying out for yours, and no longer would he pretend he didn’t hear the call. 

Your face feels so small in his hands that Joel feels his breath hitch. You are so soft and delicate - a stark contrast to anything he’s done with his hands in a very long time. Holding your face alone feels like a pleasure he doesn’t deserve. Like he’s snuck into some secret garden and allowed himself to feel the softness of the rarest rose the world has ever seen. You’re the petal he’s got delicately between his fingertips. 

“So taste me and then you tell me Miller,” you say before placing a soft kiss to his thumb. 

He can’t remember the last time he’s heard something so tempting. Were he Eve in the garden and you the apple, he would’ve eaten you core and all. Joel moves his hand from your cheek and allows it to become tangled softly in your hair. He sees the hunger in your eyes, feels it radiate off of you and envelop him like a warm summer breeze.

Joel is the one to close the final distance between you both, and that’s exactly how he wants it. It’s an open mouth type of kiss - the only kind either of you would have shared after all these months of pent up tension. No sooner than as he feels your lips brush his, he can feel you deepen the kiss with your tongue. You’re both desperate to taste each other in every way you can. He can taste the whiskey on his tongue mixed with the coke you’d insisted on using as a chaser from yours, and shit you are sweet. 

Joel doesn’t care if there’s a hundred people in this shitty little dive. He’s going to pull you into his lap like you’re the only two in the room, and anyone who gets in his way be damned. He’s waited far too long to have you, and as he hears you moan against his open lips all restraint leaves his body. A man like Joel Miller can only deny himself so long. 

Making use of his hand tangled in your hair Joel uses his grip to pull your head back and expose your neck to him. His mouth only leaves yours to sink into the crook of your neck like a vampire desperate to feed. It doesn’t take him long to find your sweet spot and earn yet another moan from your beautiful lips. 

“Joel,” you say, and he's surprised you even remember how to speak. The only thing that can take his breath away quicker than hearing how you sound calling out for him in pleasure is the way you say his name. So needy. He thinks to himself as he smirks into the knape of your neck. 

He knows what you’re struggling to say. You both need more, and unless you want to put on a performance for the whole bar, more means privacy. Though Joel would happily take you over the table audience and all, he’s also desperate to be fully alone with you. Desperate to know how indulgent you become when it’s just you and him. For only him. 

Joel is raking his mind for where you both could go. There’s no cars in this safe zone as there's hundreds of miles between you and the nearest road. He can’t take you back to Tommy’s without Ellie finding out, and having a fucking field day. And it’s too damn cold to head out back behind the bar. This fuckin bar….suddenly he’s got his answer. 

“I know sweetheart,” he all but purrs back to you. Joel feels a sense of pride to have you so worked up with doing so little. You’d let him take you right here and now it’s clear as day all over your beautiful little face. He allows himself to commit to memory the way your pleading eyes look to his before taking you by the hand and leading you to the only place he knows you two can be alone. 

“It ain’t the Ritz sweetheart, but it’s better than letting the whole bar hear how sweet you sound for me”. 

Joel has taken you to the only room he is sure will have a lock in this place; the bathroom. It’s got graffiti coated walls, a questionably sticky floor, but a door that locks. Privacy. And neither of you wants to let another moment of that go to waste. 

Like a hunter honing in on its prey Joel guides you backwards until you can feel the backs of your thighs meet the cold granite sink. There’s a darkened look in his eyes as they look down to meet yours. Maybe it’s the lighting, or maybe it’s knowing there's nothing stopping him from what he’s been dying to do for months. Take you. 

His hands find your waist and before you can even think about what he’s going to do, he lifts you up and places you on the sinks edge. Slowly his hands trail back down from your hips to where the fabric of your skirt meets your exposed skin. Your thighs are so soft beneath his fingertips Joel feels his desire growing. He could easily leave his mark on any inch of you, a beautiful reminder to all that you were his, and to him a beautiful reminder of how you were his. 

Were he a younger man with better knees he’d kneel down and wrap your beautiful thighs around his face. He’s dreamt far too many times about tasting you that he feels like some bee desperate to return to the hive and sink right into the comb. If only you knew how much strength it took to restrain himself on cold nights where you’d shared Frank’s sleeping bag, or when he’d have to suddenly hold you silently in place with a hand over your mouth while listening for clickers.  

“Joel please,” he hears you say as he awakens from his trance. This time it’s your hands on his face guiding him closer to you. It’s the way your brows are furrowed and how you bring your hips forward that lets him know although you’ve dreamt about this too, you can’t stay in anticipation for much longer. When a match catches flame there’s only so long it can hold on before being thrown onto the waiting fire and engulfing it whole. 

Joel’s lips are on your neck once again, and slowly he kisses up to just below your ear. “Please what?” he asks before lightly biting your earlobe and earning a frustrated growl from you. Before you can answer him with words, he feels you move to grind yourself against him. While he loves the feeling, he also wants an answer out of you. Wants to hear you explicitly beg for him. 

“Use your words (y/n),” he demands in the same solid tone he uses when you’re both checking if a room is clear, or navigating a trade between other drifters. Joel brings his hands back to your thighs and begins to push up the fabric of your skirt. He’s too busy leaving love bites all over your neck to see your face, but from the way he hears your breath catch in your throat he knows you’re struggling to speak. 

With his tongue Joel licks over the spot on your neck he’s certain will bruise, and then places a soft kiss to your already reddening flesh. His hands hook underneath the backs of your knees and he pulls your body closer to his. All that separates you now is his jeans, and the thin fabric of your panties. 

“Need you to touch me-” you manage to say even though you’re sure your brain has ceased working entirely and speaking at all is as high a request as reciting nuclear fusion codes. Suddenly you feel him smile against your skin, and you’re sure you even hear what sounds like a laugh emerge from his chest. 

For a moment he’s so amused with himself he takes pity on you and your poor lust-drunk brain. “That’s what I’m doing right now ain’t I sweetheart?” and to emphasize his words Joel squeezes your thighs. It anchors you to the reality before you, and makes something shift inside you. Was that same primal hunger taking root in your chest? 

“I need you to finally fuck me like you’ve been dying to for all these months Miller”. 

What would Will Livingston have to say about your choice of words? 

With his free hand you feel him begin to trace the hem of your panties, edging closer and closer to finally touching you where you need it most. He’s got you on the precipice, and you feel like a bullet in a loaded gun waiting for someone to pull the trigger. Like any true hunter, Joel knows to steady himself before taking the shot. 

“And you gonna be a good girl and take it like you’ve been dying to for just as goddamn long sweetheart?”. 

As he speaks you feel his thumbs hook underneath your panties. The fabric suddenly feeling paper thin beneath his touch - like with the pure heat of desire emanating from his body he could melt them right off.  

“Bet these are already soaked through for me, aren’t they sweetheart?” he teases while taking his time to slide them off of you. Without shame, or hesitation, you open your legs for him in the same way a flower blooms.  

For the first time Joel’s eyes leave yours, but only so he fully drink in the beautiful sight of your legs fully spread before him. He finds himself cursing his knees once more and vows that the next time he has you all to himself like this there’s going to be a goddamn bed in the room. Even if he has to make it himself. 

You’re on the edge of the sink physically, and mentally on the edge of insanity thanks to him. Here you are legs spread and practically begging to be taken, and suddenly Joel’s moving like this whole moment hasn’t been months in the making. 

“Should I go find a camera so you can take a picture, or should I be genuinely worried you’re having a senior moment?”. 

Well, that bratty behavior snaps him right out of it. In one fluid motion Joel’s undoing his belt, and moving your body so that now you’re bent over the sink. He moves your hair out of your face and lets his hand run down your spine until it rests at your hip. With a subtle nudge of his knee to your inner thighs, he lets you know to spread your legs again.

“I want your eyes glued to that mirror sweetheart, so you can watch yourself as I fuck this needy little cunt-” as he speaks you can feel him drag his hard cock up and down your slit. A delicious reminder of what is about to come, but altogether still not enough.

“Let’s see what you’ve got to say with that mouth of yours when you’re filled to the fuckin brim with me,” this time he rubs his tip right against your clit. 

Out of instinct you go to look over your shoulder at him thinking it’ll somehow convince him to take pity on you, but you feel him plant a firm spank on your ass and pull his hips back. You doe-eyes and mouth agape convince him no less than a bunny rabbit can convince a wolf to resist the hunt. 

His tone is just as firm as his touch, “I’m not even inside you yet sweetheart and you can’t even follow instructions? Let me make this real simple for you…you’re gonna watch yourself come undone on this cock”. 

You feel his body weight against yours as he leans forward and with a vice-like grip moves your head so that you’re once again looking at yourself in the mirror. He means it. You are going to watch yourself cum around his cock. He only takes his hand away to help you discard your shirt, and with it any of the remaining clothes you’re wearing. 

