this will be my final entry i'm tired, i'm done, i'm empty my spirit's all but left me, the end of the universe doesn't impress me.

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this will be my final entry i'm tired, i'm done, i'm empty my spirit's all but left me, the end of the universe doesn't impress me.

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'Scared'
Google Docs Link A four-and-a-half sweep old Jodiah faces a truly terrifying enemy.
Daiseeâs ship was so big, and you were, well, small. You knew the halls of her ship well, having spent much of your time here playing hide-n-seek. Sometimes you were lucky and she would join you and Lola, but most of the time it was just Mavrik who joined. When he was around, that is.Â
Yet, despite the comfort you felt in the metal walls, you couldnât help but be afraid of her recruits. They were all rowdy highbloods, only a handful of sweeps older than you. All sent here because they had anger issues or were deemed dangers to society. Here to be reformed, your dad had said with a particularly sad tone. Here to put their anger to good use. When you were a little younger, Lola had been able to convince some of them to play tag or help find you. Back then, you never noticed the hostility, but you could tell now. They looked at you differently. These days they all said you were too old to play games. But you always had Lola. And Lola wouldnât let anyone hurt you. Neither would Daisee, nor Mavrik, and arguably even Kittle, not that you knew. You had no idea just how safe you were. A rabbit safe in the wolvesâ den, only partially aware of how their maws dripped at the sight of you.Â
tryin out csp for realsies...a lil test with anon Dia :)cÂ
funky little monkey, heâs a twisted trickster everybody wants to be that misterâs mister.
iâll dream each night of some version of you, that i might not have, but i did not lose.

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is there something in the water? i like to think it might be god. if the rose was given wilted, was there any care at all? if i could, i would kill you by the end of the night, so you'd come back and haunt me the rest of my life.
i like this enough that it gets its own post
everyones asleep i can post this wipÂ
Many sweeps ago for Dia
Google Docs Link
The greying fuchsia untucks his shirt from his belt and pulls out a firearm, which in his hands looked quite small. But once handed to the much smaller limeblood, was revealed to be quite large. The panicked expression on his face said everything. He held it at arm's length, terrified.Â
âJD, like we practiced.â His fatherâs gentle reminder seemed to ease some of that anxiety. Shaky hands turned the large pistol down the range. His hands barely fit on the grip. He struggled for a moment before finding the magazine release. Belovedâs hand on his shoulder stopped him.Â
âBreathe. Youâre overthinking it.â Belovedâs warm smile did successfully ease some of Jodiahâs nerves. Freshly teenaged and finally beginning to be out on his own, Jodiahâs lusus insisted he learn how to defend himself. Beloved never shielded Dia from how dangerous the world could be. Because of this, Dia agreed. The two had practiced at hive the proper ways of handling different weapons. Dia knew exactly what was going to happen, but the size of his fatherâs personal weapon startled him nonetheless. He looked back at Beloved with eyes the size of the moons.Â
âIt is bigger.â Beloved knew exactly what his concerns were, no words needed, âRemember when we talked about how they worked? Itâs heavy becauseâŚâÂ
â...BecauseâŚit, uhâŚit takes the recoil.âÂ
âMhm.â Beloved nodded.Â
â...which makes itâŚeasier. To hold.â Jodiahâs shoulders relaxed slightly, eyes turning back to the hard metal machine in his hands.Â
âExactly. Clever boy. What do you do now?âÂ
Silently, Jodiah tilted the firearm to the side. His hands werenât shaky this time as he dropped the magazine. It fell unceremoniously on the table in front of him. His left hand held the slide while the right hand pushed down, sending the chambered bullet flying.Â
â...You gave it to me loaded?â Dia looked back to his lusus, not startled as much as he was annoyed.Â
âWhat good is a self defense weapon if it isnât ready to defend?â Beloved chuckled. âYou did the right thing. Now, reload.âÂ
Dia huffed, but his annoyance was better than anxiety. The magazine was slammed back into the grip, the slide racked and ready. The limeblood aimed down range before freezing again.Â
Beloved waited a few seconds before leaning down, close to Jodiahâs ear, âBreathe. Close your eyes. Inhale,â Dia did just as he said, as he said it, âExhale slowly⌠Find the wall. Iâm right here.â Beloved set his hands on Diaâs shoulders, as if to prevent the recoil from blowing him backwards, âPull the trigger.âÂ
The anxiety that threatened to bubble over was quelled by his fatherâs comforting presence. Jodiah exhaled slowly, eyes still shut. His fatherâs hands were warm and strong. He could do this. As his exhale finished, he pulled the trigger.Â
The sound echoed off the walls, but the recoil wasnât as bad as he anticipated. The limeblood opened his eyes and had to blink a few times to make sure he really did it. The paper target ten yards out had a sizable hole a good few inches to the left of center. Diaâs smile slowly grew as he turned to Beloved in excitement.Â
âI did it!âÂ
âAh- donât go waving that around!â Beloved was quick to take the firearm from Diaâs hands, but his smile was still present, âYou did! You did it! It wasnât so bad, hm?âÂ
Jodiahâs grin only grew. He threw his arms around his dad and hugged close into his side. Beloved put his free arm around him.