As you look at your reflection and take in your disheveled appearance you’re surprised to feel it turn you on. 

You notice the way your body curves outward from your waist, your hips seemingly made to be gripped by strong hands and provide an anchor. As you lean forward you take in the shape of your full breasts, and how your nipples harden as they meet the cold granite countertop. Then, you finally look at your own face. Your cheeks are crimson red, your pupils shot, and your lips all pink and rough from kissing. The only thing that pulls you away from looking at yourself like this, is an equally naked Joel. 

Part of you wishes to kiss along his collarbones and down his chest until you know every inch of skin. How far down would you reach until he’s begging to feel your lips around his cock?

His breathing is ragged as he drags out his words to tease you in the same manner you’d teased him earlier. “If you take your eyes off that mirror before I say darlin’ I’m taking away this cock”. To prove his point further you feel him lightly slap his cock against your folds. 

“Yes Joel,” you answer. 

Finally, your little game of cat and mouse comes to an end and you feel Joel sink inside of you. Your mouth opens wider than before as you adjust to his size and bask in the feeling of being so full. A fullness so intoxicating that you find it hard to think, and mourn any moment you’d spent without him so deep inside of you. 

“Open those pretty eyes sweetheart,” Joel says as he pulls his hips back and begins to find his own rhythm. Your eyes flutter open and a desperate little whine leaves your lips as you feel him pull out of you. In the reflection of the mirror you can see a playful smirk upon his lips. 

“So fuckin’ needy,” he teases with a smile before entering fully inside you once more. Again you’re hit with the euphoria of your walls stretching to accommodate him. Joel’s hands slide down your sides before coming to rest at your hips once more. 

He uses his hands on your hips to hold you firmly in place and with a roll of his own, he thrusts into you. The only sounds in this dingy little bathroom are the obscene sounds of skin against skin, and Joel talking you through taking his cock. With each thrust you feel him bottom out inside of you, no doubt months of tension finally escaping his hips. 

“Mhm, hear how wet you are for me sweetheart?” Joel asks as he picks up the pace. He watches his cock disappear inside of you with as much admiration as the first man to discover fire. As far as Joel’s concerned, seeing your pretty little pussy swallow him whole is the most beautiful thing on this planet. That and the sounds leaving your lips as you take him in and out of you. 

“Mhm,” is all you can manage to get out. You’re too distracted by Joel’s broad shoulders and the way his arm muscles flex as he holds you in place. Right now you wish to be immortalized like this, the both of you carved from marble and beautiful enough to put Michelangelo’s best to shame. 

“You were made to take this cock weren’t you sweetheart-” he says in a tone so low it’s almost a growl. 

Made to take this cock? Suddenly you can’t think of any other purpose for existing. Just when you think his body is intoxicating enough, his words make your brain all fuzzy. You can feel the pleasure building inside of you like an uproar. You arch your back to let him enter further inside you, building with pleasure like the way temperatures rise to create a tropical storm. 

“Look at you fuckin’ smile while taking it - you love this don’t you?”. 

Smiling? You are off floating in heaven. The sensations coursing through your body making you feel like you’d fully ascended to some other plane of existence where good was great, and Joel’s body working with yours was euphoric. 

“Yeah, I fucking love it,” and if you words aren’t convincing enough, the look on your beautiful face does it for Joel. He can tell that right now you’re floating, the only thing physically holding you here is the way he’s buried inside you to the hilt. 

Joel has always felt like your anchor, but now it’s in a whole new way. With every thrust of his hips he brings you closer and closer to the edge. He knows what it's like to have your life in his hands, but now he’s got the power over you to make you see stars. 

“Then let go for me sweetheart, give me all you’ve got-”. 

He wants it just as much as you do; to feel your walls clench around him begging to be painted with his seed. Joel would fill you up every chance he’s got - mark you from the inside in the ways only his cock could. To ruin any other man for you and teach you what real pleasure is like - just like he knows you’re aching for. 

Joel takes a hand from your hips and snakes it around your waist and lower until he finds your clit. His strong and rough fingers knowing exactly how to dance upon your delicate skin and coax an orgasm out of you. Softly he rubs, while roughly he pumps himself inside you. Was there some secret code upon your flesh that only he could read? One that let him know exactly what you needed most, and when? 

“That’s right darlin, let that pretty pussy soak this cock”. 

There is nothing left you can do, but listen to his words and give him exactly what he wants. To follow his orders like you always do, but this time you’re giving him much more than satisfaction. You’re giving him the ability to reduce you to nothing but a wanton mess, coming undone upon his cock in ways you didn’t know you could. 

He throws his head back as he feels you squeeze against his every inch - your cunt desperate to suck him in and keep him there. His remaining concentration is used to keep moving his fingers against your clit with the same expertise he uses to pull the trigger of a gun. Joel feels you milking him for everything he’s got, and it’s enough to take his breath away. 

“Mhm just like that sweetheart” he says, still talking you through it - ever the gentleman despite the sinful scene before you both.  

Joel takes one final glance at you in the mirror before allowing himself the same pleasure he’s giving you. With awe in his eyes he studies the way your mouth hangs slightly open, and your eyes clench shut in ecstasy. He knows you’re giving yourself completely to him with every moan that leaves your lips, and with every squeeze of your cunt against his cock. More, more, more. 

He can feel you cumming around him, but being able to watch you as you do makes him feel like some kind of god. What was created on the seventh day again? Nothing that fuckin compares to this. 

Unable to deny himself any longer, Joel allows his orgasm to rake through his body like a wild-fire. Each pleasure-center of his cells up in delicious flames as he empties himself deep inside you. So deep only he could reach - he thinks to himself as ribbon after ribbon of his cum coats your walls. His desire to claim you never ceases. This, the final thought to fill his mind before he loses himself completely to the feeling of you around him. Joel feels like the center of your universe. 

He’s not sure what he says as he cums, but he hopes it isn’t some profession of his undying love for you. That’s a card he’s hoping to keep close to his chest for the time being. His chest. Joel quiets his mind, and pulls you into it. 

“I think I saw a defibrillator back there if you need one,” you tease as you’re the first to catch your breath. It’s much easier to steady your breathing as you nestle into Joel’s chest and listen to his heart. You feel a soft rumble against your face as a laugh emerges from him. 

Joel wraps his arms around you, and lifts you to sit upon the sinks edge once more. “Thought I just fucked that attitude out of you sweetheart,” he teases back at you. Joel knows the only way he’d ever get you to watch your mouth is by filling it, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy every little remark that left it just as much as you enjoy making them. Your laugh is muffled by his chest. He places a soft kiss on your temple, “let’s get you home huh, sweetheart?”. 

Home. Words Joel was certain would never leave his lips again. There were a lot of things Joel thought he’d never experience again after the outbreak; laughter, purpose, love. But, in one fell swoop you’d given him all three and for that he’d give you every last ounce of himself. Or inch. Pun intended. 

so now after over 10yrs of no sex, hes gotten to a point where he thinks he could just live without it. like he barely has the urge anymore.

he doesn’t even get a little inkling until he meets you. but it’s only a twinge in his gut. he doesn’t get hard but he does get turned on, sensitive and the twinge flares more depending on what you do, what you’re wearing, how close to him you’re standing.

but then you guys start dating. because shockingly.. for some reason.. he gives you that same reaction— of course a lot stronger on your end

he explains this all to you, he says it’s his age but you assume it also has to do with everything he’s been through. so you don’t push it! you’d never do that to him, give him that guilt or pressure.

but something about you being his makes that little twinge become a punch to the gut. seeing you in his kitchen, making him breakfast, makes something stir in his crotch that he barely even recognizes.

then he sees you fitting into a motherly role with ellie, maybe closer to a big sister but there is maternity mixed in for sure and that causes something he’s not even equipped to deal with.. he’s starting to get hard.

it’s just a halfie but it’s more than he’s felt in years. and he just has to wait for it to go down. it’s torture.

that goes on for a while. things get exponentially worse when you move in with him. you start acting like his wife. making him coffee to go to work with in the morning, packing him lunch and setting out his clothes. you even wash his boots for him when they get too dirty or on a particularly hot day you’ll have a bath ready for him when he gets home. he’s so hard, he’s leaking.

he eventually has to figure out how to jerk off all over again cus god knows what he likes now. it takes a lot of trial and error but he’s finally able to cum for the first time in way too long.

but that just makes everything worse

because now he knows how to solve the probelm, now that his body knows this is an option, he’s getting hard no matter what you do.

you could come to him with help for a recipe, not able to understand what they’re asking and he’ll get hard. you could walk past him, he’d get a whiff of your perfume and he’s hard. you touch his arm to move past him and he’s hard.

this leads to many trips to the bathroom. he doesn’t last long, not that he tries to anyway, and he’s found that he can cum many times in one day.

you start coddling him because he’s obviously fatigued and god that makes him hard. you cuddle him, letting him be the little spoon as you both take a “much needed and earned nap” and fuck he’s leaking into his boxers.

his entire body is tense and shaking in your sleepy arms. it’s never been this bad before. he can’t think of a time it was even this bad when he was younger.

he sneaks a hand down to his crotch and desperately digs his palm into the tent in his boxers. the relief is immediate, he has to dig into his lip until it bleeds to hold in the groan that wanted out. he can’t believe himself, the depraved man he’s become.

his hand slides down into his boxers and his stomach is trembling at his own touch. something about you being right next to him is turning all his senses up to 11.

his hand wraps around his cock and it’s the most heavenly thing he’s felt. he can’t help the moan of your name that slide up his throat and leaves his mouth as a whisper. you stir beside him and his cock pulses in his hand.

what if you woke up? what would you do if you caught him like this? would you like it?

He swears that the sinking feeling in his stomach never leaves, not even in his sleep. Don’t let her go. You’re going to lose. Hold tight. Joel wakes up, chest heaving with pain as he tries to swallow the fear that threatens to come up in a soft cry for help.

“Joel.”

His head whips to your voice, startled by how close you are. Then he feels the warmth of your skin and realizes that he has a death-like grip on your waist, your shirt pushed up ever so slightly.

“I’m sorry- I didn’t mean.” His hands leave your waist as if you burned him, pressing them against himself, afraid he will still feel you linger on his palms.

“It’s fine. You just scared the hell out of me. You okay?” You ask. He can’t see your eyes in the dark, only your silhouette of your frame being propped up by your elbow, the moonlight coming in through the window behind you. You don’t seem frantic. You’re calm. You’re okay. So, he doesn’t feel crazy. He’s okay.

“I’m good.” His breathing is more even now, following the rhythm of your own breathing.

Your gaze doesn’t leave him, examining every part of his face. Yes, you see his ash colored hair that’s disheveled from sleep, his lips parted as he counts his breaths, his hands over his own chest as if trying to weigh it down enough so he doesn’t panic again.  But what strikes you the most are his eyes. His eyes don’t leave yours and, in those two dark endless pools, you see an emotion far too familiar to miss. Guilt.

And maybe it's yours, or maybe it's his, or maybe an intertwining of both. But in that moment, it becomes a burden that neither of you have to carry alone.

“I’m sorry if I scared you ‘cause I grabbed you-“

“Don’t worry about it, cowboy,” you say, patting his arm. “Just try to get some more sleep. We got a long day of walking tomorrow.” He starts sitting up, shaking off whatever tiredness was left.

“I really should be on watch. I’ll be out there. Sorry, again.” He sits at the edge of the bed and begins tying his boots. You want to reach out and press your palm against his back. You want to ask him to come back to bed. That you wouldn’t mind if he held you again. That you didn’t feel scared laying beside him. That you felt safe.

But it’s weak, it’s feeble. So you just lay back down, facing around to the window of the room. He is not yours to keep, you are not his to make safe.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

You spring up from bed, ready to start walking again. It’s the only distraction from your thoughts and it's better than rotting in bed. Wiping your eyes, you walk out to the kitchen.

“Well, it’s nice of ya to finally join us, sweetheart. Hope we didn’t disturb your beauty sleep.” Joel leans against the counter, holding a thermos in his hand. He’s smug. And it’s too early for this.

“Good morning to Ellie and Ellie only.” You walk around to the counter he’s at, squinting at him in fake anger. “Ya got another one of those?”

“If I wanted to share, I would’ve brought two.”

“Give me that-” you say, laughing as you swipe the thermos from him, sipping at the hot coffee.

“I don’t know how you can drink that. It’s disgusting.” Ellie is just sitting at the table, chin on her palms as she watches you both, cringing. You shrug, handing it back to Joel.

“It doesn’t taste the greatest, but it gets the job done.”

“I guess you could say,” Ellie begins to say slowly, getting up from her chair. “That coffee is terrible because it’s…just…” The pacing of her words causes you and him to side eye each other, searching for an answer for whatever the hell she was doing.

“It’s just a good ole’ cup of Joel.”

“Oh my-“ “That was fuckin’ terrible-“ “Ellie go get your pack, you got two minutes-“

She throws her hands up, “Fuck you guys. That was a good one and you know it.” Ellie leaves the kitchen, a bit of pep in her step. Joel just shakes his head.

“She’s got a point, you are terrible.” You laugh, grabbing the thermos.

“I don’t taste bad.”

It takes everything in you to hold back your big, growing smile, grateful to have the thermos blocking the view. You close the gap to his side by nudging his arm with your elbow.

“Guess there’s only one way to find out.” You wink at him and he rolls his eyes.

“You’re ridiculous,” he huffs, leaving to the bedroom to grab his pack.

-/-/-/-/-/

I told you. You felt too safe and now look at what's happened.

First, it was a blood curdling scream that caused the three of you to freeze, Ellie looking to Joel, and Joel looking to you.

“Joel-“ Ellie’s voice had been strained with fear. He just grabbed her arm to silence her. You were too far into the town, and that scream was too close, to outrun them.

Then it was the gunshots that had pierced the silence, and that's when everything went to hell. Bullets flying everywhere, commands being yelled at amongst the group of intruders. That’s when the ducking, the running, and shooting back began.

“Where the fuck did she go?” Joel spits the words at you now, in a hushed voice as you both crouch behind an old, rusted car. Your eyes scan for any flash of red amongst the horizon of houses and driveways. No jacket to be seen.

“I dunno, but she-“

“You were holding her goddamnit, how the fuck did you let her go?”

“Said I don’t know, Joel. But she couldn’t have gone far.” You push the words out of gritted teeth, a heaviness in your chest. Bullets can be heard too close for comfort. He stares at you, nostrils flaring.

“You shoulda never come with us.” 

And with that last remark, you clench your jaw and blink slowly, until there is nothing left to feel. You let Ellie down. You were supposed to take care of her. You were better off dying for an imaginary cure.

Suddenly, you’re running, boots hitting the asphalt.

“Ellie!” You scream, hoping others’ ears will hear you, hoping she knows that Joel must be near. “Ellie!” All Ellie and Joel need is a moment of distraction to get out of here. You hear boots behind you, but you turn around to find it's only him chasing. Before another thought passes he grabs your arm, hard enough to bruise, dragging you into a half open garage. He throws you up against the wall, putting his forearm against your chest, pinning you there.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Tryna get killed-“

“Get the fuck off me!” You throw him off, baring your teeth. “I was leading them away, buying y’all time.” You both look at each other, refusing to back down first. A spray of bullets hits the garage door, a loud shriek of metal ripping. He throws himself onto you, shielding your body with his. In the brief lull of reloading guns, Joel pulls you up by the short sleeve of your shirt and you both scramble through the door leading into the house, his hand never letting go of your wrist. But the front door is hit with something and it slams open.

“Move and she’s dead,” the stranger says, aiming his weapon at you. You slowly turn to glance at Joel and he only nods at the threat, lowering his rifle. Three other men walk in, holding their own guns. A dangerous grin paints their faces as they survey the two of you.

“She’s a pretty little thing, ain't she boys?” The man closest to you, holding the gun up, smiles as the words leave his lips. Your blood runs cold. A blond boy, not yet old enough to be a man, just stares at you, his eyes trailing down your frame with a greediness that made you sick to your stomach.

“How old are you, baby?” He asks.

“Fuck you.”

They all let out little laughs.

“Oh, don’t you worry, baby. You will.” You swallow the bile that threatens to come up. You’re gonna die you sick son of a bitch.

“Alright, lets get this over with. You, move it,” the lead man motions Joel to move. He looks to you, shaking his head.

“No.”

“Go goddamnit,” you say, irritated that he would be so stupid.

“You better listen to your girl, pal, or you won't be hearing her voice for much longer.”

The blond boy begins walking over to you and you hold your breath. His knuckles graze your arm, trailing up to your cheek. You grit your teeth, not letting any of your fear seep through your expressions.

“And she sounds so pretty when she’s upset…wonder what she sounds like when she screams-” His hands tangle roughly into your hair, shoving you onto the floor, pain gripping your scalp and knees, tears threatening to fall from your eyes.

“Joel,” you beg. Your harsh cry brings their attention to you. 

Joel disarms the man in front of him, using that same gun to put a bullet through him, before grabbing his limp body as a shield the moment the other two intruders turn their guns to him.

A new scream interrupts the gunfire and the man near the front door falls limply, Ellie running from behind him with a pointed gun. The moment is all Joel needs to grab the other intruder and drag him to the floor, both of them delivering punches and responding with fresh blood.

The blond boy throws you hard against the floor, facing Ellie to throw a punch to her cheek and then her stomach, sliding her gun across the kitchen linoleum.

“You’re next you little bitch!” He leaves her weak on the floor and runs to you as your fingers are close to grabbing her pistol. “I don’t fucking think so-”

He pulls you up by your hair, his hand now wrapping around your throat as he slams your body against the wall, successfully knocking the air out of you. You claw at his hand as your body processes the multiple bruise and cuts that have just been endured. The blond boy’s hand reaches for the button of your jeans, so you kick him, but you only land your knee onto his stomach which only angers him more.

“Fucking whore-” he bites out. Ellie swings an iron pan against his head, beating it in over and over and over again when he falls to the ground. Your stature crumbles momentarily, gasping in recovery. But then you grab her, holding her tight, wiping the specs of blood from her face.

The lead man is now holding a knife to Joel, hovering over him, the only thing stopping him from diving it into his throat is Joel’s forearm, shaking with force. Reaching down, you pick up Ellie’s gun and pull the trigger. A second later, the man is screaming in pain, gripping his shoulder. Joel stumbles up from his place on the floor, wrapping his arms around the man’s neck and head, his shirt pulled taut as he snaps the man’s neck. The body slips through his hold, Joel’s eyes flickering up to you.

You’re gripping Ellie tight, holding her head to your chest, shielding her from the scene. You know she has seen death. There aren’t many who haven’t in this world, but you know that whatever she has seen has been enough. The younger girl breathes hard, opening her eyes to see Joel, her eyes glazed over with shock. And it’s this picture of you holding Ellie that Joel just can’t tear his eyes away from. 

He would kill a hundred more men if it meant the look of fear would disappear from your face. He would do anything to make the two of you feel safe again. 

You cough in pain, snapping him out of his daze.

“We can’t stay here. Who knows how many more of them there are. We’ll take what we can and go.”

-/-/-/-/-/-/

It was nothing but silence for the rest of the hike, save for the crunch of some gravel and the occasional bird chirp. The three of you hold your breath until a small creek comes into view and you all agree to stop here for a second.

“I’m sorry about earlier. I pulled away because I thought you were gonna follow me. I saw a broken fence that looked like it just opened up to a trail and I-” Ellie begins rambling, both her hands fiddling with the seam on the sides of her jeans, but you stop her, placing a hand on her shoulder and shaking your head. Then you pause for a second.

“You should dip your feet in,” you say, your face blank of emotion, motioning to the creek. Ellie looks at you quizzically.

“Why?”

“Cuz’ I said so, go put your feet in and let me know if anything bites.” You give her a half smile, pushing the loose locks of hair that had fallen from their place in her ponytail back over her shoulder. She can’t smile back yet, but she nods, walking over to a rock closer to the water to start taking off her shoes. You find a spot beside the creek, tucking your legs into a criss cross, laying your hands on your lap. Your eyes focus on nothing, empty of purpose.

Joel sits down beside you, his knee joint popping and he lands. You exhale in amusement, barely shaking your head.

“You doin’ okay?” He asks.

“Peachy.” You’re not angry or sad or afraid. You’re just trying to be you, but your response falls flat.  

“Look, those things I said back there-”

“You know what the last thing I told my sister was?” Your voice is quiet, barely leaving your lips. You stay watching the water, half lidded, like you’re watching the event unfold in its reflection. “Run, I’ll find you. That’s what I told her.”

“Sweetheart-”

“And you know what I did, Joel?” You turn to him now, lip curled in anger. “I didn’t fucking find her. I looked for her everywhere. For anything-any sign that she was alive, or even fuckin’ dead. But nothing…I found nothing. Like she didn’t even exist.” You clench your jaw, hot tears slipping from your eyes as you turn back to watch the water. You swallow the pain of your mourning and of your new injuries. “She was just gone.” Irritated, you wipe away the tears on your cheek, harshly rubbing your skin in annoyance. She’s gone and you're the one crying?

“-Look! There’s these little fish that keep coming up to my feet. They’re really small though-” You sniffle, sucking in a quick breath as you stand up, dusting off the dirt from your pants.

“Lemme see.” You walk over and she wiggles her feet, watching as the fish dart away.

“I wish there were sharks here,” Ellie sighs.

“You’re a weirdo. Joel- we stayin’ the night here?” You turn to him and he’s still sitting down. When he looks up at you, you see it again, that damned guilt. His sad, beautiful eyes hold so much more than he ever says, and you wish he’d hold you, or let you hold him. God, it’s so confusing but you wish he would just say something-

“Yeah, we’ll sleep here tonight.”

And that’s as much as you get.

You take a cloth to the water, wringing it out, softly cleaning and soothing the welt on Ellie’s cheek. She is too young for this and it makes your chest tighten with grief. She doesn’t need any help, but you offer to redo her ponytail and she lets you, sitting with her back to you, between your knees as you sit taller than her. Running your fingers through her hair, occasionally dipping your hand into the water to slick all of the strands into her ponytail, you are reminded of a different life.

You see your sister, your mother, your grandmother, in the same position, love being passed on from hands to hair in this quiet act of tradition. For a moment, Ellie gives you a glimpse into a life that exists somewhere out there in all of its simple beauty. You aren’t a girl hollowed out by the wrath of survival. You are a mother, combing your fingers through your daughter’s soft hair after a long day of playing rough outside. You’re strong. And you’re more than alive, you’re truly living.

You pat Ellie’s shoulder.

“All done, cowgirl.”

“I’m not Texan,” she replies, frowning.

“What the-girl, where are you from?” You had never thought to ask where she was from.

“Dude, I’m from Boston.”

You look up, searching for an alternative.

“Okay- all done, sewer rat.” She giggles, and it’s the first time since earlier today that you hear her sound so alive.

Ellie is the first one to fall asleep, snoring softly into her sleeping bag.

“You can use mine again,” Joel says. You shake your head, not wanting any more pity. Not from him. He doesn’t owe you anything. The only reason you even stay is because you can’t abandon Ellie. You’re not letting that little girl slip through your fingers ever again.

“I’m good. Don’t need it. I’ll take first watch.”

“Like hell-”

You throw your hands up to your face, rubbing in frustration.

“Joel, why do you have to fight me on this? Why do you always have to fight me on shit like this?” You don’t notice that he’s closed the gap between you until his hands gently wrap around your wrists, bringing down your hands from your face. You stare at him in confusion.

“I’m not fighting you, darlin’,” he says in a hushed voice, his gaze searching your face for any sour reaction. “You took care of Ellie today-”

“Nearly got her killed, Joel.” You turn your head to see her peacefully unaware of the conversation. His warm palm cups your cheek to bring you back to him, both of you holding your breath.

“No, you took care of her today in a way that I just don’t know how yet.” You close your eyes, willing yourself to not lean into his touch. “Just let me…let me help you.” You take his hand from your cheek, pulling it away from you but still holding it softly.

“You don’t owe me for that. You don’t have to act like-”

“I want to.”

You could stare into his eyes forever, and your gaze threatens to dip lower, to his lips as they whisper your name, but you can’t help looking into his eyes, finding that there is something else lying there, something unfamiliar. It’s no longer just guilt, but you can’t pinpoint what it is. You sigh, nodding as you readjust your shirt.

“Okay…but I’ll take second watch so you can sleep.”

He smiles down at your words of defiance, agreeing.

“You’ll take second watch.”

As you tuck yourself into the sleeping bag, you close your eyes, knowing he wont wake you up for that second shift. It should annoy you that you’re in his sleeping bag again, resting while he’s guarding the both of you. It should annoy you that something as simple as him holding your cheek made your heart stop, that it was so easy to sway you into doing what he wanted. All that strength, his violent abilities, at his very beck and call, but he chose to speak to you softly and hold your face gently as if he could afford to do so. You wouldn’t mind if he looked at you like that again, and that thought makes you shiver.

It doesn’t annoy you. Not at all.

comments and reblogs greatly appreciated:) muah

----->Chapter 4

TAGLIST: @ginger-swag-rapunzel​, @notsosecretspy​ yuh now we got 2 baddies <3

After handing the horse off to a stablehand, Jesse walked you home. It was empty in a strange way. You had come home many times before Joel had, but the difference between then and now was that you knew that he was coming back. You dragged your feet across the house, peering into each room to rouse a memory connected to him. 

As the days went on, you became reclusive, not wanting to leave the house and do things. So much as thinking about it made you feel guilty that you were enjoying the privilege of safety behind Jackson’s walls while he was still out there. People would come and visit you from time to time. Wendy stopped by when she had a moment to drop Ellie off for a bit. The two of you would play cards. Jesse came by with take out and the two of you reminisced about life before the infection. Stuff like that took your mind off things, but it was only ever temporary. 

One day, a knock on your door revealed Maria. You were surprised to see her. You weren’t necessarily avoiding her, but at the moment, you were not against the thought of not crossing paths with her.

“I would ask how you’re holding up, but I know that’s a stupid question.” Maria said after you let her in. You nodded. “I came over because I wanted to clear the air. Listen, I’m not mad at you for how you handled things. I was disappointed, however. We sat at that table for hours to come up with a plan just for you to disregard it. I thought you knew better than that, but then Tommy convinced me to sympathize with you. While I still don’t agree with what you did,” She paused. “I probably would have done the same if I wasn’t running things around here; it’s different when you’re in charge and so many people look to you for answers for any given issue.” She shook her head as she sat down on your couch. “I don’t want you to think that I didn’t trust your ability to find them, but me and Tommy agreed, proven by your impulsive actions, that you were not in the right emotional state to be out there alone. We just had your best interests in mind because we care for you and we know how much Joel loves you. It would have been better if we brought you back to Jackson where you’d be safe and continued with our planned rescue mission. That way Joel wouldn’t have to worry any further when we brought him back. I mean imagine, (Y/N), with you out there by yourself. What if we had found Joel before you and brought him back and you were still out there. He wouldn’t be happy to know that you were still out there in God knows what kind of situation. And this whole thing would have happened all over again.”

Her words stuck with you. “You guys didn’t bring me back; Jesse did.”

“Who do you think sent him, (Y/N)? After I realized that you left, Tommy enlisted Jesse to go out and find you. He set him up with a car and supplies and caught him up on this whole patrol thing. Tommy knew if anyone could convince you to come back, it’d be him.”

You gritted your teeth. “What happened after that?”

“Tommy and the rest of them departed as planned the next morning.” Maria said stoically. Her voice was void of emotion, but you could tell by her eyes that she was worried over her husband as well. She watched as you moved to put your shoes on. “Where are you going?” She asked, but you did not reply as you left her alone in your house. 

You knocked on Jesse’s door. “(Y/N)! I was just about to come out and see you. I’m glad you’re up and out because truth be told, I was gonna ask you to come out and take a walk with me. Not to spoil things, but I was not going to take no for an answer.”

“Let’s take that walk.” You replied. He rushed to grab his sneakers and headed out the door with you. “Speaking of truth, you weren’t being honest when you found me out there.”

“What do you mean?” His body instinctively went rigid before relaxing again.

“So you went after me because Tommy made you? Why didn’t you just say that when you found me?” You asked him firmly. “I thought you were out there because you wanted to help me rescue him, but the whole time your intentions were to only pull me further from him.”

He turned to look at you for a moment. “Tommy really wanted me to bring you back. I can’t say I disagreed with him. The thought of you out there by yourself? I would’ve come, you know, if you told me you were leaving. I had no idea they were out there that long until he came to me and explained what happened.”

“You’d just come back from a patrol yourself; I didn’t want to bother you while you rested. Besides, I know you and Joel aren’t the best of friends, so I figured you wouldn’t.”

“I would’ve come for you.” He lightly pinched your upper arm. “I lied because I knew that you definitely wouldn’t come back with me. The whole time I was out there looking for you, I debated whether I should stick with you and help you find Joel or do as I was told and bring you in, but then when you told me you were pregnant…” He shook his head. “I mean we had to turn back.”

“You’re right, I probably would have fought you tooth and nail if you told me the truth, but since it was from you, I would have at least considered it. So how about this? I won’t try to assume your feelings toward something and you won’t try to assume mine. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“How’s your ankle?” You asked, looking down at it.

“It doesn’t hurt as much as before.” You noticed he still limped a little. “Y’know, I missed this.” He nudged you.

“Missed what?”

“This. Just hanging out with you. I feel like I’ve seen you more these past few days than I have in a long time. I hate that this is what had to happen to get us here, but I like to think of it as a silver lining...at least for me.”

“It’s a rude awakening for me. I didn’t mean to neglect you like that, Jesse, but I did just come back from a honeymoon not too long ago.” You smirked toward the end.

“Yeah, I know. It’s still not like it was before and I know I can’t expect that from you. I just missed you is all.” He shrugged.

“That’s a normal feeling. People grow at different paces and that’s hard to acknowledge in and of itself, but what’s more difficult is the growing apart because of it. We’ll hang out more; I promise.” You nudged him back. 

“You better not be stringing me along.” Jesse playfully added.

“Friendship is a two way street, Jesse. You are always welcome to drop by my place.”

“I don’t know if Joel’d see it the same.”

“Don’t worry about him.”

“I try not to.”

Your heart is racing as you follow Joel to his bedroom. This would be the first time you’ll be having sex with someone you care about, someone you love. You wondered if it would feel any different when he was shattering your hips with his own, would there still be that soft look of adoration in his eyes? You don’t see how the two could go together. 

You get to his room and he shuts the door quietly. “Can you stay still, honey?” He rolled his sleeves up, only halfway, showing off his thick forearms. He’s circling you as he questions you, holding eye contact and stopping in front of you. “I- I wanna undress you.”

Your throat feels like it’s closed. 

Undress me? Why would he want to- That doesn’t seem very time-efficient… Oh, but look at him. 

His eyes are silently and subconsciously begging you to let him. You let him. 

He takes a deep breath and his eyes rake down your body the moment you nod at him. He grabs your hips, pulling you to him with a boyish grin before running his fingers along the hem of your shirt. They tickle your skin softly as he brings them up, bunching the fabric before pulling it over your head. He looks right into your eyes as he does this. That soft look digs into your chest, it feels like you may explode. 

He only breaks away from your gaze to throw your shirt on a chair in the corner. He brings his empty hand to cup your cheek, stroking his thumb across your skin as a sort of apology for diverting his attention. He looks back at you with a smile so gentle you may melt. 

Your knees almost give out when he unbuttons your pants, he sticks his thumbs in the back of your waistband, leaning into you. He’s so close. He’s so close. He’s smirking like he knows you want to kiss him. He leans forward, licking his lips before abruptly ducking down, pulling your pants with him. 

You let out a surprised squeal that has him smiling up at you. Your hand comes up to bury itself in his hair before you realize it. You admire the softness of it, how fluffy it is. His eyes droop, getting a foggy, clouded look in them as he stares up at you. 

Make it good for him! Everyone likes it rough. 

You pull it, much harder than necessary, and watch his eyebrows crease in what you assume is arousal as he grunts again. He lifts from his kneeling position and kisses you, a little harder than he did before. 

His hands were running down your back, cupping your ass, and then stroking down your thighs. He’s breathing heavily against your face as his hands squeeze your inner thigh. They roam all over your body but never go where you want them, where you need them. 

“Okay, Joel. Enough I need you. I- I need you.” He smiles underneath his bitten lip as you push him away and gesture to his entire body. “Take them off… Off!” 

You’re basically ripping your undergarments off and running to him, unbuttoning his shirt for him as he takes off his pants. The moment your hands push his shirt open he’s kissing you instead. He walks you both onto the bed, tripping over his pants with a giggle before landing safely on the covers. You waste no time in climbing over him, whining out when his cock rubs along your soaked pussy. He lifts himself to try and kiss you but you’re not looking at him. You’re trying to push his dick into your soaking, aching pussy. 

“Shit- Damn. Fuck, honey.” He slams himself back onto the bed, his hands tighten around your hips as you position your legs beneath you and slam your hips onto him. It fucking burns. You’re wet and open but he’s huge, the stretch of his fat cock burns inside you as his tip jams itself into your cervix painfully. You bit off more than you can chew. Joel is grunting harshly beneath you so you power through, attempting to hide your grimace as you let out half-honest moans. 

“Fuck- No. No, no, stop, baby.” His hands force you down and hold you there, rendering you immobile as he sits up. You’re watching his abs clench as he sits up with no assistance but his pure muscle, they only move to his face when he clears his throat. 

You’re embarrassed now, under the impression that you’ve done something wrong, something he didn’t like. You wouldn’t know what to do if that were the case… You were doing what you normally do… You don't know any special moves or anything like that. “Did- You didn’t like it..?”

You ask as timidly as possible, hoping he could hear it and would be gentle. 

“I- I mean I guess but it’s not what I want.” Confusion and a bit of anger flares inside you. How were you supposed to know what he wanted? 

“Okay well, what do you want then, Joel?” His brows furrow and he brings a hand up to caress your face again. 

“I want to make love to you. I told you that.” There’s that fucking term again. 

“I don’t know what that means, Joel! Isn’t it the same as fucking? I don’t get it.” His brows unfurrow instantly, becoming soft and a bit upturned in what seemed to be concern. And to add insult to injury… you can feel him softening inside you. 

“What do you mean?” His voice is much softer than yours, but it frustrates you. You struggle not to roll your eyes at him. 

“I do not know what that means. I do not understand.” You talk slower than necessary, not actually explaining anything. You’re being a brat. He tilts his head at you, giving a gut-wrenching, disappointed look. He kisses your cheeks and tells you to be nice, that he’s just trying to understand you.

“No… It’s not the same as fuckin’. It’s gentle and lovin’. It’s me takin’ my time with you, gettin’ you to open up for me.” You can feel his dick filling back up, stretching you out beautifully. “It’s me learnin’ about what you like, showin’ you what I think you’d like, and getting you to cum around me and for me as long as I can. It’s more focused on- on love rather than lust. I’m- I’m bettin’ you’ve never had that though…” 

You hear sadness leak into his voice as he ends his sentence, watching you avert your gaze. He watches frustration and shame creep onto your face. “So what? I don’t even- I don’t think I even like it that way. Slow? It already takes me long enough to cum… I don’t need to be here for hours on end, Joel.”

He shakes his head at you sadly. “You would like it, baby.” He has one hand back on your hip as the other spreads out, his large hand spread over your back as he slowly flips you both over. “I- fuck, I know you’d love it, honey.” His words resonate deep in your core, bringing a new wave of wetness to run over his cock. “Oh-” His hips stutter into yours as though he could feel the extra cream flowing over his dick. “Yeah, oh you’d- I think you’ll like it, darlin’”

He places you on the bed and finishes talking before kissing you and raising to straighten himself out. His hips thrust slowly into yours and fuck does it feel good. I mean of course it does, Joel is towing over you like a Greek god and his cock is sliding within your walls smoothly, stimulating every nerve it comes across. You start to buck your hips, impatient with the slow build of the pleasure. You wanted something explosive, something that will leave you heaving for breath and you cannot comprehend how you could possibly get there like this. 

Joel smiles, shakes his head at your agitation, and presses his hands down onto your sporadic hips, forcing them to stay on the bed. “No. Softly, baby. Be gentle with me, c’mon.” He continues his rhythm before, rocking into you with breathless pants. Your pleasure felt just out of reach and it was insanely maddening. “Calm down.” He tells you in a low, warning tone. You swear he can read your mind. 

“Tell me.” He leans down so his lips are right by your ear. He places a kiss on your temple and looks down at where the two of you connect, shoving his hair in your face. “Do you like this?” He keeps at his regular pace, the frustrating, agitating, insanely maddening pace. “Or… Do you-” He lets out a shuddering sigh right next to your ear, your eyes nearly rolling back at the faint sound. “Or do you like this?”

His pace changes into something indescribable. His hips are swiveling into yours and hitting eighteen different pleasure points at once. Your arms come up to grip his biceps, one instantly sliding down to his lower back to encourage him to keep it up. “Oh-” You sound shocked and out of breath. “Oh. I like that one, Joel. This one. I like this one- please” His pace speeds up and he moans at the sound of your whimper. His attention is finally pulled from where you both meet and he’s looking right into your eyes. This man and his fucking eye contact. 

It’s doing something to you… the way he’s looking at you. It’s burning into your stomach and has you clenching around him, pulling another ragged, angelic moan from his lips, hitting your lips directly due to his position. You lean up and kiss him as much as you can, most of your brain had shut off the moment he flipped you both over. 

He was hitting so deep inside you, a whole section that you didn't know existed. His cock is slowly sliding over every ridge in your pussy, his veins stimulating your sensitive walls. “Joel-” 

It slips out like a whimper as your moans release. You’re suddenly on 100% volume, unable to hold anything in. You never learned how. You thought you just didn’t moan against your own will, never having been in enough pleasure to let out authentic moans. 

Your hand comes from his lower back to slap over your mouth, desperately trying to hold all your noises in but Joel rips it away. “Don’t do- fuck you feel so fuckin’ good- Fuck, don’ cover up your- your moans, please. Fuck I wanna hear ‘em” He intertwines your fingers with his and holds your hand next to your head. He straightens himself as much as he can while keeping your fingers interlocked so he can grind into you more deliberately. He’s angling himself a million different ways until you convulse onto yourself. You try to hold in a scream as he fucks into… something. It’s almost painful, the way pleasure punches through your body with every thrust. 

“Yeah?- God fuckin’ dammit."

His hips stutter as you involuntarily suffocate his dick in your pussy. “Fuck- Is that it? Your special spot, honey? I got it dead on, huh?” He’s wearing an irritatingly calm smirk as he teases you. You, on the other hand, can barely breathe.

You’re clawing at anything you can get a hold of, his arms, the back of his neck, his back. You feel like you could cry- or throw up at the otherworldly pleasure Joel is forcing onto you. Your mouth is perpetually open, spewing out moans every other second. Your eyes keep rolling back into your head despite your attempts to look at Joel. You can’t even wrangle together enough thoughts to coherently explain how good it feels, how good he’s making you feel. “Jo- Joel. F-” You’re cut off with a whine as he pushes himself into you more forcefully. “Joey, please- You’re right it’s s’much better. Shit- Joel!-” You let out a more devastating moan than you have all night, causing Joel to groan out in response. Your eyes open to look at him and he’s staring right at you, his eyes are something you’ve never seen, they’re dark and threatening, like a lion stalking its prey. But in this situation the lion is in love with the gazelle, it’s evident in his eyes, all over his fucking face as he moans for you. 

“Of course ‘m r- right- Fuck, you’ve really got no clue how- how fuckin’-” His statement melts into a whimpering moan as he bends back down to moan into your ear. “You feel fuckin’ heavenly, darlin’.”

It creeps up on you out of fucking nowhere. A moan rips through your chest and destroying throat as you cum around him, his words pushing you to the edge. “Oh fu-uck. Yeah? S’that good, baby? Fuckin’- fuckin’ c-cumming all over my cock with no warning, love? Oh fuck me you’re s-so good, sweetheart.” 

His words fuel your world-demolishing, soul-shattering, mind fuckingly amazing orgasm. You can feel the pleasure coursing through your veins like molten gold. Your entire body is vibrating, you’re lifting off the bed into an ethereal plane as Joel keeps thrusting into you, moaning soft praises in your ear as you gush all over his cock. Your eyes are permanently in the back of your skull as your hand runs frantically all over his body, trying to find something to ground you, to keep you from flying away on the cloud of pleasure Joel was providing for you. 

He slows his thrusts in favor of you. Your moans had begun to get a bit desperate, all over the place, feverish and distraught as your pleasure bubbled over into overstimulation. Joel is kissing your neck softly, whispering even more soft words laced with love as your soul returns to your body with a broken whine of his name. He pulls his face out of your neck with a smile, his hips still thrusting into you slowly, just toeing the line of overstimulation. It has you losing your mind. You’re writhing against him as he smirks at you. “Do you want more? I can keep going, baby. I’ll go slow, soft, just like this.” 

He gets a bit breathy at the end, his free hand comes up to cup your face as the one holding yours tenses for a moment. His head drops onto your shoulder as most of his body collapses onto you. He’s still thrusting into you gently as he groans out against your neck. “Fuck me. You’re turning me into a fuckin’ teenager again. Can’t fuckin’ control shit. O-oh I wanna make you cum again, sweetheart.” His hips speed up as he rambles to you. You lean away from him a bit, forcing his head from your shoulder, and turn to look at him. 

He looks so wrecked. His lips are trembling, glossy, and red from all his biting. You didn't even notice. His eyes are on yours but they regularly lose focus, crossing gently or rolling into his head with a groan. “You’re makin’ me feel so fucking good, love. I just want you to feel as good- I wanna make you cum again.” He sounds more desperate than you could’ve ever imagined, your hand slides up the back of his neck and buries itself in his hair, scratching at his scalp softly, causing his eyes to cross lightly as he moans against you, hips stuttering. “Let me. Let me, let me. Let me pl-lease”

His unabashed begging has you clenching around him erratically, pulling a ruined groan from his lips. “M-make me cum again, Joel. C’mon, baby. I want-” He’s already moaning into your mouth as you speak, his hips fucking into you unsteadily. You’re already close from the intensity of the moment, Joel’s hand cradling your face, your hand in his hair. His head is resting against yours, forehead to forehead but his eyes are still open, piercing your soul and your heart with the love that's residing in them, it has your pussy clenching around him desperately. He’s moaning out shamelessly, loudly, and right into your face, into your mouth. 

“I’m gonna- I need you to c-cum. Holy sh-” You cut him off with a wet, searing kiss that’s mostly groans and whines into the mouth of the other. Your hips lift off the bed to buck into him softly, grinding your clit into the patch of curls that rests on his pelvis. He’s smiling at your movements, the contrast in how they were when he started with you. “Y-yeah. Good, baby. Soft. Just l-like that, sweetheart. You’re so fuckin’ pure.” His eyes roll back into his head as your pussy begins to flutter around him. You can feel it this time, building inside you. The coil in your stomach tightens as you feel the angelic feeling inch back into your veins. Your hands grip his hair more desperately, pulling his ear to your lips as your orgasm begins to spill over. 

“I’m- I’m cumming, Joey.” You’re voice stabs into him. The high-pitched and desperate, shocked innocence in it has him twitching inside you. His pace is ruined the moment you utter those words into his ear. He can feel his eyes cross and shoot to the back of his head as he falls into your shoulder again and starts to cum inside you. 

It’s more than heavenly, cumming at the same time as you. His cock is throbbing, shooting out thick, heavy, ropes of his cum inside you as your pussy pulses in time with him, milking him for everything he has. He can’t breathe, all the air has punched out of him as he tries to warn you that he’s cumming. He wants to moan out for you, call your name over and over to hear you work yourself up into those whining moans you can’t help but let out. He gathers enough strength to push himself up and look at you. He feels like a whole new round of cum spews out of him at the sight. Your eyes are crossed as you moan out at the ceiling. He’s vaguely aware of the way your hand has twisted and tightened in his hair as you cum, your nails digging into his other hand. He’s smiling through the second round of cum that pumps into you, deliriously happy with how hard he’s made you cum. You sound like you’re in the same situation as him, all the air suddenly gone from your lungs. You’re just letting out barely perceptible moans of his name on loop. 

His thighs shake as his dick finally stops pouring into you. He looks down at the ring of white sitting on the base of his dick and groans. He looks back up at you, wanting to show you the mess you’ve made on him but you’re still so far gone. Your pussy pulses around him arrhythmically as you mutter up at the ceiling, your hand stroking through his hair subconsciously. 

He’s able to come down before you. He pulls out and lays next to you, his head on your chest while he’s muttering those same, soft praises into your ear as your soul tries to find its way back to your body again. You follow the sound of his low praises, grounding you and pulling you back to reality. “-baby. I’m so in love with you. Thank you so fuckin’ much for waitin’ for me, I know it was hard, but I love you so fuckin’ much. You’re so incredible, so so incredible, baby. The best lady I know, the only lady I wanna know. You-” You have a faint, tired smile spreading across your face as he goes on, sounding more out of it than you feel.

“I love you so much, Joel.” You mean to say it softly, fondly but it comes out as something more like a sob. He gasps and looks up at you, that’s when you notice the tears that have escaped your eyes. “This is so embarrassing…” Your hands wipe at your escapee tears furiously as Joel watches you in shock.

“Hey,” He starts to wipe some of your tears away alongside you, although much more softly than your own hands. “ S’not embarrasin’.” He places an endearing kiss to your lips. “I think it’s so fuckin’ cute. The cutest things I’ve seen in years, honestly.” 

You giggle at his exaggeration and kiss his cheeks. “I’m bein’ serious, baby.” He’s giggling too now, placing kisses all over your face, stopping every tear that slips out with his lips.

“I love you so much, Joel.” You take a deep breath as his kisses slow. “It feels like my heart is being choked, squeezed, and like thrown around in my chest whenever I’m with you. I don’t even have the vocabulary to explain how much I feel for you.”  His eyes are wide and a bit watery as you speak. One hand is on the top of your head, running over your hair as you speak while the other is on your him, his thumb stroking over the skin, sometimes lifting to draw specific patterns. “I wish I had a way to make you feel what I feel toward you, Joel. It’s so fucking much. I feel like it’s gonna explode and pour out of every orifice.” He chuckles and kisses you again, this one feels more emotional, more loving, grateful, and comforting. 

“There you go, talkin’ all proper again.” He kisses you again shortly. “I- I feel the same way darlin’. Except I know even less words to use to explain it to ‘ya. Fuck I- I fuckin’ I wish I could tell ‘ya. You- You feel like- like my whole world. If that makes sense… No, no it doesn’t, does it? Damn. I- Shit.” You place a hand on his face and make him look at you. 

“You don’t have to say as many things as I did. You’ve already shown me that you love me, through your actions… through this. I didn’t even know it could be like that, Joel. That it could- could feel that… good. I didn’t know it was a thing and then you came in- with all your love and softness and you showed me a whole new side of everything. I already know… is what I’m trying to say. I know you love me, Joel. I just hope you know that I love you.”

A single tear slips out of his baby cow eyes and he quickly wipes it away with a smile. “I- I know, baby. Trust me, I know.” He smiles wider and brighter than you’ve ever seen, he’s blinding you with its beauty before laying back down on the bed next to you. He wraps an arm around your shoulder and pulls you onto him. 

“You’re gonna stay right? Sleep in here with me?” You shake your head, disapointedly, against his stomach.

“Obviously I’m staying here, Joel.” The sigh of relief he lets out almost breaks your heart. You place a few kisses on his belly for reassurance. “I’m not going anywhere.”

When he chuckles at it he sounds far away, sleepy, adorable. “Okay… Good. Good, I want you to stay… ‘M gettin’ tired though, honey.” As if on cue a yawn makes its way up and out of your throat. “Yeah me too. Goodnight, Joey.”

He sighs and you can’t see it, but a smile splits his face the moment he hears the nickname. “G’night, my love.”

thank you so much for reading!! please please please give any feedback you may have! I want it all! also if you liked it please take a look at my masterlist! or send me some motivation here!

“Aww look at this!” He’s admiring a bloody, muddy, beat-down truck. He’s crouching, groaning at his knees when he stands back up to circle the truck. “Wow…” He actually sounds in awe… you don't get it.

“Joel, that truck is in horrible condition.” You deadpan. He turns to you with a childlike glee in his eyes. “No! Don’t say that! She’s jus’ a fixer upper that’s all.” He pats her hood with a smile. “Looks just like my old truck, from before… Of course, mine was cleaner… yeah.”

He runs his finger through the coat of dirt with a sad sigh. “I kept her so nice, so clean.” He glances over at you with a shy smile. “I woulda taken you to a real nice place in her, make it a long drive jus’ to show off for ya’.” It warms your heart, the softness of his fantasy, the domesticity of it.  

“Yeah? I’d be so impressed too.” You make your way over to him, admiring the truck a bit. “I used to love a guy with a truck, especially those ones that need a step to get in.”

You see excitement fly over his face as he holds a finger up to you and rushes to the side of the car, opens the passenger side door, and showcases the step at the bottom of the doorway. “See! You woulda been so impressed.” He sounds a bit deflated at the lost opportunity, you try and indulge him. 

“Where would you take me?” The light returns to his eyes when he turns to you. “Where’d ya’ wanna go?” He stands quickly and rushes to stand in front of you, to watch you answer as though he really needed to know. “Uh- I think I’d love to go to a drive-in theater… especially with a truck!” His smile is wider than you’ve seen in a while.

“Yeah! Yeah, I’d get some blankets, and make the back all nice and comfortable for ya’. You’d be so impressed with me, baby, I swear.” This felt like it was bordering on self depreciation talk and you wouldn’t have it. “Joel. I’m already impressed with how well our date nights go. We’re living on a commune in the apocalypse yet I still feel like the most important thing when I’m with you. That’s the most important thing to me.”

His eyes meet yours sadly. “I have more charm with the truck though.” He has a shy smile on his face as he says it, embarrassed at how true he believes it is. You laugh at his claim. “Sure, Joel. The only appeal this truck has to me… is that there are more places to fuck you in. Other than that, it doesn't serve much purpose.” You watch his face contort in shock for a moment before turning slightly pink. You giggle at his reaction and tell him you guys have to get a move on. 

You’ve taken a few steps when you realize you don’t hear him behind you. You look around and don’t see him at first, then you notice he’s gotten in the truck. 

His obsession is gonna get us stuck out here after sundown. 

You shake your head and make your way back to the truck, his jacket is off, and his back is turned to you. “Joel, what are you doing? You can’t fix the truck” He turns to you and his face is still red, his chest is lightly heaving and there’s a bulge in his pants. “No, but I can still fuck you in it.” 

You look down at the seat to see he’s laid his jacket out for you, so sure that you’re going to let him fuck you in this fake copy of his old truck. He’s right. 

You smile and he reaches his hand out for you to take as you climb in. He watches you press yourself up from the step and almost fall into him. He catches you with a chuckle and your lips are already pressing into his. He groans against your lips at your desperation, at the way you’re already trying to lick into his mouth, repositioning yourself so you can try and wiggle your way onto his lap. 

He smiles into the kiss, pulls your hips away from him, and starts sliding them down, letting you lean back against the seat cushions. He pulls your pants and underwear down to your knees before just diving in. His head buries itself between your legs before you can gasp at the cold air hitting your sensitive skin. 

His tongue is licking across anything he can reach, trying to taste every part of you. One of his hands pulls away from its painful grip on your thighs to unzip his pants. His cock is pressing painfully into the denim as you mewl above him, whining for more, for him to stop and just fuck you, you don’t even know what you want. Joel brings that hand up to lay across your waistline, pressing your hips down against the fabric of his jacket. 

You feel bad because you know you’re making a mess on it. You’re soaked by the way Joel was trying to drink you up, at the groans and grunts he’s letting out between your legs and the way his hips have started to slowly grind his aching cock against the seats. 

Your hips slowly begin to rock into his face, your hands come down to hold his head in place as you do. He groans your name into your pussy as you use him, riding his nose as his tongue tries to wiggle its way inside you. His eyes are shut in concentration but they shoot open to look at you when you start moaning his name. “Joel. C- Joel I’m close- so close, Joel. Joel-“ 

Your hushed voice comes out as a whimper as you try and warn him. Joel is lost in the way you say his name. The way you feel the need to have it on repeat as you cum, like it’s the only thought in your head. 

His hand comes down to palm his raging bulge, relieving some of the tension that’s been building as he fucks into the dirty seats. He’s pulsing for you, to get inside you, to fuck you in his this truck. 

His eyes close at the thought. In an alternate universe, Joel thinks you’d be softer. You’re already so sweet and sensitive for him but without the added sense of danger, Joel thinks you’d be a mess for him. Just melting all over whenever he touched you. 

He’d be more affectionate too, get you into that headspace that makes everything fuzzy. Keep caressing you until all you can do is cling to him and ramble deliriously about how good he makes you feel. He’d love to have the opportunity to take his time with you, bring you so high that you feel like you’ll never come down, and then throw you over the edge. 

“JOEL-“ His name comes out as a shouted gasp before you’re creaming all on his tongue. His eyes roll back behind his shut lids as he desperately tries to drink up all your juices. He’s relishing your taste, moaning praises to you from buried between your legs. He knows you can’t hear them but he means them so truthfully he doesn’t even need you to, he just can’t stop them from tumbling out of his mouth. 

You have to tug his hair to get him out, to stop him from. overstimulating you to the point of immobility. “Joel. S- You s-said you’d fuck me.” 

You’re whining for him, already begging for more and he is more than willing to give it to you. He’s already pushing himself off the ground, pulling his jeans down, and climbing over you with a smirk. You’re wearing a pout that’s reluctantly turning into a shy smile under his gaze. He helps you pull your pants completely off your legs before spreading you open. 

He has one leg over his shoulder and the other resting on his hip, his hands are clutching each ankle as he smiles down at you. “Wanna put me in, baby?” His accent makes the words slide out of his throat like honey, spilling from his lips like they’re the sweetest syrup. 

Your pussy is already squeezing down on nothing, begging him to stretch you. He chuckles at the whimper you let out before grabbing his thick cock and lining him with your entrance. You can feel his tip resting so far outside where your hole sits naturally and your heart begins to race. You can tell Joel is having the same thoughts by the way his gaze is focused on where you two are touching, where his tip is just leaking into your hole. His breaths are coming out in small pants and he’s trying to stop his hips from thrusting his cock inside you, pushing his way through. 

You wiggle your hips slowly, trying to ease him in. His tip slides in quicker than you expected, you flinch and moan at the sensation, winning a rare whine from Joel as his tip catches on your ever-constricting pussy. His hand has to leave one of your legs to push your hips down onto the seats, ensuring that you don’t take any more of him in. 

If you did, Joel thinks he’d blow his load instantly. 

Now you’re whining on his tip, begging him for more as he squeezes the base of his dick, trying to will his load to stay at bay. Your whines start to get a bit weaker, more watery and you start to sniff. Joel’s eyes snap to yours and see your face turned away from him with little steaks of water from wiped tears on your cheeks. He reaches for you immediately. 

“What? What’s wrong, honey? Does it hurt? Wan’ me t’take it out, baby? C’mon, talk to me.”

You turn to Joel and shake your head with a sad smile before trying to kiss him but he turns away to whisper in your ear. “Gotta tell me what’s wrong first, darlin’.”

He lets you cling to him, a hand still on your hip as you try to coax more of his cock into you, wiggling your hips and clenching rhythmically to try and convince him to push into you as you let it little sobs into his neck. “J- Just need you s- so bad J- Joel. I need it, need you.”

He swears his vision blurs for a moment. He’s heard you say this to him countless times and it turns him on, sure. But he’s always known you say it for that specific reason. 

This time, however, it feels like you really mean it. The way your body is crying- the way you’re literally crying for him. It’s all too much, it doesn’t feel real. He can’t believe the way he makes you feel so good, it’s all he wants; to make you feel good. His cock won’t stop pulsing inside you, he’s trying to calm down but your whines for him are almost too much. 

He starts thrusting into you, he doesn’t work his way up to the brutal pace he’s currently at. He started that way, fueled by the shout of his name from your lips. He hides himself in your neck and your hands come up to cradle his head against you, your hands digging into his soft hair as he ruts into you. “I’m not gonna last.” 

The words rush out of his mouth and you moan his name in response. Your pussy suffocates him, pulling him- forcing him closer to the edge. “I w- want it, Joel. Please cum inside me-” You gasp at your own words and Joel can feel his balls tightening at them. “Joel-” Your tone becomes frantic and you’re clawing at his shoulders, his neck and gripping his hair to pull his head from your neck. You’re staring at his face now, hands on either side, but his eyes are still closed. He’s still too close, he doesn’t want- he can’t risk cumming before you. He needs you to cum on him first, for you to moan his name in the way you only do when he’s got you shaking on his cock… but you’re whining at him to open his eyes, to look at you. You’re begging him. 

“Look at me when I cum, Joey. P-please. Joel-” You gasp out a moan and your fingers tighten in his hair, pulling him in for a blind kiss. He can’t help but open for you, letting you lick into his mouth, trying to ignore the way his stomach burns at the taste of your tongue. He takes a shaky breath to calm himself and you’re moaning against his lips again. “I need it.” You’re breathless as you try not to cum, letting out breathy keens and high-pitched sighs of his name. He can feel you twitching on his cock, squeezing him for a moment before whining and trying your hardest not to. He can’t deny you any longer. His eyes open and meet your instantly. 

You pull his head to yours, desperately trying to fall into his eyes as your orgasm crashes over you, only waiting for Joel’s gaze to unleash it. Your mouth opens wider the tighter your pussy chokes his cock, you’re gazing right into his eyes as you cream all over his cock. 

He can’t. His breathing picks up as you stare into him, so lovingly. He starts panting, his breath fanning over your face until little whines and curses work their way out of his throat. His chest is heaving and his hips are slowly losing their rhythm. “I-inside, Joel. Wan’ it.” Your words slur together as your eyes roll back at the pulsing of his cock inside you. 

Your name is falling from his lips like a plea before he brings his body flush against yours. His hand comes behind your head to pull you up into a sitting position as he leans back onto his heels, still thrusting into you slowly. “‘M gonna gi-give it to you, baby. Gonna fill you-” Pleasure runs up his spine with a shudder and his eyes fall shut. 

“ ‘M cummin’, sweetheart.” The words are more whiny than you’ve ever heard him and he starts spilling into you. He’s grunting out sounds that vaguely resemble your name, working himself up into a whine as he continues to thrust into you. His brows furrow and his hips stutter to a stop but he’s still filling you, so you start to grind on him. His eyes shoot open with a ragged moan. “Can’t- It-” He struggles to get the words out as you swivel your hips on him, enticing his cock to let another round of cum spit into you. His eyebrows pull inward as you smile at him deliriously, letting an innocent giggle fall from your mouth. 

He moans your name against your lips, his hands on your lower back to hold you up as he finishes filling you. His entire body shudders with the last rope of cum that shoots into you, earning a pretty moan from your lips. “Fuck, Joel.”

He grunts into your neck, placing soft kisses there while he tries to calm down. You’re humming at each one and stroking the back of his head softly, resting your head on top of his. He’s letting shuddering sighs out against your skin as his cock softens inside you. He slowly pulls his head out from your neck, you leave your hand on the back of his head and give him a crooked, lazy smile that warms his heart. “Tha’ was so much, Joey.”

He groans at the pet name and smiles at you fondly. You’re whispering fucked out praises in his ear as he cleans you up and you cling to him the whole way home.